Are You Depressed?
Rental Property Investor · Phoenix/Lima, Arizona/OH · Member since 2012 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes
Real Estate is so freaking boring… and yet that’s all we talk about. Why – is it because this is all we are interested in?
How about the meaning of life – would you engage in a conversation about the meaning of life? How about depression – would you talk about that? I know many of you, if not most, are affected. How about fear of failure? How about any Damn thing that really matters in life – children, illness, the future of civilization, future of America, the wars we fight, the wars we don’t fight?
Are we so shallow that real estate is the only thing that matters to us?
Don’t tell me you’re not scared – I know many of you are...
Let’s talk about things that matter for once.
Any takers?
I'm certainly no hater but I'm kind of confused by BP. How does a post on a Real Estate 'forum' asking about collaborating on a real estate deal get taken down, but this dribble is allowed to stay up?.
I'm certainly not going on model train club websites and saying "All we do is talk about trains!"
It's like you wandered into the wrong conversation and cover it up by trying to sound deep and philosophical.
I get what your 'trying' to stimulate, but maybe that last MD can prescribe something...
Steve Job Stanford Commencement Speech 2005.
I love the part where Steve Jobs talks about "Connecting the Dots", He says that you cannot connect the dots looking forward, but you can only connect the dots looking backwards. Something hit a chord when I heard this.
Job also talks about "Finding your Passion": He says, "I was lucky... I found my passion and what i wanted to do for the rest of life at a very early age."
Haha @Andrey Y. - how's you know...?!?!?
Actually, truth be told, this thing I saw got me thinking:
Too long to translate into English, but very interesting indeed. I came across it when it came up in my search of things to do with Tesla cars.
The new Lada?
No - this was Russian attempt at an in-line hybrid. Project started the same time as Tesla, and is, for several reasons according to the philosopher/economist in the video, a complete failure. They closed the project since. While Tesla is a total success. He examines in this video the synthesis of social, economic, and political reasons as to why... Incredibly interesting, and I learned a ton about RE!
Real Estate is so freaking boring… and yet that’s all we talk about. Why – is it because this is all we are interested in?
How about the meaning of life – would you engage in a conversation about the meaning of life? How about depression – would you talk about that? I know many of you, if not most, are affected. How about fear of failure? How about any Damn thing that really matters in life – children, illness, the future of civilization, future of America, the wars we fight, the wars we don’t fight?
Are we so shallow that real estate is the only thing that matters to us?
Don’t tell me you’re not scared – I know many of you are...
Let’s talk about things that matter for once.
Any takers?
Hey Ben. I enjoyed listening to you give Brandon a hard time about his Waldo property on the podcast! Lol.
Real estate isn't the inly thing that matters, by far, but we are on a real estate forum :) The question is, why are we here? I guess it could be a meaningless pursuit of money, but I dont think so. I discuss this type of stuff often and in great detail. Why do I do what I do? What is the big WHY of my life? My business? My desire to be successful?
I truly believe that without a heart felt desire and passion, we will either fail, or drag along being depressed and unfulfilled. But, when we have a deep conviction and a vision and a mission that we are striving to achieve, we can be fulfilled by what we do. I'll give you a personal example. I'm a member of Newspring Church in Florence, SC. We used to meet at the Civic Center every Sunday after who knows what else on Saturday including Rodeos, Monster Trucks, Gun Shows.... you name it. I had the privelege of leading a team of people who unloaded box trucks full of sound, video, and lighting equipment and set up church for 2500 people to attend. Then we tore it all back down and packed it back up :) Why on God's green earth would I show up at 3AM and stay til 11:00 at night? Thats borderline insanity! That is, unless you truly believe in what you are working for. I looked forward to those early mornings and late nights unlike anything else in my life, because I believed in what we, as a church, were doing. I was seeing people who's lives were being changed as a result of what I was a part of. Jesus changing lives is what motivated me. I know not everyone has the same religious beliefs as me, but you can't deny the power of a big why! A reason to keep pushing forward when the tasks seem mundane. I apply that same thinking to my business. Why do I want to have a successful landscaping business or grow my real estate portfolio? For me, I believe that I've been blessed with a lot, and that I should use what I've been given to become as successful as I can.
I've actually been trying to come up with a legitimate mission statement and vision for my business recently. I believe that my success will be directly proportionate to the size of my vision and mission and my ability to connect my work to a bigger purpose. Helping improve neighborhoods by increasing property values, decreasing crime by increasing tenant quality and improving poor conditioned properties, creating jobs as I grow, giving more and more to the church and the community as I continue to grow. The list goes on and on, but without this line of thinking, we're just earning money to spend on things that hardly matter to impress people who don't even care! I love progress. I love learning and developing myself to become a better business owner/ real estate investor. I appreciate everybody on here being willing to share their experiences and knowledge with others of like mind. We all need to find our bigger purpose and deeper motivation and keep driving on!
Real Estate is so freaking boring… and yet that’s all we talk about. Why – is it because this is all we are interested in?
How about the meaning of life – would you engage in a conversation about the meaning of life? How about depression – would you talk about that? I know many of you, if not most, are affected. How about fear of failure? How about any Damn thing that really matters in life – children, illness, the future of civilization, future of America, the wars we fight, the wars we don’t fight?
Are we so shallow that real estate is the only thing that matters to us?
Don’t tell me you’re not scared – I know many of you are...
Let’s talk about things that matter for once.
Any takers?
Ben, Real Estate can be boring unless you attach it with a bigger goal than just making money.
Real Estate can be a lot of fun if there is a bigger goal that you are trying to achieve.
What is your end goal with your portfolio? Are you just buying these properties just to keep adding to your portfolio or you want to get something bigger done that matters to you?
My wife has had cancer three times in the last 5 years but today she is cancer free so to celebrate we are heading to Egypt, Israel, and Jordan in two weeks. I am about as far from depressed as a man can get.
Real Estate is so freaking boring… and yet that’s all we talk about. Why – is it because this is all we are interested in?
How about the meaning of life – would you engage in a conversation about the meaning of life? How about depression – would you talk about that? I know many of you, if not most, are affected. How about fear of failure? How about any Damn thing that really matters in life – children, illness, the future of civilization, future of America, the wars we fight, the wars we don’t fight?
Are we so shallow that real estate is the only thing that matters to us?
Don’t tell me you’re not scared – I know many of you are...
Let’s talk about things that matter for once.
Any takers?
A couple things come to mind when rereading this:
1) Bill Gates has a great quote about his goal was never wanting to be the richest person in the cemetery. Keeping focused that REI is just a means of transportation towards accomplishing something larger (using money or housing for more humanitarian goals), or creating something for your family, and children to build upon.
2) Tony Robbins has talked about astronauts that came back from missions in space having a tough time assimilating back into everyday life. He found that these individuals had achieved their life goal, and felt empty, that they had peaked in life. Tony Robbins has advocated for not necessarily achieving goals, but progressing towards goals. As we progress, our goals ought to transform accordingly, so that we're always striving for something greater.
* Also worth noting is that we are always appreciative of our situation.
- This ties directly into REI, and something you've done already. Starting in SFR, then onto commercial, and moving towards syndicated commercial deals.
3) REI is something we do, and not who we are. Too many people psychologically tie themselves into their job, and value their worth as a human being to their job. Which is why there is so much psychological damage done when people lose their jobs. We see it in evictions as well, because like Maslow taught us in his Hierarchy of Needs, protection and shelter is in line with our basic needs.
Real Estate is so freaking boring… and yet that’s all we talk about. Why – is it because this is all we are interested in?
How about the meaning of life – would you engage in a conversation about the meaning of life? How about depression – would you talk about that? I know many of you, if not most, are affected. How about fear of failure? How about any Damn thing that really matters in life – children, illness, the future of civilization, future of America, the wars we fight, the wars we don’t fight?
Are we so shallow that real estate is the only thing that matters to us?
Don’t tell me you’re not scared – I know many of you are...
Let’s talk about things that matter for once.
Any takers?
If you find RE boring, why are you still in it? Has it become a surrogate for a J.O.B.?
Of course, more matters to us than just RE. This *IS* a RE platform, however.
This category is named "Investor Psychology". I took that to mean, "Why do we think the way we do?", "What makes us willing to take risks others cower away from?", "How do we make decisions?", "How did we go from W2 to unemployable?", and the like.
Sound like you're asking about Investor Psychiatry: How do we cope when things go wrong? How do we manage to go on when the world around crumbles to dust? Why do we care about the meaning of lives?
I hope you'd just been having a bad night and felt the need to reach out. Sounds like you may need more than this platform can offer.
This became a very deep discussion. I LOVE IT!! Of all the real estate forums I've been on, this by far is the most impressive and intellectual.
This topic hits home with me because I have suffered from depression. Not only because I haven't reached the pinnacle point in my life that I expected to be at by this time, but because of big changes in my personal life and having to alternate plans before achieving my goals. I've never been suicidal, but I've been in a dark place and isolated myself from those that love and care for me instead of communication with them and getting the help I need.
I'm 32 years old, and have had some success with REI but not near as much as I know I could've had by now. If anything, I become depressed because I'm not doing the things or taking the steps that I know I need to in order to achieve my goals. It seems as if sometimes I'm afraid of success, and I don't understand why because I definitely want to be a major success. I want to make a huge positive impact into the world, and not only in those that I closely associate with in my daily life.
I understand how important your thoughts and mindset are, and I'm constantly reading and listening to self help books along with real estate and business information. But every time I make a little success, it's as if I pull back after that and become handicapped for a while. It's like I can't keep the momentum going.
I do have family members with history of depression, but I refuse to let this continue to happen to me. Any help would be appreciated if you went through stages like this while on your way to being successful.
Treatment of depression tends to be very personalized and typically needs a professional to guide the process.
In my case, both childhood and adult issues combined to produce the equivalent of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, only in my case the trauma was emotional more than physical though it definitely had physical elements to it.
Although I still back-slide a good bit, what I've found useful is to develop the habit known as "positive thinking": to condition myself to take the negative and reframe it in a positive way.
Super simple example:
Negative: "This sucks!"
Positive: "This has LOTS of opportunity for improvement!"
Notice even the words chosen: "LOTS of opportunity for improvement" suggests possibilities and generates anticipation. "a lot of room for improvement" is not only judgemental, it also suggests a less than enjoyable experience in the process.
We already "reframe" everything we perceive and filter it through our own paradigm. What you perceive of what I've written here may be quite different from the meaning I intended to convey. We naturally apply our own paradigm as a filter to our perceptions. Positive thinking as a paradigm provides an adjustment of that filter to produce a more "nourishing", less "toxic" interpretation of what we hear, see, read, etc., an interpretation which supports us better and helps us to grow and develop as entrepreneurs and business people.
I've found useful is to develop the habit known as "positive thinking": to condition myself to take the negative and reframe it in a positive way.
Super simple example:
Negative: "This sucks!"
Positive: "This has LOTS of opportunity for improvement!"
This reminds me of an example Tony Robbins uses
replace "I am Pissed" with "I'm tinkled"
It's kind of hard not to laugh and stay mad when you put it that way.
I've found useful is to develop the habit known as "positive thinking": to condition myself to take the negative and reframe it in a positive way.
Super simple example:
Negative: "This sucks!"
Positive: "This has LOTS of opportunity for improvement!"
This reminds me of an example Tony Robbins uses
replace "I am Pissed" with "I'm tinkled"
It's kind of hard not to laugh and stay mad when you put it that way.
This is relevant - gotta post it here...
My ex told me there was a sign in the ladies room at work which read:
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie: wipe the seatie."
The suggestions and advice from the both of you really means a lot. I'm working on changing my habits because I see how much of an integral part they play in who you are and how you are.
The books I read in my 20's were all real estate investing, and I know that's my passion. It's just a struggle leaving a so called "SECURE" job. There's always an excuse to not leave. "I need my income to qualify for this HELOC" "I won't be able to refi if I'm not employed"
When I think about still being at this "JOB" I become depressed because I'm not using my creativity here. I just sit here and push start and stop, which anybody can do! The money is good, but I'm definitely not happy and that drains me so much!
When I took time off work and fully dedicated my time to business, it was the most enjoyable time of my life thus far! I just need to figure out how to get over the fear of not being successful enough, not being able to provide for my family without a "JOB", etc.
Again, I understand this is all just a mental thing that I have to MAKE A DECISION ON AND FOLLOW THROUGH! Just struggling with the follow through, but I know I'll get through this eventually...
@Ben Leybovich I think it's funny... The many reasons people get into real estate (financial freedom, quality of life, self employment, etc etc) and you are here saying there are other things in life (ironic huh?). It's really just a means to an end and I think that's why people get so deep into it. If people think they could achieve the same goals through any other means, you would see people posting and asking about that other means.... Maybe it's because I'm sleepy and it's way too early but I think people are just hooked on the dream and what they can achieve. Anyhow, there are some hilarious posts... Funniest post has to go to the model train website guy... Poor guy got his dream shattered.... Well, there goes my $ .02, maybe one day we can all get together and do something meaningful for humanity instead of asking for a good GC in our area...
@Ben Leybovich Ever thought about starting a podcast? Interviewing guests, talking with other REI people? Different strategies/RE niches?
Hah - that's not a bad idea, Brian. In fact, I like it quite a bit!
Real Estate is so freaking boring… and yet that’s all we talk about. Why – is it because this is all we are interested in?
How about the meaning of life – would you engage in a conversation about the meaning of life? How about depression – would you talk about that? I know many of you, if not most, are affected. How about fear of failure? How about any Damn thing that really matters in life – children, illness, the future of civilization, future of America, the wars we fight, the wars we don’t fight?
Are we so shallow that real estate is the only thing that matters to us?
Don’t tell me you’re not scared – I know many of you are...
Let’s talk about things that matter for once.
Any takers?
Ben, Real Estate can be boring unless you attach it with a bigger goal than just making money.
Real Estate can be a lot of fun if there is a bigger goal that you are trying to achieve.
What is your end goal with your portfolio? Are you just buying these properties just to keep adding to your portfolio or you want to get something bigger done that matters to you?
Sharad - the goal is done. I don't have to work. Patrisha doesn't have to work. She and the kids will be just fine if I were to get taken out - those were the goals starting out...
I've said many times, including on the podcast, that I don't like RE - I never did. I don't get a tingle up my leg from the excitement of the chase or getting the deal done. RE is a ****** business, requiring us to deal with questionable people. I do it because RE is powerful and gets the job done...
My wife has had cancer three times in the last 5 years but today she is cancer free so to celebrate we are heading to Egypt, Israel, and Jordan in two weeks. I am about as far from depressed as a man can get.
I going to make it my mission in life to bring Monsanto and Dupont down. The stuff in our water, food, and medicine is ungodly.
I just bought a Tesla Model S. And yes - it's a great car. But more than that, it is a middle finger to fossil burning transport and the manufacturers thereof. The odds of Musk's success were minuscule, and yet! His success, as well as other visionaries is never driven by money. There is something bigger...
Once we get past RE, what is it...this is the essence of this thread?
Treatment of depression tends to be very personalized and typically needs a professional to guide the process.
In my case, both childhood and adult issues combined to produce the equivalent of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, only in my case the trauma was emotional more than physical though it definitely had physical elements to it.
Although I still back-slide a good bit, what I've found useful is to develop the habit known as "positive thinking": to condition myself to take the negative and reframe it in a positive way.
Super simple example:
Negative: "This sucks!"
Positive: "This has LOTS of opportunity for improvement!"
Notice even the words chosen: "LOTS of opportunity for improvement" suggests possibilities and generates anticipation. "a lot of room for improvement" is not only judgemental, it also suggests a less than enjoyable experience in the process.
We already "reframe" everything we perceive and filter it through our own paradigm. What you perceive of what I've written here may be quite different from the meaning I intended to convey. We naturally apply our own paradigm as a filter to our perceptions. Positive thinking as a paradigm provides an adjustment of that filter to produce a more "nourishing", less "toxic" interpretation of what we hear, see, read, etc., an interpretation which supports us better and helps us to grow and develop as entrepreneurs and business people.
David - you are mistakenly assuming that I am depressed? Not at all. I have nothing at all to be depressed about. I am achieving my personal objectives to an extent which is causing me to ponder the bigger picture...
Lots of people in this country suffer from depression. Lots on BP I am sure do...I am here to help them.
I've had my bouts with depression. When I was in college, preparing for a career as a violinist, I discovered I have multiple sclerosis. That was a difficult time for me, and for a long while I was lost. Music and violin was all I knew, and couldn't see past that...
I eventually kicked it in the teeth, realizing that what I had was not a terminal cancer, nor a blown off by a bomb limb. I set goals, put myself in gear, and hit gas...
I am 100% sure that a lot of folks arrive to BP because they are lost in life. Unfortunately, the messaging here doesn't always reflect reality - in fact it almost never reflects reality. I am simply adding a doze of reality to the conversation.
My daughter has 51 Rhode Island Reds raised from chicks, starting to lay, & we need to downsize. The demand on Craigslist is huge with some taking 10-15 at a time.
So I have an older couple come to buy several & the guy starts talking to me about how he lost his cushy JOB of 28 years & having to go through 2 years of JOB search at 56. Finally he gets a piece work stint, at half the old salary, at a local but dismal factory. He then has a difficult time keeping up with all the younger dope heads on the line & at 62 he still can't afford to ever retire.
BUT when he & his siblings were kids the father left each one of them a free & clear duplex. He decided it was too much work dealing with tenants & cashed out to one of his siblings. Who eventually bought each one out & apparently hasn't worked much since!!!
This guy left me depressed & I felt so bad taking his hard earned money for a few chickens so they can sell eggs to complement their meager incomes.
2) Tony Robbins has talked about astronauts that came back from missions in space having a tough time assimilating back into everyday life. He found that these individuals had achieved their life goal, and felt empty, that they had peaked in life. Tony Robbins has advocated for not necessarily achieving goals, but progressing towards goals. As we progress, our goals ought to transform accordingly, so that we're always striving for something greater.
* Also worth noting is that we are always appreciative of our situation.
- This ties directly into REI, and something you've done already. Starting in SFR, then onto commercial, and moving towards syndicated commercial deals.
3) REI is something we do, and not who we are. Too many people psychologically tie themselves into their job, and value their worth as a human being to their job. Which is why there is so much psychological damage done when people lose their jobs. We see it in evictions as well, because like Maslow taught us in his Hierarchy of Needs, protection and shelter is in line with our basic needs.
Love this!
#2. Any idea why I have worn so many hats, venturing off in tangents from a career that so many simply stay in all their working life? Achievements and boredom. After the "jobs" the entrepreneurial spirit took over, changed my life too.
#3. The Theory of human motivation.
What most, and I mean most of the most, darn near like everyone on BP misses is that shelter is a physiological and psychological need in society and for each of us.
Real estate, homes, dwellings are a necessity for your well being. It doesn't matter if a someone rents or owns, a man's home castle is his home. Without the warmth and protection from the elements his health and life are at risk. Without the safety that his home provides he cannot be productive in society, he can't secure his property such as clothes and food. His home is the center for his family and their well being, safety and security.
Without this foundation self esteem cannot be fully achieved, this is where success begins having goals, ideas and reaching achievements that reward him. This is a basic function of our economy.
You will not pass to your highest levels of self actualization without having established all of the underlying aspects, this is where success is realized and greater purpose is found.
This pretty much sums up why real estate, real property is viewed legally, socially and economically different than personal property.
Some of our most popular "gurus" on BP don't get this. Why homes are not dealt with like cars, or personal property that we own, real estate is not a widget that can be reproduced, created, sold or traded, real estate is the basis of our society, a truck load of shoes or vehicles is not a necessity.
This also goes to the protection of property owner's rights, why the seller of real property is different than someone selling their car or a some other possession.
If you want to know why I and other professionals in real estate care that those dealing in this industry do so legally, ethically and fairly, this is pretty much why!
Most trying to deal in real estate have no clue as to their responsibilities, legally or morally without understanding the obligations assumed in society or in our economy.
And, this aspect is the foundation of value for real estate, it cannot be reproduced, it is unique where and how it exists, its uses have a social impact, not only on the owner or user but also to the community.
#3 again, you are who you are in our society, what you do says a lot about you in a socioeconomic way, doesn't define you as a person, or it shouldn't, but it does define you more often in the eyes of others.
It is devastating for someone to lose their job, there is a loss of identity, the same is true when we retire.
I can tell you that while retirement may be the ultimate goal, regardless of what you do it will not replace the sense of your contributions and achievements you enjoyed in your career.
So, why am I on BP? To give back, to replace my greater achievements that I use to enjoy. That is also why I'm involved in teaching real estate, thank you for allowing me to enjoy the gratifications from my efforts. I wish all of you great success in life. :)
Your life's day to day reality is the product of a long series of choices.
My last working career as a paramedic started with trying to resuscitate a boy of 2 who had been accidentally hung. Getting saddled with the desperation of a parent who wasn't supervising their kids and some bad luck has just killed their kid ... it gives you a few insights into things. That was about 6 years ago, and that career brought me to everything from rapes to murders, car crashes, you name it, but in particular to the cold bodies of a fair number of people who had died alone with no one in their lives. Usually drugs or alcohol were involved, always loneliness at a immense profound level - try standing reading the note of a suicide in their usually truly nasty apartment or rental cabin with the body in front of you and you will really know the loneliness and the expression "walking in someone else's shoes."
These experiences all really taught me that life is a long series of choices. I usually met people as a paramedic at the tail end or somewhere close to the tail end of what were usually a long series of bad choices, sometimes a short series of bad choices, occasionally just plain bad luck.
Our choices on all aspects of life are cumulatively profound - health, diet, exercise, realtionships, happiness, anger. How we are choosing to spend the infinitely valuable and irreplaceable seconds and minutes and hours of each day.
I have only just joined BP and its interesting to see such a forum topic get started because I find RE is so integrally linked with the changes in my life I feel like a motivational speaker when I think about my journey over the last 5 years. We all have the same chance to choose how we respond to the day in front of us and what life means to us.
I now write from the sunny south of France, its 24 and beautiful sun on the vineyards and peach orchards outside, I'm retired with my wife arms around me (she is reading this as I type) and when I hear sirens all I think is I'm glad its not me! I am blessed with what we have, but we chose that life as we were living it was NOT what we wanted.
The one downside I have developed as a result of the last 6 years is impatience with people who don't seem to realise that every day is one day less.
God helps those who help themselves! I don't actually believe in God, not after that career, but the point stands!
My ex told me there was a sign in the ladies room at work which read:
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie: wipe the seatie."
Along those lines, I saw a sign in the mens' room, that said: "Unless you are a swimmer or a basketball player, wipe the seat".
In all seriousness, I too enjoy the topic of deep emotion. I like John Bradshaw's series on shame that you can find on youtube. Very good stuff. Also, TEDx has some good talks on depression.