Are You Depressed?
Rental Property Investor · Phoenix/Lima, Arizona/OH · Member since 2012 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes
Real Estate is so freaking boring… and yet that’s all we talk about. Why – is it because this is all we are interested in?
How about the meaning of life – would you engage in a conversation about the meaning of life? How about depression – would you talk about that? I know many of you, if not most, are affected. How about fear of failure? How about any Damn thing that really matters in life – children, illness, the future of civilization, future of America, the wars we fight, the wars we don’t fight?
Are we so shallow that real estate is the only thing that matters to us?
Don’t tell me you’re not scared – I know many of you are...
Let’s talk about things that matter for once.
Any takers?
I'm certainly no hater but I'm kind of confused by BP. How does a post on a Real Estate 'forum' asking about collaborating on a real estate deal get taken down, but this dribble is allowed to stay up?.
I'm certainly not going on model train club websites and saying "All we do is talk about trains!"
It's like you wandered into the wrong conversation and cover it up by trying to sound deep and philosophical.
I get what your 'trying' to stimulate, but maybe that last MD can prescribe something...
@Tris Winfield - thank you for that. "God helps those who help themselves" - this is what my parents drilled into my head. Another way of putting it is to site a Russian saying that goes something like this:
Water doesn't flow underneath a rock...unless, that is, you lift the rock!
Some people have problems. We have challenges... those of you out there who are in search of yourself - try to put it in perspective.
It's harder than hell, but you can do it!
I feel like I'm running out of time myself to achieve financial freedom and explore he world which is the dream ending to my fabulous like lol
At 38 I often wonder if it's too late for me to acquire what I seek even though I read so many success stories.
2) Tony Robbins has talked about astronauts that came back from missions in space having a tough time assimilating back into everyday life. He found that these individuals had achieved their life goal, and felt empty, that they had peaked in life. Tony Robbins has advocated for not necessarily achieving goals, but progressing towards goals. As we progress, our goals ought to transform accordingly, so that we're always striving for something greater.
* Also worth noting is that we are always appreciative of our situation.
- This ties directly into REI, and something you've done already. Starting in SFR, then onto commercial, and moving towards syndicated commercial deals.
3) REI is something we do, and not who we are. Too many people psychologically tie themselves into their job, and value their worth as a human being to their job. Which is why there is so much psychological damage done when people lose their jobs. We see it in evictions as well, because like Maslow taught us in his Hierarchy of Needs, protection and shelter is in line with our basic needs.
Love this!
#2. Any idea why I have worn so many hats, venturing off in tangents from a career that so many simply stay in all their working life? Achievements and boredom. After the "jobs" the entrepreneurial spirit took over, changed my life too.
#3. The Theory of human motivation.
What most, and I mean most of the most, darn near like everyone on BP misses is that shelter is a physiological and psychological need in society and for each of us.
Real estate, homes, dwellings are a necessity for your well being. It doesn't matter if a someone rents or owns, a man's home castle is his home. Without the warmth and protection from the elements his health and life are at risk. Without the safety that his home provides he cannot be productive in society, he can't secure his property such as clothes and food. His home is the center for his family and their well being, safety and security.
Without this foundation self esteem cannot be fully achieved, this is where success begins having goals, ideas and reaching achievements that reward him. This is a basic function of our economy.
You will not pass to your highest levels of self actualization without having established all of the underlying aspects, this is where success is realized and greater purpose is found.
This pretty much sums up why real estate, real property is viewed legally, socially and economically different than personal property.
Some of our most popular "gurus" on BP don't get this. Why homes are not dealt with like cars, or personal property that we own, real estate is not a widget that can be reproduced, created, sold or traded, real estate is the basis of our society, a truck load of shoes or vehicles is not a necessity.
This also goes to the protection of property owner's rights, why the seller of real property is different than someone selling their car or a some other possession.
If you want to know why I and other professionals in real estate care that those dealing in this industry do so legally, ethically and fairly, this is pretty much why!
Most trying to deal in real estate have no clue as to their responsibilities, legally or morally without understanding the obligations assumed in society or in our economy.
And, this aspect is the foundation of value for real estate, it cannot be reproduced, it is unique where and how it exists, its uses have a social impact, not only on the owner or user but also to the community.
#3 again, you are who you are in our society, what you do says a lot about you in a socioeconomic way, doesn't define you as a person, or it shouldn't, but it does define you more often in the eyes of others.
It is devastating for someone to lose their job, there is a loss of identity, the same is true when we retire.
I can tell you that while retirement may be the ultimate goal, regardless of what you do it will not replace the sense of your contributions and achievements you enjoyed in your career.
So, why am I on BP? To give back, to replace my greater achievements that I use to enjoy. That is also why I'm involved in teaching real estate, thank you for allowing me to enjoy the gratifications from my efforts. I wish all of you great success in life. :)
I'm always happy to talk about my adorable son, with you or anyone else @Ben Leybovich! :)
I'm always happy to talk about my adorable son, with you or anyone else @Ben Leybovich! :)
Feel free to reach out, Meghan!
Click here for my wife's life's work...
Real Estate is so freaking boring… and yet that’s all we talk about. Why – is it because this is all we are interested in?
How about the meaning of life – would you engage in a conversation about the meaning of life? How about depression – would you talk about that? I know many of you, if not most, are affected. How about fear of failure? How about any Damn thing that really matters in life – children, illness, the future of civilization, future of America, the wars we fight, the wars we don’t fight?
Are we so shallow that real estate is the only thing that matters to us?
Don’t tell me you’re not scared – I know many of you are...
Let’s talk about things that matter for once.
Any takers?
Ben, Real Estate can be boring unless you attach it with a bigger goal than just making money.
Real Estate can be a lot of fun if there is a bigger goal that you are trying to achieve.
What is your end goal with your portfolio? Are you just buying these properties just to keep adding to your portfolio or you want to get something bigger done that matters to you?
Sharad - the goal is done. I don't have to work. Patrisha doesn't have to work. She and the kids will be just fine if I were to get taken out - those were the goals starting out...
I've said many times, including on the podcast, that I don't like RE - I never did. I don't get a tingle up my leg from the excitement of the chase or getting the deal done. RE is a ****** business, requiring us to deal with questionable people. I do it because RE is powerful and gets the job done...
Ben, I am sure you have other bigger goals in life that you want to achieve. You should start working towards them. Start a new business, give back to the community. What do you want to be known for? Not a guy who comes to a real estate forum and tells everyone how much he hates RE.
Real Estate is so freaking boring… and yet that’s all we talk about. Why – is it because this is all we are interested in?
How about the meaning of life – would you engage in a conversation about the meaning of life? How about depression – would you talk about that? I know many of you, if not most, are affected. How about fear of failure? How about any Damn thing that really matters in life – children, illness, the future of civilization, future of America, the wars we fight, the wars we don’t fight?
Are we so shallow that real estate is the only thing that matters to us?
Don’t tell me you’re not scared – I know many of you are...
Let’s talk about things that matter for once.
Any takers?
Ben, Real Estate can be boring unless you attach it with a bigger goal than just making money.
Real Estate can be a lot of fun if there is a bigger goal that you are trying to achieve.
What is your end goal with your portfolio? Are you just buying these properties just to keep adding to your portfolio or you want to get something bigger done that matters to you?
Sharad - the goal is done. I don't have to work. Patrisha doesn't have to work. She and the kids will be just fine if I were to get taken out - those were the goals starting out...
I've said many times, including on the podcast, that I don't like RE - I never did. I don't get a tingle up my leg from the excitement of the chase or getting the deal done. RE is a ****** business, requiring us to deal with questionable people. I do it because RE is powerful and gets the job done...
Ben, I am sure you have other bigger goals in life that you want to achieve. You should start working towards them. Start a new business, give back to the community. What do you want to be known for? Not a guy who comes to a real estate forum and tells everyone how much he hates RE.
Ha - launching 2 new platforms as we speak :)
It's funny how people think, perhaps from the title only, that I am depressed. Not at all. And, apparently you thought that I am done re-inventing myself just cause I did something in RE. Again - couldn't be further from the truth, Sharad.
The difference I feel is that my growth is automated. I know what it takes for me, and I put one foot in front of the other every day. It's done.
But, this wasn't the case always, and it's not the case for most people on this forum. I am simply trying to expand the dimension of our discussions from the "whats" to the "whys"...
The whys facilitate progress. The whats exists only in support of the whys. I feel the we, as a community, could benefit from talking about the whys a bit more.
That's all I intended to to here...I think it sorta worked :)
@Bryan Patterson - this was on March 2 of this year:
I feel you...
It's funny that most people are simply chasing those "Green Rectangles". In fact, every morning between 6-9 am and 4-6 pm that there are traffic jams across America because people are just chasing them. No purpose, no meaning..... It's strange. Sometimes I turn on the news in the morning just to watch the traffic jams. Most people never wonder why traffic jams occur. Once they do, and get out of the jams themselves, they're on the right track.
@Ben Leybovich- and some others posting here- You are right... Most people use RE as a means to chase those rectangles... Yep. It's more than that. Once you (and you have) reached the success level and you stop and look back and say "WOW! How the Hell did I do that????". I know I did. Once I realized I had enough I thought "What's Next??". I thought at 41 I could retire and just ride off into the sunset while my RE continued ticking without me.... Yea, it was fun for awhile, but then it (retirement) became boring. Many successful people feel isolated and lonely because they haven't found their "Drive" or "meaning".
It's kind of sad to read that people get into RE for the $$$$ or Early retirement, etc. It's more than that. Those folks will never truly be successful until they realize there is a higher meaning to all of this.
Ah, so there is anxiety, feeling overwhelmed and difficulty in coping, much like a string breaking in the middle of your recital, then having to transpose to a lower register to compensate for the range lost.........yes, I can understand........
Why do you feel as if you must contend with this perceived ignorance on BP, it's not an anxiolytic?
I understand your agitation as well, those with knowledge and wisdom must ignore the fool or those who are only wise in their own eyes.
@Ben Leybovich it's all @Brandon Turner's fault, he's he one drawing in all the newbies to BP and who ruined intelligent conversations. It use to be like hanging out in the bar at the club, now it's more like hanging around fifth graders at recess. :)
I am blown away at the remark toward "newbies". I just upgraded my membership and now guys like @Bill Gulley are bashing the fact "I" am even here. I'm sorry but we all started as "newbies" and the resources are far more vast for those today than yesterday. I can't attest to the content of others but to link "us" to fifth graders sounds like something that should be shared in a private message. Grow up and help others up! That is how we become great as one.
“The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.”I for one find Real Estate fascinating as it is a vehicle to get me out of the depression that is corporate America and a J-O-B.
I am happy to take on the doldrums of any Real Estate topic as long as it contributes to opening the doors of financial freedom and a life truly worth living.
@Ben Leybovich I think this is a great topic to talk about. It seems this thread spans both sides of the scale. I for one deal with extreme highs and lows with emotion and find that RE and REI are a calming factor, due to the fact that you almost forcibly have to remove emotion from the decision process. I get very excited when I think I have found THE deal only to end up paddling a boat down the river of disappointment and tears(or stress sweat) when the deal evaporates or ends up being nothing more than "smoke and mirrors".
To expand on life's larger issues...well again without oversharing my opinion; I see this world is turning out to be a large pit of snakes willing to bite each other just to get a little closer to the top. There are great people out there no doubt (Read:awesome BP community) but there is a vast majority of people who are incredibly self-serving. In South Florida they are arresting anyone for feeding homeless people. Crazy right? We as Americans should understand that we grow and gain together. I would love to succeed in a larger market such as Miami but without BP I would not see it happening. Unless I had huge portfolio and cash coming out of my ears.
Again, I thank you for this thread! It allows us to talk about what makes us "us". Further strengthening the framework for outstanding partnerships. Cheers
Life is all about giving value. What value can you offer the other person? As long as you know you have done your part with the best intent, you can live in peace.
It all depends on your goals. Maybe you want to find houses for many buyers in as little time as possible. Or you want to give back to what helped you rise to the top, so the partnership builds.
As long as you keep going, it's limitless. Raise your hand as high as you can. Wait for it, keep it raised that high for 5 seconds. Now raise it a little higher. Just when you thought you couldn't keep going, you could! Keep pushing.
REI is about solving problems.
Read books that can open your eyes to how to solve problems for sellers and buyers.
Here is my favorite "problem solving" book.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0757001351/...
I feel like I'm running out of time myself to achieve financial freedom and explore he world which is the dream ending to my fabulous like lol
At 38 I often wonder if it's too late for me to acquire what I seek even though I read so many success stories.
I turn 61 on Saturday, Bryan, and I just got (re)started 4-1/2 years ago.
Like so many others before you, you seem to have discovered, "I've got it all - now what?"
Perhaps it all comes down to this:
The "Terminal" Exercise:
If you knew you had but 6 months to live and money were no object, what would you need to accomplish in the time you have left in order to leave this world knowing that your life had meaning?
Robert Allen did that at his Wealth Training seminars, which were, indeed, aptly named. He didn't set out to make real estate investors in 5 days - I think he knew that was a ridiculous goal. In my assessment, he set out to give people a taste of what it is to be a real estate investor in so far as that's possible given the setting and the circumstances. Had he done a better job of setting and managing expectations, he might still be in that business today.
He also introduced people who might otherwise never have considered it that they are in control of their own life and their own destiny, and that if there are unsettled issues in their lives they can address them and learn how to get out of their own way.
Robert's partner back in the early 90's was a psychologist, Don Wolfe. Robert and Don even did a "Mastery of Self" seminar to help show people how to find and face their pains and learn a better way to deal with challenges than escaping through complacency and trivia.
The first day of my first Wealth Training (I did it twice) was dedicated to that, as well, and concluded with an exercise having the attendees who chose to go back to their younger selves in a time of great trial and comfort them with the wisdom of their own years. The assistants went up and down the aisles with boxes of tissues - lots of tears. The exercise was led by Ted Buffington who seems to still be in the business. If you've never heard that name, he played Danny DeVito's feet in the firewalk scene in "The Jewel of the Nile".
Even my current group doesn't go that level.
All that aside, now that you've reached the goal you had starting out, it's time to get a new "Why?", is it not?
My ex told me there was a sign in the ladies room at work which read:
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie: wipe the seatie."
Our secret has been exposed. :-) This is a very popular request in the women's room, likely nationwide. A little humor goes a long way. Adding to not just what you say but how you say it can make a difference preferably for the better....
Kudos,
Mary
Real Estate is so freaking boring… and yet that’s all we talk about. Why – is it because this is all we are interested in?
How about the meaning of life – would you engage in a conversation about the meaning of life? How about depression – would you talk about that? I know many of you, if not most, are affected. How about fear of failure? How about any Damn thing that really matters in life – children, illness, the future of civilization, future of America, the wars we fight, the wars we don’t fight?
Are we so shallow that real estate is the only thing that matters to us?
Don’t tell me you’re not scared – I know many of you are...
Let’s talk about things that matter for once.
Any takers?
Ben, Real Estate can be boring unless you attach it with a bigger goal than just making money.
Real Estate can be a lot of fun if there is a bigger goal that you are trying to achieve.
What is your end goal with your portfolio? Are you just buying these properties just to keep adding to your portfolio or you want to get something bigger done that matters to you?
Sharad - the goal is done. I don't have to work. Patrisha doesn't have to work. She and the kids will be just fine if I were to get taken out - those were the goals starting out...
I've said many times, including on the podcast, that I don't like RE - I never did. I don't get a tingle up my leg from the excitement of the chase or getting the deal done. RE is a ****** business, requiring us to deal with questionable people. I do it because RE is powerful and gets the job done...
Ben, I am sure you have other bigger goals in life that you want to achieve. You should start working towards them. Start a new business, give back to the community. What do you want to be known for? Not a guy who comes to a real estate forum and tells everyone how much he hates RE.
Ha - launching 2 new platforms as we speak :)
It's funny how people think, perhaps from the title only, that I am depressed. Not at all. And, apparently you thought that I am done re-inventing myself just cause I did something in RE. Again - couldn't be further from the truth, Sharad.
The difference I feel is that my growth is automated. I know what it takes for me, and I put one foot in front of the other every day. It's done.
But, this wasn't the case always, and it's not the case for most people on this forum. I am simply trying to expand the dimension of our discussions from the "whats" to the "whys"...
The whys facilitate progress. The whats exists only in support of the whys. I feel the we, as a community, could benefit from talking about the whys a bit more.
That's all I intended to to here...I think it sorta worked :)
Ben, I understand you like to start controversial topics and stir the pot, which is great, but I would be a more grateful to a business that has helped provide for my family and freedom to choose your hours.
Newbies come to this website to learn from experienced guys. If you can't motivate them, at least don't discourage them in any way.
Good luck with your 2 new ventures.
@Tom Mole - I am afraid of running out of time...
Business exists for the sole purpose of improving quality of life. Ideas that have a chance of succeeding are those and only those whose core principle is to simplify and/or improve present circumstance.
A lot of people in Western hemisphere are depressed. I assume a fair number of people here on BP are as well. Depressed, confused, disappointed, scared... These are the difficult questions of success. Not the nonsense we talk about.
Wait. The difficult question isn't cash flow v. appreciation? Turnkey v. non turkey? Phew! I was wondering why those questions don't confuse, scare or depress me compared to questions about God or death.
My daughter has 51 Rhode Island Reds raised from chicks, starting to lay, & we need to downsize. The demand on Craigslist is huge with some taking 10-15 at a time.
So I have an older couple come to buy several & the guy starts talking to me about how he lost his cushy JOB of 28 years & having to go through 2 years of JOB search at 56. Finally he gets a piece work stint, at half the old salary, at a local but dismal factory. He then has a difficult time keeping up with all the younger dope heads on the line & at 62 he still can't afford to ever retire.
BUT when he & his siblings were kids the father left each one of them a free & clear duplex. He decided it was too much work dealing with tenants & cashed out to one of his siblings. Who eventually bought each one out & apparently hasn't worked much since!!!
This guy left me depressed & I felt so bad taking his hard earned money for a few chickens so they can sell eggs to complement their meager incomes.
Well now I'm depressed too. Thanks for that.
It really is the story more than the facts, isn't it? He could have gone on about his new found clarity of not doing what he had done for years and doing something new. He could have shown up at your house, all excited about the egg side hustle. He could have cited his sibling's success with rentals as something inspiring that he was now working towards. But no, it's all oppression and unfairness. Where is Napoleon Hill when we need him?!
Haha - the horse won't drink the damn water, @Bill Gulley. That's a title right there.
And the subtitle - all the horse wants is a TK Pig to play with :)
To quote my step-mother, the queen of the misquote:
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him see the silver lining.
It's interesting to see how other posters have responded to @Ben Leybovich's initial post and thoughts, etc. Some assume he's depressed, others worry about him. Yet others want to be like him or dislike him for causing others to "self reflect". Still others try to tangent off into something entirely different. This is indeed an interesting psychological exercise! It makes people think differently like a good motivational book.
I think the most important thing is to take the freedom that real estate investing can give you, and to use that time and money to do the things you truly want, such as traveling, spending more time with family or doing hobbies. That's certainly a happier life than slaving away 60 hours a week in a cube and being stuck in the rat race for 40 years until you die.
It's interesting to see how other posters have responded to @Ben Leybovich's initial post and thoughts, etc. Some assume he's depressed, others worry about him. Yet others want to be like him or dislike him for causing others to "self reflect". Still others try to tangent off into something entirely different. This is indeed an interesting psychological exercise! It makes people think differently like a good motivational book.
Some on BP know how to read between the lines. Most have yet to figure it out, Jim. Thanks indeed for chiming in :)
@Vincent Crane Yes- Real Estate Investing can give you freedom if done properly, or can JAIL you (take your freedom away) in terms of emotion, money, stress, and create a NIGHTMARE JOB if not done correctly. That's what Ben tries to teach others in subtle ways that only a few on BP may truly understand. His posts on PIGS is a prime example as to why some people "attack" him or don't believe him even though he explains why. Some just won't get it or choose to understand it. And I think that's where the frustration / comments comes in on some of his posts.
If people think they can just "buy" real estate and expect the $$$ to roll in without a good understanding of it, it's further from the truth. When real estate investing goes south (or doesn't even get started), it's easy to get 'depressed'. That's why only few succeed while many will try.