Covincing Spouse You're Not Crazy
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Real Estate Broker · Canton, GA · Member since 2010 · 15k+ posts · 11k+ votes
9yIt will take awhile. Lot's of people fail and just a few make it so concerns can be valid.
If you have a family and kids it might be a good idea not to go ALL IN on something.
Everyone takes risks you just want them as calculated and informed as possible.
My mother in law when her husband passed away and sold the house received about six figures. She could have invested that so that she did not reduce down the money. She left in the bank and now with social security and supplementing each month the money is down years later to about 55,000.
People often make decisions based on FEAR of loss.
I saw at Publix grocery shopping tonight when we were leaving the store a 70 year old grandma pushing 12 buggies inside from the parking lot working there.
90% of the population lives in fear of the unknown. The known likely sucks to them but they know it and getting them to change and believe something new and better is possible is very hard.
About 14 years ago I went to get my real estate license. Fast forward to today and I am commercial principal broker and retail real estate developer. I help affluent clients buy properties in the millions to tens of millions in price.
The first few years starting out it was tough. You have to not quit no matter what. When you break through and achieve what few have it is an amazing feeling. The money is just a by product but the satisfaction you get from achievement and self-fulfillment is worth 100 times more.
The early years everyone in the family questioned me but now they all talk about me and the success I have.
28 Replies
- Investor · Bryan, TX · Member since 2016 · 165 posts · 82 votes9y
For years we were at a stalemate. Then I inherited just enough money to use as a down payment on a duplex. 9 rentals and 2 personals later she dosnt even question me anymore. I went from idiot to hero. Although I think my situation was unique. The money didn't come from our savings so it was ok to "gamble" with it.
Finding like minded people that have had success was also a big help. She was able to see what was possible.
- Rental Property Investor · Westminster, CO · Member since 2016 · 49 posts · 5 votes9yHave her read rich dad poor dad so she understands why people do this. You can probably even check it out for free from your library.
- Chandler, AZ · Member since 2016 · 109 posts · 56 votes9y
I've tried to bring my serious girlfriend on board by really expressing the difference in a paycheck and passive income. In my opinion when the power of passive income clicks it makes more sense to invest in strong profitable properties rather than depending on one source of income.
My suggestion, ask her to read rich dad poor dad or listen to the BP podcast. Podcast # 210 is a good one, where Josh and Brandon interview a couple and another guest who are just starting out.
Also I've heard one persons strategy (on the podcast as well, but I forget who) is every time he buys a property he also takes his family on vacation...so they loved when he bough a property haha not to suggest bribery just an interesting idea.
- Chandler, AZ · Member since 2016 · 109 posts · 56 votes9y
@Seth Levey Haha well said! I suggested the same
- Real Estate Broker · Canton, GA · Member since 2010 · 15k+ posts · 11k+ votes9y
It will take awhile. Lot's of people fail and just a few make it so concerns can be valid.
If you have a family and kids it might be a good idea not to go ALL IN on something.
Everyone takes risks you just want them as calculated and informed as possible.
My mother in law when her husband passed away and sold the house received about six figures. She could have invested that so that she did not reduce down the money. She left in the bank and now with social security and supplementing each month the money is down years later to about 55,000.
People often make decisions based on FEAR of loss.
I saw at Publix grocery shopping tonight when we were leaving the store a 70 year old grandma pushing 12 buggies inside from the parking lot working there.
90% of the population lives in fear of the unknown. The known likely sucks to them but they know it and getting them to change and believe something new and better is possible is very hard.
About 14 years ago I went to get my real estate license. Fast forward to today and I am commercial principal broker and retail real estate developer. I help affluent clients buy properties in the millions to tens of millions in price.
The first few years starting out it was tough. You have to not quit no matter what. When you break through and achieve what few have it is an amazing feeling. The money is just a by product but the satisfaction you get from achievement and self-fulfillment is worth 100 times more.
The early years everyone in the family questioned me but now they all talk about me and the success I have.
- Rental Property Investor · Salem, OR · Member since 2016 · 202 posts · 305 votes9y
Discussing your post with my wife right now.
My wife and I are very conservative mostly cash investors.
She says the most important part is communication and having an ultimate goal. When we started she was always concerned about how it was going to work out but as the money started flowing she became an active member of the team. She just recently purchased an Auction.com home with her SDIRA and now I don't know if I can hold her back.
She listens to podcasts with me and we do financial analysis on properties together so we both know the facts of the transactions and how it fits into our long term goals.
We are long term buy, rehab and hold investors and are just plugging away buying when cash flow allows and after a few years its about two properties a year and the ball is really starting to roll.
Our two cents
- Lender · San Antonio, TX · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes9y
@Scott H. I said to my wife "I'm going to spend $37,000 on my first rent house instead of a new car." She thought it seemed pretty logical at that point.
- 9yJonathan StreufertPro MemberRental Property Investor · Redford, MI · Member since 2016 · 34 posts · 18 votes
@Scott H. I'm still in the process of getting started but do have a significant other of my own to convince that I'm not crazy in my bid to start real estate investing.
Neither of us knew anything in real estate investing to begin with, other than it was only multi-millionaires that were successful, and that any average Joe off the street that tries his hand at it loses all his money and ends up worse off than when he started. Of course that's not true, and with the right education and preparation, anyone can succeed.
Now, one thing that you have to concede is that real estate investing involves risk. If you claim it doesn't involve risk, you're lying to yourself. However, the key in being successful is being educated and taking calculated risks. The more you read and learn how the numbers really work (such as calculating all of the expenses, which bites a lot of people in the butt when they don't account for vacancy, repairs, CapEx, etc.), the more likely you will come out on top.
I would suggest going to https://www.biggerpockets.com/renewsblog/2013/04/1... and checking out the books that Brandon recommends to get started on your education. A few I would highlight as very informative are The Book on Investing in Real Estate with No (and Low) Money Down, The Millionaire Real Estate Investor, and Rich Dad Poor Dad (of course). See if you can check out any of the books from your local library, or bite the bullet and buy one or two of them (the education a $20 book will give you can pay for itself a thousand times over). Read them during your lunch break or whenever you have some free time. Listen to a real estate investing podcast on your drive to and from work, such as the BiggerPockets podcast with Brandon and Josh. Practice analyzing deals you find on one of the listing services like Zillow or Realtor. Encourage your wife to do the same. She doesn't have to be an expert, but the more she understands about real estate investing, the easier it will be to convince her and yourself to pull the trigger when the time comes.
Real estate investing is risky. And it can be scary. But holding on to your money and allowing it to lose its value because of inflation is even more risky. I'm a pretty conservative spender myself; I'm a saver at heart. But the more I learn and the more people I meet while networking and the more practice I get at analyzing deals, the more confident I am to pull the trigger and get into the game. I wish you luck in convincing your wife that you're not crazy in this whole real estate investing thing, and also in your future investing endeavors!
- 9yCraig CurelopBusiness MemberReal Estate Agent · Post Falls, ID · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
@Scott H. - I highly recommend you get her to read (or listen to) Rich Dad Poor Dad.
Another thought would be to have her read this blog post. It shows why real estate investing is one of the best ways to significantly grow your net worth!
https://www.biggerpockets.com/renewsblog/2016/02/1...
Hope this helps!
Craig
- Accountant · Salt Lake City, UT · Member since 2013 · 12 posts · 5 votes9y
I ran into the same thing, but I think when you do your homework and lay out everything to your spouse and all the benefits (with the cons), it becomes clear the benefits far exceed the cons.
Make a sheet and list all the pros on one side and then the opposite on the other and I find it works 99% of the time to make a better decision.
Josh
- 9yBernie NeyerPro MemberInvestor · Chanute, KS · Member since 2016 · 160 posts · 60 votes
I'm sorry, you are crazy. Well, just a little. LOL
Think about it. You want to take risks and work harder than everyone else.
You will lose friends because you will succeed while they are treading water.
When you want to talk about your success your friends will become jealous and hold you in disrepute because their cost benefit calculation starts with, "It can't be done."
Your new friends may be wiser, richer and more intelligent than you are.
Give it up. Just have a beer in the hammock in your back yard.
OR . . . do it and have the same beer on the same hammock, only this time on a beach somewhere.
Good Luck.
- Investor · Bethel, AK · Member since 2013 · 1k+ posts · 852 votes9yScott H. My first wife would not be convinced. Today she still is not convinced. We are friends and communicate often as we have children together. She tells me she can't believe how well I have done tho. My point is you can't force somebody to change their thinking. The best approach is to show results and then allow her to switch her own thinking. The poster who bought the rental instead of the car has the right idea. If it's risk she is worried about get a second job and invest that money. Remove the threat to the family finances. While your saving money learn all you can and when the time comes to buy make damn sure your not going to fail. Once you have a couple rentals and the sky hasn't fallen perhaps her mind will change. Oh yeah and don't forget don't force the deals either. I see that on here a lot. A forced deal or one that you stretch the numbers to make work is a looser. Remember you are looking for a harmonious out come. Do all you can but don't try to force something to work. It rarely comes out positively if you do. RR
- Kyparissia, Messinia · Member since 2017 · 56 posts · 15 votes9y
With me it is the opposite. It is my husband who is hesitant in doing this. Whenever we discuss the possibility of investing in real estate, he'll find a reason why it might not be a good idea. Several years ago, we had lost some money in the stock market, and I think that he's afraid of losing again. We're both in our 60's so there's not much leeway for making up for any losses.
Having him read something doesn't help, his English isn't that good and he has difficulty comprehending what he reads. It has been really frustrating. We can't agree on anything, we often end up arguing and I end up in tears.
- Realtor · Jacksonville, FL · Member since 2017 · 71 posts · 26 votes9y
I had a bit of the opposite too. He has come around to letting me run with it, but he isn't interested in reading, educating himself, etc on it. He just let's me do all that because he trusts me and knows I''ll research and educate myself for months before I do anything in life. But...it would be a bit more exciting if he was as into it as me. Instead, I end up late at night reading, listening to BP podcasts alone or catching a few beers with like minded people that get just as pumped up as me. He doesn't have a jealous bone in his body, so he doesn't mind, but it would be ALOT more fun if he was into it too!
- 9yScott H.IN · Member since 2017 · 45 posts · 11 votesOP
@Patti Rosepiler that sounds so much like my situation. For me, I think my wife thinks this is just another one of my brilliant ideas that produces no fruit. I, like you, would love for my spouse to be more involved. I agree, it would be much more fun that way. She is very smart, and it would be nice to have another set of eyes and ears to help navigate this process. Having been married going on 17 years now, it has not been easy to find common interests at this point. This would be great, but I guess you can lead a horse to water theory.
- Investor · Herriman, UT · Member since 2017 · 79 posts · 60 votes9y@Patti Rosepiler @Estelle Angelinas I hear you ladies! I just started out on this journey and I was SO NERVOUS to introduce the idea to my husband! Luckily as we were sitting on the couch one night I was able to bring it up, and it went ok! (sigh of gratitude). He is NOT a reader and I've only got him to listen to one podcast (guest @timshiner) although I've offered plenty of times. I asked him if he would help me on my journey because he went to school many years ago in Mexico to study accounting -- he's really good with numbers! I think when he starts to see the numbers on paper (Or calculator!) he'll really come around. For now though, he's not holding me back, he's letting me run with it. DON'T give up!!! I sure as heck am not!!!
- Realtor · Jacksonville, FL · Member since 2017 · 71 posts · 26 votes9y
@Scott H. and @Coco Zuniga, They will come around! LOL! I think once he sees it with his own eyes, he will be all over it. Kinda like the story where the one little animal goes through all the trouble to make a feast and no one helps him, but they all wanna come eat...well we will still let them come to the feast because we love them! It just makes it a bit scary because if we were to make a bad decision, it will affect someone else. If it was just me, it doesn't matter, so theres a lot more pressure! I believe in myself or I wouldn't even have come this far looking into it. We can do this!
- Kyparissia, Messinia · Member since 2017 · 56 posts · 15 votes9y
I am certainly not giving up! I have decided to just take it a little at a time. Mostly by reading alot and listening to the bp podcasts. Also, I am doing some networking. In the meantime, we're trying to save as much as possible. When the time is right, everything will fall into place.
- Real Estate Broker · Canton, GA · Member since 2010 · 15k+ posts · 11k+ votes9y
My wife likes to hear me ramble all day about commercial real estate. She does not understand all the concepts and enjoys decorating the house for the different seasons.
The important part is she listens and is happy for my success.
Sometimes both spouses are into real estate and other times it is just one or the other. The ones not into it might not have the excitement you do but can be supportive in the journey as a team.
- Investor · Bryan, TX · Member since 2016 · 165 posts · 82 votes9y
@Bernie Neyer this is SO true! It's amazing how things change.
- Investor · Orange County, CA · Member since 2015 · 2k+ posts · 3k+ votes9y
I would not try to "convince your spouse" of anything. Sit down, with an open mind and open ears, and have a conversation about it. Explain your thoughts and then listen to hers. Come to an agreement on what would be the best for both of you, be it REI or not, and follow that agreement. Trying to drag somebody along by convincing them to do something that they don't want to do, especially if that somebody is your spouse, is not a long term winning strategy IMO. If after the open conversation you both collectively decide to pursue REI, then great, do it ... if not, don't.
- Rental Property Investor · Phoenix/Lima, Arizona/OH · Member since 2012 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes9y
Originally posted by @Scott H.:
I would guess at least a few of you have had to convince your spouse or significant other that you weren't crazy, you weren't going to bankrupt the family, and that this whole real estate investing thing was a good idea ... right? Any advice? My wife has always been fearful of money issues. I know that can be a good thing, but tough convincing someone with those fears.
Listen - if your wife, the woman who shares a bed with you, the one person in this world who knows you best thinks you're crazy, how the hell are we supposed to argue with that?! hahaha
- Investor · Richmond, VA · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes9y
If she is risk averse, I'd remind her you're investing in the first basic human need--shelter. The stock market can go up/down, but people will always need homes! Focus on understanding and communication! Figure out what she is afraid of -- dealing with the 3AM calls-- do a PM, problem solved.. there so many options... is she afraid of a giant rehab-- start with a turnkey! Also, agree on reasonable amounts with the first property, and show her that you guys as a team can stick to the budget and you respect her limits.
While others have suggested that results will be the best way to show her, I'd strongly advise against doing it when she is uncomfortable... that's a recipe for resentment IMO... if you prove her "wrong" personally, being wrong sucks, so she may not really like you rubbing it in her face.. but make her part of the team- show her how she can contribute and highlight her skills! Maybe it's design, maybe it's marketing, but allow her to shine in the process too.. maybe she just needs help realizing how she can contribute! You can tell her to read a book, but unless she wants to (speaking as a woman) her heals might just go in the sand, so I'd suggest ways she can help make it successful!
- Investor · Gaithersburg, MD · Member since 2013 · 660 posts · 441 votes9y
I think the biggest reason people are hesitant is because they look at it the wrong way. I tend to look in monthly terms. For example, some people might freak out when they look at $70k as a number (that's a lot of money!). But let's be honest, it's really ~10-15k (or less) up front and $600/month (note, expenses, etc). I'm a BIG proponent of making sure you can handle the worst case when you start out. I mentioned $70k because that's what my first property cost. Because I have a pretty solid financial education, I looked at it as $600/month. I could float that property 100% without it hurting me at all. Also, I had cash to where if something went out, I wouldn't be stuck not being able to replace it. If you look at it in those terms, it becomes easier to digest and "less scary". If you are in a place where your life would be dramatically affected if you had to float a property or you'd be bankrupt if you had to replace a roof or heating unit, then you probably aren't ready to invest yet (just my personal opinion, I'm sure some will disagree there). This is where a mix of the "guru's" out there come into play. I think you should make sure your personal situation is taken care of before you start investing (Reserves in case you loose your job, etc).
It gets much easier when you are able to prove to your spouse (and yourself as well) that it works (they see more cash coming in than out) and you can actually make money doing it. Then the scary starts to go away. There are things you can do to help ease that. Buy a place that already has a renter or renters, is more turnkey (no big maintenance needed), etc. I started out with SFR's and now am buying 10+ units and it doesn't even phase me from the scary perspective because I'm confident in what I'm doing but it takes time to get there. Sure, people have bought a 50-unit as there first property, but let's be honest, the VAST majority started out slow and comfortably and once they got into it, starting building up more. I bought 13 SFR's before I bought my first multi-unit and that was only a 5-plex. Get your toe wet, keep your risk low, prove to your spouse that it can work and they will come around. Not everyone will and if you are in that position, that's a whole different conversation and a different thread :). If your spouse can't get on board no matter what you do, then you have different issues and need to get those figured out. Real Estate Investing is 10x harder when your spouse hates it and is constantly worried about it. Nothing is worth ruining a relationship with your spouse over.
Good luck!
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