Convincing my spouse that REI is a potentially good idea

Rehabbing & House Flipping
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Convincing my spouse that REI is a potentially good idea

Wilson Adams
Nashville, TN · Member since 2016 · 21 posts · 3 votes

My wife and I are very calculated people. Our families always encouraged us to save the way they were taught (savings, 401k/pension, IRA).

Looking ahead, I can see that we are both going to need some alternate forms income in order to successfully pay back our student loans, achieve financial freedom and live the lifestyle we want to live. We don't want to be billionaires one day, but we also cannot fathom living the way we do now. 

I've been looking towards investment avenues to circumvent this problem long term, which is how I eventually came across BP and REI in general. I'm hoping that one day I can strategically make my cash flow in such a way that student loans and job security are no longer a source of stress.

The problem I have is that any variation of the word 'invest' makes my wife think that a coin flip will lose us our entire life savings. No matter how I try to approach it with her, it ends up getting pushed to the side because the idea of 'playing with our money like that' stresses her out. 

I'm sure some of you have a similar situation. Anyone have any advice on how to make 'investing' seem less intimidating up front to their spouses?

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Raimonds Lauzums
Real Estate Investor · Sheboygan, WI · Member since 2015 · 19 posts · 3 votes
10y

Only numbers matter to calculated people. Give her the numbers. If the numbers didn't work, I sure as heck wouldn't be doing this. 

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  • Steve Haight
    Las Vegas, NV · Member since 2014 · 732 posts · 137 votes
    10y

    @Wilson Adams

    Welcome to BP, sure you will find what you are looking for here. You are in a good area to invest in as well. Maybe your wife should talk to other successful females that may help her relate better. Take her to a REIA in your area. Just some thoughts.

    0Reply
  • Raimonds Lauzums
    Real Estate Investor · Sheboygan, WI · Member since 2015 · 19 posts · 3 votes
    10y

    Only numbers matter to calculated people. Give her the numbers. If the numbers didn't work, I sure as heck wouldn't be doing this. 

    2Reply
  • Wilson Adams
    OP
    Nashville, TN · Member since 2016 · 21 posts · 3 votes
    10y

    That's an idea I had. Is it okay to show up to an REIA meetings with just an emerging knowledge on REI?

    0Reply
  • Wilson Adams
    OP
    Nashville, TN · Member since 2016 · 21 posts · 3 votes
    10y

    @Raimonds Lauzums There's truth in that haha. 

    0Reply
  • Laurie Johnson
    Real Estate Broker · Jacksonville, FL · Member since 2015 · 130 posts · 30 votes
    10y

    Absolutely check out your local REIA's. that is what they are there for. Also check out everything on this site and check out youtube. Lots of info out there for you to research. Good Luck.

    0Reply
  • Wilson Adams
    OP
    Nashville, TN · Member since 2016 · 21 posts · 3 votes
    10y

    @Laurie Johnson Thanks. Good to know. Any channels on youtube you would recommend in particular?

    0Reply
  • Laurie Johnson
    Real Estate Broker · Jacksonville, FL · Member since 2015 · 130 posts · 30 votes
    10y

    @Wilson Adams depends on what you are interested in? Check out buy and hold, wholesaling, multifamily. Since your wife is not yet on board I would stay away from rehabs to begin with.

    0Reply
  • Wilson Adams
    OP
    Nashville, TN · Member since 2016 · 21 posts · 3 votes
    10y

    @Laurie Johnson at this point i am not dead-set on anything in particular. I would love to rehab and flip once I find reasonable contractors and get a few properties under my belt, eventually.  

    0Reply
  • Jeff Rabinowitz
    Investor/Landlord · Farmington Hills, MI · Member since 2011 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    10y

    @Wilson Adams, consider making a small bet first. I am assuming you have a bit of cash available if you are considering real estate. Start attending your local REIA. Meet some people. When you have found someone who seems successful try to get to know them a bit. Real estate is a cash intensive game and successful investors always run out of their own money at some point. When you gain a comfort level you may offer someone a loan secured by their investment. Now lending isn't truly real estate but your loan will get you in the game. You will see the true numbers on a deal--you may be able to do some site visits while the project is under way. You will learn much more quickly when you have some capital at risk. Make the loan small and for a very short term. You may find experienced people that want as little as $10K-$20K for 3 months for a project. (I once loaned an experienced investor $10K for 2 days and received $1k in return.) Of course, do your due diligence. Verify the borrower's track record. Check their references. Make sure you are protected with a recorded mortgage, that the property the mortgage is recorded on is worth more than you loaned, and that the property is properly insured. Your wife may become more open to expanding your investing if you can show her a series of real returns. Best wishes.

    0Reply
  • Wendell De Guzman
    Investor · Chicago, IL · Member since 2013 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    10y
    Originally posted by @Wilson Adams:

    My wife and I are very calculated people. Our families always encouraged us to save the way they were taught (savings, 401k/pension, IRA).

    Looking ahead, I can see that we are both going to need some alternate forms income in order to successfully pay back our student loans, achieve financial freedom and live the lifestyle we want to live. We don't want to be billionaires one day, but we also cannot fathom living the way we do now. 

    I've been looking towards investment avenues to circumvent this problem long term, which is how I eventually came across BP and REI in general. I'm hoping that one day I can strategically make my cash flow in such a way that student loans and job security are no longer a source of stress.

    The problem I have is that any variation of the word 'invest' makes my wife think that a coin flip will lose us our entire life savings. No matter how I try to approach it with her, it ends up getting pushed to the side because the idea of 'playing with our money like that' stresses her out. 

    I'm sure some of you have a similar situation. Anyone have any advice on how to make 'investing' seem less intimidating up front to their spouses?

    Here's an idea for you:

    Learn how to invest with little to NO money. If your spouse is so afraid of losing money, if you invest with NO money - if you do it correctly, chances of you losing money is small and you won't lose as much money.

    How do you invest with little to no money?

    1. Read the book "The Book on Investing in Real Estate with Little to No Money" written by @Brandon Turner. I like the chapters on "House Hacking" and "Wholesaling".

    2. Listen to my podcast at http://Biggerpockets.com/show65. In there, you will learn how I bought a property no money down (using a powerful strategy called "subject to") and made over $30,000 profit on a house I sold rent to own. Also, in my podcast interview, you will learn how I acquired a 100+ unit apartment complex worth $6M by shelling only $5,000 out of pocket.

    3. Wholesale a deal or two first and generate that CASH. When your spouse sees that you're making cash with real estate without you spending and risking any cash, then she will associate real estate with making money not losing money.

    If I am in your situation, I will learn as much as I can and then persuade others using results not words.

    1Reply
  • Michael Boyer
    Investor · Juneau, AK · Member since 2015 · 980 posts · 741 votes
    10y

    Good for you and good for her, too, Wilson... Maybe you could try not even framing it as "going into investing".... Sounds too much like Vegas for some.. Frame it differently so it happens more organically as part of your lifestyle and the ordinary course of events....

    For example, you can stick toe in the real estate pool without getting too wet like this..Do you have home yet? If not, maybe target one with an in law/ accessory apartment (for the income)...Boom you are landlord... If you do have a home and outgrow it (happens all the time naturally) think about renting out if the numbers work (how I got started).. Presto, you are a buy and hold investor... that first (or second) home may even be a duplex, triplex or fourplex (great financing there for the owner occupant, too)...best of luck.

    0Reply
  • Josue Guerrero
    Full-Time Real Estate Investor · Raleigh, NC · Member since 2014 · 57 posts · 9 votes
    10y

    Wilson, I would say the best thing you can do is to definitely check out the Ultimate Beginner's Guide to Real Estate Investing. It will teach you just about everything you need to know about getting started in investing. Dedicate about 2 or 3 days to read through everything and WRITE ALMOST EVERYTHING DOWN. I wrote about 15 pages of notes from the guide from when I was first starting out! 

    Once you've read and understood the guide, you'll have all of the knowledge you need to explain to your wife how real estate investing can help you accomplish your financial goals. The more you know about the subject, the easier it will be for you tog get your wife get excited about the idea and explain away any reservations she might have. 

    Afterwards, the rest is up to you. I will mention that after I got through the guide and a few networking events, I benefitted from the House Flipping and Rental Property Calculators available to PRO members. I would dedicate about an hour everyday to finding potential real estate deals through websites such as Zillow or Realtor, and running the numbers through the calculator to see if the deal was worth taking a closer look at. Since you said you and your wife are very calculated, it could be a great way to have all the math laid out clearly in front of her. If the deal sounds perfect to the both of you, and you both understand what might be gained and what might be at stake, then it might be worth contacting an agent and scheduling a showing :)

    0Reply
  • Jonathan Johnson
    Rental Property Investor · Charleston, WV · Member since 2013 · 262 posts · 109 votes
    10y

    @Wilson Adams

    Check out the success stories forum and pick a few to show her. The realness of the people, the pictures of before/after, and the numbers speak for themselves.

    Also, the BP calculators are super impressive. Find a random house for sale or one that "could" be a good deal and plug in the numbers to the calculator. Show her the results. Not only do good deals give you equity, but they appreciate over time and cash flow. 

    0Reply
  • Wilson Adams
    OP
    Nashville, TN · Member since 2016 · 21 posts · 3 votes
    10y

    @Jeff Rabinowitz @Wendell De Guzman

    All great advice. Thanks everyone. 

    After sitting down for dinner last night showing her that she can redo the kitchens in all of the properties we get, she's already beginning to warm up to the idea.

    0Reply
  • David Dachtera
    Rental Property Investor · Rockford, IL · Member since 2014 · 4k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    10y

    @Wilson Adams,

    Where a lot of newbies "fall flat" is on deal analysis. That is, what are the numbers, how do they work, where does the profit come from, how is the money protected prior to executing the exit strategy, etc.

    Being "calculated" people (is that another way of saying, "adroit at protecting your comfort zone"?), that's probably where you want to focus your education initially.

    "Everything you'll ever want in life lies just outside your comfort zone."
    - Robert G. Allen

    David J Dachtera

    "Success is not a destination. Failure is not an event. Success is a process, failure is a choice."

    - DJ Benedict

    0Reply
  • Mary lou L.
    Investor · Wichita Falls, TX · Member since 2014 · 382 posts · 123 votes
    10y

    It will be a challenge when your SO isn't on board (yet).

    I am kinda in the same boat, my SO isn't into real estate investing, but I am. I had a property before I met him and have acquired one other since.

    Even though I would love his input, that isn't where he is right now, his healthy dose of skepticism however does slow me down and makes me make sure that I am going in a good direction.

    I ordered books, listen to podcasts, post and read the forums. This has helped me tremendously!

    Even though I had "Chip and JoAnna" dreams, I have to realize that I have my "job" and he has his.

    My properties are out of state so there really isn't anything for him to do, (but listen on yet another phone call with my contractor, LOL) but be supportive at this point.

    What is your wife's strengths? If I may ask? Is she organized? Like to decorate? Talk to others on the phone? If she is interested mabey helping you with some of your tasks will get her exposed at least.

    I keep telling myself if it was easy everyone would do it...but even then people do not!!

    0Reply
  • Cedric Moore
    Lender · Denver, CO · Member since 2016 · 56 posts · 31 votes
    10y

    Numbers don't lie! Create your vision, calculate the numbers and stay persistent with your goal. Where there is risk there is always greater reward! 

    0Reply
  • John CasmonPro Member
    Cincinnati, OH · Member since 2013 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    10y

    @Wilson Adams There's a knowledge gap that needs to be closed before your wife becomes comfortable. Set a goal for financial freedom, educate yourself and ask her to join you at meetups and networking events.  Seek out other couples that invest and invite them to lunch. The clearer your vision is for "investing" the less it will sound like a coin flip and the easier it is to get her comfortable with the notion. 

    1Reply
  • Alex Gaw
    Paralegal · Austin, TX · Member since 2015 · 44 posts · 11 votes
    10y

    @Wilson Adams I think a big part of convincing our significant other that our goals are realistic and reasonable is taking our time and talking to them as we learn. My wife also had the notion that investing was pretty much the same as gambling. In addition she was used to me talking big and making big plans that I inevitably dropped for the next shiny object. A big part of getting her on board was continuing to talk to her as I educated myself. After several months she had a lot more confidence that 1) I was serious, and 2) I knew what I was talking about, at least enough to get started. She's still a little nervous about the whole thing, because there's a lot at stake and she's had a lifetime of being skeptical of investing, but she listens when I explain and she speaks when she has a concern or doesn't understand something. Now we're working with an agent (whom I met on BP!) to find our first duplex to occupy one side and rent out the other.

    It's been a great experience (though slower than I wanted--I had to repair some bad credit and save up some cash) because I didn't really focus on "convincing" her. I just educated myself and talked to her about whatever I was learning or whatever I was really excited about. Not because I was trying to get her on board, just because I was excited and wanted to talk about it! As an aside, my wife and I are both avid dancers (lindy hop and swing), and I was struck by how much what I just described fits with how we talk about good leading. I didn't spend a lot of time worrying about my wife's part, I just focused on doing my part really well and the rest fell into place. Ultimately, if your wife doesn't come around then I'd suggest finding a vehicle you can both get into. Your financial future is important, but it's probably not worth risking your relationship.

    Final thought: do a google search for "is investing gambling" and share some of the pages you find with your wife. A key difference between gambling and investing is control.

    1Reply
  • Yoochul C.
    Financial Advisor · Glendora, CA · Member since 2015 · 209 posts · 94 votes
    10y

    If you're investing in the stock market, thats a bigger gamble in my opinion.  2008-2009 is a prime example.

    0Reply
  • Justin P.
    Investor · Brandywine, MD · Member since 2013 · 84 posts · 21 votes
    10y

    @Wilson Adams,

    Could there be an underlying fear keeping her from being more open to it? Often times we see an objection and try to overcome it directly without looking at what might be triggering it.

    My wife has been adamantly opposed to REI for years and we've done nothing. It wasn't until I was able to build up cash reserves through a second business that she began to warm to the idea. Turns out it wasn't real estate she was opposed to, it was investing without having a cash buffer in place for the family.

    We now have funds for investing and separate funds just for family savings.

    1Reply
  • Account Closed
    Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2015 · 117 posts · 39 votes
    10y
    As per all of the above, listen to the podcasts with her, listen to real estate investment books with her, watch flipping shows with her. You might start by flipping your own home to get cash and start house hacking. Whatever you end up doing, you must keep up the mental reinforcement and be persistent. Keep your eyes on the goal.
    0Reply
  • Account Closed
    Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2015 · 117 posts · 39 votes
    10y
    As per all of the above, listen to the podcasts with her, listen to real estate investment books with her, watch flipping shows with her. You might start by flipping your own home to get cash and start house hacking. Whatever you end up doing, you must keep up the mental reinforcement and be persistent. Keep your eyes on the goal.
    0Reply
  • Wilson Adams
    OP
    Nashville, TN · Member since 2016 · 21 posts · 3 votes
    10y
    Originally posted by @Mary lou L.:

    What is your wife's strengths? If I may ask? Is she organized? Like to decorate? Talk to others on the phone? If she is interested mabey helping you with some of your tasks will get her exposed at least.

    She's very detail oriented. She loves to decorate, whether it be painting, hanging pictures, picking furniture (or appliances). She also has some accounting experience, which is useful. 

    I'm beginning to find that our problem is more with the fact that we are both fresh out of college (and i'm still in grad school) and she's still looking for a fulfilling job. So until that happens, the idea of investing money we don't have yet is a stressful idea. Additionally, my 60+ hour work weeks definitely limit me in the mean time.  

    0Reply
  • Wilson Adams
    OP
    Nashville, TN · Member since 2016 · 21 posts · 3 votes
    10y

    All fantastic advice. Thanks everyone. 

    0Reply
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