Getting Your Spouse On Board

Jacksonville, Florida
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Getting Your Spouse On Board

Simon Delony
North East Florida · Member since 2025 · 10 posts · 7 votes

Hello, I am very new, I just started educating myself last Monday. My wife and I have been talking about doing something like this = rental properties, flipping, house hacking, etc. for some time and after we sold our house towards the end of last year (made a good profit) are finally in a position to pursue it.

I am super-focused and excited on wanting to learn as much as I can and start this journey to financial freedom. I have been soaking in (and making pages of notes) where as my wife struggled to listen to the one Podcast I sent her during the week. This has created an issue in discussing any topic as I have read not to over-whelm your partner with your knowledge, and she seems to know everything (sound familiar🤣) . How do I move forward with this venture? I do not see the point in trying to continue putting together a team when we haven't sat down and worked out our strategy, because she doesn't understand why we need it. 

I'm stuck in the mud.

Thanks for any positive advice.

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Nate Williams
Member since 2022 · 51 posts · 28 votes
1y

I'm almost 6 years married and on my third real estate deal. My wife will never listen to a podcast, and I learned that after sending her countless ones and realizing she never listened. I'm a learner, she's a doer. She helps design the rehabs and remodels, while I look at the numbers, do the more labor intensive work, and make sure we stay on track. Maybe she will find a niche in your future business that suits her, but there is nothing wrong with you guys having separate interests and abilities. I have just accepted that I have the passion and drive to push forward in real estate, while letting her support me. She doesn't have to share the same passion to start building a business. 

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  • Nate Williams
    Member since 2022 · 51 posts · 28 votes
    1y

    I'm almost 6 years married and on my third real estate deal. My wife will never listen to a podcast, and I learned that after sending her countless ones and realizing she never listened. I'm a learner, she's a doer. She helps design the rehabs and remodels, while I look at the numbers, do the more labor intensive work, and make sure we stay on track. Maybe she will find a niche in your future business that suits her, but there is nothing wrong with you guys having separate interests and abilities. I have just accepted that I have the passion and drive to push forward in real estate, while letting her support me. She doesn't have to share the same passion to start building a business. 

    10Reply
  • Caleb Brown
    Real Estate Agent · Kansas City · Member since 2018 · 4k+ posts · 3k+ votes
    1y

    Agreed with Nate. She might not have a deep interest as you. That could mean you handle the investing side and keep her updated. Make sure you are both on the same page. Down the road she might help in a area but don't expect her to be as interested as you. Very rare that is the case. 

    3Reply
  • Bruce WoodruffPro Member
    Contractor/Investor/Consultant · San Diego / Phoenix · Member since 2021 · 12k+ posts · 15k+ votes
    1y

    Same as above. I was trusted to find the houses, fix them and sell them. She was great with design and good outside-the-box ideas, and even fine with down and dirty labor, but could care less about watching or reading about any of it. Just figure out your strengths and work with them, but don't push....let her find her space. She might surprise you!

    3Reply
  • Simon Delony
    OP
    North East Florida · Member since 2025 · 10 posts · 7 votes
    1y

    Thanks for your advice Nate. Congratulation on almost 6 years married, I'm coming up on 26. Sounds like I just need to have a conversation and find out what it is she wants to commit to/help with.

    3Reply
  • Matthew Becker
    Developer · Moscow Idaho · Member since 2024 · 224 posts · 143 votes
    1y

    You just sold a house.  Do you own your own property now?  

    0Reply
  • Simon Delony
    OP
    North East Florida · Member since 2025 · 10 posts · 7 votes
    1y

    No. We are renting for the time being. 

    0Reply
  • Jeff Roth
    Real Estate Consultant · Ann Arbor, MI · Member since 2022 · 460 posts · 250 votes
    1y

    Hi Simon in Jacksonville, Florida-

    Congratulations that you and your wife are in a position to begin your real estate investing career.

    You would like to discuss your investment strategy and build your team and are sharing investment information with your wife and trying to get on the same page together.

    I work with many husband and wife teams. What I notice is each partner brings their own strengths to the decision making process. I would, as a couple, consider each of your unique learning styles, leadership styles, and investment risk tolerance.

    Perhaps, consider finding an investor friendly Realtor you both like and trust to help you come to consensus.

    It's a process.

    To Your Success!

    1Reply
  • Denis PonderPro Member
    New to Real Estate · Yuma, AZ · Member since 2023 · 280 posts · 246 votes
    1y

    What do you hope to get out of RE investing?  What does she hope to get out of it?  Build an approach that speaks to her needs/goals.

    My wife was terrified of the idea of RE investing.  But, she wanted a better retirement than we were on course for.  So I designed our conversations around how the investments would benefit that goal.  She's still doesn't like risk as much as I do, but it gives us a common goal and approach.

    What you want doesn't matter; speak her language and have conversations geared toward demonstrating the benefits that she values.

    2Reply
  • Jeremy Horton
    Rental Property Investor · Somewhere over the Rainbow · Member since 2021 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    1y

    I have been a one man team for 4 years now...I literally mean exactly that as far as everything goes. 

    My advice would be to just get a new wife

    0Reply
  • John Wright
    Real Estate Agent · Cincinnati, OH · Member since 2017 · 51 posts · 63 votes
    1y

    @Simon Delony

    Hey Simon I was in the same boat as you a few years back. My journey was first through financial literacy podcasts and then eventually to investing podcasts, audiobooks, and YouTube shows. I use to listen on my commute, lunch break, or at the gym and really got into BP and would subsequently try to play matchmaker with my wife and the many different podcasts that I felt would fit her interests. The advice I am going to give you I actually got from a fatherhood group but it is universally applicable and I apply it to our investing philosophy and now our family management philosophy. That advice is to actually not push or pull but to figure out how she really wants support and try to meet her exactly where she currently is. Our inclination as husbands is to find ways to provide for and lead our families. Great leaders get the most out of other people not by pushing or pulling but through modeling and personalized support.

    First I had to remove any expectation and be ok with the fact that my wife may never be into investing at all. I could still pursue REI in alignment with our goals as a family. Instead of putting energy into trying to make her see things my way, I instead focused on communication around what I was doing and how it was going to help our family reach our big goals.

    Fast Forward to today, my wife is now very interested in one of our longer term REI goals which is to own and operate a family lake-house. She is less into the day to day, flips, rentals, sales and partnerships but because we are in alignment with the big goal I now find her pursuing me for info on the REI deals we have going and what's next.

    I hope this helps!

    John Wright

    1Reply
  • Simon Delony
    OP
    North East Florida · Member since 2025 · 10 posts · 7 votes
    1y

    It does John. Thank you for your advice and help.

    0Reply
  • Nathan GesnerBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Real Estate Broker · Cody, WY · Member since 2010 · 28k+ posts · 41k+ votes
    1y

    My wife wouldn't read a real estate or business book if her life depended on it. She doesn't care about crunching numbers (even though she's an accountant), ROI, ROE, or anything to do with real estate. But she loves the idea of owning real estate and the financial wealth it brings.

    When I found my first deal, I showed her the potential upside and she trusted me. It worked very well, so she extended more trust. As long as I'm not over-extending, she's happy. All our investments have worked out so far, but she does seem to be more risk-averse as we get older, so I'm slowing down and being more methodical.

    You don't have to like the same things, but you do need to be on the same page when it comes to the overall goal.

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  • Gregory SchwartzBusiness Member
    Rental Property Investor · College Station, TX · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    1y

    @Simon Delony

    I was in a similar spot about eight years ago—listening to 2–3 podcasts a day, reading two books a month, and building spreadsheet models like crazy. My wife, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care.

    Today, we run a real estate agent team and manage our 26 rental units together. She handles admin and property management, while I focus on acquisitions as the licensed agent.

    So what changed? I stopped trying to get her to listen to podcasts (she still doesn’t) and instead, over time, she read just two books: Set for Life and Retire with Real Estate. The truth is, she still doesn’t love real estate investing—but we both love the life we’re building through it.

    Maybe the key is giving her space. Instead of focusing on REI itself, try shifting the conversation to how you want to build something together with her by your side. Hope this helps!

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  • Simon Delony
    OP
    North East Florida · Member since 2025 · 10 posts · 7 votes
    1y

    Thanks Gregory, Your answer seems to be the common path to take from here.

    0Reply
  • Simon Delony
    OP
    North East Florida · Member since 2025 · 10 posts · 7 votes
    1y
    Quote from @Simon Delony:

    Hello, I am very new, I just started educating myself last Monday. My wife and I have been talking about doing something like this = rental properties, flipping, house hacking, etc. for some time and after we sold our house towards the end of last year (made a good profit) are finally in a position to pursue it.

    I am super-focused and excited on wanting to learn as much as I can and start this journey to financial freedom. I have been soaking in (and making pages of notes) where as my wife struggled to listen to the one Podcast I sent her during the week. This has created an issue in discussing any topic as I have read not to over-whelm your partner with your knowledge, and she seems to know everything (sound familiar🤣) . How do I move forward with this venture? I do not see the point in trying to continue putting together a team when we haven't sat down and worked out our strategy, because she doesn't understand why we need it. 

    I'm stuck in the mud.

    Thanks for any positive advice.


     Thank you to you all for your positive and constructive advice. There is a pattern in most of your answer's, which helps me immensely on knowing how to move forward from here. I will apply the "life lesson" that my future Father-in-law gave me before marrying his daughter:

    "Simon, marriage is the hardest job you will ever have. It is 24/7 and can be very unrewarding, you will get out of it what you put in to it. It is a constant roller coaster ride, and you will never (very rarely) meet at 50/50."

    I will take your advice and his and meet her where she is at, and work on what it is she wants to achieve and is willing to give to it.

    THANK YOU!!

    0Reply
  • Travis TimmonsPro Member
    Rental Property Investor · Ellsworth, ME · Member since 2021 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    1y

    For me, it was ultimately a question of trust and security. My wife felt financially secure based on a track record of me being conservative and trustworthy with our finances for 10+ years. When I wanted to invest in real estate, she had no interest but was on board because of the trust and financial cushion that I banked over time.

    She also had veto power. If she said, no, that was it. It's too big of a financial and time investment to make if you both are not on board.

    2Reply
  • Jaron WallingPro Member
    Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2018 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes
    1y

    @Simon Delony Why are you renting? 

    You could buy a distressed deal, add some value (as a team), and refinance when interest rates are more favorable. 

    1Reply
  • Simon Delony
    OP
    North East Florida · Member since 2025 · 10 posts · 7 votes
    1y

    Due to the time of year the new Owner's moved in (the weekend before Thanksgiving), how quickly the sale happened and the contingencies in place it all came down to  a week. We did not want to spend the time trying to find somewhere new to buy while we were packing and hoping that it would still sell. We decided to rent, this way if the sale fell through we would only lose our time packing (we needed to purge anyway), the cost of a POD and one month's rent. It would also give us some time to enjoy the holidays and take a breathe before worrying about our next.

    Buying a fixer-upper in the future is not off the cards. I hope to make this happen either before or when our lease expires next February. For right now, I'm just wanting to get my/our feet wet and start building on our portfolio.

    1Reply
  • Don KonipolBusiness Member
    Investor · The Woodlands TX / Avon, CT · Member since 2009 · 6k+ posts · 10k+ votes
    1y
    Quote from @Simon Delony:

    Hello, I am very new, I just started educating myself last Monday. My wife and I have been talking about doing something like this = rental properties, flipping, house hacking, etc. for some time and after we sold our house towards the end of last year (made a good profit) are finally in a position to pursue it.

    I am super-focused and excited on wanting to learn as much as I can and start this journey to financial freedom. I have been soaking in (and making pages of notes) where as my wife struggled to listen to the one Podcast I sent her during the week. This has created an issue in discussing any topic as I have read not to over-whelm your partner with your knowledge, and she seems to know everything (sound familiar🤣) . How do I move forward with this venture? I do not see the point in trying to continue putting together a team when we haven't sat down and worked out our strategy, because she doesn't understand why we need it. 

    I'm stuck in the mud.

    Thanks for any positive advice.

    Yada, yada, yada.  ACTIVE real estate investing is an ENTREPRENEURAL activity, which means RISK - REWARD.

    IF - you’re happy with passive type lower risk investments, your spouse doesn’t have to “be your partner” - as long as they’re comfortable and cognizant of the risks.

    If you dream of an ACTIVE real estate investing career - it may work only if your spouse is SUPPORTIVE, and willing to accept the risks, which may include the possibility of being wiped out in a 2009 style depression. 

    After 12 years of accepting my full time investor lifestyle - with high income and liquidity events some years and no income others, my wife told me she was burnt out on the psychological ups and down and asked if I would consider just getting a job with a steady paycheck.  I saw she was serious, unhappy, stressed out, and just plain sad.  So, I did the only thing I could do to acknowledge, empathize, and help her; I filed for divorce, and later married a women who didn’t have the same security needs. 

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  • Travis TimmonsPro Member
    Rental Property Investor · Ellsworth, ME · Member since 2021 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    1y

    "So, I did the only thing I could do to acknowledge, empathize, and help her; I filed for divorce, and later married a women who didn’t have the same security needs."

    @Don Konipol so your answer is, "Divorce her if she is not on board." What?!? 

    They are just piles of sticks and bricks meant to advance your financial goals. If it puts stress on your marriage, work to find common ground. Index funds and compound interest are also incredible investment vehicles that, as much as we hate to admit it, outperform a large percentage of real estate investments. And they don't have evictions, busted furnaces, or the hassle factor of property.

    2Reply
    • Simon Delony
      OP
      North East Florida · Member since 2025 · 10 posts · 7 votes
      1y
      Quote from @Travis Timmons:

      "So, I did the only thing I could do to acknowledge, empathize, and help her; I filed for divorce, and later married a women who didn’t have the same security needs."

      @Don Konipol so your answer is, "Divorce her if she is not on board." What?!? 

      They are just piles of sticks and bricks meant to advance your financial goals. If it puts stress on your marriage, work to find common ground. Index funds and compound interest are also incredible investment vehicles that, as much as we hate to admit it, outperform a large percentage of real estate investments. And they don't have evictions, busted furnaces, or the hassle factor of property.


       Thanks for the suggestion of the two other investment vehicles. I/we will definitely be looking in to those.

      1Reply
    • Don KonipolBusiness Member
      Investor · The Woodlands TX / Avon, CT · Member since 2009 · 6k+ posts · 10k+ votes
      1y
      Quote from @Travis Timmons:

      "So, I did the only thing I could do to acknowledge, empathize, and help her; I filed for divorce, and later married a women who didn’t have the same security needs."

      @Don Konipol so your answer is, "Divorce her if she is not on board." What?!? 

      They are just piles of sticks and bricks meant to advance your financial goals. If it puts stress on your marriage, work to find common ground. Index funds and compound interest are also incredible investment vehicles that, as much as we hate to admit it, outperform a large percentage of real estate investments. And they don't have evictions, busted furnaces, or the hassle factor of property.


       LOL - Well real estate was and is my BUSINESS - My ex didn't want the ups and downs of the entrepreneurial life, she wanted a husband with a steady reliable income, even if that income is significantly less.  And to be truthful it's not like I have a JOB in a business I owned from which I could draw a defined salary.  I'm an investor and speculator, I've invested in businesses, real estate. notes, commodities, and anything else where I feel I am able to generate above average risk adjusted returns.  Many times the "deals" I've invested in aren't cash flow type investments, the payoff was often upon sale - sometimes years later.  (now, in my later years, I'm much more cash flow oriented - although I do still reserve a certain amount of capital for "value added" or intermediate term appreciation type investments). Back then I was much more inclined to take a more concentrated risk with the somewhat limited capital we had.  

      I'm sure part of my ex spouse's frustration was having a pretty good net worth and yet being on a "relatively" tight budget.  I'm sure she would have liked to place our net worth in high dividend paying stocks held long term, and some bonds and CDs.  But that's not who I was, nor who I am.   

      You would probably be surprised at the number of people who end up divorcing because of differences in monetary values, comfort levels, and expectations. She knew who I was before we married and said she was fine with it - well it's more than likely that wasn't quite true - but people are allowed to change. I just wasn't going to give up what to me was exciting, challenging and provided so much satisfaction to work "watching the clock' and doing something I was unhappy with.  Hey, there were no hard feelings (at least not after she remarried!).  

      Not saying anyone else should do as I did. For most people it "just an investment".  

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  • Marcus R.
    Real Estate Agent · Denver CO · Member since 2019 · 209 posts · 332 votes
    1y

    1) Real estate is the "how", but make sure you're aligned on the "why".  If you're aligned on the why then I think she'll be on board with the how even though she may not take an active interest.

    2) Often your spouse can help in other ways so you can put more time in real estate...kids, errands, household tasks, etc...

    3Reply
  • Estela Legaspy
    Investor · Richardson Texas · Member since 2022 · 14 posts · 15 votes
    1y

    Great post as I suspect a lot of people feel this way. I was very frustrated with this in my last relationship and ended it because of that. I don't want to be dragging someone if they aren't as motivated and aligned as me. In my experience, the more you lean into this, the more a gap it can create and it can breed resentment. You can make a choice to accept that everyone is different. We all have different motivations, pressures, desires, and upbringings. Before I ended my relationship based on this misalignment I gave all those things a great deal of thought and I couldn't come to a compromise where I saw there was some alignment to work with despite the differences. But the main point is you cannot make anyone be as motivated as you on anything because we are all different. You trying creates tension for both parties, you not trying also does that. My advice is to make sure you communicate your needs and whys early and understand hers and come out with ways to support each other on those needs and whys. But sometimes there are no shared whys (values) and some people just want to coast and let the other person carry the big load. Another point to make from the perspective of a woman. Risk taking is not easy for women, most women are incredibly uncomfortable with investing, but some may have different skill sets that can be very helpful in a partnership like being more organized and being the voice of reason hahaha. Good luck!! 

    1Reply
  • Peter W.
    Member since 2020 · 351 posts · 329 votes
    1y
    Quote from @Simon Delony:

    Hello, I am very new, I just started educating myself last Monday. My wife and I have been talking about doing something like this = rental properties, flipping, house hacking, etc. for some time and after we sold our house towards the end of last year (made a good profit) are finally in a position to pursue it.

    I am super-focused and excited on wanting to learn as much as I can and start this journey to financial freedom. I have been soaking in (and making pages of notes) where as my wife struggled to listen to the one Podcast I sent her during the week. This has created an issue in discussing any topic as I have read not to over-whelm your partner with your knowledge, and she seems to know everything (sound familiar🤣) . How do I move forward with this venture? I do not see the point in trying to continue putting together a team when we haven't sat down and worked out our strategy, because she doesn't understand why we need it. 

    I'm stuck in the mud.

    Thanks for any positive advice.


     I don't quite understand the issue?  Is the issue she doesn't want to read books or listen to podcasts on real estate investing?  Or is the issue that she doesn't want to do real estate investing?

    It seems to me you are over complicating everything.  This isn't a complicated business; you don't need books or podcasts to take part or succeed.   Buy quality real estate at a reasonable price and hold on to it for a long time while taking care of the property.

    Ultimately you are going to figure out your strategy by trying. So pitch something to her at a high level. e.g. BRRR is you buy a home in a neighborhood that needs work, fix it up rent it out, then roll some of your equity gain into the purchase. Then she can tell you she is on board or no. My wife is on board with real estate investing in the sense, that she's okay if I do it, but she does not want to be an active participant (other than help with the paint colors and design)--it works for us. We've also learned that we don't want to do major renovations if we can help it--too hard with little kids so we buy properties that are essentially turnkey.

    If she isn't sure if she wants to do it, then propose to start small and see how it goes. Make sure there is a clear exit strategy she decides it's not for her (e.g. BRRRR but refuse to refinance for the 6 months in case you need to sell).

    2Reply
  • Josh YoungPro Member
    Rental Property Investor / REALTOR® / Property Manager · Gilbert, AZ · Member since 2023 · 384 posts · 421 votes
    1y

    @Simon Delony 

    My wife is my partner on all of our deals, that doesn't mean that she is involved in much or any of the day to day, and she only listens to the podcast if I have it on in the car, but I do run everything by her and explaining deals to her and asking if she is good with it makes me understand the deals even better. 

    Since your wife will probably never want to learn as much as you do about real estate investing I would use it as an opportunity to really make sure you understand it by explaining it to her, if you can teach it to her you will gain a much deeper understanding for yourself.

    My question is though, if you want to be a real estate investor, why did you sell your only real estate investment to become a renter? You don't build a portfolio by selling. I would recommend that you start with buying a primary residence using a low down payment loan, like a 5% down conventional loan, live in it for a year or two and then keep it as a rental when you go and buy your next primary residence using another 5% down conventional loan. Keep buying properties and borrow money against them, don't sell them.

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    • Simon Delony
      OP
      North East Florida · Member since 2025 · 10 posts · 7 votes
      1y
      Quote from @Josh Young:

      @Simon Delony 

      My wife is my partner on all of our deals, that doesn't mean that she is involved in much or any of the day to day, and she only listens to the podcast if I have it on in the car, but I do run everything by her and explaining deals to her and asking if she is good with it makes me understand the deals even better. 

      Since your wife will probably never want to learn as much as you do about real estate investing I would use it as an opportunity to really make sure you understand it by explaining it to her, if you can teach it to her you will gain a much deeper understanding for yourself.

      My question is though, if you want to be a real estate investor, why did you sell your only real estate investment to become a renter? You don't build a portfolio by selling. I would recommend that you start with buying a primary residence using a low down payment loan, like a 5% down conventional loan, live in it for a year or two and then keep it as a rental when you go and buy your next primary residence using another 5% down conventional loan. Keep buying properties and borrow money against them, don't sell them.


      We walked away with as much as we paid for it giving us a healthy bank account to use for investing.. We were done with where we were living and it was time for a change.

      0Reply
  • Ashish AcharyaBusiness Member
    CPA, CFP®, PFS · FL · Member since 2017 · 5k+ posts · 3k+ votes
    1y

    @Simon Delony Getting your spouse on board with real estate investing requires patience and alignment on financial goals. Instead of overwhelming her with information, focus on why real estate fits your long-term vision—financial freedom, retirement security, or passive income. Share real-life success stories and start with a low-risk strategy like house hacking.

    From a tax perspective, rental properties offer benefits such as depreciation deductions, 1031 exchanges, and potential short-term rental (STR) tax loopholes to offset W-2 income. Emphasize how real estate can provide tax advantages and passive income compared to traditional investments.

    To ease her into the process, involve her in key discussions—attend a real estate meetup together, consult a tax strategist, or review a simple property analysis. Gradually introducing her to the benefits and starting with a manageable investment can build confidence and mutual understanding.

    This post does not create a CPA-Client relationship. The information contained in this post is not to be relied upon. Readers should seek professional advice.

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