Hello all! I am in a dillema and that is whether I should purchase an engagement ring or use the money to put down on my first house. Here is some info about me: My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 years (since 8th grade) and I have no doubt in my mind that she is the one I want to marry. Since December 2018 I have been a member of bigger pockets, studying and reading as much as I can about real estate. I plan to attend law school in the fall of 2020, and I want to buy my first property in lawschool with an FHA loan ( law school is 3 years long). I have been saving up money from my part time job since December 2018 and I have a goal of $10,000 by the end of the year. I am 19 years old and I will be graduating undergrad in the spring of 2020. My girlfriend is 20 and she graduates in the fall of 2019 but uncertain on if she will go to grad school or not. Any advice is appreciated! - also, I will graduate undergrad with no student loans due to an athletic scholorship and I plan on going to a law school that offers me the most money.

This is more relationship advice than real estate, but talk to her best friend about rock size & timeline expectations. A lot of young ladies these days don't expect a giant massive rock and aren't in a super duper rush to get hitched. Other than that, I'd point out to you that a diamond big enough to keep her dry when it rains will likely cost a lot more than roof big enough to keep her dry when it rains...

@Devin James I honestly can’t think of a bigger waste of $5k than a ring. Picking your life partner is the single biggest decision you can make. If your goals are not the same, it will either fail or you will be miserable. I have 3 daughters. They have been told do not expect your partner to buy you a big ring, or to support you financially. 100% you buy that investment property, after a long talk with your gf about what you both want out of life. That being said, a modest ring that you both agree to and both agree on the expense is good. But hey, you’re 19. Finances, careers, kids. All need to be talked about prior to marriage. Take your time on this huge life decision.

Whoa this is awesome! Congrats - Football scholarship, planning on graduating at 20-21 years old, (it appears graduating early!), long-term relationship with what sounds like a wonderful woman, you are crushing it at 19 years old sir. Have you politely inquired about what her ideal ring looks like? Like @Chris Mason mentions, her best friend might know exactly what she wants (hint) and help steer you clear of making the wrong purchase. Or she might just tell you directly. With that knowledge in mind, you'll have more information about whether it's within your means to get her what she wants in the near future. It's possible that what she wants is priced such that you can get something nice AND not significantly delay your first or next house hack. That aside, I'd say picking your life partner and making sure they are happy is orders of magnitude more important than investing in your first property.

@Devin James - my husband bought me a $6000 ring from bluenile. I got to pick the diamond, setting, etc. and it was my dream ring. After one year and one kid, it’s sitting in the dresser drawer unworn because platinum is harder than gold to resize and I didn’t want to mess up the ring. I bought a $30 sterling silver and cubic zirconia ring off AliExpress (they make them in “2 carat” sizes, etc.) I can’t tell the difference. Maybe it’s a little less sparkly but most of the sparkle comes from multidirectional lighting like they have in jewelry cases. Also think about if she does stuff with her hands, the ring snagged clothing while I was working in my store, so I stopped wearing it. I wear my wedding band every day though. Obviously she’ll want a nice looking ring - real diamond or “fake diamond”. It’s amazing how much status women give each other for their rings.

@Scott Trench Thank you so much! and the ring she wants costs roughly $5,000. I am speaking with her best friend right now. Also, I am a HUGE fan of yours, I just finished Set For Life and I loved it! It added a huge amount of value to me!

@Devin James alright so the good news is you’re killing it in several ways, as others have said: 1. Good relationship 2. No student debt 3. Graduating early (wish I’d have done that, and I was 21! (Almost 22). Here’s the things I’d advise doing differently/not doing right now: 1. I wouldn’t househack during law school. Focus on school, not real estate. Real estate will be there when you’re done. 2. If you pay 5k for a diamond ring, make sure it’s cash, not financed. I understand the obvious importance of this ring, and the act of buying it. That being said, diamond rings are some of the most overpriced things a consumer buys. Believe it or not, diamonds are not rare. The supply is artificially shortened by the one company that controls most of the worlds diamond supply. I would recommend buying an economical ring and consider non-diamonds. The minute you pay 5k for a ring, it’ll immediately be worth a small fraction of that. PS diamond rings have only been a thing since the 1930s. Before that, it wasn’t a thing. One of the 20th centuries greatest marketing ploys. Good luck, and keep killing it!!

Forget the ring. Buy the house, put her on the deed so that she gets an appreciating asset. You can even get one of those lab-made diamonds with the deed to the house engraved into it. That's romance right there.

Forget the house, forget the ring, get some strange. Good God, even the Amish get Rumspringa.

Engagement vs. Down Payment?

Scott Hensley

Rental Property Investor · Jacksonville FL Honolulu, HI · Member since 2017 · 50 posts · 20 votes

7y

@Devin James. Congrats on early graduation and the athletics. That is a very tough road in college...been there myself.

Much like you, my wife and I started dating at 14/15 through college. If you guys have not talked about marriage you before you definitely. My wife and I talked about it and we both knew it was going to happen, eventually.

What I believe is more important is your goals in life. Have an honest conversation with her and understand what does she want out of life. Does she want to be a career woman, entrepreneur, stay at home mom? You need to share your goals and dreams for the family and see how they overlap and how you can work together to make them happen. Open, honest, and loving conversation is the best thing you can have, now and through your marriage.

You don’t have to tell her when you plan on proposing or what you plan on paying for a ring. Just sit outside, enjoy the weather, and talk about the future.

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Joshua Johnson

Rental Property Investor · Salt Lake City, UT · Member since 2016 · 27 posts · 24 votes

7y

@Devin James

The other advice given is awesome, talk to her. When I was looking at rings a year ago everything my wife suggested was on etsy and less than 500$. (I did get one a bit more than that from a reputable jewler)

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Patrick M.

WI · Member since 2018 · 123 posts · 69 votes

7y

@Devin James

@Mark Severino makes some very good points. Although I didn't know much about REI before getting married I told myself I would be financially independent/debt free before getting married and did just that.

Money or lack of can cause a lot of problems especially in marriage.

I also believe in planning out longer term. What you aren't realizing is there is no such thing as a long engagement. You'll be wedding planning before you know it $$. Honeymoon $$ family home $$ I'm assuming if you're ready to get married at your age kids won't be too far away either $$$.

None of those are bad. I'm married. Own a house. Plan on having kids. Emphasis on PLAN. Something like investing and school are better to "get out of the way" so to speak . Start when you don't have the weight of other obligations.

Like many said if she is really right for you then the conversation will be relatively easy and you'll be RE investing in no time. Spend what you want on a diamond.

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Chris Gray

Rental Property Investor · Orlando, FL · Member since 2016 · 22 posts · 17 votes

7y

@Devin James

My future wife wanted to know what kind of ring I was going to get her. I told her I’d get whatever she wanted but it would delay us getting married proportionally to how much it costed. She decided to skip the engagement ring and get married in 3 months. We took the money and invested in real estate instead.

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Jonathan Escobar

Provo, UT · Member since 2019 · 55 posts · 14 votes

7y

@Devin James definitely do everything you can to get married to the right person for you. Brandon Turner, Joshua Dorkin, And David Greene Also that is super important to have your spouse on board with your financial goals. That doesn’t mean that she has to be into real estate investing. But it is important that she supports you in your goals. And if your goals are to be financially independent and live a frugal (not cheap) life, And there will be some major consequences if she is not on board and is the opposite of frugal.

I would have a serious discussion with her about what is important to her as far as your relationship goes and what your life would be like in the future if you decide to save now and invest versus get a good job and go right into living the high life with lots of expenses etc.

Ultimately though, investing is not the purpose of life. The purpose is to Find happiness. And if you think that real estate should come before A family in the list of priorities, then I think you’ll find a false sense of happiness. I believe that the family is the most important relationship we can create in this life.

Having said that, it’s very important to have a spouse I will understand what you’re doing and not question every move you make when trying to reach financial independence for your family. But don’t let that get In the way of your goals to reach financial independence.

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Devin JamesPro Member

OP

Developer · Orlando, FL · Member since 2018 · 502 posts · 306 votes

7y

@Victor S. Interesting read, I never knew that the amount of diamonds are growing at such a fast rate.

Engagement vs. Down Payment?

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