Hello all! I am in a dillema and that is whether I should purchase an engagement ring or use the money to put down on my first house. Here is some info about me: My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 years (since 8th grade) and I have no doubt in my mind that she is the one I want to marry. Since December 2018 I have been a member of bigger pockets, studying and reading as much as I can about real estate. I plan to attend law school in the fall of 2020, and I want to buy my first property in lawschool with an FHA loan ( law school is 3 years long). I have been saving up money from my part time job since December 2018 and I have a goal of $10,000 by the end of the year. I am 19 years old and I will be graduating undergrad in the spring of 2020. My girlfriend is 20 and she graduates in the fall of 2019 but uncertain on if she will go to grad school or not. Any advice is appreciated! - also, I will graduate undergrad with no student loans due to an athletic scholorship and I plan on going to a law school that offers me the most money.

This is more relationship advice than real estate, but talk to her best friend about rock size & timeline expectations. A lot of young ladies these days don't expect a giant massive rock and aren't in a super duper rush to get hitched. Other than that, I'd point out to you that a diamond big enough to keep her dry when it rains will likely cost a lot more than roof big enough to keep her dry when it rains...

@Devin James I honestly can’t think of a bigger waste of $5k than a ring. Picking your life partner is the single biggest decision you can make. If your goals are not the same, it will either fail or you will be miserable. I have 3 daughters. They have been told do not expect your partner to buy you a big ring, or to support you financially. 100% you buy that investment property, after a long talk with your gf about what you both want out of life. That being said, a modest ring that you both agree to and both agree on the expense is good. But hey, you’re 19. Finances, careers, kids. All need to be talked about prior to marriage. Take your time on this huge life decision.

Whoa this is awesome! Congrats - Football scholarship, planning on graduating at 20-21 years old, (it appears graduating early!), long-term relationship with what sounds like a wonderful woman, you are crushing it at 19 years old sir. Have you politely inquired about what her ideal ring looks like? Like @Chris Mason mentions, her best friend might know exactly what she wants (hint) and help steer you clear of making the wrong purchase. Or she might just tell you directly. With that knowledge in mind, you'll have more information about whether it's within your means to get her what she wants in the near future. It's possible that what she wants is priced such that you can get something nice AND not significantly delay your first or next house hack. That aside, I'd say picking your life partner and making sure they are happy is orders of magnitude more important than investing in your first property.

@Devin James - my husband bought me a $6000 ring from bluenile. I got to pick the diamond, setting, etc. and it was my dream ring. After one year and one kid, it’s sitting in the dresser drawer unworn because platinum is harder than gold to resize and I didn’t want to mess up the ring. I bought a $30 sterling silver and cubic zirconia ring off AliExpress (they make them in “2 carat” sizes, etc.) I can’t tell the difference. Maybe it’s a little less sparkly but most of the sparkle comes from multidirectional lighting like they have in jewelry cases. Also think about if she does stuff with her hands, the ring snagged clothing while I was working in my store, so I stopped wearing it. I wear my wedding band every day though. Obviously she’ll want a nice looking ring - real diamond or “fake diamond”. It’s amazing how much status women give each other for their rings.

@Scott Trench Thank you so much! and the ring she wants costs roughly $5,000. I am speaking with her best friend right now. Also, I am a HUGE fan of yours, I just finished Set For Life and I loved it! It added a huge amount of value to me!

@Devin James alright so the good news is you’re killing it in several ways, as others have said: 1. Good relationship 2. No student debt 3. Graduating early (wish I’d have done that, and I was 21! (Almost 22). Here’s the things I’d advise doing differently/not doing right now: 1. I wouldn’t househack during law school. Focus on school, not real estate. Real estate will be there when you’re done. 2. If you pay 5k for a diamond ring, make sure it’s cash, not financed. I understand the obvious importance of this ring, and the act of buying it. That being said, diamond rings are some of the most overpriced things a consumer buys. Believe it or not, diamonds are not rare. The supply is artificially shortened by the one company that controls most of the worlds diamond supply. I would recommend buying an economical ring and consider non-diamonds. The minute you pay 5k for a ring, it’ll immediately be worth a small fraction of that. PS diamond rings have only been a thing since the 1930s. Before that, it wasn’t a thing. One of the 20th centuries greatest marketing ploys. Good luck, and keep killing it!!

Forget the ring. Buy the house, put her on the deed so that she gets an appreciating asset. You can even get one of those lab-made diamonds with the deed to the house engraved into it. That's romance right there.

@Devin James as a newly married female in her late 20s that chose with my husband early on in our relationship that our financial foundation was very important, I’d say skip the $5k ring. We were together 7 years before getting married and we agreed early on that a real diamond is a marketing shame of the US. I agree with others who said that above. Save the money for school and real estate. We spent about $80 on a fake diamond and got a 14k gold band I could get resized for about $110. And that’s it. Don’t let marriage be so materialistic.. just ask a few of my friends who have gotten divorces how much the jeweler will give you for your $5k diamond after you sign divorce papers...

@Devin James My future wife wanted to know what kind of ring I was going to get her. I told her I’d get whatever she wanted but it would delay us getting married proportionally to how much it costed. She decided to skip the engagement ring and get married in 3 months. We took the money and invested in real estate instead.

Forget the house, forget the ring, get some strange. Good God, even the Amish get Rumspringa.

Engagement vs. Down Payment?

Erica Moore

Austin, TX · Member since 2019 · 29 posts · 10 votes

7y

Do you live together? I live with my boyfriend of 3 years and we know we're going to get married (knock on wood), but living together feels eerily similar to how my friends talk about marriage. 4 houses later and engagement ring/wedding seem to get pushed farther and farther away... And the more money compounds, the less we think about it. I personally have been talking about a wedding dresses/weddings with my mom and looking at rings for years, so that's not something I'm willing to compromise - and your gf might be the same. There's nothing wrong with her wanting these things if she always has, I just don't see the need to rush any of it. BUT if she gives you an ultimatum or anything similar over delaying things or offering to give her a less expensive ring - RUN. Everything has to be a conversation and someone will have to compromise something along the way. 19 just doesn't seem the age to have to start doing that - take your time!

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Devin JamesPro Member

OP

Developer · Orlando, FL · Member since 2018 · 502 posts · 306 votes

7y

@Erica Moore We both go to separate colleges, we will live together in grad school, and shes not in a rush, I just know that once I get started with real estate, I wont want to put my $ anywhere else.

[email protected]

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Caleb Heimsoth

Rental Property Investor · Durham, NC · Member since 2016 · 7k+ posts · 7k+ votes

7y

@Scott Johnson what can I say? I agree, Adam ruins everything lol. To be fair I am pretty sure I heard the whole diamond cartel (monopoly), marketing ploy somewhere else before I watched that episode of Adam ruins everything...but I’ve also seen that episode so maybe I’m just remembering wrong, either way makes me think long and hard about spending a ton of money on a ring.

I am also lucky to be dating a very sensible woman, who doesn’t expect an expensive ring and is perfectly happy without one.

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Dennis M.

Rental Property Investor · Erie, PA · Member since 2018 · 6k+ posts · 9k+ votes

7y

key take aways

- invest early and often to build wealth

- diamond rings have a 75% mark up = waste of cash

- early marriage out of high school hurts your odds of staying married

- you will struggle and it’s going to get tough in law school

-if she demands a fine $ ring /things she may not be marrying material

- investing in real estate early will build you wealth

- wealth buys time and buys options in life

- poverty is painful and divorce is very expensive

Don’t be dumb and make a fool mistake so young after we’ve told you the truth and how to avoid pain . We may not have all the answers but we are investors , we know the odds and know the numbers with true life experience . I was like you and I know You are going to do what you want but there will be consequences to bad decisions later , some of those decisions will be painful and set you back years .

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Desmond Etheridge

Louisville, KY · Member since 2018 · 5 posts · 2 votes

7y

@Devin James

I don't even know you and I'm proud of you! From this post it appears your are good and making life choices. Take the time to consider your options. A couple of things to think about:

What is her time table for marriage? If she is your forever, what does it matter if you are engaged next week or after law school? You two should discuss your long term goals.

Also consider lab created vs. Mined diamonds they have all the same properties of a diamond and are slightly cheaper. No it's not cubic zirconium. They are carbon based and can not be distinguished from the ones mined unless you use a highly powered magnifier. Of course talk this out with her.

Could you possibly buy a home get multiple roommates to pay your mortage and also profit? If you can make $300 a month for a year, you'd have close to what you need for the ring just a little bit later down the road.

Lastly the power of compounding interest and growth of money over time are powerful things, but you have to decide if that is something that you want to focus on while your are working your way through law school.

Good luck in everything you do!

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Devin JamesPro Member

OP

Developer · Orlando, FL · Member since 2018 · 502 posts · 306 votes

7y

@Desmond Etheridge Thank you! and I am going to find a way to do both.

[email protected]

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Erik Orozco

Mcallen, TX · Member since 2017 · 92 posts · 72 votes

7y

@Devin James man oh man what a question! I was asking myself this exact question not too long ago and I appreciate you sharing with the BP community as it is a very personal one. There's so much solid advice already given, but I just wanted to share my experience.

My wife and I were together 4 years before we got married, we pushed back just about everything we could. Wedding, ring, house, nice cars and anything else remotely expensive. When we started we had no savings, credit card debt, large student loans and terrible credit...We sat down and had hundreds of discussions as I educated myself in real estate, finance, and everything self help. She was hesitant to jump on board, but eventually she saw the "light!"

Now we own a 4-plex, a commercial building, purchased a profitable daycare center and looking for another plex or small multi family. We live off a portion of my w-2 income save the rest and the income from the properties and business we don't touch. I paid cash for her ring about the same price your girlfriends searching for and she's crazy about it! Next year we'll be able to have the big family wedding she wanted for years. We are by no means wealthy or financial free, but we're on the right track.

The truth is that everybody likes nice things and girls like diamonds, but buying liabilities before assets will have a negative affect on your future for years to come. Talk to your girlfriend introduce her to the site, listen to some podcasts together...BP's Money, paula pant's afford anything, and chose FI are great podcasts.

Best of luck to both of you!

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Devin JamesPro Member

OP

Developer · Orlando, FL · Member since 2018 · 502 posts · 306 votes

7y

@Erik Orozco Thank you for your advice, Im happy to hear about your success so far and I hope you continue to grow!

[email protected]

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Johnnie Walker

Chicago, IL · Member since 2019 · 29 posts · 13 votes

7y

@Devin James. No brainer, down payment. Don't be a dummy.

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Tony Gunter

Investor · Canton, GA · Member since 2014 · 728 posts · 501 votes

7y

Is there a third option?

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Kristin R.

Realtor · San Diego, CA · Member since 2019 · 22 posts · 21 votes

7y

@Devin James Wow and congratulations on everything! I read through other people’s comments a bit, the only thing I want to add is to simply TALK to her. What are her timeline, expectations, goals, dreams, etc? Just make sure you guys are on the same page. This is a SHARED future so she should get some say in it.

1 Reply

Frances Buerkens

Rental Property Investor · Lexington, KY · Member since 2018 · 40 posts · 26 votes

7y

@Devin James

There is a long history of people wishing they started investing earlier in life. There is also a long history of people wishing they had delayed marriage - or with no regrets in delaying marriage. It’s fine to marry early and invest late, but it’s worth looking at those peoples lives and asking yourself if they’re actually glad to have done it that way (many are not), and if that’s what is important to you. What are your priorities?

My partner and I have our cake and eat it too. We get to spend our lives together simply because we have decided to be together, but we also get to invest every penny in real estate. It’s not doubts in our relationship, but experience that has lead us to choose this path. We will get married eventually, but for now, we are content exploring what life is like living (and investing) together. It gives us a chance to savor each stage of our relationship.

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Richard Ring

Flipper/Rehabber · Member since 2019 · 61 posts · 22 votes

7y

@Devin Jame

Down payment get the house the throw her over your shoulders as you walk in the door....

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Mark Gabryel

Flipper/Rehabber · Tulsa, OK · Member since 2019 · 13 posts · 30 votes

7y

@Devin James I think it was Warren Buffett who said something along the lines of this, the biggest financial decision you make is who you marry.

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Braden Sullivan

Rental Property Investor · Cincinnati, OH · Member since 2016 · 2 posts · 0 votes

7y

Regardless of what you end up deciding, it looks like you're in a position where both are going to happen at some point in the future.

That said: do your research on rings.

My now fiance had showed me the ring she loved from a big name jeweler who I won't mention here (rhymes with Bannoush), and I later went back purchased it knowing it was what she wanted. Don't get me wrong, she loves it, but we've had diamonds fall out four different times that we've had to replace in the span of two years. Don't be afraid to shop around, and especially take a look at local places near you.

You can sell a property if it doesn't pan out, but no one wants to replace their engagement ring.

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Brian Garlington

Realtor · Oakland, CA and a Real Estate Investor with Multi-Family Units and a Self Storage Facility · Member since 2016 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes

7y

@Devin James

Down Payment sir. Let her know that you love her and she can move in with you in that property you buy. I’m sure she will be understanding.... most good women will look long term and know that having the rock on their finger is nice.... but a home is the smarter investment.

By the way, why didn’t you go to Miami and play for the Canes?😉

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Engagement vs. Down Payment?

Engagement vs. Down Payment?

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