Fort Worth, TX · Member since 2020 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
We have heard it a billion times, "I'm super excited to invest/ reach FIRE/ make a career change, but my partner isn't on board." Have you been there too? Share your ideas for what may or may not have worked to encourage your partner to join or at least support your quest!
After listening to me talk about it for the last 10 years and watching me purchase a few properties, my wife asked me to pick out 3 books for her to read about personal finance/real estate investing (a week ago). I used to talk to her about partnering or her becoming an agent, but it's been several years. I guess my advice would be to make sure your spouse is aware of your interests and that he/she understands the value of them. It's really up to them to get on-board. Also, have enough money saved/invested that there is not a ton of risk, in their eyes.
I totally disagree with the philosophy that a wife has to be on board, interested, or care about what you do. I always lived with the philosophy that opposites are attracted to each other and if being opposite is more-attractive then don't try to make your spouse like you.
I always ask people what is it about another person that you find attractive and think about this for a long time. Here is my answer. People are attracted to each other because of the mystery about the other person. It is what someone does not know about the other person that is interesting. A lot of the sex appeal comes from a person's eyes and the mystery that is in the brain behind those eyes and that is why I think many women have beautiful eyes.
So, why do so many people break up? It is because when two people are together for a period of time they learn every detail about each other and there is no more mystery to make the person attractive.
My wife is a workaholic and she works at our apartment buildings 6 days a week cleaning apartments, cleaning the stairs and managing our employees. I never asked my wife to do one thing for me for our past 24 years. If she stopped working tomorrow I would be super happy for her. I want her to be 100% independent and I want her to stay with me because she wants to be with me because she wants to and not because she feels obligated to.
I like being married to a wife who is totally the opposite for whatever she want to be opposite to. Suppose, two doctors marry each other and both have the exact same education and both work at a hospital. Imagine the arguments that arise when one doctor does a medical procedure wrong. There was an article in a magazine saying that women doctors are marrying blue collar workers because they want someone in their life who is not like them. They want to be with people who are the opposite and who are more relaxed and fun to be with.
You do your thing and let your wife do her thing and if she is interested in your business affairs then let her ask and this is not the first time this subject came up.
For me, it wasn't very hard. I had a conversation with our CPA with her sitting there and when your CPA asks how old you are in the middle of the conversation thats either a really good sign... or a really bad one. Once she realized I knew what I was talking about I just started showing her the numbers and it ended with us retired in St. John with a 2 million dollar beach home and it sold itself.
In my experience talking to couples at conferences, a lot of resistance comes from fear of the unknown. Most people try to overcome their partner's fear with logic and fear isn't logical. It's emotional.
No matter how you try, the logic and numbers that "prove" that it will work are of no use and will probably just cause more resistance. Nor will telling them that whatever they are afraid of won't happen. That just makes them feel invalidated.
So, what should you do?
Tell them what will happen if you don't do it. Even better, ask them a question. Be real about what the future looks like if you continue on your current path and make sure you put it in terms of what is important to your spouse/partner, not what is important to you.
"Honey, what will it feel like when you are 67 years old and still have to get up at 5AM to go to work?" will get you a lot further than logic!
Discussing end goals (ex. Saving money for kids to go to college) and then finding a way to relate it back to the beginning goal of buying RE (buying RE creates an asset that provides monthly cashflow and equity, that can later pay for kids to go to college).
Personally, I think understanding makes the biggest difference. Take time to find out why your spouse/significant other is hesitant/reluctant. What are there goals? What does money represent to them (freedom, security, power, time etc.) and how does that impact their thoughts on real estate investing? What does their ideal life look like in a few years and could real estate even play a part in that?
These kinds of important financial decisions require a ton of nurture, thought and consideration by all those involved and can be hard for some people to embrace or even talk about. Another thing to consider is switching up your investing strategy. I had a couple rentals coming into my marriage and my wife was fairly indifferent about them but she loves to host people so we have begun looking into AirBnB and short term rentals and she has gotten a lot more excited about the prospect. It all comes down to understanding each other and being candid about goals professionally, personally, and financially. Curious to see what other people think!
I think you have to start small and prove yourself. I think my husband was a bit apprehensive in the beginning because this was new to him- once we owned a few properties that cash flowed he was super into it.
I have been obsessed with real estate all of my life and have been seriously investing for the last 6 years. My husband and I have been married for 23 years and after taking our net worth from pretty much $0 to over $3M mostly because of the value of my RE portfolio, he still isn't at all supportive...can you believe that? Over the 6 years, the progress has been slowly building (which we all know is normal) but because he doesn't see a Porsche in the driveway and a private jet out back he makes fun of my "little business" (it is only 13 units but it cash flows $3K per month and of course I dream much bigger). Needless to say I am a RE investing wife who does this pretty much without spouse support...some spouses are just not on board and never truly will be but you can't let them destroy what you are building.