How do you handle the stress?

Flipper/Rehabber · Rochester, NY · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes

The latest one for me is my rehab contractor disappearing for 5 days. He finally returned my calls today and said a family member out of state had tree fall on their roof. He went to help fix it.

But I find I stress out about all sorts of things--evictions, tenant repair issues, going over budget, borrowing money, and on and on.

What stresses you and how do you deal with it? Fortunately, for me, my wife wants to hear about it and talks some sense into me.

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Joel OwensBusiness Member

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Real Estate Broker · Canton, GA · Member since 2010 · 15k+ posts · 11k+ votes

11y

What people need to know about STRESS is to set realistic expectations.

There is no such thing as no stress. You heard it here folks.

If you do not have money you worry about getting it. If you have lots of it you worry about the government taxing you and taking it all for redistribution " robin hood theory ".

If you have the money and the tax situation taken care of you worry about friends, family, your own mortality etc. Many people that have no money believe once they get it all the stress in their lives will go away and they will no longer have problems. It's just simply not true. Having money can help you to do more things in your life that you want which helps to make you happier. I have seen money destroy people also that cannot handle money well as it changes them in a bad way.

The point I am making is stress never goes away just mutates into something else based on where you are in your lifespan and success level.

NOW you can choose to deal with that stress in a positive way or a destructive way. That is something you have a choice over in your life.

A positive way is exercising, having healthy hobbies etc.

Destructive is addictive type problems like over eating, drinking, smoking, social disorders, doing drugs, compulsive gambling, infidelity etc. Taking pills in this country is a huge problem as people are masking the pain and not getting to the root of the issue because they do not want to face it.

A good rule of thumb I follow is 2 principals.

1.Pick you battles with your spouse or sig. other. If it's a small issue you are not that passionate about and you will not remember it 1 day or 1 week from now let it go. It might be more important to them and you giving in might help in the future when you have an important issue you want to stand your ground on. Pick a time and a place to talk about issues with money, life, etc. Then after the time is up drop it and save for the next time. If you constantly talk about problems you will have a problem relationship.

2. Think of HALT ( Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired). If you are feeling one or more of these then it is NOT the right time to be discussing and working through issues. All that will happen is a blow up with noise and nothing will be accomplished. It could actually make things worse as things are said that are hard to take back. I think about this when my wife wants to talk about things. If my business is busy or I am covered up etc. I will say let's discuss it later when we can dedicate the proper time to come up with a solution.

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Justin Escajeda
Contractor · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2013 · 143 posts · 36 votes
11y
I can definitely relate, I have a lot of tenants and ZERO property managers. The way I think about it is, tenants are going to ***** about something no matter what, and things are going to break and go wrong in our business - it's inevitable. If I weren't in the position ive created for myself now, and I just chose to work a 8hr/day job as a union bricklayer (18-26 before I quit and started my own company) and solely depended that as my income, then I would still be stressed out ...."hope I don't get laid off" or "hope theres enough work this winter" or "hope I don't hurt my back and can't work". I am glad I have the stresses I have today, they are much better than the alternative. It's all in context man, if you were not doing what youre doing now, you would still be stressed out. The difference is the types of stress would be different.
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Kenneth LaVoie
Rental Property Investor · Winslow, ME · Member since 2008 · 826 posts · 281 votes
11y
Indirectly: Good diet, plenty of sleep and excercise. Also find something that fills you in some way. I love playing guitar. I also love running while listening to my favorite music...I am in my own world and it always makes me feel better. A good glass of wine a couple times a week. Don't make it a daily habit though...
Directly: Find what you did wrong and figure out how now to do it again. Figure out if there's anything about the situation you need to let go off...that you can't control. Here's an unusual one: My wife and I work together. She handles leasing but likes to commiserate and add her two cents in to other areas too, much like I do. However she's reactive and emotional (much like I am!) and so, when something is pissing me off, some little thing a tenant did, or a contractor failed to do, etc. I will sometimes put it on a "tell her later" list. Because what happens is that I discover the problem, I get pissed off. I then tell her about it, she gets pissed off, often asking me what I'm going to do about it, or why I didn't do x instead of y, which pisses me off AGAIN. Hence I get a double whammy. This is one of the few areas where I think it's ok to keep stuff from your spouse. It's called survival. (To be fair, I always fill her in later, when I'm in a good mood, and I generally disclose a list of things, in very matter of fact language vs. how I would've told her if I'd disclosed them right after I'd discovered them!)
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Kenneth LaVoie
Rental Property Investor · Winslow, ME · Member since 2008 · 826 posts · 281 votes
11y
@Mary B - do you do all those things at once or separately? haha!
1 Reply
Chance Cooper
Real Estate Investor · Raeford, NC · Member since 2014 · 137 posts · 39 votes
11y
I don't have a ton of houses but I am hoping that buy paying the first one off it will ease the stress. Knowing its free and clear helps when I sleep at night. Other than that just take a deep breath and have plan A, B, and C ready. If you have back up plans to back up plans it should help.
Hope this helps you out somewhat.
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Bill Gulley
Investor, Entrepreneur, Educator · Springfield, MO · Member since 2009 · 21k+ posts · 12k+ votes
11y
When I hit stress levels, I'd put my office phone on call forwarding when I didn't have an appointment, the walk-ins were covered. I'd just take off an in an hour I'd be at the lake! I might spend the night there and show up before the next day's appointment. I'd also try to load my appointments in the first part of the week leaving Thurs and Fri empty for processing the deals, that gave me 4 day weekends. Time away is the best stress relief, there are other quicker temporary stress relievers but time away is the best.....
Understand too, I went for twenty+ years without a vacation as most know them. in my Army days I could take weeks off, once over a month, go anywhere in the world. I had working vacations with the PHA as a Commissioner, but didn't go to Disneyland. You can't really do that being in business and even if I were gone, business was in the back of my mind 24/7, so it's good just to get away and trick the mind. But real stressors were few and far in between, I loved what I did and if I didn't, I'd do something else to liven up the pace. :)
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Arnie Guida
Residential Landlord · Greenfield, WI · Member since 2013 · 299 posts · 126 votes
11y
Your level of leverage is directly related to your level of stress.
2 Reply
Roy N.Pro Member
Rental Property Investor · Fredericton, New Brunswick · Member since 2013 · 7k+ posts · 4k+ votes
11y
I come from a fairly large family (5 siblings) and then spent a few years in military college and the navy. As a result, I have a fairly well developed ability to compartmentalize which has always enabled me to avoid excessive amounts of personal stress. I also run ultramarathons which gives you lots of time with yourself to work things out.
On top of that, if you were to ask my parents, siblings, wife or past business partners, many/most would attest that I am more frequently on the giving end when it comes to stress ... not out of malicious intent, but rather than I seldom stop and tend to push myself and, by consequence, those around me.
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Kendall T.
Real Estate Investor · Fort Pierce, FL · Member since 2014 · 132 posts · 57 votes
11y
There is a saying
"I have feared many things, of which some have actually happened."
Many times people fear things that will not even happen,
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Kendall T.
Real Estate Investor · Fort Pierce, FL · Member since 2014 · 132 posts · 57 votes
11y
Oh yeah, sex is a great stress reliever
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Account Closed
Homeowner · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2014 · 854 posts · 511 votes
11y
Originally posted by @Kenneth LaVoie:

@Mary B - do you do all those things at once or separately? haha!
Perhaps shooting was a euphemism. :-)
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Andy WebbPro Member
Rental Property Investor · Carrollton, TX · Member since 2013 · 750 posts · 538 votes
11y
Skydiving! I have been jumping for 10 years and investing for 2. Nothing like a step out of a plane at 13,500 feet to really focus the mind on something besides your daily stress. Repeat 5 or 6 times on a weekend and I find I am renewed for the coming week. Blue skies!
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Jeff S.
Specialist · Portland, OR · Member since 2010 · 3k+ posts · 1k+ votes
11y
Cash. Gratitude. Success. Discipline. Acceptance. Good health. Say no.
Worry is part of your DNA. Just accept that. Worry means you care. All pros have anxiety before a big game. You are in the RE game; anxiety goes with the territory.
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Laura Williams
Kansas City MO · Member since 2014 · 357 posts · 349 votes
11y
I just expect bad things to happen and I plan for it. I think people are delusional if they don't. You're not going to be lucky all the time but you're also not going to be unlucky either. One thing with real estate is that you can have stress but it passes and then things are good again for weeks or months after you take care of the problem. Compared to a job that you hate 9-5 & 40 hours a week, then I'd take a lazy contractor problem any day. At least I can fire him if he's an idiot & I have control over finding someone good . With a bad job you just have to suck it up & take it every work day of the year.
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Joel OwensBusiness Member
Moderator
Real Estate Broker · Canton, GA · Member since 2010 · 15k+ posts · 11k+ votes
11y
I agree with Laura.
CHANGING YOUR MINDSET is key.
I am fixing to approach 40 now. In my 20's I believed the world was mine and that it should revolve around me. If anything happened that ended up not being a perfect day I had a chip on my shoulder the rest of the day. I expected everyday to be perfect and go off without a hitch.
That's when I had a profound conversation one day with a business person. He told me you are going through life all wrong. He said you expect that everyday is going to be perfect and if not your whole world falls apart and you lose productivity for the day. He said instead when you wake up everyday tell yourself that a couple of things wrong are going to happen everyday. Then when it happens you will be expecting it. If it doesn't happen you are having a better than average day. What would get me the most is idiots I had no control over. People driving crazy, giving the wrong directions, being incompetent in general. I felt everyone should be doing things at the level I was at that was my normal.
Now instead of having the mindset of my 20's:
365 days a year I want to be perfect.
Disappointed for over 300 days a year! lol
A few perfect days and then some really, really bad ones.
Approaching my 40's:
365 days a year.
I expect 2 to 3 things to go wrong daily. Over 300 days a year! lol
Mindset changes where the majority of days are expected and welcomed.
I cherish the perfect days more as they do not happen often versus expecting it to be the norm.
I can handle the rare really bad day better where everything known to man goes wrong.
I relish and savor that my friends and family are happy and healthy and I am content doing what I want to in life.
It's all about changing the filter you see the world through and your value system ( what you tend to place more currency on) as you age.
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Robert Leonard
Investor · Lafayette/Baton Rouge, LA · Member since 2013 · 1k+ posts · 915 votes
11y
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things that I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
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Adam Schuette
Rental Property Investor · Santa Barbara, CA · Member since 2014 · 6 posts · 0 votes
11y
Hi Larry,
I have asked myself this question multiple times. I guess I should have hopped on Bigger Pockets to do what you did and just ask lots of people at once. There is a lot of great information here, so thank you all for contributing to this forum and placing multiple ideas to release stress.
I dealt with a lot of this on my own in the beginning which in turn can hurt yourself, your business and those around you. Over time I found that I can't just take time for myself because I constantly found my mind wondering in multiple directions anyway. I had to find something that would distract my mind from work and then after this distraction immediately talk with people about it and get opinions (For me it was either a competitive game with friends, whether basketball or cards). Unfortunately we are all different and you will have to find what works best for you. Just don't stop trying, keep trying new things until you find your release but most of all be vocal about it and don't hold it in.
Although a little morbid, one of the main things that helps me get my mind straight is to remind myself that we do not have tomorrow promised to us and even a moment of worrying only takes away from a moment we can be happy. Cheers to you fighting bad stress and turning it into healthy stress, keep it up!
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Dylan Jennings
Real Estate Agent · College Station, TX · Member since 2014 · 21 posts · 9 votes
11y
@Larry Turowski Situations like this are going to pop up many, many times down the road. Many people use recreational activities to relieve some pressure through relaxation. This works pretty well, but the most helpful stress relief I can suggest is just taking solace in your goals. Knowing that you're carving out the lifestyle you want and having the drive to say that little obstacles like this will not stop you from achieving your goals will help you cope with the stress they cause. There are so many different ways to solve a problem, and if you're tenacious enough you'll find the best way to do so. This is the kind of mindset that helps keep me going.
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Account Closed
Homeowner · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2014 · 854 posts · 511 votes
11y
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Andy Collins
SFR Investor · Dallas, TX · Member since 2011 · 604 posts · 243 votes
11y
What we do is not stressful compared to some occupations. If you think you have stress, think about the surgeon doing brain surgery on a child,,now THAT is stress.
Generally nothing that I do will kill anyone, I might not make as much money because I made a bad decision,,,hey that's not the end of the world.
If something happens and my daughter is gravely ill,,,that will be stress,,if a contractor shows up or not may be me upset,,but it's just not the same kind of stress...
Just always look at the worse case scenario,,,it is probable not as bad as our minds make it out to be
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Rob K.
Investor · Southeast, MI · Member since 2012 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes
11y
One of my friends has major anxiety and told me his trick when he wakes up during the night is to listen to NPR on his phone. You can get the app. Sometimes if I wake up in the middle of the night, I will do that and go right to sleep. It's so boring that it puts you right out.
Another good thing for stress is yoga. It sounds gay, but it's super relaxing and you will feel great. Plus there's lots of women in yoga pants, which is a huge bonus.
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Hattie Dizmond
Investor · Dallas, TX · Member since 2014 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes
11y
I gave up stress for Lent one year (no, I'm not Catholic!).
Actually, I gave up stress when I realized how very little - practically nothing - I actually have control over. Control is an illusion, since I'm not even guaranteed my next breath. So, if I can't control it, then why stress over it? All I can do is prepare to the best of my ability and mitigate the real risks. After that, I might as well sit back and relax!
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Dawn BrenengenBusiness Member
Moderator
Real Estate Broker · Raleigh, NC · Member since 2014 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes
11y
I find that having a lot of tasks hanging over my head causes me the most stress. So, I distress by keeping a running to-do list, and in knock as much out as I can every day. The more I accomplish, the better I sleep that night.
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Joel OwensBusiness Member
Moderator
Real Estate Broker · Canton, GA · Member since 2010 · 15k+ posts · 11k+ votes
11y
Hi Dawn,
The key with keeping the lists is to prioritize in order of importance.
For example it doesn't make sense to do 60 tasks out of 100 and not rank their importance.
I would rather accomplish 40 highly important tasks then a mix of 60 made up of important, kind of important, and not so important tasks.
I am putting this out their for other brokers/agents and not for your situation.
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Account Closed
Homeowner · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2014 · 854 posts · 511 votes
11y
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Larry Turowski
OP
Flipper/Rehabber · Rochester, NY · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
11y
Thanks again, everybody. I'm feeling less stressed today and really need to work on keeping thing in perspective. @Hattie Dizmond I wish I could just decide to give stress up for lent but it seems to be in my DNA.
@Adam Schuette your encouragement to remember that we have no guarantee of tomorrow is not morbid at all. Counting and enjoying the blessings we have today is a discipline and I need to practice it better.
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