Negative energy at home

Starting Out
12yFollow

Negative energy at home

Craig P.
Hampton, VA · Member since 2014 · 15 posts · 3 votes

So, I'm just starting out so i have done approximately zero deals. This is something I want to do and can see a better future for myself and family. What do you do if your spouse doesn't share the same vision? My wife doesn't understand that we don't need to be millionaires to invest in real estate, or invest in anything for that matter. She's traditional "get educated, get promoted, get paid, bank the money." If anyone else was in a similar situation, please help. The only way I can think get her around is a $7,000 profits check.

0Reply
22 views

Most Popular Reply

Don KonipolBusiness Member
Investor · The Woodlands TX / Avon, CT · Member since 2009 · 6k+ posts · 10k+ votes
12y

A spouse that doesn't support your business activities isn't doubtful about the business,they're doubtful about your abilities. In many cases, rightfully so!

Private Mortgage Financing Partners, LLC
WebsiteView Page
2Reply
See this reply in the discussion

12 Replies

Jump to latestLatest
  • Sharad M.Pro Member
    Carlsbad, CA · Member since 2010 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    12y

    Hi @Craig P.

    I was in somewhat similar situation as yours. I had a good paying corporate job that I didn't really enjoy and I wanted to quit and do real estate full-time. My wife was a little concerned about my plans. What helped me was these things:

    1) I was 28 when I decided to leave my job and I told my wife that the worst case scenario is that I make really bad investment decisions and the houses that I invest in are worth zero and we lose all our capital. If this worst case scenario were to happen, I can always get a similar job back and would have only lost 1-2 years trying, which we were okay with. However, if the plan were to work out how we were hoping it would, the upside would be far greater than the downside ever will be.

    2) My wife and I have always lived on the lower income and saved the higher one, so leaving my job wasn't going to affect our daily lifestyle in anyway, which was very important for me. I didn't want my wife to suffer because of my decision to be a real estate investor.

    What I did was very similar to what your wife feels comfortable with except the last part. My path was "get educated, get promoted, get paid, save and invest"

    And I chose to invest in RE.

    Podcast Guest on Show #155
    0Reply
  • Brian Ortins
    Real Estate Agent · Beverly, MA · Member since 2013 · 353 posts · 93 votes
    12y

    Why don't you share articles and books regarding real estate investing with her? Write down your goals and process to achieve those goals, then share with your wife. Tell her that all of your actions are to better your family's financial future, and you have a network of people (BP members) that are willing to help you along the journey. Keep us posted!

    0Reply
  • Jerry W.Pro Member
    Moderator
    Investor · Thermopolis, WY · Member since 2012 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes
    12y

    @Craig P. there was a really good thread on this in the last month or 2. I cannot recall the heading name. I recall it because I have the same problem in my home. My wife has objected to every rental I have purchased without exception. Her parents were strictly save and put your money in a CD. I am a firm believer that a bank will give you the lowest return of any investment. I find it interesting how if I work a 60 hour work week she comments how nice it is I am working to support us, when I mentioned my goal of wanting to buy 50 rentals it is I am worried that you are obsessed with making money. My wife is a wonderful woman and very intelligent. I suspect if I ever get her converted she will do as well or better than I do at real estate. There were some great ideas on that post I will try to keep looking for it. The only thing I can offer for right now is it is worth the effort to keep trying to convince her. Don't push too hard. Marriage is definitely a team sport, but each player has to realize they do not have to play in an identical way to be a good team.

    Having a good deal happen can help. Last year I bought a place that looked so bad my wife said it made her want to go shower. through a series of strange events I ended up flipping it to another investor for about 2 months wages in profit, within 2 weeks of buying it. Real estate was OK for a few months after that.

    1Reply
  • Jon Holdman
    Rental Property Investor · Mercer Island, WA · Member since 2008 · 22k+ posts · 14k+ votes
    12y

    If you're going to "bank the money" you have to invest it somewhere. I'm a believer in a diversified investment strategy and real estate is a part of that diversification.

    But when you say "a $7,000 profits check" you make me wonder if you mean a real estate job, such as wholesaling. What is it you're trying to get her to let you do?

    1Reply
  • Jerry W.Pro Member
    Moderator
    Investor · Thermopolis, WY · Member since 2012 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes
    12y

    @Craig P. I will try to link another thread which links another thread etc.

    Getting spousal or significant other's support.

    http://www.biggerpockets.com/forums/12/topics/103561-getting-spousal-or-significant-others-support,

    @Dustin B. I was recently in a similar situation and found a few good threads on these forums that helped me:

    https://www.biggerpockets.com/forums/62/topics/92088-spouse-support-for-investing

    https://www.biggerpockets.com/forums/12/topics/74982-unreceptive-spouse---how-to-get-them-on-board

    OK I suck at linking hehe but try these links.

    0Reply
  • Craig P.
    OP
    Hampton, VA · Member since 2014 · 15 posts · 3 votes
    12y

    @Jon Holdman I really want her to be more concerned about our income. I want her to understand simple things like a 3% CD is not our best option. She is very naive to to concept money and how it works. Allowing me to pursue this isn't a problem within a reasonable budget. I really want her to be on my team and encourage me instead of roll her eyes and shake her head.

    @Brian Ortins I tried the books. The same books that gave me great ideas and dreams are the same ones that put her to sleep in less then five minutes. The only thing in common about this topic we share is watching these home makeover shows. But she sees ideas that we can do for our house, I see rehab project ideas and dollar signs.

    0Reply
  • Craig P.
    OP
    Hampton, VA · Member since 2014 · 15 posts · 3 votes
    12y

    @Sharad M. I'm still a ways away from making the leap of faith and quitting my job. I like the whole worst case scenario idea. Thanks.

    @Jerry W. I'm waiting for that other thread if you can find it. I've had no such luck. I haven't found any books on this subject either.

    0Reply
  • Jerry W.Pro Member
    Moderator
    Investor · Thermopolis, WY · Member since 2012 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes
    12y

    @Craig P. I finally found them our posts were about the same time. Hopefully this will call your attention to it.

    0Reply
  • Jon Holdman
    Rental Property Investor · Mercer Island, WA · Member since 2008 · 22k+ posts · 14k+ votes
    12y

    Pursue what?

    My wife doesn't participate in any of my real estate activities, other than occasionally going with me when looking at properties. Nor does she really participate in any of my other investment activities. We do talk about all of them and she's aware of what I'm up to. But she has no interest in actively participating.

    Lots of folks refuse to invest in anything riskier than bank CDs or treasuries. If you have a bank giving 3% on CD's I'd be very interest in the name. Investing in real estate, stocks or other more complex vehicles requires knowledge. "Risk" in investing relates to the range of possible returns. Sometimes people think "high risk" means "high returns". It really means a possibility of high returns along with a possibility of much lower returns and a real possibility of significant losses. I've made investments which have suffered significant losses - tens of thousands of dollars. You have to be prepared to take such losses if you're going to engage in this business.

    Rentals and fix and flipping require significant investments of cash.

    Wholesaling requires less cash but, IMHO, has very little chance of success. Its like many other "get rich quick" schemes that sound good on paper, have lots of people willing to separate you from your cash, but end up producing no returns for most of the folks who attempt it.

    0Reply
  • Don KonipolBusiness Member
    Investor · The Woodlands TX / Avon, CT · Member since 2009 · 6k+ posts · 10k+ votes
    12y

    A spouse that doesn't support your business activities isn't doubtful about the business,they're doubtful about your abilities. In many cases, rightfully so!

    Private Mortgage Financing Partners, LLC
    WebsiteView Page
    2Reply
  • Elizabeth Colegrove
    Hanford, CA · Member since 2013 · 5k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    12y

    @Craig P.

    http://www.biggerpockets.com/forums/12/topics/119424-negative-energy-at-home

    Here's another really recent topic from yesterday :)

    I can totally commiserate. We have been there!!! My husband and I were in your shoes almost 4 years ago. My husband is active duty military so we move around a lot. I LOVE real estate. I call it my hobby, my husband calls it my obsession. I wanted to buy a house in every duty station he wanted to be a serial renter. Based on his families experience he thought real estate was a bankrupter while for my family real estate has been another " basket", a real addition to their retirement savings.

    As I wrote in the mentioned post. The significant turning point in my husbands support was when I showed him what my obsession can do for him! My husband loves to fly (professionally and small aircraft) and he dreams of owning a large live aboard "pirate" ship schoooner (sail boat).

    We also hope to retire early at 44 and we would like me to be able to stay home with the kids since his profession is not flexible. The turning point in his "support" when I illustrated through numbers that real estate would allow us to meet all our goals, while his salary alone probably wouldn't.

    My husband is very much like @Jon Holdman wife. He is an amazingly supportive husband who doesn't participate. He will supports me through listening, giving me all control of the finances, and go along with my crazy schemes. On the other hand, he doesn't look at the houses ( we tried that he got bored and played angry bird the entire time), he doesn't do any of the research just signs after I have given the run down if he is in agreement.

    In your post you asked "What do you do if your spouse doesn't share the same vision"? Do you share all the same hobby's and interests as your wife? In my marriage real estate is "my" expensive hobby, the same as my other love skiing. Just like boat building and flying is my husbands. We both support each other, we participate in the other activity's but their is no expectation of love.

    Once we figured this out, we were much happier since we weren't trying to "shove it down the others throat".

    1Reply
  • Craig P.
    OP
    Hampton, VA · Member since 2014 · 15 posts · 3 votes
    12y

    @Don Konipol Ouch! That was a reality check. You're a straight shooter. That is some pretty sound advice. I wish the lady would of said something like that to give me the kick in the *** that I need.

    @Jerry W. Great threads. Thanks. A lot of the advice I was looking for was in there.

    0Reply
Join the conversationCreate a free account to reply, vote on answers and follow this thread.
Log InJoin for Free