Unreceptive spouse - How to get them on board?

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Unreceptive spouse - How to get them on board?

Nick Johnson
Omaha, NE · Member since 2012 · 29 posts · 8 votes

Within the past year, I have become very engrossed in learning all I can about real estate investing. My grandpa owns rental properties, and after reading Rich Dad Poor Dad, I was ready to figure out how to start my journey. Our first house, first baby, and 3 moves later I am still trying to learn all I can so that I can finally buy my first probably hopefully within the next 2 years.

My wife tries to be a great listener, but REI doesn't really interest her and she thinks I'm "just too obsessed about money." I try to explain to her that I'm already happy so more money is strictly for security for our family, and to provide a lifestyle less dependant on working 40+ hours a week. I understand that until I take action is all just pointless babble to her, but I don't want to go this alone.

Any advice on how to get her on board and get into REI as a family affair?

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Jon Holdman
Rental Property Investor · Mercer Island, WA · Member since 2008 · 22k+ posts · 14k+ votes
14y

Forget about it. Either she wants to be involved or she doesn't. If its something you want to do, and she's OK with you doing it, move ahead. You're not going to be able to make her enthusiastic if she doesn't want to be involved.

You are starting a new business. It will take time away from her and the baby. Is she opposed to that? Or just disinterested? If she's actually opposed, you should rethink starting this or any other business. If she's just disinterested, but has no problem with you doing it, you're going to have to move ahead on your own.

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  • Jon Holdman
    Rental Property Investor · Mercer Island, WA · Member since 2008 · 22k+ posts · 14k+ votes
    14y

    Forget about it. Either she wants to be involved or she doesn't. If its something you want to do, and she's OK with you doing it, move ahead. You're not going to be able to make her enthusiastic if she doesn't want to be involved.

    You are starting a new business. It will take time away from her and the baby. Is she opposed to that? Or just disinterested? If she's actually opposed, you should rethink starting this or any other business. If she's just disinterested, but has no problem with you doing it, you're going to have to move ahead on your own.

    4Reply
  • Nick J.
    Residential Real Estate Broker · Payson, AZ · Member since 2009 · 3k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    14y

    Her support will be a solid foundation for you. She doesn't have to be involved in every aspect of your business. She may become more interested later if you become more successful.

    for now, don't dwell on whether or not she's interested. If you have her support, that should be good enough for now.

    0Reply
  • Joshua D.Pro Member
    BiggerPockets Founder · HI · Member since 2008 · 16k+ posts · 5k+ votes
    14y

    Nick Johnson - Here are a few reads that might be helpful:

    - Your Signficant Other Hates Real Estate Investing – Now What?
    - Tips for Working With Your Spouse in Your Real Estate Business

    Podcast Guest on Show #100
    1Reply
  • Nick Johnson
    OP
    Omaha, NE · Member since 2012 · 29 posts · 8 votes
    14y

    Thanks, guys! This is great advice, as she is very much a "actions speak louder than words" type of girl. I have a feeling that as I get going and actually start to make things happen rather than just talk about it, she will be supportive and probably jump in and help!

    0Reply
  • Edgar U.
    Real Estate Agent · VA · Member since 2008 · 420 posts · 175 votes
    14y

    Check it,

    I was talking with a close relative of mine who was thinking of putting a sales team for his business. All the while he was talking I couldn't help but notice how his wife was very active with their business. I mean, she cold calls companies, finds leads, does the marketing campaigns, the whole freakin' nine yards.

    Quick flash back to when I started
    I got started doing wholesaling and once I put up some bandit signs, got my first deal. Then came my first check, followed by the second, then third, and so and so forth. I am still learning the ins and out of this business. However, I consider myself to be quite active and do make some money. I do everything my relatives wife does and then some.

    Present day.
    After witnessing a great duo (think Jordan and Pippen) but for husband and wife business owners. I said to myself, if my wife would've been more involved, think of all the potential it could mean for us.

    I went home that day after meeting the great duo and told my wife "Babe, don't you think you should help me more with my real estate biz more often. I mean, my relatives are married and they make a great team together and so could we." Those were the words that I played out in my mind over and over again. I ended saying something in the lines of "Don't you think you should be more considerate of my real estate business and help me more often." I could literally see steam come through her nose and out through her ears.

    Moral of the Story
    If your wife wants to be part of your team it will come naturally. Otherwise, don't force things to happen.

    0Reply
  • Karen MargraveBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Realtor, General Contractor, and Developer · Redding, CA · Member since 2009 · 7k+ posts · 4k+ votes
    14y

    There was a thread on this very subject about a week ago. I'd say to keep pursuing your dream of REI, and don't worry about your wife. It would be great if she were excited about it right now, but she's not, that's ok. Look at it like any other business venture, spouses aren't always in the same business. However; maybe down the road she'll get intrigued, become interested in some aspect and jump in. Is she creative? Maybe she'll like choosing finishes, etc. Does she like HGTV or remodeling shows, or decorating magazine? Small steps.

    0Reply
  • Steve Babiak
    Real Estate Investor · Audubon, PA · Member since 2009 · 13k+ posts · 8k+ votes
    14y

    Here is a recent thread with a similar topic:
    http://www.biggerpockets.com/forums/12/topics/74612-just-starting-out-how-do-you-handle-spouses-fears

    Looks like we're up to at least 4 different BP users with the name of "Nick Johnson". It's really scary when two of them are posting in the same thread ... like Nick Johnson and Nick J. are doing here ... :D

    0Reply
  • Nick J.
    Residential Real Estate Broker · Payson, AZ · Member since 2009 · 3k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    14y
    Originally posted by Steve Babiak:
    Here is a recent thread with a similar topic:
    http://www.biggerpockets.com/forums/12/topics/74612-just-starting-out-how-do-you-handle-spouses-fears

    Looks like we're up to at least 4 different BP users with the name of "Nick Johnson". It's really scary when two of them are posting in the same thread ... like Nick Johnson and Nick J. are doing here ... :D

    I know what you mean. When I first saw his name/avatar, I instantly thought, "Wow, this guy is obviously awesome"

    0Reply
  • Manuel A.
    Rehabber · Albuquerque, NM - New Mexico · Member since 2011 · 283 posts · 38 votes
    14y

    I have a similar situation. I'd love for my girlfriend to be involved but she's not motivated neither. I figure she'll come around when she actually sees the money, so I'm going to do my best on my first deal and I'm sure she'll come around.

    0Reply
  • Will BarnardPro Member
    Moderator
    Developer · Santa Clarita, CA · Member since 2008 · 15k+ posts · 10k+ votes
    14y

    I think the point and best advice given is to not worry about the enthusiasm, only make sure she is ok with and backs your decision to pursue RE investing. If she opposes it, it could likely cause harm to your succes and your marriage.

    Podcast Guest on Show #130
    2Reply
  • Will BarnardPro Member
    Moderator
    Developer · Santa Clarita, CA · Member since 2008 · 15k+ posts · 10k+ votes
    14y

    One other quicki thought, this reminds me of all the naysayers too. When I first started out in my RE investing career, even some of my family (excluding wife and parents) questioned why I would give up my other business to pursue RE. Others may also be naysayers, you must consider that source and go after your dreams.

    Not one person in my family questions or doubts me now, success turns the naysayers.

    Podcast Guest on Show #130
    0Reply
  • Nick Johnson
    OP
    Omaha, NE · Member since 2012 · 29 posts · 8 votes
    14y

    "I know what you mean. When I first saw his name/avatar, I instantly thought, "Wow, this guy is obviously awesome"

    Nick J. You know what this means right? We have to create a business conglomerate around this coincidence! Nick J^4 Real Estate, Inc.

    0Reply
  • Nick Johnson
    OP
    Omaha, NE · Member since 2012 · 29 posts · 8 votes
    14y

    Also, thanks again to all for the great advice. I will move on from worrying about this and focus on getting a good deal done. She'll come around!

    1Reply
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