No money or credit, plus my job stinks. (Advice request)

No money or credit, plus my job stinks. (Advice request)

Lexington, KY · Member since 2017 · 19 posts · 64 votes

Hi y'all!  Despite the dour tone of this post, I'm a genuinely happy person.  I half-need to vent, and half-need some help.  This isn't me looking for a hand-out or a pity party.  I need good, solid advice how I can make my way towards achieving my dreams.

The situation:

  • My wife lost her job shortly after Christmas and has had trouble finding something else. 
  • Her aunt and two kids live with us, and they bring in no income; in fact, they're a drain because I have to pay outrageously for a place that can fit all of us (I'm paying almost $1300 a month to rent; in Lexington, that's why on the higher end). The only relief they provided was that when my worked, her aunt watched our 4-year-old kid.
  • I work at a lower-end bank; I won't say the name, but suffice to say I get paid $12.80 an hour and have to work about 66 hours a week to make ends meet. 
  • Since December 31st I've only had 4 days off, and that was only because my wife had to have some dental work done.
  • Over the last year the bank has essentially made it impossible for promotion by removing assistant branch manager positions and almost exclusively doing outside hires for managers. 
  • Due to the weird nature of our bank, there's no room for lateral movement into commercial banking or mortgage lending or anything.
  • My wife refuses to let me kick out her aunt and cousins because her aunt is disabled (but doesn't get disability because apparently it take around 9,000 years to get approved for that) and they have nowhere to go.

Now that the sad stuff is out of the way, here are some things I have going for me:

  • Work ethic! I work 66 hours a week but I love doing it. I've gladly given up my nights and weekends when I wasn't in such dire straits because working hard is in my genes. I consistently hold more than one job and I crush it.
  • Time management: Due to the amount of hours I work, I have to structure my life around schedules; as such, I have been able to accomplish everything I need to accomplish by exercising extreme control over my time.
  • Personality. I said it at the top, I'm a genuinely happy person. I know the stuff that's happening to me is mostly my own doing, and the stuff that isn't is fixable if I'm willing to sacrifice a little, so I'm not raging at the heavens and being all 'Woe is me,' about everything
  • Budgeting! Like I said, money's tight.  Every penny is accounted for; every dollar has a place in my budget, and any extra I get (very rare) goes into a savings account to help out the next month.


Again, this isn't a pity party.  I don't need a hand-out.  I need advice.  I can't pay down my debts and build my credit until I lower my expenses and upgrade my income; I can't move until I figure out what to do about my wife's aunt; I can't take time off to interview or job hunt until my wife finds a job, but if she finds a job we essentially have to keep her aunt around to watch our kid. I feel like I know what I need to do, but it will help if I can hear it from other people.

Please, people of Bigger Pockets, give me advice.

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Most Popular Reply

Member since 2016 · 13k+ posts · 12k+ votes
8y

Life is tough for those that find reasons to not change.

No pity party here. Based on pure assumptions on my part:

Your wife is not working hard enough to find a job, she has plenty of options she is not considering.

Your wife is your biggest problem in your life. She is placing her aunt and cousin ahead of her family. This needs to change or your future is not promising. Get rid of the problem.

For yourself you need to hunt for a new job that has a future. Job hunt on line and make time for the interviews. Stop making excuses.

You need to take the initiative to change your life and unload the albatross. Excuses are avoidance.

I could give you more specific advice as to what decision you are facing but it is highly unlikely you would listen.

Sorry but compassion is not in my job description. 

See this reply in the discussion

66 Replies

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  • Rental Property Investor · Edison, NJ · Member since 2016 · 753 posts · 565 votes
    8y
    I recommend marriage therapy. Your wife seems to be helping other relatives over your family together. And she is not doing anything to help the situation. I would recommend finding a marriage therapist and seeing the therapist together after work. Until your wife changes your situation will not improve. The aunt needs to move out and if your wife decides to work she can either pay the aunt or another babysitter to babysit. The aunt does not need to live with you to babysit.
  • Hartford, CT · Member since 2018 · 5 posts · 1 vote
    8y

    Hi. I wont be quite as uncompassionate as some of the previous posts. However, I do recommend that both you and your wife read the book "Boundaries" by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend. Financial issues beyond an individual's control are sometimes part of life, and often, family does help family. But how you handle the situation will determine whether your family stays together and comes out on top, or if you split under the pressure.  Kindness and compassion without proper expectations and boundaries will lead to resentment. You need an action plan for each adult family member and a way to get through this in a given time frame so there is light at the end of the tunnel. It will not be 9000 years, but it could be 6 to 18 months. I will message you some resources, which you may or may not have used already.

  • San Diego, CA · Member since 2016 · 86 posts · 46 votes
    8y

    Hi Erik,

    I just want to offer a few words of encouragement.  Your situation is temporary, and you are taking the right steps towards instituting change.  @Omar Khan is absolutely right when he recommends informational interviews.  These are essential to learning more about potential jobs and opportunities.  Use LinkedIn premium to reach out to as many people as possible.  I know you can do it! A better job is out there for you.  Keep showing unconditional love to your wife while nudging her in the right direction.  What is a great job with more money without the people you love to share it with? I wish you all the best! 

  • Contractor · Oceanside, CA · Member since 2018 · 17 posts · 30 votes
    8y

    @Erik Mogan

    You and your wife are the most important team. I’m sure you made a promise that in better or worse you’d stick together. Be a man of your word. You two have to be on the same page though or there will always be conflict. Be a firm yet gentle leader of your home. 

    As far as an immediate resource I’d suggest listening to the BP Money podcasts. There are soooooo many things you can do to cut expenses and reel your budget in as you work on the other areas of your life. 

  • Real Estate Agent · Bowie, MD · Member since 2014 · 53 posts · 32 votes
    8y
    I read somewhere that Uber drivers average $25 per hour. You wife could start from there maybe? Or you could do that to free yourself up for job hunting.
  • Lexington, KY · Member since 2017 · 19 posts · 64 votes
    8y
    Thank you, everyone. I spoke with my wife this evening, and she has agreed that we need to separate her aunt and cousins from us. After reading your comments, I realized part of the problem I had was I wasn't being firm enough, but after I got off work we went to get some coffee and talk; just the two of us. I told her that she was putting her aunt before our family, that she was jeopardizing our daughter's future to help other people, and I couldn't be with someone who would do that. She agreed and said she was just worried about her cousins (I haven't mentioned yet, but they are 3 and 15), and that she didn't want them to be homeless, so we compromised: they can stay with us through the end of our rental agreement in April, but after that they are out. This gives them over 2 months to figure something out, and we were gonna be in our current place until then, so it feels like a fair compromise. I have already spoken to our landlord and told him we wont be re-upping our agreement, because I don't want it to be April 29th and she still hasn't found some place so we have to let them stay with us even longer. I'm taking a hard line against this without completely pushing my wife out of the way, but if I get the whiff of her trying to snake her way into staying longer, I'm gonna put my foot down and take more drastic measures. Tomorrow I'm going to speak to my branch manager (we have a one-on-one meeting scheduled) and tell him I need his help to move up. The nearest assistant manager position is almost 80 miles away, and I would only get a small raise despite essentially doing the same work, so I'm gonna shoot for the moon and tell him that he's gotta help me get a branch manager position or I'm switching jobs (I have already applied at two other banks and have a few more to apply to after I post this update). Sorry if this is rambling or incoherent; I'm doing it all on my phone while my laptop charges and can't track and edit my sentences as well. I feel a lot more confident about the future now. Y'all told me essentially what I already knew, and you helped me find the words I needed to get my point across. Thank you for the messages in my inbox and all the resources and information. :-) I'm gonna go back to my normal lurker status now; gotta read all the blogs and forum posts so when my time comes, I'm ready as possible.
  • Pewee Valley, KY · Member since 2017 · 1 post · 3 votes
    8y
    I work at UK Hospital and it is constantly hiring for many positions and many do not require skills. The University as a whole always has openings and the salary range is listed on the postings! Might be a good place to start for you and your wife! https://ukjobs.uky.edu Also, I have a friend that works at Costco in Louisville and starting wages there are around the $18/hour mark and I imagine Lexington would be comparable.
  • Brie SchmidtBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Real Estate Broker · Chicago, IL · Member since 2013 · 6k+ posts · 5k+ votes
    8y

    @Erik Mogan - Congratulation on taking action.  Best of luck to you!

  • Investor · Orlando, FL · Member since 2012 · 822 posts · 303 votes
    8y
    I am glad homie is taking action....but I would love to see inside y’alls lives that are over here giving savage responses lol y’all know you don’t talk to your wives like that lolol
  • Real Estate Broker · Louisville, KY · Member since 2014 · 362 posts · 232 votes
    8y
    It’ll cost you less in the long run to get your in laws disability in place than it will to continue to feed them for the rest of their lives.
  • Investor · Princeton, TX · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    8y

    @Erik Mogan   I would suggest telling the aunt nicely.  Then provide her a letter saying she is being kicked out because she cannot pay rent.  That can be used to prove "dire need" at social security.  That will make the process much faster.

  • Investor · Georgetown, KY · Member since 2014 · 22 posts · 3 votes
    8y

    If you don't like your current job. Check with Toyota or other factories. The wages are much higher also there is opportunity for overtime pay. Stick it out there a few years then You will be able to save some money. I saw somebody mentioned duplex. Good idea and FHA loan is possible. Maybe the other "live-ins" can get low income housing assistance to help pay their half. Work on getting your wife onboard with some helpful ideas. Maybe the Aunt as well.

  • Charlotte, NC · Member since 2018 · 10 posts · 6 votes
    8y

    @

    Erik Mogan

    There is much in your post and your profile that is admirable. It would be wonderful if you could help out your wife's aunt and her cousins. At the same time I looked at your earnings and it is amazing that you have been able to support 5 people besides yourself.

    If your wife could find a job and her aunt could find a telecommuting job, you could all weather this rough patch and then perhaps your wife's aunt could find a low rent place for herself. (I realize you have already given notice to your high rent place.)

    I know of a telecommuting company called Teleperformance which is usually in need of good customer service reps. They have an office in Louisville, KY. Checking them out thoroughly before applying would be up to your wife, your aunt and yourself. At least it could be a transitional telecommuting job for your wife's aunt.

    They used to insist on receiving a social security number on their online app but I noticed today that you can check a box that says, "I prefer not to provide tax number ...etc." An applicant can check that box and then provide the social security number to a live person at their office after the person is contacted by their personnel office.

    I hope your research finds teleperformance to be legitimate and it is useful to you and your family.

  • Sharon PowellPro Member
    Realtor · La Vernia, TX · Member since 2014 · 153 posts · 124 votes
    8y

    So...you’ve pretty much been put through the wringer by everyone here and responded gracefully.  All I have to add is an employment idea for your wife.  If there are any new build communities going up within commuting distance, becoming a sales counselor or sales rep gives you a fish today and teaches you to fish tomorrow.  It can be quite good income, and the things she would learn about construction, contracts, negotiation, etc could be very helpful down the road when you’re ready to invest.  Hang in there. 

  • Jay HinrichsBusiness Member
    Real Estate Consultant · Summerlin, NV · Member since 2014 · 45k+ posts · 66k+ votes
    8y
    Originally posted by @Account Closed:

    Your wife's aunt should get a lawyer for her disability.  They will take a cut of the money but from you say it should help.

     just contact binder and Binder  they work SSI and I believe the fee is court mandated and only paid upon success..   One of the lawyers that worked for me started there.. so I think that is about right.. 

    Depending on Wifes skills and since this is a real estate website.. one thing I really like for those that can do strong organizational and detail work.. is to hire out as an independent transaction coordinator for realtors.. its a work from home gig.. and I know my wifes transaction coordinator makes 6 figures.

  • Investor · Rocklin, CA · Member since 2016 · 83 posts · 77 votes
    8y
    Originally posted by @Erik Mogan:
    Thank you, everyone. I spoke with my wife this evening, and she has agreed that we need to separate her aunt and cousins from us. After reading your comments, I realized part of the problem I had was I wasn't being firm enough, but after I got off work we went to get some coffee and talk; just the two of us.

    I told her that she was putting her aunt before our family, that she was jeopardizing our daughter's future to help other people, and I couldn't be with someone who would do that. She agreed and said she was just worried about her cousins (I haven't mentioned yet, but they are 3 and 15), and that she didn't want them to be homeless, so we compromised: they can stay with us through the end of our rental agreement in April, but after that they are out. This gives them over 2 months to figure something out, and we were gonna be in our current place until then, so it feels like a fair compromise.

    I have already spoken to our landlord and told him we wont be re-upping our agreement, because I don't want it to be April 29th and she still hasn't found some place so we have to let them stay with us even longer. I'm taking a hard line against this without completely pushing my wife out of the way, but if I get the whiff of her trying to snake her way into staying longer, I'm gonna put my foot down and take more drastic measures.

    Tomorrow I'm going to speak to my branch manager (we have a one-on-one meeting scheduled) and tell him I need his help to move up. The nearest assistant manager position is almost 80 miles away, and I would only get a small raise despite essentially doing the same work, so I'm gonna shoot for the moon and tell him that he's gotta help me get a branch manager position or I'm switching jobs (I have already applied at two other banks and have a few more to apply to after I post this update).

    Sorry if this is rambling or incoherent; I'm doing it all on my phone while my laptop charges and can't track and edit my sentences as well. I feel a lot more confident about the future now. Y'all told me essentially what I already knew, and you helped me find the words I needed to get my point across. Thank you for the messages in my inbox and all the resources and information. :-)

    I'm gonna go back to my normal lurker status now; gotta read all the blogs and forum posts so when my time comes, I'm ready as possible.

    Eric,

    it sounds like you own a shirt and tie from working at a bank? You also have a "good work ethic" and are a "happy person"  and enjoys working "long hours"?

    Leave that bank ASAP. Find the biggest car dealership in Kentucky and tell them you want to work ASAP.  Bust your *** selling cars and you will x5 your income. Then sky is the limit. 

  • Rental Property Investor · Reading, PA · Member since 2017 · 40 posts · 25 votes
    8y
    There’s always a silver lining. You seem like a smart guy. I’m sure you’ll find it if you look hard enough. Once you do, you guys will be fine. Personally, if my wife didn’t work, or if I only made 12 bucks an hour, I’d look into Uber, Lyft, filling surveys, etc... Do your due-diligence in regard to the ‘gig economy.’ Penny hoarder is a great place to start. You guys might not make a ton of money, at first, but it’ll give you guys the ability to network and find something better in the process. Good luck to the both of you.
  • Real Estate Investor · Seabrook, TX · Member since 2015 · 2 posts · 3 votes
    8y

    WOW!  A person asked for advice on a forum, many people gave him harsh, but great, advice, and he took the advice!  Good job!  If you can approach the rest of your life by taking, sound, advice from people and following through with it, you will get to your end goal a lot faster than other people that always use excuses and never progress. 

    I would just like to add a bit of advice that doesn't cost you much more than  a little bit of free time here and there.  But you need to study some philosophies on money, business, and success.  There are SEVERAL books that you can read that will help you in your everyday life.  They will help you with your mindset in business, personal relationships, and most importantly your philosophy on finances.  Some titles that come to mind are, "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill, "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" by Robert Kyosaki, and "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven Covey.  These books have been the foundation of many successful people from all walks of life.  Continue learning, and don't ever stop.  You have to know what your goal is in life, then you have to develop a formula/process to get there, then you have to do the most important thing of all, you have to EXECUTE!  And you have shown that you don't have a problem executing.  That might be your greatest attribute.  Looking forward to seeing how things turn out.  You have a great community of like minded people here at BiggerPockets, use it to your advantage.  Good Luck.

  • Contractor · Greenfield, MA · Member since 2017 · 107 posts · 99 votes
    8y
    If you became hospitalized or list your job EVERYONE IS HOMELESS. Everyone in the house (adults) needs to be very aware of this. at the end of the day your only responsibility is to provide a safe life for your KIDS not the wife, not the aunt. I know by your posts that you know this but it would seem that you are alone. Tragedy strikes in the blink of an eye and most of the time we have 0 control over that. It is all adults responsibility to make sure that those kids are provided for. the aunt is an adult. If she were HOMELESS, I'm sure she'd figure out her finances.
  • Walnut Creek, CA · Member since 2015 · 3k+ posts · 2k+ votes
    8y
    Originally posted by @Uchenna A.:

    I read somewhere that Uber drivers average $25 per hour. You wife could start from there maybe? Or you could do that to free yourself up for job hunting.

     Not even close, some lose money if you properly account for expenses and many make under min wage.

  • San Antonio, TX · Member since 2009 · 3k+ posts · 1k+ votes
    8y

    @Erik Mogan It doesen't look like you're at a point where you can buy and hold. You'll probably have to take some time to look at your income and expenses. Given the information provided, you may need to look at increasing your income. Perhaps you can move up at the company you work at currently? Or find a new place for employment which gives you room to grow. Time also seems a factor for you. This may be something you want to look for when you search for other job opportunities. Regarding the family living with you, you'll have to deal with that until they can find somewhere else to live. Definitely a topic for discussion again in the future. Good luck! 

  • JD MartinBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Rock Star Extraordinaire · Northeast, TN · Member since 2015 · 10k+ posts · 17k+ votes
    8y
    Originally posted by @Justin Stamper:

    I am glad homie is taking action....but I would love to see inside y’alls lives that are over here giving savage responses lol y’all know you don’t talk to your wives like that lolol

    No, but my in laws don't live with us and I don't have to work 66 hours to make ends meet ;) . BTW, more Marley please! 

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  • Corpus Christi, TX · Member since 2018 · 62 posts · 24 votes
    8y
    You’re due for a huge breakthrough. Stay persistent and keep your values in line with who you want to be and where you want to be (keep the end in mind). I wish nothing but the best for you and yours!
  • Rental Property Investor · San Jose, CA · Member since 2015 · 401 posts · 221 votes
    8y
    You need to increase your income. There is no room to wiggle around it. And you can’t invest when you have nothing to invest. You can: - Tell the wife to get a job. While it’s not a career, fast food places, secretary, security jobs do provide some income. - your aunt can get a lawyer and fight for her disable money, and she can also do some side business. How about accepting more kids and do a small home day care, of course with your cut as it is your place? How about making tamales and sell in front of Walmart? How about an hot dog stand near some work places or event? - lastly, unless you plan to earn minimum wage for the rest of your life, get a different job, or a different career. If you have no skill, it’s pretty easy to start as a handy man, then move up to electrician or plumbing. Best of luck,
  • Member since 2016 · 13k+ posts · 12k+ votes
    8y

    Congratulations. Very few people that ask for advice actually want to hear the truth, even fewer take action when they do hear it. All you needed was confirmation of the right path.

    You can do it but must stay focused, your aunt is not out the door yet.

    Good luck

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