Soon-to-be wife not on board

Grove City, PA · Member since 2019 · 21 posts · 26 votes

I've searched around the forums looking for someone in a similar situation but it seems like not many are where I'm at.

I'm 21 years old and just recently got engaged. I don't yet have any investment properties. I know the saying "happy wife, happy life" and I don't want to start our future together on a bad note. She is very adamant on buying a nice pristine house (small starter houses) that range anywhere from $100,000-$200,000. I'm listening to as many podcast episodes here on BP as I can to try and find new ways to invest and also give her what she wants but she won't budge. I've mentioned live-in flips, house hacking, and just plain old rentals. But it seems that every "solution" that I offer is combatted with another reason that we shouldn't.

She's saying that we are too young (she is 21 as well) and although I know that REI takes time, what better time than when we're both young to formulate a plan, and put it into action? Soon (but not too soon) kids will be thrown into the mix and I fear that they will just be an excuse to put off investing further and further until I get stuck in a situation where investing just won't be feasible.

I just spent my down payment for a house on a ring and now we are planning a wedding so I have time to work her into the idea of investing. This also gives me time to learn more and more about investing before starting out. I'm keeping my mind open to the fact that it may be some time before we are able to save enough to get into our first property. But I want to get her on board with investing before the time comes where we are searching for a house.

Anyone have any advice on ways to go about talking to her? ANYTHING helps.

Thank you for taking time to look over my post,

D'Andre

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Jim K.

Handyman · Pittsburgh, PA · Member since 2018 · 5k+ posts · 13k+ votes

Originally posted by @D'Andre Byers:

I've searched around the forums looking for someone in a similar situation but it seems like not many are where I'm at.

Anyone have any advice on ways to go about talking to her? ANYTHING helps.

Thank you for taking time to look over my post,

D'Andre

D'Andre, here's something I always ask about situations like these:

Have you asked her what HER strategy for the financial health of your family entails? Does she have a plan? Is her plan to live in a nice starter home that keeps up with the Joneses and drive nice new starter cars that keep with the Joneses and have expenses that keep up with the Joneses as you both strive and strive to provide more income to keep up with the Joneses...and that you do these things as you expand the Byers family, member by member, and grow the Byers budget, lifestyle-creep-expense by lifestyle-creep-expense?

Because if that's what she wants out of life, I can give you the names of a dozen broke-a$$ simps in their forties with wives just like that.

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Rory Korpela
Specialist · Longmont, CO · Member since 2016 · 30 posts · 17 votes
7y
@D'Andre Byers
There's some great advice here so far. Here's my two cents as a guy who's been married for 12 years and has two kids.
1. Pick an asset class you think you would want to target and learn everything you can about it. Read books, go to real estate meetups, listen to the podcasts, etc.
2. Talk about it whenever possible with your wife. Not to inundate her but to show her your persistence, excitement, commitment, etc. Part of security for your spouse is demonstrating your expertise.
3. Find a mentor you can provide value to in order to learn the asset class or business you want to go into
or
4. Find someone you can partner with that is more experienced and you can learn about the asset class from. Even a small investment of capital can open the door if you're willing to ask questions, learn the business, and find ways to provide value to the partner. Eventually, your time and money will pay dividends and you may find yourself leaving your current gig for the opportunities your time and efforts have opened up for you.
0 Reply
Shawn Coverdell
Investor · Clatskanie, OR · Member since 2014 · 212 posts · 233 votes
7y
I used to work in an office surrounded by people older than I am. some in there 70's. Still working. You could raise your desk up and down to prevent your body from loosing feeling from the waist down. Most took an assortment of pills to keep them upright and "productive".
I decided I did not want to end up like that so I started buying rental properties. In 5 years I replaced my income and turned in my stuff to my boss. I now make SEVERAL times my old income. I tried to teach others but several told me they would but...… there wife or husband did not want to do that...…. and this and that and ……..need to pay off my car. I was thinking, man, 60 years old and trying to pay off a car?!? They all had College degrees to support there decision making skills.
I don't need to but still like to buy homes. A friend of mine needed some money. I just bought a couple more SFHs, I decided why not, lets fix one up like we normally do, but have my friend do most of the work and flip it instead. I never fliped one before. always kept them for rentals. This morning we signed off, finalizing the sale. Our total into it was 88K, it took 6 weeks from start to finish on the rehab. It sold first day of listing for 5K over asking. 185K asking. after all the fees and realtor commissions etc. we split 82K profit 50/50. That's 41K gross (before tax) in 6 weeks. How much does a doctor make? A lawyer? This flip was nothing special. I bet I can do way better, it was like all the other rentals I buy and keep.
Our cash flow alone from rentals which is very passive income with management in place is more than most doctors make and they go to school for years and years.
Tell her you can buy a home for yourself and pay a 30 year mortgage and be like 99% of population. Or you can be one of the hated 1% who takes that same home and turns it into income for life.
41K/week or 41K/ year.
"I wish I could, but well, you know...….my wife, she...…"
Choose your spouse wisely, I can cost you your life!!!
Shawn Coverdell
Homes in the Hood
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Account Closed
Financial Advisor · CA · Member since 2012 · 128 posts · 76 votes
7y
Marriage is the biggest business deal you'll ever make. Sounds like she's not into it.
1 Reply
Account Closed
Financial Advisor · CA · Member since 2012 · 128 posts · 76 votes
7y
Originally posted by @Shawn Coverdell:
I used to work in an office surrounded by people older than I am. some in there 70's. Still working. You could raise your desk up and down to prevent your body from loosing feeling from the waist down. Most took an assortment of pills to keep them upright and "productive".
I decided I did not want to end up like that so I started buying rental properties. In 5 years I replaced my income and turned in my stuff to my boss. I now make SEVERAL times my old income. I tried to teach others but several told me they would but...… there wife or husband did not want to do that...…. and this and that and ……..need to pay off my car. I was thinking, man, 60 years old and trying to pay off a car?!? They all had College degrees to support there decision making skills.
I don't need to but still like to buy homes. A friend of mine needed some money. I just bought a couple more SFHs, I decided why not, lets fix one up like we normally do, but have my friend do most of the work and flip it instead. I never fliped one before. always kept them for rentals. This morning we signed off, finalizing the sale. Our total into it was 88K, it took 6 weeks from start to finish on the rehab. It sold first day of listing for 5K over asking. 185K asking. after all the fees and realtor commissions etc. we split 82K profit 50/50. That's 41K gross (before tax) in 6 weeks. How much does a doctor make? A lawyer? This flip was nothing special. I bet I can do way better, it was like all the other rentals I buy and keep.
Our cash flow alone from rentals which is very passive income with management in place is more than most doctors make and they go to school for years and years.
Tell her you can buy a home for yourself and pay a 30 year mortgage and be like 99% of population. Or you can be one of the hated 1% who takes that same home and turns it into income for life.
41K/week or 41K/ year.
"I wish I could, but well, you know...….my wife, she...…"
Choose your spouse wisely, I can cost you your life!!!
Shawn Coverdell
Homes in the Hood

0 Reply
Tanya Mendija
HI · Member since 2019 · 4 posts · 3 votes
7y
Took my husband 15 years to get on board. It was always an argument. He was never on board unless he saw up to 90% of the final product. He was always the skeptic. But, I know what I want and I do it to prove people wrong because that's what makes me successful at achieving my goals.
I was interested in real estate since age 24. We just got married and I tried to get him excited about it. But, he was always the guy that needed the stable monthly income so he worked a 9to5 and never cared about my interest with investing RE.
My first attempt at real estate was buying a bank owned fixer upper using my mother's credit. Fixed it up. Got equity out. Then, got persuaded by my husband to use the money to buy him heavy equipment. He promised me he'd be able to make the money back quickly. The equity was supposed to be used to build a second home on the fixer upper property. I had the permits and everything.
Well, 12 years later, he hasn't yet replenished the building fund to build that extra home and the heavy equipment business sucked us dry.
During this same time, I went back to work, which was hard as a mother of 3 young children. But, I always kept real estate in mind. 10 years since that time, or more, I was able to persuade a seller to owner-finance her fixer upper and started to renovate. Although it took us a longer time to finish the project since we didn't have the lump sum to get it done as quickly as possible. And, my husband always argued about spending money on more materials for the home. It was a tug of war.
But, I'm happy to report, we finally finished, and it has appraised at more than double the value we paid for it.
I told my husband, he is not going to distract me ever again, from pursuing real estate investing. So, he better get on board. We wasted all those years. Now, my children have graduated from high school and I tell them that real estate is the best way to go from the beginning. Make it a career.
I'm closing soon on the home I just rehabbed (refinance) and the equity will be used to purchase and build on raw land which I intend to sell. Then I plan to take out a fix-n-flip on my first home. Which I also intend to sell to propel my real estate investing to the next level.
Stay strong to your real estate goals! Stay true to your word! Keep Focused on the end goal! which is freedom.
2 Reply
Account Closed
Financial Advisor · CA · Member since 2012 · 128 posts · 76 votes
7y
She's not "into it." There's nothing he can do. If he marries her, he will be out making the money and she will divorce him in 5 years because she "wants him at home more." I wish I had a penny for every story I've heard like that.She doesn;'t know the value of work or money. I have no sympathy for these people because they are flat out shallow. He is just as much of a knucklehead given that his ace priority will be stymied by a non-thinker. They sound like they deserve one another.
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Lynnette E.
Rental Property Investor · TN · Member since 2018 · 2k+ posts · 2k+ votes
7y
You are really young and so is your fiancé. This is going to sound harsh, but I will write it anyway. Before you go ahead with a marriage, you should seriously consider going to counseling individually and jointly so see what you want in life, what your goals are, what you plan to do on a day to day basis. If you are not wanting to live the same type of life, maybe she is not the right one for you. A divorce can set you back big time. Having kids to support financially and as their father can really cost you in time, money, and your future. Do you want to live near where your ex lives for the next 18 years to be there for your kids? Do you want to spend money to fly your kids to you and be a Summer dad?
I am old now, but when I was in my 20s and engaged, one Thanksgiving I had an awakening that the man I loved really had very different ways of looking at money.
He was not going to change. I was not going to change.
It would have been a subject that we would have fought about constantly. He would have had a house full of trinkets and not a dime in his wallet or bank account. He would constantly want to take from others just so he could spend more on things that did not matter to me. He had no desire to plan financially. He made much more that I did, but had no car and lived with his dad, and was, well, always broke. Borrowed for his extra education expenses, but had the military paying for the real college bills.
I was independent, had a car I paid for new myself, rented an apartment myself, paid my own way in life. Graduated from college with no debt, worked as I went. Lived simply.
We would have fought about money constantly if we would have married. I would have paid all the bills. His salary would have been his fun money; the keeping up appearances money. He would always be in debt. We would have divorced when I tired of that life.
I ended up breaking up with him. Glad I did!
1 Reply
Account Closed
Financial Advisor · CA · Member since 2012 · 128 posts · 76 votes
7y
Originally posted by @Dana Chann:
@D'Andre Byers what about getting a duplex because then you have your own unit as a starter home and the other unit can be rented out and help to pay for your mortgage? I wished I had started thinking about investing like you when I was 21. Also, maybe you both reading Rich Dad Poor Dad together could help to change her mindset about understanding money and investing.

They will need the duplex so he can live in one side and she in the other when she starts wanting him "home more" when he is out earning money and they start fighting about it. A duplex is a great idea.
0 Reply
Blake Bailey
Realtor · Member since 2019 · 5 posts · 7 votes
7y
@D'Andre Byers congrats on the new engagement!
This advice may not be extremely popular here in BP— but I would strongly encourage you to wait a full year after you get married to invest in real estate.
Focusing on being a good husband while building up your new family’s emergency fund is all I would worry about. Use that year to listen to each other, weigh the pros and cons, and seek wisdom from married couples that have invested in RE, and come to a decision after you’ve had your first anniversary. My wife is not my business partner, however, I have never made a RE investing decision without her wisdom first.
The properties will come, my friend! Enjoy that first year first.
2 Reply
Jerry W.Pro Member
Moderator
Investor · Thermopolis, WY · Member since 2012 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes
7y
@D'Andre Byers, welcome to BP. There are a lot of threads on this topic, I have been in many of them. My wife was against buying any real estate other than our primary home. We started off in a trailer house in a trailer park, sold that and b ought a piece of land and put a trailer house on that. Moved out of that and finally bought a house while keeping the trailer and rented it. The renting was a disaster, but we kept it for several years and got most of the rent. When the rental sold the check paid off our entire mortgage. I now own close to 30 doors, and my wife has been against buying everyone of them. Some we have argued over, but not many. It is great to agree, but may never happen. My wife is a very talented musician, but there is not much money in it. She is a dam good secretary and book keeper. She does play piano for the church and local high school choir, but makes very little at it. I explained to her that I have never ever stood in the way of her dream to play beautiful music, even though we actually lose money on it. I hope she would not stand in the way of my dream to build a solid real estate company. It is my hope that my company will eventually make a LOT of money. Can she live with you having a dream that is not hers? Does she have to control that part of your life? However you need to understand her position. She may have a genuine FEAR of losing it all in real estate like her dad did. Seek to understand before you seek to be understood. You need to understand why she doesn't want to do this. If she will not share that with you, it won't work.
My wife and I compromised, all of the rental houses are in my name only, and some of the assets are in her name only, and our house and other big real estate items are in both names as tenants by the entireties. Since she is not involved in running the real estate business any risk is mine alone. After doing real estate for nearly 25 years, I recently lost my regular day job that had a pretty nice paycheck, great benefits, like health insurance, retirement, etc. I of course had a private business I ran that I can ramp up to make a living off of, but it was scary to my wife. When I sat down and showed her our net worth, my real estate was worth nearly double all of our other assets that we acquired from our 38 years of marriage. It was an eye opener for her. She complains that she never sees any benefit from our real estate, but it truly has given us financial security. It is my hope that it will someday give us financial freedom. Life is great if you can pursue a dream together, that might not be possible, but if her requirement for being married is that you give up your dream, it won't work. Good luck bud. Just remember that her fear is real, and you have to understand where she is coming from, and she has to understand how important real estate is to your dream.
2 Reply
Dylan Roberts
Sacramento, CA · Member since 2019 · 5 posts · 3 votes
7y
@D'Andre Byers
She ain’t the one
0 Reply
Brian K.
Rental Property Investor · Buffalo, MN · Member since 2010 · 511 posts · 92 votes
7y
Originally posted by @Tanya Mendija:
Took my husband 15 years to get on board. It was always an argument. He was never on board unless he saw up to 90% of the final product. He was always the skeptic. But, I know what I want and I do it to prove people wrong because that's what makes me successful at achieving my goals.
I was interested in real estate since age 24. We just got married and I tried to get him excited about it. But, he was always the guy that needed the stable monthly income so he worked a 9to5 and never cared about my interest with investing RE.
My first attempt at real estate was buying a bank owned fixer upper using my mother's credit. Fixed it up. Got equity out. Then, got persuaded by my husband to use the money to buy him heavy equipment. He promised me he'd be able to make the money back quickly. The equity was supposed to be used to build a second home on the fixer upper property. I had the permits and everything.
Well, 12 years later, he hasn't yet replenished the building fund to build that extra home and the heavy equipment business sucked us dry.
During this same time, I went back to work, which was hard as a mother of 3 young children. But, I always kept real estate in mind. 10 years since that time, or more, I was able to persuade a seller to owner-finance her fixer upper and started to renovate. Although it took us a longer time to finish the project since we didn't have the lump sum to get it done as quickly as possible. And, my husband always argued about spending money on more materials for the home. It was a tug of war.
But, I'm happy to report, we finally finished, and it has appraised at more than double the value we paid for it.
I told my husband, he is not going to distract me ever again, from pursuing real estate investing. So, he better get on board. We wasted all those years. Now, my children have graduated from high school and I tell them that real estate is the best way to go from the beginning. Make it a career.
I'm closing soon on the home I just rehabbed (refinance) and the equity will be used to purchase and build on raw land which I intend to sell. Then I plan to take out a fix-n-flip on my first home. Which I also intend to sell to propel my real estate investing to the next level.
Stay strong to your real estate goals! Stay true to your word! Keep Focused on the end goal! which is freedom.

Great story! Way to stay focused by not giving up on your goals and being persistent.
Being married and the spouse is not on board or just not being very supportive can be like driving with your brakes on making it very difficult to impossible to accomplish things. Their interest doesn't need to be there, but their support and understanding should, because you are going to encounter tough times. If their more concerned about keeping with the Jones your going to need long runway.
Buy real estate and enjoy later.
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Carl Teyssier
Investor · San Diego, CA · Member since 2016 · 5 posts · 2 votes
7y
@D'Andre Byers
So I had the similar situation and even had a rental property before I got married.
I rented and worked a regular job, worked weekends, saved and did everything I could to get on the investment program. My wife was not in the game mindset. The children came along and there was no tolerance for saving as the children were concerned. When the children were finally leaving the house it was my turn to get the retirement program going. When I put the necessary budget in place, she filed for divorce.
Save yourself the disappointment.. If a spouse or family member does not have the mindset you cannot make it happen with them. It seems illogical to you and me but that is just the way it is. Forget what you have spent so far. Decide if you can and will give up your dreams now forever. Will you be disappointed if you cannot pursue your dream?
This is harsh, and for that I am sorry. I am sure she is the love of your life, and is in every other way wonderful. Put the wedding off until the deal breaker can be settled to your satisfaction.
I am truly sorry. If you don’t get it right everybody looses, your children too.
0 Reply
Jovan Caballero
Rental Property Investor · Apple Valley, CA · Member since 2018 · 40 posts · 5 votes
7y
@D'Andre Byers
Could you maybe find a multi unit that had separate buildings? Or even an ADU that has separate entry or alley access that you can rent to offset your mortgage payments. It's tough if your partner isn't on the same page and it's going to take some time to get them to see how you are looking at thing but you also have to be able to see from her point of view and what her goals are. Maybe she would be willing to read a few articles or even a book you can share with her just to give thought to the idea? Like everyone else could agree I'm sure "rich dad poor dad" could help open her eyes a bit to the idea of investing.
0 Reply
Sarah Ellis
Real Estate Agent · Clarksville, TN · Member since 2017 · 26 posts · 13 votes
7y
@D'Andre Byers
Could you (when you guys are ready) buy a home type she’s wanting in an appreciating area? I know it’s not surefire to bank on appreciation, but I deal with this with a lot of people in my job (Real Estate agent) who want to invest but also want a “pristine home” or who can’t seem to get on the same page of a plan. This way, she gets what she wants, you get what you want (an investment so to speak, though albeit a creative one).
Would it help to show her videos of people who aren’t working because of financial freedom? Or who have cut down the amount of time at work?
Good luck!
1 Reply
Andrey Y.
Specialist · Honolulu, HI · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
7y
Originally posted by @D'Andre Byers:
I've searched around the forums looking for someone in a similar situation but it seems like not many are where I'm at.
I'm 21 years old and just recently got engaged. I don't yet have any investment properties. I know the saying "happy wife, happy life" and I don't want to start our future together on a bad note. She is very adamant on buying a nice pristine house (small starter houses) that range anywhere from $100,000-$200,000. I'm listening to as many podcast episodes here on BP as I can to try and find new ways to invest and also give her what she wants but she won't budge. I've mentioned live-in flips, house hacking, and just plain old rentals. But it seems that every "solution" that I offer is combatted with another reason that we shouldn't.
She's saying that we are too young (she is 21 as well) and although I know that REI takes time, what better time than when we're both young to formulate a plan, and put it into action? Soon (but not too soon) kids will be thrown into the mix and I fear that they will just be an excuse to put off investing further and further until I get stuck in a situation where investing just won't be feasible.
I just spent my down payment for a house on a ring and now we are planning a wedding so I have time to work her into the idea of investing. This also gives me time to learn more and more about investing before starting out. I'm keeping my mind open to the fact that it may be some time before we are able to save enough to get into our first property. But I want to get her on board with investing before the time comes where we are searching for a house.
Anyone have any advice on ways to go about talking to her? ANYTHING helps.
Thank you for taking time to look over my post,
D'Andre

If you are letting your SO other make decisions for you.. perhaps you should reconsider your mindset and re-evaluate what exactly you want out of this life. In my experience, a woman respects a man who is driven, stubborn, and will go after his goals no matter what. If you can't say no to her now, you are doomed my friend. She will respect you more for relentlessly pursuing your passions.
Don't pay attention to words, study actions.
0 Reply
Andrey Y.
Specialist · Honolulu, HI · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
7y
Originally posted by @Account Closed:
She's not "into it." There's nothing he can do. If he marries her, he will be out making the money and she will divorce him in 5 years because she "wants him at home more." I wish I had a penny for every story I've heard like that.She doesn;'t know the value of work or money. I have no sympathy for these people because they are flat out shallow. He is just as much of a knucklehead given that his ace priority will be stymied by a non-thinker. They sound like they deserve one another.

This is accurate. Doomed from the start.

0 Reply
Dennis Cosgrave
Rental Property Investor · Member since 2019 · 304 posts · 462 votes
7y
Most of you seem to be ignoring the elephant in the room. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership where both parties work together to build a future. If both parties cannot agree on a plan, what is the basis for the partnership? I am sure that there are many divorced people out there that split up for this very reason. If one party has to make all the compromises while the other makes none, it will only lead to resentment or worse later on.
1 Reply
Chris Szepessy
Catskill, NY · Member since 2018 · 636 posts · 668 votes
7y
Originally posted by @D'Andre Byers:
@Chris Szepessy
Did your wife put up any fuss about RE when you first started talking about it? My fiancé is not completely against investing so to speak. She’s more concerned with how she’s going to spend her money once she gets a raise at work. Whereas I’m more concerned with saving the extra money we both will make once we get those raises. We both have very good jobs, she works for the government and I work in heavy highway construction (management) where we both can and will get raises. But my goal is to save more of the money that we both make and continue live like we are now which isn’t crazy and above our means.
And sometimes I feel that maybe she thinks I’m trying to take over her personal finances and do what I want instead of what’s good for us in the long term. Did you ever feel like that and if you did, how did you convince her of your actual intentions?
However, I want the first property that we buy to be thought of as an investment and not our “forever home.” Meaning, I don’t want the house to be newly fully renovated and pristine. Rather, I could picture a fixer-upper that could use some updating but nothing crazy. She’s on the other side of things.
What did the conversations look like when you started buying other rentals after you purchased your first home?
Thank you for the insight,
D’Andre

My wife was certainly nervous about it, but we had originally bought the house next to us so we could control who our neighbors were, not exactly as an investment. Both of our rentals were zero down, owner financed by the same person, so it didn't make sense not to buy them. I've handled all of our finances since we've been together...we didn't really discuss it, it sort of just happened that way. She has never complained that "I took over." Even with the RE, she isn't really involved at all. I handle any maintenance issues and the few showings that we've had to do. She has helped paint and clean the apartments, though.
After buying the second one is when I got "serious" about investing and wanting to "retire." I read a lot of books on RE and investing in general, so she knows I'm quite into it. Every now and again I casually bring up a story about something I read or someone on the podcast who retired in their 30's or 40's and explain how we can do the same.
As for her wanting her dream home and you wanting an investment fixer-upper, try to explain to her that if she's willing to put off her dream home for a few years while you house hack 2-4 family homes for 3+/- years, she could get an even better forever home.
0 Reply
Joseph Menchaca
Nampa, ID · Member since 2019 · 3 posts · 3 votes
7y
@D'Andre Byers keep your eyes on the prize man. Nothing could be better for your future than taking the time to learn about investing now. The sooner the better and you gotta make her understand that it's something that could very well lead to your financial independence. Not just some hobby. You gotta sell her on the idea
0 Reply
John Bates
Member since 2018 · 5 posts · 2 votes
7y
@D'Andre Byers have her read Rich Dad Poor Dad, I mean if she loves you enough to marry you, the least she can do is read a book. Buy the cash flow quadrant game and play the heck out of it with her. It’s a way better version of Monopoly that you can use your phone to play with. Having a spouse for spouse sakes vs. having a supportive considerate spouse is a no brainer. If she says no to any part of this, and I say this as a guy who’s been married to a rather narrow minded spouse for 19 years, bye Felicia! If she wants the good things now, as opposed to far better things later, you’re her pathway to probable extra money to spend, an ATM, if you will and that will equal trouble down the road. And that’s my 2 cents! Good luck!
2 Reply
Paige Smith
Rental Property Investor · St. Louis · Member since 2019 · 16 posts · 15 votes
7y
I second John’s advice. My husband gave me Rich Dad Poor Dad once we were engaged and we bought our first investment property one month after we got married. 5 years later, and we’ve purchased over 20 homes and started a property management company. Good luck and congratulations on your engagement!
0 Reply
Anthony Rosa
Rental Property Investor · New York City · Member since 2019 · 703 posts · 538 votes
7y
@D'Andre Byers - One way to do it is buy a two/three family home in a nice area and live in one unit. After a few months (Hopefully you have a good tenant(s) & if you don't this can go south real easy..lol) she could see that this purchase worked out well especially with lower house payments, some extra cash, help out with other expenses, etc....
After a couple of years, maybe she and you will want your own SF home. You both discuss renting your unit and now you have 2/3 units to rent and your primary home. You worked your way in without talking about buy this and buy that and.......
Good Luck!!
0 Reply
Eric DiNicola
Member since 2019 · 5 posts · 1 vote
7y
The bottom line my friend is that real estate investing has made the most wealthy people, no other field. She needs to understand how much better her and your and your children's lives will be if you can sacrifice a tiny bit now and put together some serious foresight about the future. If you can invest in a multi at your age to start your life, you'll be so happy.
I convinced my then GF to let me buy a multi family that we could live in when we started and then hold as a rental when we moved out. She was completely disinterested in real estate and still is, but I had the knowledge and had to just believe in my plan and showed her the proof that it worked. She doesn't care about money like I do (but really, she does, as do most people who say that, when they see what it does to your life eventually) but the convincing angle has always been "look, this is how we are going to make the most money over our combined lifetime so that by the time normal people retire we'll have been set up for decades, able to travel, send our kids to any school, etc." and she trusted me, I just didn't stop until she did. It was a great decision and I'm now fully entrenched in real estate. You don't have to be a know-it-all or try to control the relationship, but if you have this knowledge at such a young age which sounds like you do, you need to do what you know is going to be right for your future family, and that's investing in real estate. You should try to appeal to the family idea -- your future family will be so set up if you do it right, and if you wait you're only losing money via opportunity cost by the day. My ultimate advice D'Andre, you have to keep pressing her and make it work, and then keep scaling from there. You and her will never, ever regret it. Just let her be part of it, decorate the first house hack to her liking, whatever she wants. You are about the numbers because you know it works, she has to just be brought on board. It's very difficult to have great foresight at 21 but it sounds like you do. Do whatever it takes to get her on board. Good luck man.
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Tanner Marsey
Rental Property Investor · San Diego, CA · Member since 2017 · 439 posts · 578 votes
7y
Haven’t read the other replies so forgive me if this is repetitive.
You’re a young guy. If this girl is the one that you’re going to marry, have a family with and all the other stuff.... you have two options. Explain to her why you want to pursue RE as an investment and get her on board or pursue other investment vehicles that she’s comfortable with.
Many people, especially on this forum, think RE is the holy grail of investing. There are many other avenues to pursue. Having one or two rentals probably isn’t gonna have you retiring 15 years early and probably won’t be life changing. So you really need to decide if this is something worth pursuing if your wife has some opposition. If she’s not on board get yourselves some good W2s, save, invest in stocks, 401k, whatever else you see fit and enjoy life. Just like 95% of the population does. This stuff isn’t everything.
Good luck and congrats on your engagement.
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