Rental Property Investor · Queens, NY · Member since 2019 · 12 posts · 37 votes
I know its encouraged here to tell your friends and family your goals with real estate. Tell everyone what you want to do and are looking for. My problem is everytime I do, I constantly have to defend myself and the reasons I am interested in real estate investing. I mostly get ignorant replies from people who have no clue what they're talking about and it just becomes frustrating to even talk to people about real estate investing. Anyone else feel this way?
@Mike Jacovelli while I'm sure that can be discouraging, it might also be a good thing...as long as what you are receiving in genuine concern...People tend to discourage you when they feel like it is protecting you, so maybe spin it around this way:
1) When they voice concerns about the information you're giving them, you can either dismiss it and change the subject (if they are being negative).
2) Do they have any specific concerns that you should actually consider as relevant? If you respect their opinion, hear them out...we learn from others!
3) Have you educated yourself to the point that you can explain it to others? Do you have enough information yourself? Sometimes, that's the problem...if you are unsure, they will be unsure! When you are able to explain your plan to others, and tell them why it will work that will be your turning point!
Remember that some people just want to argue with you, no matter the subject! Chin up, you've got this! Keep saving, learning and planning. Good luck!
I have found that is great to tell others as long as they understand what you are saying. For example: I have a friend that his life revolves around computers. He lives in an apartment and has never bought a house ( because he travels and moves with his work). He has no idea what I’m saying when I talk about real estate adventures, just like I have no idea when he talks about computers. As long as they know and can elevate the conversation it is a good thing.
@Mike Jacovelli Don't tell them then... Just because they are your family doesn't mean that they know what's best for you. They may ask these questions either because they love you or because they're insecure and don't want your "failure" to look bad on them. If you love real estate, **** 'em. Go do your thing and prove them wrong. If you truly love the business you won't need their support.
I know its encouraged here to tell your friends and family your goals with real estate. Tell everyone what you want to do and are looking for. My problem is everytime I do, I constantly have to defend myself and the reasons I am interested in real estate investing. I mostly get ignorant replies from people who have no clue what they're talking about and it just becomes frustrating to even talk to people about real estate investing. Anyone else feel this way?
Hi Mike, I like to put a positive spin on everything so another way to look at what you are experiencing is that the very reason that there are big returns to be made in real estate is because people don’t understand it and how it could work for them too. Thank god for the naysayers, if they were all fully on board with real estate returns would be much less.
That said, the negative forces are real and best avoided in my opinion. Spend your time engaging with people who you aspire to be like and who will support and encourage you to reach your dreams. People who put others down often do so because success creates an insecurity in them. You will find many people who use negativity as a smokescreen for their own fear of taking risks.
Here is a Quote from Theodore Roosevelt that sums it up for me:
““It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
I consistently get told I'm "Trying to cheat the system" because I use debt to acquire properties and I am going "to lose" because "the banks can take back a property whenever they want", what? These people also have no clue what they're talking about so I don't care what they have to say until they educate themselves.
The know it alls that have zero experience in investment properties:
"wait till the market crashes" (that was 3 years ago)
"what are you an idiot"
"what are you thinking this place is a dump"
"This is what I would do"
Then there are the supporters:
"You got this"
"Its a great idea youll be fine"
"I cant believe your buying a house when can I come help rip up the carpet?"
The thing is, you need to talk about it with people, especially early on to weed out the people that will only hold you back. Eventually, you will find a group of like-minded people. And the place that I went to for that most, was right here at Biggerpockets.
It's a very common phenomenon with those who just don't want to see beyond the curtain, So before sharing your goal with anyone I check whether their thought process in line with mine and take a decision whether or not share my real estate goal with them, Though I believe in sharing goals with like-minded people because then you may find someone who can support you to reach towards your goal.
I know its encouraged here to tell your friends and family your goals with real estate. Tell everyone what you want to do and are looking for. My problem is everytime I do, I constantly have to defend myself and the reasons I am interested in real estate investing. I mostly get ignorant replies from people who have no clue what they're talking about and it just becomes frustrating to even talk to people about real estate investing. Anyone else feel this way?
Don't tell people who are not in real estate about your real estate goals.
It's like brain surgeons. They don't talk about how excited they are about the latest thing they learn about brain surgery to their wives/husbands or relatives or friends who are not brain surgeons.
So why talk "real estate shop" to people who are not into real estate investing?
Post your real estate goals here on BP.
Talk about them when you attend your local real estate investors' association meetings.
Find like-minded people then share your goals with them.
If your easily discouraged(I’m guessing you’re not because you wouldn’t be in real estate if your are) don’t tell anyone until you’re well on your way. If you’re not, tell everyone and use it as fuel to get you to your destination!!
I hear ya. This is the attitude of people who don't understand your vision. Trust your numbers, your due diligence, research, and what you have learned. Then smile all the way to the bank.
I have to defend my goals when I talk about the races I run. I have a 100 mile race planned for September. I've completed this distance four times. Anytime I tell someone (a non-running friend) about this, they look at me like I'm crazy, stupid, or just weird. I'm prepared for their response because I know how to train for what I plan to accomplish.
I think it just boils down to you having intimidating goals, and they can't get past their own first hurdle. Stay the course!!
Yes, absolutely. Three immediate reasons come to mind: 1) by talking about it all the time, you create focus for yourelf (ideally) and hopefully a sense of urgency, 2) you create a sense of accountability, since you keep yakking about it, people hopefully will check in with you to see how it's going, and 3) those friends and family and others may bring you a deal. We got a great rental from a relative whose coworker had inherited a house. If we had not made known what we do, that relative would not have connected us with the off-market, distressed seller.
1) You need goals no matter what you are doing. I carry around in my wallet my yearly goals from a professional and personal standpoint.
2) For real estate I refer to Ray Dalio's book "Principles" and the notion of believe-ability. Having your vision and goals pressure tested is important to avoid confirmation bias, but that testing should be done by someone who, for all intents and purposes, should be listened to. When I started buying real estate at the age of 22 I did not bother listening to someone who had zero experience and owned zero investment properties. Makes no sense. Build a trusted network around you who can act as your sounding board and disregard the vast majority of opinions elsewhere.
@Mike Jacovelli I wouldn’t really tell them . I’ve stopped. If anything I just ask if they know any landlords or someone who’s selling a house. Other talk is foreign to them but everyone thinks they know everything. Protect yourself and your goals until they see.
Yes. I think you haven't realized you don't have to "defend" it at all. If they are dismissive or contrary, just end it with "suit yourself" and move on. However, some might be interested, or even an asset. Sometimes you stumble into a "I have 3 rental properties" guy. Specifically for me, we had a delivery a few months ago. The delivery driver has six rentals, and I discovered is looking to move into a small multi-family. I go this name and number, maybe I have a future investor, or someone to learn from....
Filter out the noise and focus on those that are like minded, and those you can learn from.
Through simple word of mouth and telling people what I'm up to, I had two friends inquire if they could "get in on that". Last year we formed an LLC with the three of us and bought two duplexes. This year, we are looking for a 4-8 plex. This is not a full time career for any of us, but it's working well.
@Mike Jacovelli I have not had many negative issues. I will just mention that I'm a part time real estate investor or invest in real estate on the side. Most people respond with a blank look or just say oh. Some people get really excited and tell me about their real estate investments. Some ask me a lot of questions and we end up having a great conversation. When I explain concepts it helps reinforce them to me. I have so many people that now want to invest with me. Once I scale up I'm sure I'll have no problem finding money. Yes, talk about it. The people that don't add value, don't care, don't teach you anything or don't want to learn anything help you as well. You learn how to make that a short conversation or change the subject and move on.
I can assure you if you tell a non investor your goals for the year concerning real estate holdings they will take this as a form of bragging and become negative or cynical . It is a negative reflection of themselves . Most folks are “know it all’s “ when it comes to RE and it appears they all had a great uncle Louis who lost the family fortune in the 60’s by doing bad real estate deals lol I guess it would make me ask the question : are you really that insecure that you need somebody to pat you on the back and shout atta boy ?? the lion doesn’t lose sleep over the opinions of the sheep !
Sharing with others is a great way to build a pipeline of potential investors, but you have to approach the conversation with the right pitch to a) help them understand the risks/rewards, and b) gain their trust and confidence that you know what you are doing so they will invest or partner with you, over investing in something else they feel is less risky. Walking them through a sample deal you have done, or even one you have analyzed, is a solid starting place to educate people on why you are passionate about real estate investing.
Keep at it - practice and persistence are the keys to success!
@Mike Jacovelli Absolutely. It took me a lot of research and studying to decide to jump into real estate so I stopped expecting people to understand my goals when they haven’t put in an equal amount of research. If I listened to everyone else, I’d stop my real estate ventures today and work my miserable nine to five until 65 and make someone else rich while I lived on a fixed income.
I know its encouraged here to tell your friends and family your goals with real estate. Tell everyone what you want to do and are looking for. My problem is everytime I do, I constantly have to defend myself and the reasons I am interested in real estate investing. I mostly get ignorant replies from people who have no clue what they're talking about and it just becomes frustrating to even talk to people about real estate investing. Anyone else feel this way?
You should never have to defend your goals. Ever...
Value your own opinion of what you are doing 1000x more than others and their opinions become irrelevant.
@Mike Jacovelli yes!! So I just don’t. I talk to ones who matter like ppl I’m doing business with or networking with. They’re the ones who wil be likely to have something to say that helps in one form or another.
Everyone else will see and some will want to know how it gets done.
I can understand where you are coming from and it’s good to share those goals with others since it will expand your network. I think it depends on who you are talking to and In my experience talking to people in the real estate investor community has worked the best, those people will give you encouragement and will best relate to what you are trying to do. The naysayers will bring you down and in most cases it’s lack of knowledge or understanding of how things work, or they are projecting their own insecurities on you. Taking advice from someone who has experience verses someone who hasn’t invested before is much more trustworthy and would take their feedback more seriously. Surround yourself with people who can encourage you and don’t let others be a wet blanket. Keep charging on and the BP community is a great support network!