Is REI worth a divorce??

102 Replies

I got married last year on Halloween eve after not even knowing the girl 3 months.. the first month of the relationship was wonderful i was working in west texas building a gas plant and she was my camper wife.. but i started missing work because she wanted me to.. well long story short i got laid off and had to move back home. Being laid off and not working led to depression and feeling like less of a man and she didn't understand.. since then she has became very insecure and very jealous.. i have to walk with my head down when we go to stores so she dont think im looking at other females.. and i have begged her to support me and start learning about investing with me but she wont.. i want a better life im tired of the life ive been living for the past 35 years and i know real estate can give me a better one.. has anyone else been in this position? What should i do? 

Damn thats pretty deep. I think its something you have to meditate on and answer for yourself. Real estate investing can certainly be a game changer in ones life if your disciplined enough. 

I don't think the problem is REI related. You have to understand that your spouse may not have the same love of REI as you. My wife does not, so I can understand in that sense. The worse way to approach it is to force the idea of real estate. You have to slowly present the idea to them. Some are not as easily moved or spurred by the benefits of REI. So to solve that issue, slowly integrate them into REI. Find out what their goals are and show them how REI can help them achieve it.

Communication will get you far, and understanding when your emotionally driven and not logically driven in your speech will take you far.

Next, it looks like you are in need of a mindset change. Either counseling, mentor, or something along those lines would be beneficial for you. You need to regain the confidence and the love of "self". You need to get back to loving yourself and being confident in your abilities.

Originally posted by @Daron Williams :

I got married last year on Halloween eve after not even knowing the girl 3 months.. the first month of the relationship was wonderful i was working in west texas building a gas plant and she was my camper wife.. but i started missing work because she wanted me to.. well long story short i got laid off and had to move back home. Being laid off and not working led to depression and feeling like less of a man and she didn't understand.. since then she has became very insecure and very jealous.. i have to walk with my head down when we go to stores so she dont think im looking at other females.. and i have begged her to support me and start learning about investing with me but she wont.. i want a better life im tired of the life ive been living for the past 35 years and i know real estate can give me a better one.. has anyone else been in this position? What should i do? 

Get some Family Counseling (for yourself first and then the Mrs. later)

They will charge a sliding scale (what you can afford--maybe free).

Look someone up on the internet who is close and that you think you can trust and make a phone call.

With COVID you can probably get counseling over the phone.

Here's a link that might help: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/tx/brookeland

Good Luck!

 

The problem is not real estate related. I think you should listen to the advice of Scott Mac and find a marriage counselor. Many years ago I started attending church regularly and that was a real help for me.

I know real estate is not the problem and we have tried counseling.. but its a toxic relationship.... What im asking is becoming an investor and having a better life worth letting go of a marriage that every day is a fight.. thank yall for all the advice and already have the book getting the love you want

Do you have a nest egg to start investing in real estate?  takes money  and credit and at the least money to live on while you make no money getting started..

Make sure you have capital and credit before you give up a good paying job..   regardless of your marital situation.

Originally posted by @Daron Williams :

I know real estate is not the problem and we have tried counseling.. but its a toxic relationship.... What im asking is becoming an investor and having a better life worth letting go of a marriage that every day is a fight.. thank yall for all the advice and already have the book getting the love you want

Basically what you’re asking is should you split up with your wife. It’s not likely too many people on the site would tell you to do so. That’s a choice you’ll have to make and if you do so you cannot blame it on real estate.. Also one thing to consider is not too many people pay their bills with real estate in a short period of time. It’s a long-term play and even the realtors and wholesalers actually work very hard. People think real estate is a silver bullet that they load shoot and all of a sudden their troubles are over,  their depressions over, their  low self-esteem is over And they’re driving a brand new Cadillac when they’re not on the beach drinking lemonade.

@Daron Williams Honestly, I see this a lot among real estate investors. One spouse is on board with real estate investing while the other one is not. This is definitely an issue among other investors I've known. You're not alone. The question is whether or not you want to continue your investing plans with or without your spouse involved. Hope that helps! 

Only because you asked total strangers' opinions: 

You are not going to get two bites at this apple called life.  You have a right to be happy.  Do not compromise your own happiness for some vague idea of duty (unless kids are involved). 

@Daron Williams

This isn’t a real estate question but I’ll present this point to ponder: if you were very recently in the head space to marry someone after 90 days you have absolutely no business purchasing real estate of any kind until you improve your mental state. This isn’t a movie. Or a song. It may be a simulation but certainly not a movie or a song.

Ditch the drama, do some counselling and some work on yourself. If I was prone to betting I would say a quick google of “codependent personality” would be a good place to start for you.

Seems like you made up your mind already, just need a confirmation from someone who got sick of his marriage, filed divorce, then went on building an real estate empire, happily ever after.

I am sure there are people like that, except the happily ever after part. 

@Daron Williams

I would start by tackling the issues that led you to marry someone 3 months after meeting them. Then address the issues in your marriage and only when you are able to set goals together, rei.

Not all is lost.

I'd work on figuring out why you married someone you knew for 3 months and then asked relationship advice on a real estate forum lol this is not the place. But to answer your question just do what you want I would never let a significant other control what I can or can't invest in. It's a non issue if it's your money. 

Real estate is not the problem and neither is your wife. Only you are responsible for your happiness and financial future and no other person on this planet. You have a bad relationship and it is your fault because you didn't take time to know your wife and you made bad decisions. 

Women can come and go in your life at-will, but contrary to what most people will agree with, you need to make your career more-important than a woman who beats you down and will leave you, anyway.

I was married to a drug addict for 18 years. She constantly told me that if I would move to another state she would stop doing drugs. B.S.. If I gave up my business and moved I would have lost $millions and be broke today.

You need to read many self-help books and seek counseling for yourself. No man should every be unhappy with this woman. Dump her and stay single for many years. Then, when you have your act together you can start looking for a decent woman. Otherwise, what woman wants to be with a man who caves in like you. Be a man and do what is best and not what a loser wants.

Originally posted by @Daron Williams :

I got married last year on Halloween eve after not even knowing the girl 3 months.. the first month of the relationship was wonderful i was working in west texas building a gas plant and she was my camper wife.. but i started missing work because she wanted me to.. well long story short i got laid off and had to move back home. Being laid off and not working led to depression and feeling like less of a man and she didn't understand.. since then she has became very insecure and very jealous.. i have to walk with my head down when we go to stores so she dont think im looking at other females.. and i have begged her to support me and start learning about investing with me but she wont.. i want a better life im tired of the life ive been living for the past 35 years and i know real estate can give me a better one.. has anyone else been in this position? What should i do? 

 First talk to someone about your depression.

Second anyone who tells you to miss work resulting in you being laid off does not care about you.  Her behaviour is not normal and as you said, it is toxic.  It isn't worth it.

Third, you haven't been married for a year (and have only known her for a year at this point), the problem isn't real estate, it is your relationship.  Is she willing to support you in other ways?  From what you wrote about missing work, I am going to guess no.  If she won't go for couple's councelling, tell her you want to separate.  

<i started missing work because she wanted me to.> well, no.

You're going to need to start with taking responsibility for your own choices. You can get in the REI game and find yourself blaming the banker, the seller. The contractor for your own shortcomings. A good therapist can help you set yourself up for success, which I recommend before, or at least concurrent with you jumping in to investing.

I've been married to my soul mate for 39 years. When I branched out into real estate investing she wasn't interested. A few years into REI I was having beers with some buddies when one remarked that he was shocked that the other had gone out and bought a car without asking his wife. They turned and asked me if I'd do that. "A car, no we'd probably discuss it. But a house, no, if I see a deal I like I just write an offer." Don't put the cart before the horse. Find and nurture a relationship that works for both of you, build your competencies, everything else then falls into place.

@Daron Williams you sound unhappy. I'd say focus on making yourself happy and you work on your goals on your own. She doesn't need to be in the game but hopefully she can cheerlead. REI won't be the relationships undoing. Her not supporting you or your dreams as your wife will be.

Originally posted by @Daron Williams :

I got married last year on Halloween eve after not even knowing the girl 3 months.. the first month of the relationship was wonderful i was working in west texas building a gas plant and she was my camper wife.. but i started missing work because she wanted me to.. well long story short i got laid off and had to move back home. Being laid off and not working led to depression and feeling like less of a man and she didn't understand.. since then she has became very insecure and very jealous.. i have to walk with my head down when we go to stores so she dont think im looking at other females.. and i have begged her to support me and start learning about investing with me but she wont.. i want a better life im tired of the life ive been living for the past 35 years and i know real estate can give me a better one.. has anyone else been in this position? What should i do? 

 As a man, the burden of performance is on YOU and you only. A "good" woman will leave the man if he loses his income / edge / status in a heartbeat. She hasn't left you physically, it sounds like she has already left you emotionally = a lot worse. Social dynamics and female hypergamy needs to be studied just as real estate investing (put in at least 3000 hours)

"Why is divorce so expensive? Because its worth it" -- an old proverb I once heard

If you were married less than 1 year, you can get it annulled with no affect on anyone's finances. Good luck.