Getting started with a risk-averse spouse

[David Rosenhaus]

Greetings fellow BPers,

Here are the pros and cons as I see it, of having a risk averse spouse:

PROS:

Every move, thought, plan, expense, phone call, email is questioned. This is good because it forces you to be sure that every step you take is moving you in the right direction, and you're not wasting time on distractions.

CONS:

Every move, thought, plan, expense, phone call, email is questioned. This is bad because it undermines your confidence, makes you feel stupid, makes you scared, and slows down your forward momentum.

Communication is obviously the key to any great relationship, but what do you do when your communication only triggers fear in your partner? They don't mean to be negative, but the "helpful" comments hurt anyway.

Anyone else have a similar experience with that?

[Joe Splitrock]

@David Rosenhaus Being questioned has never undermined my confidence or made me feel stupid or scared. If you feel those feelings, it indicates lack of self confidence. You will gain confidence as you educate yourself and gain experience. It could also indicate an unhealthy situation where your spouse dominates decisions and belittles you as a way to retain control. If they make you feel scared or stupid, they are not being helpful.

I think it is good when my spouse questions me, but only if the feedback is logical and constructive. If it is emotional driven negativity, it is not helpful and there is no way to overcome the objection. Without knowing what the criticisms are, it is hard to say how helpful it is. 

Negative people work very hard to find problems, so hard that they manufacture and manifest their own problems.