Higher Caliber Friends #askbp

16 Replies

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with" - Jim Rohn

"Tell Me Who You Spend Time With, And I Will Tell You Who You Are"

What have you had to change in your life to to gain better friendships?  Where have you found these friends?  I see this as kind of a catch 22.  Higher caliber friends aren't going to spend time with you unless you have improved yourself, at least somewhat, to their level.  

I'm having a difficult time leaving old friends and their ways, probably because I haven't made new friends yet. I can see how they hold me back though.  At least I know what I need to change.  :)

Also any stories about how successful friends have changed your life would be appreciated.

The way I approach this is I stop being friends with people who aren't growing first. So once I have no friends, and focus on self improvement it's easier to find better friends.  I basically just trade up. So get used to being friendless first, then it's easier to choose who you can bring in your circle. 

Friends to me are a resource like any other. I don't need them to make myself feel better, or give value to my life. I have friends to learn from/with and exchange opportunity. The ones who aren't bringing my life have got to go. I have a fiance that already takes up 20% of my top 5 to satisfy my "emotional support" friends. The other 4 are all business. 

Friends to me are someone that is beneficial to me in some way and I try to be the same to them. It's not a one way street. Each close friend I have narrowed myself down to has specific things that I like hanging around with them for. The simplest thing is good conversation, but not gossip based. Some have very business savvy minds and I can throw ideas back and forth with them for days. If I can't have intelligent conversation though the relationship just seems to fade. I didn't realize until a few years ago how much I was causing that to happen, but honestly it has worked out. Losing friends or removing yourself from friends doesn't mean you have to come off as an *** in the process, it just needs to be done well.

Dan Mackin, Real Estate Agent in CO (#FA.100056958)
720-971-7139

@troy I find that a simple invite works wonders. It seems like most high caliber people got there through networking and are very open to free coffee:)

Originally posted by @Alexander Felice :

Friends to me are a resource like any other. I don't need them to make myself feel better, or give value to my life. I have friends to learn from/with and exchange opportunity. The ones who aren't bringing my life have got to go. I have a fiance that already takes up 20% of my top 5 to satisfy my "emotional support" friends. The other 4 are all business. 

OK Alex I think that came out the wrong way. Did you really mean to say you are only friends with someone as long as they are usefull to you and then ... what? Some of my freinds are in RE, but most are not. Actually I dont have that many really good friends, but I know they are there for me even when I have nothing to offer and that goes both ways. And some of them sometimes tell me to shut up when I won't stop talking about REI and actually remind me that there are a few other things too worth talking about.

Originally posted by @Marcus Auerbach :
Originally posted by @Alexander Felice:

Friends to me are a resource like any other. I don't need them to make myself feel better, or give value to my life. I have friends to learn from/with and exchange opportunity. The ones who aren't bringing my life have got to go. I have a fiance that already takes up 20% of my top 5 to satisfy my "emotional support" friends. The other 4 are all business. 

OK Alex I think that came out the wrong way. Did you really mean to say you are only friends with someone as long as they are usefull to you and then ... what? Some of my freinds are in RE, but most are not. Actually I dont have that many really good friends, but I know they are there for me even when I have nothing to offer and that goes both ways. And some of them sometimes tell me to shut up when I won't stop talking about REI and actually remind me that there are a few other things too worth talking about.

I just reread my post and yeah it probably sounds worse. Hopefully my point got across but I should reiterate. 

First, You can't become friends with someone if you're just going to use them, everything has to be a 2 way street. You also have to actually enjoy that person's company, and have casual common interests; otherwise you're just business associates LOL 

So my intent was not to convey that I only talk to people I can use, but rather I DON'T talk to people if we can't share a mutual level of growth. Someone who is bringing me down, or has no ambition is just someone I can't  (and don't advise other people to) be friends with. 

People see this quote and often approach it in a very wrong way.  They assume that somehow shuffling around their external environment (their friends) will somehow improve their internal environment (themselves).  In my opinion, it's very much the other way around.  Improve yourself first and you'll be amazed by the kind of people who flock to you.  If you don't work on self-improvement and just try to leech on to your betters, they'll see right through you.

@Frank Jiang  I couldn't agree more.

The quote to follow should be - "Ask not what my friends can do for me, but what can I do for my friends?"

The more people you serve, the more people you will attract. The quality of your service will determine the quality of the people you attract.

I would say improve yourself first and then put yourself in positions and places to meet people who are like minded.

Old friends are just fine as long as they try to improve their life and themselves. If they aren't into personal growth, goal oriented or like minded, then it may be time to let them be. They will slow you down to becoming the person you want to be. That may mean you will be without "friends" for awhile but it is not hard to attract like minded people. Start going to local events, open houses, clubs, coffee shops. Do what makes you happy and people who are meant to be in your life will be in your life.

Personal action I took:

Buy a white board. Draw a vertical line down the middle. On the left side write "Do want". On the right side, "Don't want". Fill both sides out. This can be anything. Money, cars, houses, emotional status, anything.

Example my biggest "don't want" was I don't want to be around negativity. So when I started to make a plan and took action on how I will rid the "don't wants" in my life, it amazed me at how the "do wants" started appearing in my life.

I hope this helps.

Originally posted by @Frank Jiang :

People see this quote and often approach it in a very wrong way.  They assume that somehow shuffling around their external environment (their friends) will somehow improve their internal environment (themselves).  In my opinion, it's very much the other way around.  Improve yourself first and you'll be amazed by the kind of people who flock to you.  If you don't work on self-improvement and just try to leech on to your betters, they'll see right through you.

Love this!

Originally posted by @Frank Jiang :

People see this quote and often approach it in a very wrong way.  They assume that somehow shuffling around their external environment (their friends) will somehow improve their internal environment (themselves).  In my opinion, it's very much the other way around.  Improve yourself first and you'll be amazed by the kind of people who flock to you.  If you don't work on self-improvement and just try to leech on to your betters, they'll see right through you.

 Thanks Frank!  This makes a ton of sense.  Now it's time to try it out. 

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