Late rents convo

[Timothy W.]

Sometimes you just have to have a little fun:

Hey Tim, can I pay my rent late?

Of course you can, that's what late fees are for.

There's late fees?

Yep, right on your lease.

Oh, well can you help me with those?

Sure. After 1 day the late fee is $50 and after 6 days it's $100 and the eviction process begins. How else can I help you?

I mean uh do I have to pay my late fees?

Not at all. Just pay your rent on time and you don't pay late fees.

I mean uh can I pay my rent late and not pay late fees?

Why?

Uhhh....can we talk about it on Friday?

Sure, but Friday is late.

Some times I just get tired of fighting with tenants and just starting screwing with them.

[Mark N.A]

Tim, I'm pretty lazy so I decided to automate having fun. Whenever a tenant calls me s/he hears the message:

"Press 1 if you can't pay rent because a close relative died.

Press 2 if the dog ate your rent. Or died.

Press 3 if your welfare check got lost.

Press 4 is something terrible happened to your car/bicycle/Air Jordans.

Press 5 if there's black mold everywhere.

Press 6 if I'm a slumlord.

Any other suggestions to add to my phun-tree would be greatly appreciated.