Sharing Success Stories or Bragging?

34 Replies

There are two schools of thought that I have seen compete when it comes to talking about success. 

1) Don’t tell others about the successes you are having because it will make them feel bad, envious, jealous, or think you are bragging and are prideful and that you only think about money and success.

Or

2) share with others the success you are having so that they can see that it is possible. It does no one any good for you to play small. 

What has your experience been?

i guess it really depends on the context.  Did someone ask how you did it, and want all the details?  If not, I would just pass along that you are a real estate investor and it is a rewarding career. 

The #2, playing small comment isn't necessarily true.  I have people that have purchased one home as an investment and sold it 4 years later and the increase paid for their kids college, so playing small and doing 1 at a time is perfectly fine for some. 

There are a lot of ways to make money in real estate. I am happy to share my way if someone asks, but I have plenty of friends / family not interested at all and invest their own way. 

I believe sharing success stories with details on why that particular marketing medium has worked for the person posting is good intel
If a thread asked what marketing have you been successful in and some replies Direct mail. I’m killing it bought 20 houses or 10 houses or did 5 wholesale deals in last 3 months that’s encouraging but doesn’t help the reader.

If the poster said my Direct Mail took off when I created a distress seller list quit doing it myself and hired a company to send the mailers and I sent over consecutive months to the same distressed property owner that would be informational and encouraging

I don’t know much about PPC but I’m going to guess if you have a very small budget it would be tough to land a deal. Since I have never done PPC I wouldn’t post since if I did it would be of Little Value.

I guess what I’m trying to say is also be careful of someone posting about successful marketing if they are not really doing it. A lack of information may not be bragging they just don’t have a track record or have been successful at it but just want to chime in.

This should be a community of givers since at least for myself I have learned a lot about REI marketing here If I am successful I will let anyone know what has been successful for me. I’m a big believer in direct mail since I have experienced success in it and much more so recently when I implemented the techniques taught by many on this site. Not bragging though I just want to see Those that want to make it do so.

@Christine Kankowski Thank you so much for your comment. I often wouldn’t consider that people may not want to hear a success story when I was first starting out in real estate and I had a few good deals. Now I am more mindful of how I may be coming across to individuals who can’t even fathom creating money through real estate and I stop talking about how things are going with me and I focus on how things are going with them.

As far as the playing it small comment, it wasn’t meant to mean having a small portfolio, it was more in terms of hiding your success from others to try to not make them feel bad.

Marianne Williamson gave a great quote saying, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine... as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I don't understand, why are they confessing?

They are not confessing, they are bragging !

https://youtu.be/PgGLgygsqus

I don't get why we as a society tend not to discuss money.  You should be thrilled at what you do and how much you make.  If your friends are not comfortable with your accomplishments maybe they need to strive for more.  I'm not saying to start out a conversation with the amount of money your making but if it comes up don't be ashamed of it.  OWN IT!! 

@Joe Davalos I would love to chat with you about your direct mail marketing success and how it was achieved. I have been pouring through these forums for some pushes in the right direction and as you have mentioned, many vague answers, or maybe I am not putting the pieces together (the latter could be very true haha). I am working on quite a fine list of distressed properties in the area, absentee owners, etc. but have not started my marketing yet. I have funds set aside to do it so just trying to have a little plan of what I am doing before I start without over analyzing it. I am an agent here as well so I am able to access the tax records and MLS which I believe will help! Any advice is very much appreciated!!!

Finding and interacting with like-minded, aspirational people is one of two practices that lead to success in life.  Sharing successes and failures with these people regularly can be life changing.  Sharing successes and failures with other people will fall on deaf ears.

@kelly kormos absolutely reach out to me I believe my contact info is public.

If you have a list I would send probably to hit after Christmas and right before or shortly after New Years.

I use resimpli reach out to @Ray Lai His partner walked me through building my postcard they even let me use my own template which I had used for a few years and tweaked it some. They made sure my first list went out without a hitch.

I think a good list of distressed sellers is the way to go. If you have the time You might cross reference to make sure their is enough equity If you don’t have the time send it anyway.

Look forward to communicating and collaborating.

@Mike Dymski thanks for your comment. I think it is right on. 

In efforts to share what is new in my life with family and friends who ask, or possibly find new people who want to invest with us, I have shared some of the successes I have been having in real estate with them.  After I share, it seems like they don’t know what to say or how to respond. So I have started to be more selective with what I share now; which is sad because I love to find out what is going on in the lives of family and friends and I love sharing what is going on in my life with them. But in order to not make people feel uncomfortable, I have stopped sharing as much. So I come here to BiggerPockets to connect with other investors who get excited for each other’s successes.

@Joe Davalos Thank you so much!  I am actually meeting with someone this morning I has a list of every home in my county separated out by level of distress with a photo!  I am hoping the list is what I am thinking it is and then I could start with researching the equity as you mentioned.  Being an agent I can access some of that pretty easily.  Would you mind if I reached out to you once I get a feel for what Im working with?  I want to have a productive conversation and not waste your time!  I will send a colleague request so we can connect easier.  Thank you for your willingness to help and teach others.

ON BP that's what half this site is sharing success and how to be better.. folks are motivated by these types of post

" Hey I am 22 and I have 4,000 doors and I got them in 19 months and now don't have to work"

or Hey I sent out 5k worth of post cards and never closed a deal now I am broke.. what do I do !

Off of this site.. I guess I am old school.. never talk politics religion or money .. unless specifically asked and then very generally..

Originally posted by @Rocky V. :

I don't get why we as a society tend not to discuss money.  You should be thrilled at what you do and how much you make.  If your friends are not comfortable with your accomplishments maybe they need to strive for more.  I'm not saying to start out a conversation with the amount of money your making but if it comes up don't be ashamed of it.  OWN IT!! 

 This is more of a USA thing.... Europe (for example) is typically much more open about wages/money.

@ Shiloh Lundahl if the post is actually a sharing post,explaining how they found success, those I don't mind. The, hey look at me, I have 20 properties in 12 months, you should put me on bigger pockets podcast. those I tend not to read

Like @Jay Hinrichs points out, BP is great and the best way to share wins and struggles.  It is difficult to share successes out in the real world, yet struggles are easy.  

Funny that, right? Just complain about the economy or politics or a health issue and soon you will have a table of Eeyores chiming in to one-up your problem.  Share a success and all you get is uncomfortable silence. With most.   

This problem in the real world has really resonated with us that lead an ultra stealth wealth lifestyle.  I've never cared about what I drive or what I wear. I think my most expensive car weighs in at $800, yet I have my eye on property development and more apt buildings.

 I've found more questions arising as I've hired my sons friends to work with us to install laminate in this townhome community or prep and stain a deck at that house.  Found out after questions being asked by them that two of the parents own their home free and clear and we actually have stealth wealth in common!  It takes time and it is rare though as you know.

 In our theater circles we attend and at the gym we have found small groups of folks that we got to know that we can share with and that share with us.  They just got back from Europe or HI and didn't put it on a credit card.  When they ask how you've been, it's ok to share a little and they will understand. 

None of the people that understand work a regular w-2 I just realized. They own businesses or are retired.  I've also met folks that get it at leadership or civic-minded events in town.  Good discussion @Shiloh Lundahl  

@Steve Vaughan   that's what I love all the individuality of real estate.. having owned a few brokerages and having high commish folks work with me or for me.  

it really is amazing to see how we all deal with this ..

One agent who is knocking down 500k plus a year but spending 600k.. 3k suits 700 dollar lofers.. new benz every 6 months.. renting a jet to go to vegas.. etc etc.

and then the other extreme  successful but a money hoarder..

End of the day its what makes you happy and fulfilled.. up until the paper towel folks started to perforate the paper towels basically in half.. I always cut mine in half.. :)  thought it a waste to use a full paper towel when half would do just fine.. seems like I was not alone in that thought process.

we all have our things we are extravagant about and miserly its just personal taste.

However as we have all seen there are plenty of apartment buildings with 100k cars in the parking lot.

But now a days I think many choose not to own homes and rent .. I know J martin does not own his home and chooses to rent and spend his cash flow travelling the world..

@Jerry Rien Thanks for your comment. To be honest with you, I am guilty of being one of those “Hey look at me” investors that post on the forums. Most of those types of  posts that I make are geared towards trying to market myself by sharing the successes I have been having and hoping that it might spark the interest of other investors in my community to the point where they may reach out and partner on a deal with us. This tactic has worked fairly well. Over the last 6 months we have partnered with 5 investors that I have met on BiggerPockets and it has gone really well. 

@Shiloh Lundahl, I don't mind when a person shares their success, as you posted it helps you to connect with other investors. Its these newer posts, with hardly a vote, posting how they've slammed it in RE with scores of homes or hundreds of apts. All this within a few short years without much out of pocket. If they do turn out to be, who they say they are, you usually see them on a podcast or selling a book.     

When people know you have wealth, they are more likely to sue you, kidnap you, hate you, or ask for money.  I only share success stories with others who are successful or with my parents because they will always be happy for me.  This is why I have my profile set to the highest privacy setting.  :-)

I don't like to volunteer anything, but if asked, I will usually answer openly.

What I find awkward is that when people hear you invest in real estate, they'll usually ask how many properties do you have.  It's a little odd because you would never ask someone how much they have in the bank, but for some reason, asking how many properties you own is acceptable.  Then after you answer that, they ask, so did you get mortgages for them?  If you didn't, then you basically just told them how much equity you have in real estate.

@Steve Vaughan Thanks for your comment. Why do you think that people are more comfortable sharing about the bad things of life and are uncomfortable when people share their successes openly? When I am in a conversation where people are talking about how bad things are politically, or with the educational system, or whatever and people chime in, there doesn’t seem to be a problem, however if someone asks me how I have been doing and I share that this year my business partner and I have purchased 16 properties to do lease options with, they just look at me and don’t know what to say. Sometimes they may say, “That’s great.” But that is about it. I’ve never had a family member or friend say, “How did you do that? Will you show me how to do that?” So the conversation tends to get switched pretty quickly to things that they are more familiar with and comfortable talking about.

"Why do you think that people are more comfortable sharing about the bad things of life and are uncomfortable when people share their successes openly?"

Misery loves company.

“That’s great.” But that is about it. I’ve never had a family member or friend say, “How did you do that? Will you show me how to do that?” So the conversation tends to get switched pretty quickly to things that they are more familiar with and comfortable talking about.

Southern saying...it went over like a fart in church.

People like to interact with like people.  I don't have a lot of energy towards pop culture or what's on Facebook and others are not interested or do not understand investing...we are all different and have varied interests.

Originally posted by @Jay Hinrichs :

ON BP that's what half this site is sharing success and how to be better.. folks are motivated by these types of post

" Hey I am 22 and I have 4,000 doors and I got them in 19 months and now don't have to work"

or Hey I sent out 5k worth of post cards and never closed a deal now I am broke.. what do I do !

Off of this site.. I guess I am old school.. never talk politics religion or money .. unless specifically asked and then very generally..

I think you're totally right. I think the majority of people on this sight are observers and learners waiting for the right moment to jump in (or more often times not). But BP is a platform that inspires others to invest in real estate. So sharing success stories is a must. 

You never know if it's your inspirational story, or words, that can change someone else's life for the better.

Thanks again @Mike Dymski  for chiming in. I agree that people like to interact with people like themselves. So I’m not sure what that says about me the fact that most of my close friends are not investors. When I think about it, some of the reasons that I share with them about investing is so that they will want to do it too and then we could go on “work” vacations together. But I don’t have many friends that are in a financial position where they could do that.

Originally posted by @Shiloh Lundahl :

Thanks again @Mike Dymski  for chiming in. I agree that people like to interact with people like themselves. So I’m not sure what that says about me the fact that most of my close friends are not investors. When I think about it, some of the reasons that I share with them about investing is so that they will want to do it too and then we could go on “work” vacations together. But I don’t have many friends that are in a financial position where they could do that.

Shiloh simple make a set of new friends.

I know I went through this.. as I started selling real estate in 1975 at 18 when minimum wage was 1.65 an hour in CA.. and most of my friends worked part time or went to school and within a year I was knocking down commissions that put my income up there with those with advanced degree's and I was just out of high school.

I then moved to a private country club community in the Napa Valley  at 30 and was by far the youngest member.. so all my new friends I made were 10 to 30 years older.. you get used to it.. very few of my old high school friends are investors at all.. some are quite successful though being in Bay area HIGH tech or owning business's just did not see the need ( they did not to go into the land lording game).. but still live quite well with the high wages they make or the success of their companies.

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