Depression and Real Estate

24 Replies

Hey everyone.  I'm sure at some point, the majority of you have had to deal with depression.  Sometimes, it can be completely debilitating and throws me off my groove for months at a time.  Let's be honest, shoving my emotions down and "just dealing with them" is probably a big cause of my problem.  I've done that all my life.  I'm starting to realize that isn't a solid long term solution and can cause more problems down the line.  I've never really considered the effects of things on my mental health.  I'm in this for the long haul and need to keep myself at top performance level 24/7.  What have you done to keep your mind healthy?  When depression rears its ugly head, how do you deal with it?  What do you do to keep yourself at peak performance?  

Originally posted by @Bill Plymouth :

Hey everyone.  I'm sure at some point, the majority of you have had to deal with depression.  Sometimes, it can be completely debilitating and throws me off my groove for months at a time.  Let's be honest, shoving my emotions down and "just dealing with them" is probably a big cause of my problem.  I've done that all my life.  I'm starting to realize that isn't a solid long term solution and can cause more problems down the line.  I've never really considered the effects of things on my mental health.  I'm in this for the long haul and need to keep myself at top performance level 24/7.  What have you done to keep your mind healthy?  When depression rears its ugly head, how do you deal with it?  What do you do to keep yourself at peak performance?  

Hey Bill,

On behalf of the other folks on the BP forums, thank you for sharing this.

Prior to going into RE full-time I worked in a psychiatric ward of a NYC hospital for 8 years so mental health is super important to me. I'm glad that more information is being put out there.

That being said, many entrepreneurs (including RE professionals) experience this emotional state at one point or another. What I do to keep myself grounded, focused, positive and productive includes the following:

- Prayer and mediation each morning. 5-6am

- Exercise 6:15-7:15am

- Audio books/podcasts about growth, business, Real Estate, mindset, etc Throughout the day especially when I'm driving.

- Journaling each morning and evening to write down what I'm grateful for, what I look to accomplish on that day, what lessons I learned, what my overall goals are.

- Open conversation with my wife, close friends and family about how they are doing and about how I am doing.

- DONATE!!!! I try to regularly donate food and clothing to my local salvation army. If I pass someone on the street who is homeless, I'll hand them any food I have with me, a bottle of water, clothing, etc.

- Add value to others - I spend about 1-2 hours per day on BP, FB, IG, phone, text, email JUST sharing any information I have on RE to folks who are NOT looking for my services. I believe in the law of attraction so this typically seems to result in referral business when its least expected.

- Smile! Watch or read something funny to give your mood a little boost and get your mind off of whatever is bothering you...

I could go on and on as you can see haha... Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and I look forward to reading the other responses.

Have an excellent day!

Abel

Originally posted by @Bill Plymouth :

Hey everyone.  I'm sure at some point, the majority of you have had to deal with depression.  Sometimes, it can be completely debilitating and throws me off my groove for months at a time.  Let's be honest, shoving my emotions down and "just dealing with them" is probably a big cause of my problem.  I've done that all my life.  I'm starting to realize that isn't a solid long term solution and can cause more problems down the line.  I've never really considered the effects of things on my mental health.  I'm in this for the long haul and need to keep myself at top performance level 24/7.  What have you done to keep your mind healthy?  When depression rears its ugly head, how do you deal with it?  What do you do to keep yourself at peak performance?  

I exercise. It really helps with the stress. I'm not talking a slow walk or light calisthenics here, I am talking about pushing super hard, being soaked in sweat and getting my heartbeat up to a high level. It has helped me deal with things so much better than in the past.

My faith as a Christian gets me through these times .. and there’s plenty of these challenging debilitating times in life . Good deeds and Positive affirmations can only do so much . There are times when you must look outside yourself for the solution  

Exercise your *** off. A bucket load of sweat usually carries a ton of depression away with it. It's hard to feel too depressed when your body is wore out. It will quiet your mind. It's also got science behind it, and some famous people have used that method effectively; Teddy Roosevelt was afflicted with depression and used exercise to keep it at bay (and also cure his sickly nature as a kid). 

There are four important basic building blocks which help a person have a strong enough foundation to weather the stressful times.  Daily exercise, proper diet, getting enough sleep, and quiet time.  You will also find other things which you may or may not need but for me those 4 are very important.  

@Bill Plymouth First off, I’m glad you posted this, I have a feeling it’s a topic not discussed enough on professional forums.

For me personally, it is anxiety, not depression, I’m definitely not an expert in this field, but I think it’s likely they have similar remedies.

It’s already been mentioned several times and I couldn’t agree more that working out hard and consistently is the most helpful.

Other things that help me are going out of my way to be more social then I feel like being, talking to people will typically calm me down.

Cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

Staying as busy as humanly possible, even being pissed off about losing a good deal will shake the anxiety loose and get the juices flowing.

@Bill Plymouth thank you for sharing. It takes a lot to be open about such things.

It took me a long time to realize I suffer from depression. It seems as if unless you have considered suicide, no one in the health field takes depression seriously.

My depression manifests itself  as tiredness an total lack of motivation, including many things that would normally excite me. Frankly some of the recommended options like exercise don't seem to help me.

What has helped, depression medication, sunlight, spending time with friends, and as @Abel Curiel mentioned striving to better myself. One audio book that I found valuable was "Ego is the Enemy" It is about how often we fret about how others will think of us. It helped me realize, it is more important to be the best me, than what others think of me. 

@Bill Plymouth first off thanks for sharing. I believe creating an affirmation for yourself that you know will help get you siked. Aside from that I would suggest that you brainstorm what are these negative aspects of your life and figure a means to overcome them. First start off small working piece by piece. Soon you will begin to notice at each small victory, it becomes a snowball effect where you're wanting more. As soon you get in that habit of conquering each negative aspect. You will continue to push forward not allowing things to bring you down again.

Even after you feel you have overcome all those negative aspects. You can keep going by adding positive goals for yourself. All hope is lost when you begin to give up and not care anymore.

REI can take a toll on your mental health. I was there not too long ago.

Id work on the houses any chance I got, I pushed aside relationships, I stopped eating, it was like tunnel vision. Eventually it brought me a lot of pain. 

What has helped me is dedicating time to those who offer support. I believe it is very important to reaffirm the good in people. There are friends out there that will go the distance with you, but you need to be able to ask for help. Its like the saying "A closed mouth don't get fed". 

Some things ive done that helped me tremendously:

- Exercise (I am lacking in this area now, and packing on the lbs)

- Meditation 

- Prayer

- Spending time with loved ones (I know you are probably busy, but make time for those who matter, no matter how tough it is).

- REST! The biggest lesson ive learned, is to chill a bit. Its ok to spend a couple nights being a bum! Don't overdue it. Ive actually stopped going to the gym because between my W2 and fixing up homes, IM EXHAUSTED! I sleep just fine after it all. When life tones down a bit I will hit the weights again. 

Good luck, and I hope things get better for you soon!

Hello @Dennis M. As I mentioned before I’m new at the Teal Estate Investing world. I read the majority of your post and I like to be in touch with you since we are from the same area and I’m looking for advices on how to started. I’m from Macungie PA.

Can I send you a PM?

Have a good day !

@Bill Plymouth ,

It's an interesting topic, because "investors" are associated with being rich,and if you have money-- why in the world would you be depressed? 

It is sometimes depressing and very isolating, you sacrifice so much when everyone else is having their best life.   I combat it by focusing on my friendships, staying caught up with friends, so having a core network of friends who just like you for you, where you can just be you-- is the most important thing IMO.  

"If money can solve your problems, you don't have real problems."

Another thing, is just focusing on what you HAVE, not what you don't.   If you're healthy, you should be grateful and take care of yourself.  Physically, work out, mentally-- focus on your connections with your spouse, friends, family,  human connections and relationships are a crucial part of sanity IMO.   If you have friends and family who love you, you're way ahead of others.  

As @Abel Curiel pointed out-- GIVE BACK!   Find a bigger purpose than yourself and make it happen.  Whether it's donating your time/money/energy-- GIVE BACK-- not for them, but for you.   We got a new tenant,and she asked for a screen door-- when we picked up rent, she was so happy to show it off, and was so incredibly appreciative, she gave me a hug  and thanked me... it was  a small gesture, but man I felt great after that!  Another tenant-- we spent an extra $150 on a fancy SS stove vs. cheap white one, and wow-- they were so happy!!!  Figure out how you can give back to help-- maybe Big Brothers to a kid, maybe find someone you can mentor--or spend time at SPCA,  I dunno-- but figure out how you can make the world a better place.   One thing my Grandma asked me a few weeks before passing (RIP), was "Are you using the gifts God gave you as an individual for good?"  

Last suggestion-- be appreciative not just for what you have, but for those that have helped you!  I have a tradition of each Thanksgiving, I sent 5-10 thank you notes to friends/family, and just letting them know I appreciate them and value them and I throw in a $25 gift card.  Try it, you'll feel better and will surprise them! :)

Howdy. I've dealt with mild to moderate depression since I was a kid; I had a lot of anxiety. My mom made me take Ritalin and based on articles I've read I'm sure it did more harm than good.

Things that help: I've always played sports but lifting weights started during high school; I stopped at some point in college, got skinny again and a fraternity brother told me I needed to lift and I got so annoyed by that comment I started lifting again and never stopped. Going to the gym and lifting weights really helps me as does going on nature walks. Whatever you enjoy that's active, consider doing regularly.

I think another issue I had was feeling like I was floating around in life without a purpose; due to that I felt uninspired and like I had no plan. 

Buying multi-family properties and self-managing has helped that - I have a plan, know what needs done and because I know how much money I'll be making (and it comes in consistently) it has really helped keep me stress free, which I really like; and I feel like real estate has helped me manage stress better as well. 

Eating healthy is big too. Too much sugar and caffeine isn't a good thing; eat healthy. It definitely makes a difference. If you can keep inflammation down in the body (keep hydrated, use anti-inflammation spices like turmeric, limit sugar intake, don't eat late at night so you can intermittent fast) you'll be healthier, will manage stress better and when your body doesn't feel sluggish I believe sadness and depression have less of a chance of showing up. 

I think limiting/cutting out negative things is very useful as well: negative friends and family, negative TV/negative news, social media as a whole, negative music, etc. 

When I feel negativity or sadness coming on I analyze it; it doesn't happen as often as it did when I was younger; and sometimes I don't know why I'm feeling agitated or sad. 

Growing up there was a point when I had low self-esteem and I really cared about what people thought about me - I was seriously named 'most likely to be nervous' in my senior yearbook. I've really done a 180 and don't care about what people think and it's a wondering thing. It's silly how much it used to bother me. I never felt like I fit in and probably needed validation to some degree; living in that reality will never make one happy and thank goodness I matured, grew as a person and realized the truth.  

I think when one cuts down a lot of the silly things like this (and other things like trying to impress others or doing things because that's what society says) a lot of life's B.S. simply dissolves and you can experience life without a dirty lens. 

And there are always things one can do to feel better - being selfless - volunteering, self-improvement, the things I listed above, reconnecting with people you care about, and hanging out with animals (I love hanging out with dogs!).

Hopefully you and others have gained some useful ideas from this thread. I'm happy you posted as depression and sadness is a topic that's often ignored or hidden but shouldn't be. 

@Bill Plymouth Thanks for sharing Bill. I can relate to the ups and downs of real estate at times. Something that I do are the following:

1. Practice Prayer

2. Start a Grateful Journal (This has helped me get things into Perspective"

3. Hire a Life Coach for Personal Growth

4. Read the Book "The Noticer" by Andy Andrews.  GREAT READ, and REALLY HELPS ME get things into perspective!

Thanks, Brett

@Bill Plymouth First and foremost, I commend you for sharing and being so vulnerable because, many of us, as entrepreneurs, are so concerned with how we would look if we talked about things like this. 

I remember the times I heard about Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I could not stop but think why?!!! We all wanted to be Anthony Bourdain travelling the world eating amazing food and hanging out with cool people. Equally, many probably envied Kate Spade for her success in the fashion world. This just to show that our world isn't black and white. 

Life is very interesting and many of us can easily be lost in the chase of "stuff" and/or keeping with Joneses.  

To answer your questions

What have you done to keep your mind healthy?

  •  🧠Mind Fortification: Read a ton of self-help and psychology books. Yes, one can read all the Real Estate books in the world but then without feeding your brain with other types of knowledge, then one could become an educated unmotivated bum! I reming myself that REI is a long game and not a GRQ scheme.
  • 🧘Meditation: When some people see or hear meditation they automatically think monk in a robe or being flaky or whatever; however, that just isn't true. The kind of meditation I am referring to here is the one called "Taking Quiet Time", its from a guy called Trevor G Blake, the author of Three Simple Steps, great book by the way.
  • 🎥 YouTube: Yes, this one is so KEY! Think about this for a second: imagine we eat for a whole year and not pass anything out, won't that be very interesting? It is kind of what we do with our brains, we allow things into our mind voluntarily or otherwise via television, Social Media (the worst), family, friends, and a myriad of avenues, but don't clean out any brain poop 💩. I think constant listening to motivational speakers on YouTube helps with dislodging some of our preconceived notions and replace it with better truths.  

When depression rears its ugly head, how do you deal with it?

  • 🙏Gratitude: If you are living in America today, you are amongst the luckiest human begins alive. (FULL STOP)
  • Of course, when you are down and out and not feeling like doing anything, this is not the first thing that comes to one's mind. That said, it is important to zoom out of our ME-ME situation and think about others in the world. A great quote from Zig Ziglar is “You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.” When we start forcing ourselves to think about "how can I help somebody else today without expecting anything in return is when things start to take a new turn.
  • 🎧 Listen to Inspiring MusicNot REI podcast lol, that usually doesn't during the down moments
  • 🚶‍♂️Walk in the woods (or park): There is actually research that suggests walking in the woods can lead to moments of transcendence because we feel so small in the woods and we start to appreciate how big our world is and how small we are relative to it. 

What do you do to keep yourself at peak performance?

  • 😴SLEEP: Most of us entrepreneurs pride ourselves on "working long hours" like a badge of honour (some even say I will sleep when I die 😲😲😲) - I mean who says that! 
  • 🗣️SELF-TALK: Many people assume wisdom just comes naturally. No, wisdom comes from self-reflection plus solitude. In his quintessential classic book: Think And Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill takes about this and how to imagine a council of wise advisors all in your head though. Now, I get it this doesn't help if someone is already feeling like they are losing their mind but I think there is value in self-talk and reflection because you start to solve your own problems. Of course, there should be a time to know when to seek outside help. 
  • ✈️ TRAVEL: Don't just stay in the resort go out and speak to the locals. Most people live and die within a few miles of where they were born. Travel can help to get some perspective and help with gratitude. 

Hope this helps somebody out there I know it helps me. 

@Bill Plymouth

There are very few people that are totally OK - without some depression or mental struggle.

Base Ideas like love and happiness on daily decisions to be that instead of your attitudes being based on the emotions of the moment.

Originally posted by @Bill Plymouth :

Hey everyone.  I'm sure at some point, the majority of you have had to deal with depression.  Sometimes, it can be completely debilitating and throws me off my groove for months at a time.  Let's be honest, shoving my emotions down and "just dealing with them" is probably a big cause of my problem.  I've done that all my life.  I'm starting to realize that isn't a solid long term solution and can cause more problems down the line.  I've never really considered the effects of things on my mental health.  I'm in this for the long haul and need to keep myself at top performance level 24/7.  What have you done to keep your mind healthy?  When depression rears its ugly head, how do you deal with it?  What do you do to keep yourself at peak performance?  

 Pray

Meditate & Envision My Goals

Exercise in the Gym

when I do the above - and I wake up at 5 AM, my mind is positive and my day becomes incredibly successful...

and I TAKE A NAP in the afternoon too (helps relax and clear my mind)

@Bill Plymouth  thank you for sharing this topic. I agree with others that it is inspiring and motivating to see others take the time to be vulnerable and share a topic that, though we are making some progress against the stigma of mental health in the US, it is still unfortunately viewed as weakness especially in business. 

@Abel Curiel I felt really hit the nail on the head. These are all great points and worthy of being practiced. What I noticed helped the most for myself and others is doing the exact opposite of what depression wants from you. Depression often isolates us, makes us feel embarrassed to share our thoughts and views on life with others, lies and tells us that if everything is going well you shouldn't feel this way and its a feeling that will eventually go away or be ignored. Doing the opposite for me helps fight these symptoms. Seeking professional help, speak with others you trust like close family and friends often, taking time to meditate and slow down to acknowledge your mental state and not ignore it or push it aside for the sake of your business or anything. It much like running with a small rock in your shoe. Yes you can initially ignore it but the problem will continue to get worse till it gets addressed.

Thanks again for posting this topic!

@Bill Plymouth

I wake up early. Meditate and pray, go to the gym for an hour, come home make breakfast for my wife and kid. If my morning shifts from this everything is off. I need the meditation to center myself, gym to get my mind going, and make breakfast for my wife and kid to remind myself it's not about me.

I never sit idol. I'm either reading, listening to a podcast, or working in one way or another. It also helps to talk to a professional and see what their take on it is. Everyone's story is different just like everyone solution is as well.

Good luck and great topic!

Hey everyone!  Thanks for chiming in!  Sorry for the silence.  I’ve tried to step back from everything for a bit.  I really appreciate the feed back here. This really is an amazing community and I’m happy to be a part of it.  Thank you all for your advice and kind responses !

What have you done to keep your mind healthy? When depression rears its ugly head, how do you deal with it? What do you do to keep yourself at peak performance?

1) Get with a medical professional to make sure its not something organic

2) Keep up with exercise and diet (Diet will screw up your ability to focus)

3) If you are in a moment, do NOT make big decisions until your situation is stabilized.

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