Wife doesn't want a second house hack

Modesto/Merced, California
House Hacking
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Wife doesn't want a second house hack

Josh Romo
Member since 2021 路 6 posts 路 12 votes

Hey BP fam,

We have been house hacking for a year now everything has gone great it is my wife and I +3 daughters. As the market corrects i was saving up to grab another house to hack. 


Unfortunately my wife is not on the same page as me. She would lime a SFH just for us and the kids. Once we leave the current house it will cash flow $1800.


has anyone else been in the same situation? I fear that once i get the next property our investing into RE stops there until she finishes school in 4 more years 馃槶.


Our rents have so far covered mortage+HOA and solar bills and zero cash flow. One lender has said they will count 75% of rental income towards pur DTI is that average or are there better lenders out there?

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Most Popular Reply

James DainardPro Member
Real Estate Broker 路 Bellevue, WA 路 Member since 2015 路 415 posts 路 1k+ votes
4y

Hey Josh,

We see this a lot in the industry don't worry.

The ideal situation would be to find a small multifamily property that you can get on an owner-occupied loan. Ideally a duplex on a 3.5% down FHA.

Here in the PNW we see a lot of split-level homes that get converted into two units by adding a kitchen downstairs though I'm not sure that'd be enough space for you and your family.

The ADU/DADU is a great place to look as well. There should be some options/layouts that suite your wifes needs.

Best of luck man!

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  • Sergey A. Petrov
    Real Estate Consultant 路 Seattle, WA 路 Member since 2022 路 1k+ posts 路 784 votes
    4y

    Personal and business lives do not always mix. Your wife wants a home for you guys and the kids. You are more focused on real estate investing. There is a balance somewhere but I can tell you that a happy household is worth more than the next household! And, no, your investing career is not over, you鈥檒l just need to pivot a bit.

    12Reply
  • Josh Romo
    OP
    Member since 2021 路 6 posts 路 12 votes
    4y
    Quote from @Sergey A. Petrov:

    Personal and business lives do not always mix. Your wife wants a home for you guys and the kids. You are more focused on real estate investing. There is a balance somewhere but I can tell you that a happy household is worth more than the next household! And, no, your investing career is not over, you鈥檒l just need to pivot a bit.


     Looks like I just need to change my mindset and try to slow down youngest kids are 5 and I wanted to get as many homes as possible before they are 9 and get close to friends. I'm not sure where my pivot will be.

    putting down 5% is better than 20% in our current situation. Guess I'll just keep stacking cash and try to get our next home at 5% then a investment property at 20%

    0Reply
  • Aanu Jibodu
    Member since 2022 路 6 posts 路 8 votes
    4y

    Is there a way to comprise with your wife?One strategy I've heard of is purchasing a SF with an ADU or in-law suite, or perhaps a basement with a private entry, and renting that out. That might allow more privacy and maybe she would be more on board with that?

    Also, congrats on the successful HH! I鈥檓 currently getting ready to do my first.

    6Reply
  • Josh Romo
    OP
    Member since 2021 路 6 posts 路 12 votes
    4y
    Quote from @Aanu Jibodu:

    Is there a way to comprise with your wife?One strategy I've heard of is purchasing a SF with an ADU or in-law suite, or perhaps a basement with a private entry, and renting that out. That might allow more privacy and maybe she would be more on board with that?

    Also, congrats on the successful HH! I鈥檓 currently getting ready to do my first.


     We will need to talk about a compromise definitely difficult when a significant other is not in the same page 馃槙 

    We are in CA so plenty of ADUs and in-laws I will look into those. 

    I look forward to seeing how you enjoy house hacking in the near future.

    0Reply
  • David M.
    Morris County, NJ 路 Member since 2020 路 5k+ posts 路 2k+ votes
    4y

    @Josh Romo

    Sorry, I'm not getting into marriage counseling  :(

    Yes, 75% of the rent, not profit, is pretty standard when trying to qualify for a loan.

    Pretty much, you need to just bank on getting more cash.  That's why this is investing, and not a job.

    I had one couple "break up" with each other to buy the next home...  Not so sure how that looks..

    Good luck.

    0Reply
  • Sergey A. Petrov
    Real Estate Consultant 路 Seattle, WA 路 Member since 2022 路 1k+ posts 路 784 votes
    4y


    @Josh Romo - buy a second home or a cabin that your family will enjoy spending time at for vacations and rent it out the rest of the time. You can do a lower downpayment on those and everybody is happy!

    2Reply
  • JD MartinBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Rock Star Extraordinaire 路 Northeast, TN 路 Member since 2015 路 10k+ posts 路 16k+ votes
    4y
    Quote from @Sergey A. Petrov:


    @Josh Romo - buy a second home or a cabin that your family will enjoy spending time at for vacations and rent it out the rest of the time. You can do a lower downpayment on those and everybody is happy!


    This could be a decent compromise. You don't live there full time but use it as a STR and take a few vacation weekends there to work on it.

    Kids are resilient but moving them around constantly to do home repair boot camp sucks for them so I get your wife's point of view. 

    Another compromise is to buy a duplex/ triplex/ quadplex and live in one unit while rehabbing the others. Or buy two houses on lots side by side. There's ways of finding something you can rehab " on site" without having to live in a construction zone.

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    1Reply
  • Theresa HarrisPro Member
    Member since 2019 路 15k+ posts 路 11k+ votes
    4y

    Find a place with no HOAs, see if you can get a separate legal suite or what about a duplex?  She probably wants her own space which is fair enough with 3 kids.

    If not, buy a place with 5% down and live there for a year or two, then turn it into a rental and repeat the process with the next house.

    0Reply
  • Account Closed
    Investor 路 Scottsdale Austin Tuktoyaktuk 路 Member since 2021 路 4k+ posts 路 4k+ votes
    4y
    Quote from @Josh Romo:

    Hey BP fam,

    We have been house hacking for a year now everything has gone great it is my wife and I +3 daughters. As the market corrects i was saving up to grab another house to hack. 


    Unfortunately my wife is not on the same page as me. She would lime a SFH just for us and the kids. Once we leave the current house it will cash flow $1800.


    has anyone else been in the same situation? I fear that once i get the next property our investing into RE stops there until she finishes school in 4 more years 馃槶.


    Our rents have so far covered mortage+HOA and solar bills and zero cash flow. One lender has said they will count 75% of rental income towards pur DTI is that average or are there better lenders out there?

    Your wife has 3 kids at home and she is in school for 4 more years? And you want to force her into another house hack?

    Stop for a moment and think about what you just said.

    Did you know that the greatest destroyer of all the weath you want to create is divorce? From the outside looking in, and having been around the block, a lot, that is where you are headed if you don't listen to your wife's needs.




    6Reply
  • Carlos Ptriawan
    Member since 2019 路 7k+ posts 路 4k+ votes
    4y
    Quote from @Account Closed:
    Quote from @Josh Romo:

    Hey BP fam,

    We have been house hacking for a year now everything has gone great it is my wife and I +3 daughters. As the market corrects i was saving up to grab another house to hack. 


    Unfortunately my wife is not on the same page as me. She would lime a SFH just for us and the kids. Once we leave the current house it will cash flow $1800.


    has anyone else been in the same situation? I fear that once i get the next property our investing into RE stops there until she finishes school in 4 more years 馃槶.


    Our rents have so far covered mortage+HOA and solar bills and zero cash flow. One lender has said they will count 75% of rental income towards pur DTI is that average or are there better lenders out there?

    Your wife has 3 kids at home and she is in school for 4 more years? And you want to force her into another house hack?

    Stop for a moment and think about what you just said.

    Did you know that the greatest destroyer of all the weath you want to create is divorce? From the outside looking in, and having been around the block, a lot, that is where you are headed if you don't listen to your wife's needs.





     I will listen to your wife if I were you and will NOT share the story in BP, it's way jus too personal and easy to resolve.

    3Reply
  • Josh Romo
    OP
    Member since 2021 路 6 posts 路 12 votes
    4y
    Quote from @Account Closed:
    Quote from @Josh Romo:

    Hey BP fam,

    We have been house hacking for a year now everything has gone great it is my wife and I +3 daughters. As the market corrects i was saving up to grab another house to hack. 


    Unfortunately my wife is not on the same page as me. She would lime a SFH just for us and the kids. Once we leave the current house it will cash flow $1800.


    has anyone else been in the same situation? I fear that once i get the next property our investing into RE stops there until she finishes school in 4 more years 馃槶.


    Our rents have so far covered mortage+HOA and solar bills and zero cash flow. One lender has said they will count 75% of rental income towards pur DTI is that average or are there better lenders out there?

    Your wife has 3 kids at home and she is in school for 4 more years? And you want to force her into another house hack?

    Stop for a moment and think about what you just said.

    Did you know that the greatest destroyer of all the weath you want to create is divorce? From the outside looking in, and having been around the block, a lot, that is where you are headed if you don't listen to your wife's needs.





     I'm at home with the kids and own my own business and work from home to support us and have been for years now.

    Divorce is not a option we have been together for a long time

    0Reply
  • Steve Vaughan
    Rental Property Investor 路 East Wenatchee, WA 路 Member since 2014 路 10k+ posts 路 16k+ votes
    4y

    We've raised our kids in a househack over the last 15 years. 

    There are 'luxury' househack options like MIL, ADUs,  carriage houses, casitas, 2 houses, etc as mentioned. 

    I get where she is coming from with plexville househacking.  Keep an eye out for luxury options, go see them and run numbers vs lifestyle case by case instead of just discussing it馃憤

    3Reply
  • Account Closed
    Investor 路 Scottsdale Austin Tuktoyaktuk 路 Member since 2021 路 4k+ posts 路 4k+ votes
    4y
    Quote from @Josh Romo:
    Quote from @Account Closed:
    Quote from @Josh Romo:

    Hey BP fam,

    We have been house hacking for a year now everything has gone great it is my wife and I +3 daughters. As the market corrects i was saving up to grab another house to hack. 


    Unfortunately my wife is not on the same page as me. She would lime a SFH just for us and the kids. Once we leave the current house it will cash flow $1800.


    has anyone else been in the same situation? I fear that once i get the next property our investing into RE stops there until she finishes school in 4 more years 馃槶.


    Our rents have so far covered mortage+HOA and solar bills and zero cash flow. One lender has said they will count 75% of rental income towards pur DTI is that average or are there better lenders out there?

    Your wife has 3 kids at home and she is in school for 4 more years? And you want to force her into another house hack?

    Stop for a moment and think about what you just said.

    Did you know that the greatest destroyer of all the weath you want to create is divorce? From the outside looking in, and having been around the block, a lot, that is where you are headed if you don't listen to your wife's needs.





     I'm at home with the kids and own my own business and work from home to support us and have been for years now.

    Divorce is not a option we have been together for a long time

     I'm not sure what a "long" time is to you, but we've been married 42 years and I respect my wife enough to know that when she says "enough", that is what she means. That doesn't mean she won't want to house hack again, she is saying she doesn't have the energy for it "right now".

    1Reply
  • Rick Albert
    Real Estate Agent 路 Los Angeles, CA 路 Member since 2018 路 2k+ posts 路 1k+ votes
    4y

    For me and my wife, we are in a similar situation.

    We discuss our long term goals and create a plan that we both can stand behind. If she doesn't want to house hack again, then what is another solution that you both can come together on to build wealth. Maybe if she sees the numbers, it will make more sense and she might be inclined to do the second house hack.

    I think the underlying issue (generally speaking), is at some point people don't want to have to keep sacrificing to make things work. Set a timeline and stick to a plan and commit. 

    0Reply
  • James DainardPro Member
    Real Estate Broker 路 Bellevue, WA 路 Member since 2015 路 415 posts 路 1k+ votes
    4y

    Hey Josh,

    We see this a lot in the industry don't worry.

    The ideal situation would be to find a small multifamily property that you can get on an owner-occupied loan. Ideally a duplex on a 3.5% down FHA.

    Here in the PNW we see a lot of split-level homes that get converted into two units by adding a kitchen downstairs though I'm not sure that'd be enough space for you and your family.

    The ADU/DADU is a great place to look as well. There should be some options/layouts that suite your wifes needs.

    Best of luck man!

    Podcast Guest on Show Seeing Greene: Paying Off Rentals, Partnerships Splits, & Using Home Equity
    12Reply
  • Bruce WoodruffPro Member
    Contractor/Investor/Consultant 路 San Diego / Phoenix 路 Member since 2021 路 12k+ posts 路 15k+ votes
    4y

    @Josh Romo A house hack for a short time is ok. Once. If you planned on doing this over and over, you should have taken on a business partner and not a wife.

    She is 100% right and you owe it to her to give her and the kids a 'normal' family life.

    There are so many other options......just go find one. ADU, STR, Buy another SFH and rent. Lots of options that don't cause a negative impact on your family.

    2Reply
  • Sam YinPro Member
    Los Angeles, CA 路 Member since 2021 路 583 posts 路 738 votes
    4y

    @Bruce Woodruff

    Took the words right out of my mouth. A wife and a business partner are two different things.

    "A long time" is subjective. People break up at 1 yr, 5 yr, even after 50 yrs. I bought a LAZY Daze RV for a cheap from a guy that divorced after 55 yrs and did not want any memory of his wife and the RV. He had a business from home and raised the kids. Looked like there was just too much business happening at home and not enough family business.

    Josh, some get lucky and find a like minded individual that can share the sacrifice. When there are kids in the mix, it becomes more difficult. The next question to ask yourself is where do you draw the line and what kind of house hold or childhood do you want the kids to grow up in. Kids do not have any say really ... but BOTH partners must agree.

    This is not to say it could not work. I think most people here are just cautioning you on the work life balance. I'm not married too long, just about 20 yrs plus 3 kids, but I dare not to tread on that issue. It's not worth it.

    3Reply
  • Chris SeveneyBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Investor 路 VA 路 Member since 2015 路 21k+ posts 路 19k+ votes
    4y

    @Josh Romo

    If you learn anything, happy wife = happy life.

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  • Ramandeep Sidhu
    Rental Property Investor 路 San Jose, CA 路 Member since 2020 路 75 posts 路 44 votes
    4y

    My wife and I are having a similar situation.  We have been house hacking and it has been great, but now we are on to the next chapter and the debate is... stay house hacking and buy another investment property or buy a personal home and enjoy the privacy.

    We still have not finalized a decision, but we are currently charting out the pro's and con's.  We are also discussing delayed gratification and the extra funds to do "Fun Things" (travel, openly shop, etc).

    I recommend breaking down the benefits and the negatives, while also laying out what the next 5, 10 and 15 years will look like if you go one route over the other.

    0Reply
  • Sabino Castelluccio
    Rental Property Investor 路 Member since 2021 路 1 post 路 0 votes
    4y

    @Josh Romo

    Selling to your wife can be the hardest sales job! Lol

    Very understandable on both sides but rather than a second house hack maybe it needs to be marketed to her differently. The second house hack brings x income to eventually get x SFH. Maybe that approach would help

    0Reply
  • Alex CraigBusiness Member
    Real Estate Professional 路 Memphis, TN 路 Member since 2009 路 1k+ posts 路 1k+ votes
    4y

    Happy wife = happy life!

    901-848-9028
    1Reply
  • Joy DeLiddo
    Real Estate Agent 路 Walnut Creek 路 Member since 2021 路 11 posts 路 2 votes
    3y

    Have you considered looking for a SFH that has an ADU on the property? Some creative fencing/Landscaping can allow for you to house hack without feeling like you are sharing the personal space giving you the privacy you maybe looking for while raising young children.

    I am currently living in a SFH and have added fencing an additional entrance/parking through my ally for private access. I created a "house hack" with a tenant I have never actually seen in person and the experience has been great! I ended up with more of an MTR strategy than a house hack but I think it works.

    0Reply
  • Sarita ScherpereelBusiness Member
    Real Estate Agent 路 Chicago, IL 路 Member since 2018 路 659 posts 路 376 votes
    3y

    @Josh Romo Getting a SFH won't be the end of your investing. Especially, if you can purchase something that needs updating and has high ARV. You could make this worth the investment and uses this purchase to get a HELOC.

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  • Eliott Elias
    Investor 路 Austin, TX 路 Member since 2021 路 9k+ posts 路 5k+ votes
    3y

    Bring her on board, sounds like y'all are young. Get her to see the future family situation after you guys are financially free 

    0Reply
  • Chris SeveneyBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Investor 路 VA 路 Member since 2015 路 21k+ posts 路 19k+ votes
    3y

    @Josh Romo

    Dude if your wife isn鈥檛 on board then it鈥檚 a no go.

    That鈥檚 not a battle you want to fight. Investing needs to be mutually agreed upon.

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