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The more investors I talk with the more I am convinced that the lost art of conversing and getting to understand a seller and their needs has been replaced with handing over complicated forms and giving low-ball offers.  It seems in this fast-paced, digitalized, G4 world, we have forgotten how to make friends before making the deal.

The first 19 appointments I ever met with sellers and toured their homes took no shorter than 4 hours every time.  Why? I loathed the “closing” point of every sale.  I would keep delaying the “Can I buy your home?” question by continuing to ask more and more questions of the sellers, both business and personal questions.  I ended up buying 11 clean, cash-flowing mobile homes in less than 7 months.  How was I able to buy so many without using cash or credit?

“Whoever controls the questions controls the conversation.” Ask questions and listen for the answers.  These heart to heart “Question and Answer” sessions really opened-up sellers to revealing the real rock bottom prices they will accept, or the least interest rate a seller will collect to carry back financing, if he is willing to sell the home “subject to” the existing mortgage.

Over the next few months I became more and more comfortable, more and more proficient.  I then realized it was taking me more appointments to close the same amount of deals.  In other words I was getting worse at being an investor.  I realized, by trial and error that because I was so comfortable buying, holding and selling homes I was taking my sellers for granted. I was starting to see my sellers as big dollar signs rather than people.  People with problems, dreams, and concerns.

Here is how I started to sabotage my own success:

1. I started cutting off a seller mid-sentence, talking about trivial objections.  Here is a tip: Count to three in your head after the seller stops talking and then you can begin talking.
2. I would quickly correct a seller’s wrong statement to show him how much I knew about real estate.  Wait until the seller is finished talking to discuss any wrong information the seller may be holding.  Never argue with the seller.
3. I would only make one or two offers max. (Instead of my usual four creative offers method.)  I began thinking I knew what was best for the seller.  I began to half-ass my efforts in my day to day investing life.

It did not take long to realize the problem was me.   I now spend less than one hour meeting with most sellers; we talk about family and social events, discuss the seller’s problems, create a few Win-Win solutions, present offers, make slight changes, make a deal, sign paperwork, answer questions and leave.

Bottom line:  Do not became too comfortable and close the door to friendship, cooperation and making Win-Win deals with sellers. Always keep your seller’s MINIMUM goal in mind when you are making offers.  Remember without solving the seller’s problem you will never create a deal.

Happy Investing

–          J. fed

Photo: Jim Legans

Note By BiggerPockets: These are opinions written by the author and do not necessarily represent the opinions of BiggerPockets.