Negative Nancy Naysayer Family Members

Springfield, MO · Member since 2017 · 158 posts · 114 votes

Just curious how many of my BP family has experienced negative pushback from family members when you discuss your real estate goals with them? I remember watching one of the webinars recently where they talked about telling everyone you knew your goals. Well pretty much everyone I've talked to thinks it's a bad idea. "You'd be crazy to waste your money like that" is just one of the responses I've gotten.

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Linda S.

Investor · Richmond, VA · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes

@Jessie Nunley

"Don't take advice from anyone you wouldn't trade shoes with"

Don't worry about them, you will get A LOT of negative feedback, being scared about the "what if" scenarios, whereas if you have a business plan-- trust it and move forward! If you think you can do it, and logically it makes sense-- do it!

Don't let naysayers bother you, those type of people live off fear. We currently have 5 properties, and one of my friends said "OMG, what if all 5 HVACs went out at 1 time, you'd be broke!" stuff like that, totally normal for simple minded people.. whereas if you run it like a business, it's all part of the plan.

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Joel OwensBusiness Member
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Real Estate Broker · Canton, GA · Member since 2010 · 15k+ posts · 11k+ votes
9y
If I listened to my mother in law's unsolicited advice 14 years ago I would be busting my knuckles and back for 15 bucks an hour working on cars.
Instead in some cases my return is over 1,000 an hour.
People give advice based on FEAR. It's how 90% of society lives. Not taking action for fear of loss rather than realizing not taking action makes them lose much more.
I am working on developing a 200,000 sq ft retail center from the ground up right now. You think I am not scared everyday? Sure I am human like anyone else. Fear is good in some cases as it helps you reason and take calculated risks versus stupid risks.
There is a balance to everything in life. I can live with failing because you learn. I can't live with not trying. Always wondering what would have been will eat you alive inside. I see people walk around sometimes and you can tell they once had a dream buried deep down that they gave up on but you know they really still want to go for it.
Never give up on your dreams!
Podcast Guest on Show #47
NNN Invest53 Reviews
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Matt J.
Rental Property Investor · Hugo, MN · Member since 2014 · 283 posts · 257 votes
9y
This is a great topic. I have definitely experienced this, and in my experience, as some other people have already mentioned, the best thing to do is to just wait for people to ask you about it. I got my first place back in April and told family about it. Mostly they were excited and asked me a lot of questions, but since then, they don't really ask me about it. That's totally fine. I think that the less you mention it to people unsolicited, the less negative feedback you'll get. I would also recommend waiting until you do a deal to tell your family; that's what I did. I didn't need any second guesses clouding my judgement on whether a place was a good deal.
Now, the flip side. I know a lot of people mention you should tell everybody you know that you invest in real estate. I think that's a great idea, but I don't think it makes sense to bring it up more than once or twice with a person if they've not expressed interest in what you do. In the end, your decisions are your own, and anybody who doubts it will be silenced when they see what you've been able to accomplish!
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Paul B.
Rental Property Investor · Dallas, TX · Member since 2015 · 501 posts · 504 votes
9y
I appreciate the opportunity to have people poke holes in some of my ideas. When you surround yourself with like-minded people (such as on this forum, or in a local networking group) you end up talking to a bunch of people who all think alike, and sometimes it takes an outsider to point out a fatal flaw in what you're doing, or to anticipate a risk that you didn't see.
So I find ways to gently work my real estate activities into casual conversation, without beating anyone over the head with it.
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Michael Hayworth
Contractor · Fort Worth, TX · Member since 2015 · 379 posts · 740 votes
9y
Originally posted by @Andrew Johnson:
@Jessie Nunley Devils advocate, it might depend on what you want to do with that money to achieve your goals. Telling someone your goal is to own 100 units and to get there you're going to spend $50K on a seminar/coaching package is different than saying you want to house-hack using a 3.5% down mortgage. One of the most valuable things you can have is someone (with no vested financial interest) trying to poke holes in your theories, assertions, plans, etc. Maybe they're right, maybe they're wrong, but at the very least you have some feedback. The worse thing (in my opinion) is to get revved up with positive feedback that never has you question your plans, goals, and route to get there.
Andrew has it right here. Real criticism is incredibly valuable.
I own several businesses. One of them is a franchise of a national direct mailing company that serves small businesses. I have sat down with entrepreneurs who've wasted their entire life savings on their new venture, all because no one in their family wanted to be blunt with them and tell them their idea sucked, or that they weren't cut out for running a business. They'd be struggling and decide to buy advertising to try to get more clients, but their really problem was they needed a better business plan.
It's true that there are a lot of negative people in the world, and many times people just want to put you down. But try engaging them in actual conversation to see if there's something, no matter how small, you can learn from their concerns. Over 30 years of running my own businesses and other people's businesses, I've realized I'd much rather have family and friends criticize my ideas, so that I can try to learn from it, than just have everyone tell me how great it's going to be.
Best wishes!
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Ian WalshBusiness Member
Lender · Philadelphia, PA · Member since 2016 · 2k+ posts · 1k+ votes
9y
Yup. Very common. You just have to have thick skin. The only support you need is your own.
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Nathan Thornton
Buy & Hold Investor · East Grand Rapids, MI · Member since 2017 · 2 posts · 2 votes
9y
@Jessie Nunley - if you enjoyed Rich Dad, Poor Dad, check out Kiyosaki's CashFlow Quadrant. This book takes RDPD a step further, and for me, was just as eye opening. It talks about what quadrant people and their thinking fall into as it pertains to income and investing and it will directly address the negative feedback you are working through. If you read it, you will find out that your naysayers are most likely in the "E" quadrant, and these are the individuals who will be coming to you for money after they enter retirement.
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Paul B.
Rental Property Investor · Dallas, TX · Member since 2015 · 501 posts · 504 votes
9y
Many super-successful people have a story about how everyone laughed at them, and said their idea would never work, and they got fired from their job because their idea was so bad, so they started their own company to pursue that one idea and look where they are today, blah blah blah...
But there are way more people for whom the naysayers were right: it was a dumb idea. Or in some cases, it was a good idea, but the person who had it wasn't the right one to execute it (lack of business sense, for example), and the idea never got off the ground. Those people could have used some more persistent naysayers in their lives to question what they are doing.
On the other hand, there are probably some who don't regret sacrificing their life savings (and health and personal relationships) toiling away at their dream. For some people, they would have regretted it more if they didn't try.
Here's a relevant article from the Onion that makes me laugh.
Computer Company Started in Garage Now in Smaller Garage
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Travis Dawson
Investor · Moscow, ID · Member since 2017 · 107 posts · 76 votes
9y
They caution you because they love you. They aren't trying to hold you back. Not every Real estate story is a successful one. There are plenty of failure stories out there as well.
You would be best served by listening to their doubts, answering their questions, and if necessarily refining your goals or plans. It can only make your plan of action stronger.
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David Sray
Investor · Georgetown, TX · Member since 2016 · 54 posts · 13 votes
9y
Nothing particularly inspirational to add, but thought I'd throw in my own experience.
My parents have always been extremely supportive of what I do, but they are also very risk-averse, and always have been. Not understanding real estate, and the comparatively large sums of money involved, make my mom, especially, worry pretty strongly about what I'm doing. I find you just have to be able to push through the constant concerns and the well-meaning advice, and take the risk. Even if it's not at all overtly hostile, the subtle negative drag does tend to sap your enthusiasm at times. Just gotta remember the end goal and keep pushing through.
I see it mostly as fear of the unknown, really. First it was worry about keeping our old house as a rental when we moved into a new one. When that went well, and I decided to try to buy a duplex, it was worry about managing multiple tenants, and fixing it up, and ongoing repairs. I think there will always be items you have to deal with, and you just gotta accept that as the cost of doing business in order to build wealth for yourself. That's easier to do when you're the person who's making it happen then for those outside who don't quite understand why you're willing to take a risk.
My family, though skeptics, were very helpful when I was fixing up the property to rent, especially my dad. He was there laying floor, helping me fix plumbing, and putting in new toilets. I think they're slowly coming around, but you still gotta keep pushing through the doubts. It would be awesome if they would get as excited as I am about the prospect of finding additional units, but I've accepted that's not terribly likely, and that's ok. I know they'll be there if I need to get a new water heater in, repair the trim, or figure out landscaping.
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Jordan Decuir
Rental Property Investor · Katy, TX · Member since 2013 · 417 posts · 171 votes
9y
Jessie Nunley just keep educating yourself and moving forward wisely. I remember when I purchased my first rental property, a family member asked, "Why would you do that for only a few hundred dollars each month after you pay expenses?" I briefly explained a couple of the reasons and that "oh yeah, not to mention that the few hundred dollars per month that you're asking about equates to about a 10% cash on cash return. How many of the stocks that you own pay you a 10% annualized dividend and also have a very high probability to increase in value over time on top of that?"
5 Reply
Addam Driver
Investor · Atlanta, GA · Member since 2017 · 69 posts · 54 votes
9y
I've had a to deal with that a lot with family members. It's not so much they don't "get it" but their can't wrap their minds around it. They have this comfort in knowing I have a 9-5 and be stressed out like the rest of them. I found investing to be awesome! I plan on doing MUCH more of it. It's freeing to know every deal that closes, I get closer and closer to kicking over a trash can on my way out. hahaha.
Also @Linda S. GREAT QUOTE! I hope you don't mind me stealing it.
Cheers everyone!
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Jessie Nunley
OP
Springfield, MO · Member since 2017 · 158 posts · 114 votes
9y
@Michael Hayworth thank you for the response!
0 Reply
Jessie Nunley
OP
Springfield, MO · Member since 2017 · 158 posts · 114 votes
9y
@Nathan Thornton I plan to read more of his books in the following weeks. Thank you for the response!
0 Reply
Jessie Nunley
OP
Springfield, MO · Member since 2017 · 158 posts · 114 votes
9y
@Linda Weygant thank you for the response! I will use their fears and my own to guide me on this wonderful journey! I literally had one of them tell me "all tenants are bad and will just destroy your sh**!"
0 Reply
Jessie Nunley
OP
Springfield, MO · Member since 2017 · 158 posts · 114 votes
9y
@Joel Owens Love the story! I truly believe they give advice based on fear as well. Much like what is said in Rich Dad Poor Dad. Thank you for the response!
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Julia Shevchenko
Contractor · Hollywood, MD · Member since 2016 · 139 posts · 47 votes
9y
I'm surrounded by family members that are "concerned", they don't say No directly, but cover it with "a job will give you security and benefits..." etc. Their words constantly buzz in my mind, but my drive and passion to succeed buzzes louder. I fuel myself by regularly going to my REIA meeting, calling other investors, lunch meeting, and generally surrounding myself with the people that have achieved what I want.
Read "Outwitting the devil" by Napoleon Hill!! This book erased 95 % of my fear, especially on taking action, as in making cold call, knocking on doors. You need to take massive action, and use your RE network to make things happen. You don't need to be an expert, and know anything. Just seize opportunity and use other peoples knowledge, money, skills etc.
1 Reply
Jessie Nunley
OP
Springfield, MO · Member since 2017 · 158 posts · 114 votes
9y
@Matt J. I think many of us have experienced this type of feedback throughout our lives in many aspects of life. I have heard before that I should tel everyone that I want to and do invest in real estates but I will be dialing back on who I tell from now on.
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Jessie Nunley
OP
Springfield, MO · Member since 2017 · 158 posts · 114 votes
9y
@Paul B. I plan to include more people who think like we do in my life from here on out! Thank you for the response!
1 Reply
Jessie Nunley
OP
Springfield, MO · Member since 2017 · 158 posts · 114 votes
9y
@Ian Walsh thank you for the response!
0 Reply
Jessie Nunley
OP
Springfield, MO · Member since 2017 · 158 posts · 114 votes
9y
@Travis Dawson I am sure it truly is out of love. They are really just trying to protect us from something they see as fearful! Thank you for the response!
1 Reply
Jessie Nunley
OP
Springfield, MO · Member since 2017 · 158 posts · 114 votes
9y
@Julia Shevchenko thank you for the response! I plan to add a whole lot more like minded people to my life in the near future!
0 Reply
Travis Dawson
Investor · Moscow, ID · Member since 2017 · 107 posts · 76 votes
9y
@Jessie Nunley

as a side note, I don't know how long you have been stationed in Mountain Home, but I grew up in that area and still visit all the time for family. If you had questions I might be able to help.
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Jessie Nunley
OP
Springfield, MO · Member since 2017 · 158 posts · 114 votes
9y
@Travis Dawson I have been stationed in Mountain Home for about 4 years. I won't be here much longer. My girlfriend and I plan on investing back where we grew up once we are both out of the military!
0 Reply
Gallagher Wilson
Real Estate Investor · Seattle, WA · Member since 2016 · 30 posts · 12 votes
9y
@Jessie Nunley I don't recommend cutting out family just because they're negative, but certainly doesn't mean you have to listen to them. However, something I've heard that has been helpful: You will be the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. That said, you wanna get serious and good at REI? Find 5 people who you aspire to be like, and spend time with them, work deals with them, etc. If you're doing it right, you won't be sitting around listening to the negativity, and those you choose to surround yourself with can help reinforce your goals!
4 Reply
Aaron Gaffney
Investor · Santa Barbara, CA · Member since 2016 · 75 posts · 35 votes
9y
RDPD was such a game changer for me!
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