How to educate parents? Help!

Question

Hey Guys,

I am just done with college and ready to take on the world. In the process to make financial decisions my parents tend to weight heavily on what they thing I should do which also carry poor financial decisions. (ex: buy new car, other not needed expenses) My parents spend money like its thrown into a fire, how do i lead/set an example for them while being respectful. I want them to see the benefits of what i am doing but its a little hard right now as i am just getting started in my FIRE journey. Need encouragement and Ideas for help.

Thanks BP Family.

Mike Cumbie · Answer

Hi @Gavin DeHaai,

Are they still supporting you? If yes, then trying to tell the person who pays for the house you live in, food you eat, electricity you use etc how your way is better, can't come off in a respectful manner. If the answer is no, then just do you. Let them do them. Some people enjoy the fancy cars, dinner out every night, redecorating rooms every 2 years. Other people love socking away every penny while eating Ramen noodles, spending nights just watching a bank account grow. I can't say what way is better. I can only say what way is better for me.

Just my 2 cents and good luck!

Todd Pultz · Answer

@Gavin DeHaai I grew up very poor in a trailer court and never received financial advice from my father. I didn’t even know how to open a checking account. Sounds a little diffrent than you as you said parents spend, but same concept. You just have to do you! Be HUMBLE but don’t be afraid to let people see your doing well (when you are). Success is contagious and others will seek your knowledge(when you have it).

With my parents, I drug them into my financial planner and had him lay out there money flow through retirement and allowed them to see the deficiency they would experience. I also made sure they knew how much debt and funeral costs I would be stuck with when they passed. Sounds cold, but this was the only thing that stuck!

Don’t be pushy, and wait until you have success yourself to approach. One very irritating thing on BP and other forums is when I see new investors with 1-2 properties trying to give complicated advice or worse, selling “their” system. There are some really incredible people in the real estate world and so many podcast to choose from if you want to leave subtle advice.

Learn, experience success, be humble and the results will be others following if they Want To!

Dennis Cosgrave · Answer

The best thing you can do is lead by example. Follow your own path and if and when you are successful, the results will speak for themselves. Kudos to you for not blindly following THEIR example. I discovered a long time ago that you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. People only change when they want to.

Darius Ogloza · Answer

I once tried to help good friends who were own on their luck to develop a retirement strategy by bringing them into a real estate investment and teaching them that deferring some enjoyment now was essential to leading a good life overall.  I learned the hard way that people who consistently make poor decisions for failure to defer pleasure cannot be helped by outsiders.  They either figure it out themselves, end up sponging off of others or live on dog food in the end.

It sounds terrible but put your own oxygen mask on first before trying to help others or you will all perish.

Sarah Brown · Answer

Sometimes we just need to lead by example.  I would just let them know that you money is slated for other things besides buying cars or other expenses they are recommending and leave it at that.

Kelsey Folger · Answer

@Gavin DeHaai I learned as a young adult to only seek opinions from the people that I valued their opinion. Be careful about the way you talk about financial things and give fewer details if you do not want people’s opposite viewpoints.

Jared Maches · Answer

@Gavin DeHaai Being a young adult parents tend to think they are making the best decisions for you by guiding you a certain way even though that way isn’t for you. If you want to start in your RE journey get a solid job and save up your money to get into your first rental. Action speaks louder than words! Lastly, make connections with people in your area that have similar interests as you so you can stay ambitious to your goal.

Best of Luck

Gavin DeHaai · Answer

@Matt Jennissen

i love this advise man, really appreciate the encouragement!

Bonnie Low · Answer

@Gavin DeHaai this is a tough one. It's awesome that you want to be respectful of your parents. That says a lot about your upbringing. Setting boundaries with family members is really, really challenging. It's really something best done over time if you want to preserve harmony. In other words, if you consult them on everything, they're going to expect to be consulted. If you start keeping your own counsel, it becomes more natural over time. Remind them that they raised you to be smart (you just graduated from college!), hard working (it takes determination to get through college!) and that the end result of that is a man who is smart, hard working and ready to take on his own future. You might share some of the books on investing you've probably read if you're a BP investor and if you really want to try to bring them into the fold. They probably think they're trying to protect you, which is what parents usually want to do, but don't realize that their interference isn't helping, especially if it's uninformed interference. However, in my experience, most people aren't very self-reflective so don't be surprised if that backfires. You can always smile, listen to their advice and then do your own thing. Eventually, your success will speak for itself. Believe in YOU - your belief is the only one that matters.

Ian Walsh · Answer

Great thinking.  If it was me in the situation, I would focus on building my own wealth and achieving my own goals.  My parents would see the results and hopefully be aware of enought mimic my actions.

How to educate parents? Help!

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