For some reason this tenant really pushes your buttons, and she's successfully sucked you into nanner nanner arguing mode. I am half French and half Irish and you can flip a coin to decide which genes gave me the hot temper I have.
What I had to learn was to avoid at all costs, responding or making a decision when someone gets in my face - whether that's in person or not.
So, just to address your issues with temper and this tenant, these are some things that work for me:
1) Avoid any face-to-face contact with an argumentative tenant, as much as possible.
2) Never answer their calls. Let them go to voicemail. Listen to the rant when you're ready. Wait to respond until you believe you can do so as if you are a calm lawyer. This is the role model you want to have in your mind. What would a calm lawyer do in any situation?
3) Only deal with them in writing, as much as possible - and that does not include texts from your end. If they text you, you respond with an email that summarizes their text, and gives your response. Again, never respond right away. Stop. Be calm. Think about how a calm lawyer would respond. If you're not sure, then wait. When in Doubt - Don't, is a good phrase to keep in mind.
4) Always refer to the lease. While figuring out how to get rid of her, if that's what your calm lawyer mental mentor would advise, use the lease. If she is not allowing you into the rental, that should be a breach of your lease. You can give her a 3 day notice to comply or quit (or whatever it is where you live).
5) Never engage in an argument. Say what the calm lawyer would say, then hang up or walk away. You never have to respond to someone. You can ignore them.
6) Never do anything that can make you look like a crazy person in court. Imagine everything that you say, write and do ending up discussed in front of a judge. Let the other person be the only beoch in the room, so that it's easy to determine the other person must be at fault.
I must always buy time when I'm upset. If this means I just turn around and walk away from you mid-sentence, then so be it. Nobody can ever sue me because I walked away from them and didn't respond. Or if it took me 24 hours to respond.
And really, if you just get calm, her requests are not that crazy. An ice maker that floods the floor is a valid complaint. Lots of tenants don't want people to come into their units when they aren't there, and will want to try to arrange a time convenient for them. Those things are not unusual or weird. We love tenants who let us go in when they're not there, but I happen to be a tenant who doesn't like to do that. Why? Because I've known nosy maintenance people and landlords who literally go through people's drawers, etc. Not me, lol, my boss for one. And, I wouldn't want to leave my dog in her crate all day, so she can't get out when you open the door.
For her to take it to the next level and not figure out a time that will work, is not reasonable and not allowed in the lease. That's where you can use your lease to get her to comply or move.
And I can only assume that her manner is really obnoxious for her to push your buttons the way she has. But, arguing with her only gives her what she wants.
So, stay calm, be the calm lawyer-type and stop engaging. Act like a lawyer and let the lease be your hammer, if needed.
As far as the dog being aggressive or not, there's nothing you can do about that now, unless the dog does something. But, honestly, it doesn't matter. Filter what's happening into one sentence - that helps, too. What is the underlying issue or problem? You want to get into the unit, and she's not being cooperative. So, getting into the unit is the goal.
And picture everything ending up in front of a judge. What would a judge think would be a reasonable thing for you to do? How about, sending her a letter with a couple of appointment options to choose from in the next week. But, that if you don't hear back from her with an approval of one of those dates or another date that will work for you, as well, by a certain day or time (in writing), that this is when you will be entering, and she is responsible for restraining her dog.
Then, if she's not cooperative, you've put her in a position to be in noncompliance of her lease. You can then give her a notice to comply or quit. Try to picture this as a chess game that you will win. She is used to crashing through life like a bull in a china shop. That is not a successful way to win at chess. She's not using strategy. And she won't realize that the reason you all of a sudden calmed down, is because you are using strategy. She'll think she's "winning," but won't be, because you will be documenting and setting yourself up to look like a reasonable landlord who has tried to work things out with a bad tenant.
Remember, picture everything ending up in front of a judge, and act like a calm lawyer, and delay doing anything when you're upset.
And if you have to go to court, subpoena her last landlord LOL! Yep, you can do that, even if he's a hostile witness and even if it's just small claims court. That's how you'll get back at that jerk.
I have spoken :-)