The Secret to Happiness: It's a Choice

Happiness is a choice. Although that is true, it sure does not feel that way all the time. My dad is the happiest person I know. You cannot get him to complain. He finds positive in everything, it is crazy to witness. That is one of his positive traits that he did not pass to me. Because it is not natural for me, I had to learn this lesson and focus on it. I learned over the years that happiness is a choice and gratitude will pull happiness out of me. I have tried to focus on gratitude ever since. This is much easier for some than others, as I recently witnessed.

My youngest daughter Lexi, 7, is extremely happy like my dad. She smiles constantly and is always up for a hug and to tell me she loves me. She also says, "thank you" a lot. She can be feisty, with her dominate personality, but she is usually a joy to be around. My oldest daughter Maddie, 9, is more like her dad. She can complain a lot. It is hard to find food that she likes or to keep her entertained. She tells me she is bored much more than she says, "thank you." I love her dearly, but sometimes need a little break from her negativity. Over the years, I have explained to her that her peers will be much more attracted to positivity and she should focus on that, as I have. We talked multiple times on how she can change the energy she is putting into the world, so she can be happier and have amazing people in her life. Nothing was working.

It was about six months ago that I was laying on my bed scrolling through Facebook when it hit me. The message was so loud and clear, I was disappointed in myself for not seeing it. My phone displayed a video with a young father and his daughter as he helped her become a stronger person. He was holding her close as they both peered into a full-sized mirror. He would say something positive and she would repeat it to herself as he held her. "I am a strong and independent girl" he said, and she repeated. "I am beautiful and smart" she continued. It reminded me of an old Saturday Night Live skit, yet it was exactly what I needed to see. I knew a strong positive message like this would help Maddie. After watching that video on Facebook, I really started thinking. The discussions with Maddie over the last few years have not helped. Although in the video the father focused on confidence, I wanted to use his idea and focus on gratitude. I knew if she is more grateful, she would be happier and more positive.

The next day I was excited as I went through my morning routine before waking up my girls. As they ate their breakfast, I shared my excitement with Maddie. I told her that I wanted her and I to share five things we were each grateful for into the mirror that morning, and that her and I would do that each morning. She did not share my excitement.

This should have been a fun exercise, but it was brutal for us. She got in front of the mirror and just stood there refusing to participate as her little sister asked to try. Adding insult to injury, my little exercise made us late to school that morning. The next morning, Lexi went first and enjoyed it, as Maddie and I suffered through another attempt. It took me a little over a week to realize that I was making things worse and had to change my approach.

Since then, I have been sitting down with my two daughters to do a gratitude exercise. It is a simple process. We each right down five things we are grateful for and then we share the list with the reason behind each one. We do it together, so all the focus is not on Maddie. She still struggles at times, but I can see a difference. This exact exercise is what I would do with myself as I suffered through some of the most challenging times in my life. It is so easy to focus on negative aspects of our life or to feel sorry for ourselves for how bad everything is. It is much harder to focus on all the wonderful things that we have and how lucky we truly are. Shifting that focus to gratitude changes your perception of life, even when times are at their toughest.

This is something I used to only do on Thanksgiving, and Maddie would have a hard time participating. This year she ran up to me and showed me her list before I even asked her to do it!