Being Discouraged by Family

Rental Property Investor · Louisville, KY · Member since 2019 · 37 posts · 61 votes

So recently I've been incredibly excited about this new journey of REI. I've been looking at properties in the Indianapolis/Louisville markets and have found some places I'm interested in. No one in my family has any experience in REI and quite frankly have been very discouraging in their remarks about my goals. I'd love to start in a duplex/triplex/fourplex using house hacking, however when I tell family that I get looks like I'm crazy. Any hints/facts I can give family that would help them see the upside that is REI? Thanks!

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Michael S.

Huntsville, AL · Member since 2018 · 577 posts · 864 votes

My wife thought I was insane when my business partner and I got a contract accepted on our first investment property. She pointed out everything that could go wrong, noted how I "didn't have time for this", and was afraid of how much money we would lose on the endeavor.

So what did I do? I completely ignored her and proceeded. And with time, she has even admitted it was a wise decision.

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Jeff Byrne
OP
Rental Property Investor · Louisville, KY · Member since 2019 · 37 posts · 61 votes
6y
@Brent Crosby I have a question for you in that regard. Is it wise to invest in a property that right now is 2 hours away but you will be moving to said city this time next year? Or should I wait it out?

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Account Closed
Rental Property Investor · Sacramento, CA · Member since 2015 · 1k+ posts · 893 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne My parents and friends doubted my entrepreneurial aspirations from the start, all the way through today. They know I'm making money hand over fist too, btw. Mom thinks I should go to grad school. Dad thinks I need to stop flipping little apartment buildings (I flip about 80 a year) and buy and hold larger unit counts. Friends think we're getting lucky, then ask us for jobs. Hell.. I was in the little lounge at the Sac Kings game last night and a bunch of older dudes joined my business partner and I at our table, asked us what we did, then told us that the fact that we're focusing on cash flow over appreciation makes us a losing business out of the gates. Even my investors think I'm stupid for selling them the property I do instead of keeping it! LOL.
You know what I say? GOOD.
I'm crazy and do what everyone else dares not so I have all of this uncharted territory to myself, and will continue to scale my business without competition.
There's limited space in the promised land, my friend. Go plant your flag, you're not going to convince anyone to come with you.
6 Reply
Sterling Chapman
Rental Property Investor · Baton Rouge, LA · Member since 2018 · 65 posts · 76 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne great plan and great market! I can tell you from personal experience that every member of my family and all of my friends initially responded to my goals, plans and dreams of real estate investing the exact same way. I can also tell you that 2 years and 20 properties later that every member of my family and all of my friends are lines up to give me there money and begging to get into my deals. Get some deals under your belt and they will come around. Good luck, don’t let it get you down and be so good they can’t ignore you!
2 Reply
Michael Ealy
Developer · Cincinnati, OH · Member since 2018 · 1k+ posts · 3k+ votes
6y
Originally posted by @Jeff Byrne:
So recently I've been incredibly excited about this new journey of REI. I've been looking at properties in the Indianapolis/Louisville markets and have found some places I'm interested in. No one in my family has any experience in REI and quite frankly have been very discouraging in their remarks about my goals. I'd love to start in a duplex/triplex/fourplex using house hacking, however when I tell family that I get looks like I'm crazy. Any hints/facts I can give family that would help them see the upside that is REI? Thanks!

The solution here is very simple: don't talk to your family about real estate investing.
Surgeons don't talk (likely) to their family about the science of surgery or the latest developments in it because it will be pointless conversation.
Talk to family about family matters.
Talk to other real estate investors about real estate investing. It's pointless to do it otherwise.
People who understand real estate investing view real estate investing as risky or too much work. In the same way that non surgeons view surgery as risky or too much work.
Just keep your mouth shut and go to work. Then once you are making money, then talk to family about the money you're making. Until they see massive checks, their belief in real estate will be anything but massive.
And lastly, why even talk to family about real estate investing? Most people need permission to succeed. You don't. Just do it.
7 Reply
Dan Mitchen
Investor · Cleveland, OH · Member since 2015 · 99 posts · 42 votes
6y
Just because they can't see it doesn't mean you can't either. Have you ever pointed something out in the distance (like a hawk in the mountains, deer way out in a field etc) and nobody can see it but you? Same exact thing. Not everyone is going to think like an entrepreneur and see what you see. When I told my family 12 months ago that I was going to start investing in apartment buildings and Airbnb's, I got all the crazy looks too. Fast forward 12 months to today and I have ownership in 100 units (3 apartment buildings), 2 Airbnb's, have a 104 unit complex under contract, and 2 more Airbnb's under contract.

We went on vacation last month and while we were on a boat, my parents told me numerous times "you should buy one of these houses out here on the lake!"

You can do it my friend!!
2 Reply
Joshua Tessier
Rental Property Investor · Manchester, NH · Member since 2019 · 186 posts · 156 votes
6y
Originally posted by :
I love the idea of house hacking a fourplex, triplex, or a duplex. Ultimately my first house will be one of those, but I'm not willing to buy one just to say I own x amount of units. I want the right deal, something that will cash flow. I know that as of now family/girlfriend doesn't understand it but when the cash flow really kicks in they'll want a piece of the pie.

While my family doesn't discourage me it's very important to also consider other view points. What if you never make a deal, what if your deal turn's into a lemon, what if your deal only turns out to be mediocre? Taking risks in life isn't for those with thin skin. Make sure you give each side a lot of thought. I know I have gotten stuck on a few projects as timelines and budgets ballooned out of control. At times it felt like WTF am I doing, allowing self doubt to enter and get the better of you could lead to trouble. Be cautious but know yourself.
I love to talk real estate and love tell people what i'm doing. When they say i'm nuts I can't disagree but sometimes that's what it takes to make some big move in short periods of time!

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Account Closed
Specialist · San Antonio, TX · Member since 2012 · 865 posts · 351 votes
6y
Not sure why you need your family to approve. You don’t still live with your parents I’m assuming.
Unless your trying to get family members to partner or be a private lender why do you feel it needful to even explain your lastest burst of inspiration to them?
0 Reply
Dustin Mathenia
Flipper/Rehabber · Dallas, TX · Member since 2017 · 174 posts · 157 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
You do you! I house hacked/ live in flipped my first house. Lived for free for 4 years fixing it up walked away with 100k cash in my hand. More money than anyone in my family has ever had, then I bought a 2% 40k rental. Did a flip and back to having 100k in the bank. It's not easy or a get rich quick but also not rocket science. Better than working till your 65 and living on peanuts till you're dead lol
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Ola Dantis
Multifamily Syndicator · Houston, TX · Member since 2016 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne Most people see TWO sides of "Real Estate" typically in the media.
1. The news (or shall I say FAKE NEWS ) 😂😂: The Real Estate market is crashing and we are all going to lose our homes (2008 great recession)
2. HGTV: Flipping is easy and super cool... Anyone can do it (this makes people suspicious and for good reasons)
Interestingly, when people go to their local bank (or Starbucks), they never think that some landlord owns that building and that landlord is NNN'ing that building and making bank! *no pun intended*
Or that some of the SFHs they walk by every day on their way to work are owned by some unassuming investor who is living off the passive income from such SFHs in the area.
Listen, Jeff, the only person who you need some buy-in from like a little, is your spouse or partner, as when you start getting passive income some of your family members, the smart ones, will ask you to show them while the not-so-smart ones are waiting for the next market crash just so they can say "I told you so"!
Either way, you should do this for yourself and you need no approval from anyone.
3 Reply
Account Closed
Rental Property Investor · CA · Member since 2019 · 84 posts · 50 votes
6y
Not much you can really say, I was in the same boat as you. Are they helping you fund it or do you need their funds? If you don't then who cares what they think and will come around eventually! Haha, that is exactly what has happened for me.
1 Reply
Jordan MoorheadBusiness Member
Real Estate Agent · Austin, TX · Member since 2015 · 5k+ posts · 3k+ votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne ignore them. They'll be asking you for advice in a few years. Sadly, family needs to be ignored in many situations. My mother told me not to invest and it was "too risky". Now at 31 my net worth is higher than hers at 60 and she's thinking about investing.
[email protected]512-888-9122
The Moorhead Team5140 Reviews
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Tim Rostro
Rental Property Investor · Centralia, WA · Member since 2017 · 75 posts · 85 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne

Who cares what people think? When you decided to join the military, did you have family members dissuade you from joining? Were they supportive?  Did they have doubts that you made the right decision? Yet, in the end, you decided to make that plunge yourself.
Fear of failure is what drives some people to inaction. Fear of the unknown is what holds people back. It is human nature to be comfortable with what you have, to have the same rhythm day after day after day, to stay in that comfort zone. Sometimes, you have to get out of that comfort zone, and take some risks. You'll find that out when you go to Basic Training and find your first RE deal.
@Pat L.
I love your post. Yeah, I'm still in touch with many of my fellow Soldiers from my last unit at Fort Huachuca, AZ. They are still working now as contractors there or elsewhere. Others are still working a regular 9 to 5 gig while I'm out here going to school FOR FREE and still working on RE deals. Just kept plugging away and ignoring the doubters.
1 Reply
Anthony Rosa
Rental Property Investor · New York City · Member since 2019 · 703 posts · 538 votes
6y
I'm guessing that you have income, down-payment and closing cost money, reserve funds and already qualified for a loan. If you don't have these I understand your parents concern.

Its common to not get family support whether its real estate, school, career, etc..but don't let it discourage or disappoint you. Your family may have good intentions and may be looking out for your well being but don't understand what you want to do. You need to be the confident one that knows exactly what you're getting into and once you show them your plan, in detail, you may surprise them. Show them that you understand the value of a dollar and detail to them an example of the duplex, triplex, etc...you want to buy and how the numbers work.
In the end, only you know whats best for you.
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Account Closed
Rental Property Investor · Orlando, FL · Member since 2019 · 5 posts · 4 votes
6y
@Robert Angle can you elaborate more on your first REI? As much as I love hearing success stories, I am far more interested in the ones that causes you to grow grey hairs.
What obstacles you faced?
How did you recover?
What did you learn from your experience with your first rental that will make getting back into REI this time easier?
0 Reply
Jerry Lucker
Flipper/Rehabber · Seattle, WA · Member since 2015 · 333 posts · 459 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
Hints? Facts? Heck no! Just do it and show them! I’d advise not worrying about what negative/pessimistic people say or think about what you’re doing - even if they’re family.
They’ll drag you down just as fast as anyone will - even if they’re family.
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Tanner Marsey
Rental Property Investor · San Diego, CA · Member since 2017 · 439 posts · 578 votes
6y
Robert Downey jr has a quote that goes something like.... “listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the f*ck you were gonna do anyways”
Works perfectly for your situation.
2 Reply
Alan Dunlap
Rental Property Investor · Chicago, IL · Member since 2018 · 89 posts · 77 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
Maybe, just maybe, they’re not being negative. Maybe they can’t envision it and don’t know what to say. Or you don’t have any track record on which they can form a positive opinion.
Either way take it as an opportunity to change hearts and minds. It can be educational-you can explain to them this isn’t get rich quick, it’s buy/sell/hold assets that can increase in value over time. Every repair/replacement is a potential business expense, not just lost dollars.
Most people do more research on where to get a good chicken sandwich than on their personal finances or how to accumulate appreciating assets. They don’t understand someone doing the opposite. Just be humble,stay focused, and willing to learn and embrace the opportunity.
1 Reply
Regina Story
Realtor · AL · Member since 2017 · 9 posts · 2 votes
6y
For most people real estate is a huge investment and possibly a big chunk of their savings and for the most part, our families negativity stems from the fact that they do not want us to do anything that risks our finances. Try putting yourself in their position(for a few seconds), and ask yourself why are they against what I'm wanting to do? It could be a multitude of reasons i.e- they have had a past experience that did not go well for them. But understanding their point of view will help a lot.The house hack is a great way to get them on board and I'm guessing that is what you want hence the post.The best practice is to 'run the numbers' and do your homework, be certain of your figures. It is very hard for the naysayers to argue with the house hacking strategy. My guess is you will get a better response from them when they see that you can buy a multi and have the rent pay for the entire building. Again, the house hack is hard to argue against when the rental part covers most or all of your mortgage. Especially if they think buying your own home is a good idea! They already agree with you and don't know it. They mostly likely don't think of themselves as a real estate investor, but in reality if they have purchased their own home they are REI's already! Just remember everybody's risk tolerance is not going to be the same. I have also noticed when I'm talking to people who do not recognize the terminology, it makes them uncomfortable, so use regular terms and not real estate lingo. Have fun with your investing but be careful to get the numbers right... first!
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Account Closed
Member since 2019 · 21 posts · 12 votes
6y
Hello Jeff! Just tell them that they grew up in a different era and people that are rich actually take less risk by doing there research. They migght just give their money to somebody else and hope they will make money and not to lose it. That's typically more risky than the research you will do. Or you can just listen to them and still do your own thing and do not pay attention to them. They may be beyond any change because they have been brainwashed so bad. Do what you think is right and research it to see if they (the sellers) are telling the honest things by to giving you actual back up. Just keep on learning and getting that experience. Look at long term investments and do not assume anything will happen.
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Olivia Radziszewski
Realtor · Chicago, IL · Member since 2019 · 274 posts · 191 votes
6y
I experience the same push back and doubt from most people/family I share my REI ideas with. Generally I think that when my portfolio gets to a certain point it will speak for itself. My approach is to just not talk about it and keep my nose to the grindstone and show results. Anyone can talk a big game and frankly many people do.
3 Reply
Jim Jaworowicz
Milwaukee, WI · Member since 2018 · 31 posts · 18 votes
6y
Their looks will change when they see the success you have become/wealth you have built. Stay the course and Invest on! Don't worry about the nay Sayers. Everyone is welcome to have an opinion. Listen to opinions that are informed.
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Account Closed
Member since 2019 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
6y
I remember reading an interview with Mark Walberg in a fitness magazine about 15 years ago. The interviewer asked him if he used a personal trainer and why/ why not. His response was basically that he’s never met one who had achieved a better final result (body look and performance) than he had so why would he take someone else’s advice on that? And he’s right.
You don’t take advice on generating wealth from those who haven’t done it to your desired outcome. Let them hand out advice on something they know, like being completely average.
2 Reply
Doug Wade
Rental Property Investor · Cumberland, MD · Member since 2014 · 47 posts · 15 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne After you save all the money you need for a loan, please make sure you have plenty of reserves. You never ever want a large cap project and need to borrow money from them. They will never forget. And they will always take partial credit for your successes. You might also want to continue to feed your capex reserve fund. You can never have to much in reserve. Just think of it as your next 1 or 2 properties. Good Luck
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Bob Prisco
Specialist · Cleveland, OH · Member since 2018 · 1k+ posts · 666 votes
6y
@Jeff Brown stop listening to your uncle Larry who has done nothing with his life but sit at a bar after work eating wings,,,,,,, So crazy how so many take advise from those that have done nothing with their lives. Find a market, with double digit net caps, find a team to protect you, and just do it !
Good Luck
3 Reply
Renee Touchton
Flipper/Rehabber · Chicago, IL · Member since 2019 · 10 posts · 6 votes
6y
@Jeff Byrne
There’s likely nothing you can say to change their minds at this point, so I wouldn’t try. Do keep in mind that not all are successful, so they may have some valid concerns. Do your research, find a mentor, be cautious, and prove them wrong. Best of luck to you!
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