Sometimes you have to Just Say No!

Remember that from 25 years ago. It was huge with the DARE programs in school, commercials, and just common statements and posters.

Well, if you are going to find time to be successful you’re going to have to start saying No. You have a finite amount of time and if you want to be successful your priorities and time management have to change.

So how can I say No gracefully….Thanks, but No Thanks. 

This topic is so you can say no to a social invite with a clear conscience.

For example….You’re invited to a party or another social occasion by a friend, colleague or family member. And, well…you just don’t want to go, or better yet you need to get some REI done so you do not have time to go. Well, that doesn’t sound very sexy, like a long weekend in Paris, but it’s a fact. Or you haven’t really told your friends or family about your REI investing so you don’t really have that as an excuse. Or maybe you just don’t feel like going. You’ve been really working hard and you’d rather hang out with your family, chill with your partner or simply enjoy a commitment-free evening on your own. It shouldn’t be a big deal. But it may feel like one. Additionally, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. You don’t want to say yes now only to abruptly cancel later. But you also don’t want to be written off as anti-social or a perpetual no-show. 

Here are some Barriers you need to Overcome:

1. Fear of offending – The worry that a friend will be hurt or even hold a grudge against you as the result of a refused invitation can be intense. This is especially true to those of you who are prone to feel guilty or to put other people’s needs first. Now if you have a friend that will truly hold a grudge, maybe it is time to rethink your friends.

2. Fear of missing out – Some of you are afraid that if they take time of yourself or heed your own instincts, you’ll miss some wonderful thing. Do you know what you’ll potentially miss out on by continually choosing a party over your Real Estate Investment Career?...Your own potential success! You’ll just keep moving your goals back from achievement. 

3. The temptation to tell a little white lie – Making up a schedule conflict is one of the most tempting tactics for justifying a no. This can trip you up later if, say, the inviter sees you at the grocery store minutes before the school soccer game you said you had to attend. Remember, with most things less is more. The more you say the more it can come back and bite you.

4. The temptation to cave in – IF you grit your teeth, say yes and attend an event when you really don’t want to…one of two things may happen. 1. You’ll manufacture resentment against the inviter and against yourself for being a pushover. 2. You’ll feel guilty the entire time you’re there and not enjoy it or you’ll feel guilty about not doing what you need to be doing and you’ll get yourself in a funk that is hard to overcome and you’ll start being your own negative person. That is not fair to yourself or to the other others at the event, since it’s probably going to strain your friendships and your feelings about yourself. It also puts you out of integrity with your own authentic desires. 

Here are some Strategies for Success:

1. Give yourself permission – We often forget we can set boundaries and put our mental heal first. You need to choose your goals over the party….successful people learn to make the sacrifices. Additionally, if you want or need downtime for yourself, take it! Think of that time as sacred. 

2. Apologies and thank generously – There are many ways to make your no warm and sympathetic. “Thank you so much for inviting me. I’m sorry that I can’t make it. Please let me know how the party went – and I’d love to see pictures.” It’s less about what you say than how you say it. Project appreciation and connection, and trust that the other person will understand.

3. Challenge your fears – Concerned that declining an invitation will anger the inviter or make you seem antisocial? Explore and challenge these automatic thoughts and feeling. “Would I, personally, not like someone or write them off as a hermit just because they didn’t come to one of my parties/events?” We have a tenancy to let our fears/thoughts got to extremes. Push the limits and give yourself a break.

4. Get personal – If at all possible, offer your regrets in person or by phone. You can make a call while you’re driving (note follow the laws in your state on this), but it is more personal and will let them know you are thinking about them without taking time away from where you need to be focused. If you just send them a text or post on Facebook, it can feel mechanical. The exception: If you received a mass e-vite, electronic declines are perfectly acceptable. 

This is a great option for those of you that have prioritized, scheduled your time and tasks to meet your goals. Learn to say No when you need to so you can keep your friends and family, but so you can make those goals a reality. 

Best of Success! ~Andrea

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