It is an absentee owner who has owned the house for 30+ years; they are facing some health issues and want it “out of their hair”.

Thank you for the insight.The property tax rate here is pretty absurd (a hair over 2%), so that strategy might not work within city limits here, but there are neighboring communities with much lower tax rates I'm considering that I'll definitely take this into account for. 

For example A cabinet door that will not stay shut and I run into it every time I walk into the kitchen, or water pressure that is so low I can’t get all the soap and conditioner out of my thick hair or windows that let cold air come in and make me really uncomfortable and drive my heating bill up .

If not you've got them by the "short hairs".Actually, three weeks to close a loan is not unusual at all.  

She had really dark hair, wore black.

I know I am splitting hairs here, but accredited only offerings do not make someone better or worse than doing non-accredited offerings.Onto a part that I can speak to: Section 8 properties take more work than market rate offerings.  

I've known folks who were independently wealthy and intelligent to begin with, and wanted to pull their hair out after deciding to manage a flip.

Target size strip malls, or office space, or NNN, or Pads, or etc...Or are you talking about things like a stand alone building with a hair salon, or similar in it along side of a major road.[2] What can you afford to do Down-payment-wise, in an MMA maybe only a 7/11 strip mall, in a medium sized area maybe a larger bite of the chocolate bar than the 7/11 mall.[3] Do you want partners on deals, (same on all, different on some), must you have partners on deals (loan qualifications, personal weak spots, etc...)[4] How will you swing the bat at financing; do you qualify for the financing your deals will need, will you need others to help you qualify, do you now these people vs risking someone who will make your life miserable and you will hate working with (an unfortunate situation). [5] Do you want to work government handout money for fix up real estate, is there any that looks profitable right now.[6] How well do you know commercial real estate "Stuff"; such as can you identify a 400 amp service panel from an 800 amp service panel, can you identify an electrical transformer that you own from those owned by the utility, what is a plenum, does your building have them, what are those big red pipes with wheel handles on them, hidden behind the bushes (who do they belong to), how long does asphalt last in a commercial lot, and etc...Good Luck!

Lots of cash flow, great returns, but the headaches and management will make you tear your hair out.Understand what you're getting into and you'll make plenty of money, demand is there in almost every single market.

I would also recommend hair catchers for the shower drains and sinks.