So essentially they can't take the tenants to eviction court because there is technically no one that owns the property right now.

Outside of that, the only other charges I would typically see are for them to appear in court for an eviction or if they need to visit the property for something outside of the norm. i would recommend getting some recommendations from other investors in your area and I think it's best to use a PM if you're out of state and would rather focus on investing.

Since you will have to file in CA and pay CA taxes by virtue of living in the state already, that would likely be your simplest and most hassle-free option.Your rental contracts will all be according to CA laws, and you likely would want any of your LLC disputes to be handled in a CA court as well, so, also good reasons to form a CA LLC. 

As a layperson, you are not:"No individual, other than a member, in good standing, of the bar of this commonwealth shall practice law, or, by word, sign, letter, advertisement or otherwise, hold himself out as authorized, entitled, competent, qualified or able to practice law; provided, that a member of the bar, in good standing, of any other state may appear, by permission of the court, as attorney or counselor, in any case pending therein, if such other state grants like privileges to members of the bar, in good standing, of this commonwealth." 

What would be considered essential holdings of a court judgment?

Mitigation of that risk should be your chief aim!

If push comes to shove, can I just... refuse, and take my chances in small-claims court?

I imagine you would attract the same caliber of professional as a lawyer who was willing to pay the client for the right to represent them in court.

I think you’d have a tough case in court if you had a dispute against the security deposit and you knew the filter was very difficult to clean (is it legal to turn your water on and off at the street?).

When it comes to the EPA you really only have the courts that allow you to go around them....after YEARS of legal battles.