BS in Kinesiology (completely worthless) and a doctorate in physical therapy. 

Sort of like giving another guys girlfriend a foot massage - Pulp Fictlon

My massage guy is one of them.

Ok, there ya go, that's enough time on my couch getting weeks therapy session, feel free to send payment, lol.

I am a Licensed Clinical Social worker (LCSW) and I own my own therapy practice so I am self-employed.  

Not even going to bother with the rest of your post about your personal feelings...this is not a therapy session

I'm a certified Nutritional Therapy Practitioner (NTP), working with clients 1:1 to address their health and performance goals through customized nutritional planning and support.

@Doug Henderson, I’m using a mortgage broker send me a massage and I can get you connected to him.

So when asked about therapy or service pets I tell them that I can accommodate them but they must return the house in the condition they are getting it and that would include completely cleaning the duct work and HVAC system, replacing filters, completely cleaning the flooring until there is no hair, removing all fur from the wood slats on the deck, etc. 

For example, I have a doctorate in physical therapy, and I had to take general chemistry during my first year of college to get into graduate school four years later.