Assuming you are a classic wholesaler where you buy low and sell low (not flipping lease options, etc) your absentee owner list should targeted to in/out of state owners who have owned their property for 10+ years.

In the beginning, I wanted the classic small multi family house hack, but have quickly found that that's not feasible with my situation -- they're very expensive and of the few available, they're far from penciling and cashflowing. 

It's become a classic case of just because you can doesn't mean you should.

welcome Alex, I have a few classics of landlord lit (of lost interest to the buy and type) that you could probably get there at the library (free) and work into your reading...great post!

Classic "scam" written all over it.

I love the exaplmple of “can’t get to the laundry” it’s classic “I don’t have control over this and I’m angry” he has a right to be angry, just not to lash out.I was trying to cover possibilities for readers, and most people actually dont do what you already did so bravo.

The classic renovation headaches, setbacks, budget, and furnishing which all just took way longer than we had hoped.

One way to do this is through buy and hold investing since you didn't share if you are interested in flipping or going that route, Buy and hold is your classic investing strategy that involves purchasing properties and holding onto them for an extended period of time to generate rental income and benefit from property appreciation overtime.As an Investor-friendly agent here in the Greater Houston market, I know that Houston and its surrounding cities are great destinations for buy and hold investing because of growing economy, diverse population, and expanding job market.

The singular focus on cash flow is a classic newbie trap, but it often takes years before they realize how bad their situation really is.

It follows the classic 1% rule (rent is 1% of the purchase price)--or is that the 10% rule where yearly rents are 10% of the purchase price...I never remember.