Getting Significant Other On Board

15 Replies

Hey Everyone, I'm a 23 year old from Ontario Canada and I'm relatively new to BP and Real Estate investing. I've been listening to the podcast for a few months and have been so inspired to start my Real Estate journey. My girlfriend (of 4 years) and I are in a good financial position for home ownership, and ideally I'd like to start with a house hack/duplex and scale up from there. I sat down with my girlfriend and told her my interest in real estate and how my goal is to invest in real estate to reach financial independence so we could both retire early if we wanted to. I tried to give her the benefits to real estate investing and how it could change our lives, but she was not convinced. She sees it as a lot of work and doesn't see how you would make that much more money than just focusing on our careers. She also sees it as risky with the extremely hot market we have here in Ontario. This is something I really want to pursue, but not sure how I'll be able to do it without having her on board, as it is a huge life decision. Any suggestions on how I should go about this situation?


Hi @Brett Kingston

You will need to get her on board and or at least get her to a point where she will allow you to do it. The world is flooded with horror stories surrounding real estate investing. Heck right now in Ontario the landlord and tenant board is closed lol. The hesitation is justified.

The book rich dad poor dad will allow you to answer the "why" of investing in real estate. If done properly one can retire in 5-10 years opposed to 40 years at a career. Click on my profile to see the deals I did in Ontario. I started at 23 now nearly financially free at 31. My girlfriend was never involved in the process but supported me and allowed me to do it. Now years later she can see what is possible and how it can go very well. Big commitment but definitely worth the effort.

I hear about this all the time! It's usually one partner that has the interest first, but the other eventually comes around. They just need more proof, or more information, or hear more success stories. I also recommend encouraging her to read rich dad poor dad, or a variant of it. It was Retire Rich Retire Young that was my "a-ha!" moment. For some it takes seeing the money come in from the first property, and realizing that wasn't that hard at all. Or refinancing your first property and seeing a big chunk of money come in! Education helps. REIN used to have weekend workshops, and attending that was like a firehose of info, but it gave us the confidence to go out and buy our first property. Now it's an online course. Start with the book. Start with one property. You don't have to totally convince her about the entire financial freedom early retirement part before starting. Focus on, "why don't we just buy one house, and have our tenant in the secondary suite to pay part of our expenses, so you have more money to spend on [whatever she likes to do]?" There are always less tenant issues if they're in the same building and you can keep an eye on them. Good luck!

@Brett Kingston it's a lot easier to convince somebody when you can prove the concept either through results or a tangible opportunity. Find a property and run through the numbers at a high level. 

House-hacking isn't for everybody. If you can't convince your significant other to house-hack, then move onto a new strategy. Start with a buy-and-hold or a BRRRR. If you truly believe in real estate you won't let someone else's reluctance stop you from pursuing your goals.

@Brett Kingston , two things: a) your girlfriend is not entirely wrong.  Buying rentals is buying a job, if you are self managing.  And with the hot market, you are going to be spending a lot of time looking at houses, trying to make numbers work, when the typically just don't.  And even when they do, RE is a slow and steady game.  And where RE stands apart from other investments is the use of leverage.  And starting out, the more money you make in your W2, the more leverage you qualify for, and therefore the more properties you can buy.  Plus the faster you will have the downpayment for your next house.

But, with no risk, comes no reward.  

I got my wife on board by having my own pot of RE money that sat outside of the household budget.  Granted, I wasn't looking for a house hack, these were stand alone rentals.  Therefore it was mine to do what I wanted with.  She wanted nothing to do with my rentals, at the time.  This goes along with what Jon mentions: find a way to do it on your own that won't impact your GF, i.e. use your own savings.

Hey @Brett Kingston I think @Zorya Belanger had it right when she said "She needs more proof, or more information, or hear more success stories."

My agent/mentor actually called me this morning. He just finished writing his book aimed at real estate investors in Ontario. It has really in debth how to's for landlording the right way in Ontario. I already read it before it went live. It focuses on buying those first 3 houses. I was lucky enough to be feautured in the book as a "success story" for doing just that. 

Anyways he is doing a zoom book launch this Tuesday. Why don't you join? I will be saying a few words about my story along with countless others. I think he is getting entertainment too lol. Ask your girlfriend if she wants to attend with you. Super positive experience with people that have already won big in RE. It's free and seeing as you are not really close enough to the Durham market you won't even really be able to be sold anything lol. A great step however to meet some successful investors.

Anyways just a thought!

Goood Luck!

@Zorya Belanger Awesome advice Zorya! I’m just about finished reading Rich Dad Poor Dad myself, and it is a contributing factor to what has gotten me inspired. I will try to persuade her to give it a read and start off in RE with something small so we can both get a feel for it. I think you are completely right, if she’s sees some proof, she will be much more likely to be on board or at least give her support. Really appreciate the advice.

@Jason Shackleton I am actually very close to the Durham market. Thanks for your advice and extending the invitation, I’d love to join the call to draw on some experience and make some connections. Feel free to message me with the meeting info and if the timing works I’ll be sure to call in! Look forward to hearing from you!

@Brett Kingston to build on something @Evan Polaski said, do you have any savings?  You mentioned "changing your lives..." - there's also being in a strong financial position now such that you can manage any bumps in the road.  What if you made a case based less on what is years away, and more on the different possible outcomes now?  For example, if you don't have any savings and your plan only works if everything goes perfectly... that's not very compelling.  How does this fit in with your current job, where you want to live, your reserves, your overall retirement plan?  Do you have joint or separate finances?  Do you own or rent now?

@Nicholas L. @Evan Polaski thanks to both of you for the advice! we both have good stable jobs with strong starting salaries and have quite a lot in savings between the 2 of us, which is also what makes me anxious sitting on cash with all the money printing going on. She does not have a high risk tolerance, which helps keep me grounded, but I would hate to see our hard earned money go to waste. We are currently living at home to save up but both agree we would like our own place. I appreciate the help and you both have given me some good questions to ask her to help get both our goals aligned.

Your youth is the greatest asset you have, and it would be a shame to miss that opportunity. I started investing at 23 (38 now) and could have retired a few years ago. The amazing thing about real estate is that time is your greatest ally. I might suggest that you guys stick to 'nicer' locations, where she feels more comfortable. The greatest risk and war stories come from lower end real estate. If you buy even 1 rental a year (WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG!!!), its tough not to retire early. 

Take it easy on pitching her big ideas like flipping multiple houses a year. Ease her in with 'pretty' rentals, but START YOUNG!! 

@Brett Kingston  You've got a lot of great advice on here and I imagine something that's been said already should help do the trick!  I'll add that surrounding yourself with successful people will be enormously helpful since 1) she can then see up close and personal examples of what's possible and 2) they can help you get to where you want to go!  Awesome that you've already got some tips on local gatherings.  

And if she's the type that could be inspired by stories of other successful women, you could definitely have her check out "The Only Woman in the Room" (stories compiled by Ashley Wilson).  There's such a wide variety of inspiring stories of the amazing things you can accomplish with real estate (besides just financial freedom) in that book that no doubt she (and you too really!) would relate to something in there.  And it's a quick read!

Good lucks and congrats on getting started early!

There's a lot here. First, age 23 is really too young for a man to be serious in a relationship. Second, you aren't married. You do what you think is best. And do NOT purchase real estate together with a woman who you are not married to. Next is, she doesn't trust your judgement. That's a problem, beyond real estate.