Investing with my wife or not investing with my wife?? HELP!!!!

43 Replies

Ok so I want to make this quick and simple or at least try. So me and my fiance have been talking about investing into real estate properties together, but she just doesn't seem to interested as much as I am, I known I am going to do this with or without her. So I wanted to see if you many of you do your own investing without your partner. Now we are not legally married so I know I don't have to do a disclaimer deed ,  but do you see this as a problem I may run into if she decides she wants to or doesn't want to invest? 

Should I continue without her is what I maybe seeking and it would be nice to have the support and possible money to help build the portfolio but need some advice! thanks in advance 

"and the two shall become one". Don't invest together if not married, don't invest separate  if you are married.

Yes spousal support is absolutely essential in our investing career. You are going to be a "we" no matter what you do now, and she will have 50% stake in it. What is the root cause of her not into it? After 10 years of marriage, I think similar financing approaches make a marriage work. It is not the only ingredient but it is necessary.

If she's not comfortable investing in real estate, and you can't convince her it's the right thing to do, then don't do it. Figure out what both of you are comfortable with, and do that.

Honestly, this is more marriage advice than anything else. But, if she is cool with you doing the investing, everything acquired during the marriage is considered marital property even if you invest using "your money."


@Lorenzo Gonzales show her how you are making money while investing in RE, and go out there and make some too, and she will demand that you invest more. Seriously, that is what happened to me. Also later whey you are getting bigger and better with your RE portfolio/cash-flow, she will really appreciate the security that the investment provides to you guys and how smart you were for coming up with this. ( just be conservative with your investment and listen to her "caution radar")

Some people don't share the same ideals.  From your post, she sounds indifferent.  It is possible that she does not care that much about what you do which may be fine.

Perhaps you should think about this if she does not want you to invest.  You should be working on your life, or plan on alternatives if she is that important to you.

Originally posted by @Phillip Gonzales :

...I known I am going to do this with or without her. 

Good luck with that my man...hoping you come out with all your...um...pieces intact.

but do you see this as a problem I may run into if she decides she wants to or doesn't want to invest? 

YES - FULL STOP

In all seriousness, if you are going to be in this for the long term with your wife, partner, husband, whatever you both have to be on the same page about a venture of this nature.  You're not talking about a hobby like flying model airplanes or something where the consequences of your actions and her opposition/indifference maybe lead to a couple hours of the silent treatment.  You're talking about actions that can impact putting food on the table and a roof over your head - or not.

As the other's have said - you need two need to get on the same about this.  Otherwise, buy a place that has some room for your buddies because you could be needing a roommate or two sometime soon.

Originally posted by @Phillip Gonzales :

Ok so I want to make this quick and simple or at least try. So me and my fiance have been talking about investing into real estate properties together, but she just doesn't seem to interested as much as I am, I known I am going to do this with or without her. So I wanted to see if you many of you do your own investing without your partner. Now we are not legally married so I know I don't have to do a disclaimer deed ,  but do you see this as a problem I may run into if she decides she wants to or doesn't want to invest? 

Should I continue without her is what I maybe seeking and it would be nice to have the support and possible money to help build the portfolio but need some advice! thanks in advance 

You might be reading her wrong.

It may be that she doesn't know as much as you do, or can't see the way ahead as clearly. Maybe she's waiting for you to take the plunge. I think you should take the lead, initially, and then discuss how she can contribute to what you've already started. 

Look, talk is cheap to most people. Maybe when the talk materializes it'll spark her attention and confidence to join in the fun.

@Lorenzo Gonzales, I am going to disagree with everyone on this.  My wife does not like my real estate investing.  We have been married for 34 years come March.  I originally invested with partners so I had help and moral support.  I have since bought those partners out in my residential properties.  Don't get me wrong, it is more difficult.  My wife was raised that you put your money in the bank in an insured account.  She does not even believe in investing in the stock market.  You do have to reach an accommodation on not fighting over every thing.  My wife is intelligent, and educated and often has very good insight, she also specializes in showing the bad things and the risk associated.  We have raised 2 excellent children who are both college educated with good paying jobs.  I have well over 20 doors I own across 3 states.

    it is not impossible but it is not always easy.  How many really good things in life are easy?  It was much easier to get positive input on the really good deals.  I once bought a property that she strongly disapproved of, she said it made her want to shower from just looking at it.  When I sold it for a profit in less than a month.  The profit was more than  3 months wages; she was impressed.  People do not have to think alike to respect each other and love each other, but a team is more fun than a solo.  I would suggest that it be clear that you intend to do real estate even after marriage if that is your plan.  If your fiance wanted to run a quilting business and you had no interest in running one would divorce her or not get married to her?  Then why must she agree to be involved in your job?

    As to your advice on what is divisible property it is only partially correct.  Any property owned by any party is subject to division by the courts unless there is a valid pre-nuptial or post-nuptial agreement.  it must be pretty specific on increases in value of property during the marriage, it must be fair to both parties, and she should have her own attorney sign off on it.

    There are actually many threads on BP about partners who are not happy about their spouse investing in real estate.  You should search them out.  I wish you the best of luck in your investing.

@Phillip Gonzales  

My Fiance is not interested in real estate and his career does not interest me.

I'm passionate about what I do and he is passionate about what he does.  He is in academia and research.  I don't see why your partner HAS to have the same interests.

I bought my first two investment properties while we were going out and didn't even share it with him at the time.  Now that we are engaged and about to get married, I share my plans with him and he asks me if there is anything he can do to help and my answer is usually; NO  

Frankly,  I would not want my future husband to be in the real estate business with me.  Even if he had any interests, I would ask him to do his own deals.  The last thing I would want is to have disagreements over deals that we'd bring into our relationship and marriage.  That's just me.  I prefer us to have different professions.  It might be different for guys wanting their wife's support.

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If you have to ask you all ready know the answer. property investing is your love and your job not hers. At the end of the day its a job and she might not like that type of work,IF you did a poll on this site you would get alot of mix answers on this some will and some will not want their wife or husband in there business and like wise from the spouses . But all of them will tell you its alot easier with there support. For the record my wife could care less just as long as the bills are paid and her AMX is working she is happy and happy wife happy life.At the end of the day you can run a great  company but still you are working for your wife.

Here's another perspective. If you became a lawyer, would you hire her as your secretary or para legal as if it were some sort of golden rule? Being on the same page and being business partners are two different things. You may be great together in your relationship, but maybe not in a work environment. 

My wife and I do pretty good. She started out not wanting anything to do with it but blessed my activity within reason. Then she took over the leasing. It helps her because she feels more connected and less panicky about the almost seven figure debt I amassed in 3 years. However, at least 3 out of 4 squabbles we have are business related.  Where to the squabbles come from? We are different people and do some things differently. 

So don't look for any "rule of thumb." It is NOT a foregone conclusion that if you get into RE investing that your wife / partner needs to "join" you. Being on the same page does not necessarily mean having the same job.  

If you dive in that pool be ready to say "yes dear" with sincerity!

There are lots of twists and turns on the road to REI success.

My investing is apart time business for me.  My general contracting firm uses up most of my time.  My wife has nothing to do with the GC thing but I really enjoy working with her on the real estate thing.  Now that our kids are off at collage I look forward to our rehabs and other RE activities together.   I'm not going to tell you that it's for everyone but I wouldn't want to do it without my better half.  

Originally posted by @Phillip Gonzales :

Ok so I want to make this quick and simple or at least try. So me and my fiance have been talking about investing into real estate properties together, but she just doesn't seem to interested as much as I am, I known I am going to do this with or without her. So I wanted to see if you many of you do your own investing without your partner. Now we are not legally married so I know I don't have to do a disclaimer deed ,  but do you see this as a problem I may run into if she decides she wants to or doesn't want to invest? 

Should I continue without her is what I maybe seeking and it would be nice to have the support and possible money to help build the portfolio but need some advice! thanks in advance 

I think you need to find out what her concerns are more specifically.  Is she scared of the risks of real estate investing or is it just that she isn't interested enough to want to be involved?

I would plan to "go it alone" on real estate, especially financially.  

What are your goals with real estate?  If you want it to be a relatively passive investment, it really won't impact your fiance a whole lot.  It takes a little more time that a stock portfolio, but as long as you are reasonable with your risks it shouldn't be a big deal.

If you plan to make it a career, it will have an impact - so it will be more important to get to the root of her concerns.  It works for some couples to have both partnering in a real estate business.  I think it can add an unnecessary financial risk, to both be dependent on the real estate business for income.  The most obvious risk is a down turn that hurts values and rents.  

However other scenarios could play out also.  What if you have a flipping business and the market is just doing a slow and steady climb.  Small investors can easily get priced out at acquisition.  What if you are a real estate agent, but all the first time home buyers are priced out or a strong market real estate attracts tons of new agents.

I have built a profession out of getting married.  Three times is a lot. 

My second wife did not like the real estate investing program.  I had found a 5 unit apartment that was across the street from the beach in San Diego.  You could see and hear the waves breaking.  I had it negotiated to a great price ($225K) and my wife told me she would not sign anything with me.  I could not do this on my own at the time.  I did not end up getting the deal.

I told her that I was going to invest with or without her. 

Fast forward a few years.  I had replaced our incomes and we had both quit our jobs.  She enjoyed not working but still had an extreme dislike of the risk.  We were at odds with most deals that were made.  She still wanted paycheck security even though our networth was in the seven figures.

We ended up divorcing.  She was certainly not complaining about the major chunk of money and properties that went her way.

Fast forward a few years.  I am married to another woman.  She does not really care for the risks associated with real estate but goes along with it anyway.  The interesting this is that she stuck with me after we lost millions in the downturn.  We lost everything to the point that bankruptcy was a consideration.  She never laid any blame on me or said anything negative. 

She did not want me to continue investing in apartments but understood what it meant to me.  I have built our networth back to an acceptable level.  Our income is back to where we do not need to work again.

All this is to say that it really depends on the partner.  One could not handle the risky nature of the business.  The other did not care for it but was there for me, not the business or the money.

Thank you all for the responses. This has just been something on my mind these last couple of weeks. I am pumped and pretty much ready to do my first deal within the next few months, She seems like she would want to invest with me maybe not so much on the financial side, but more support. I guess me educating her on what the plan is might be better, but I feel so focused on getting a deal that I kind of pushed her away  from it.  We have no date on a wedding other then within 2 years. So I guess I am just trying to get down the nitty gritty. I have been thinking that I might just do the investing solo, but may have a sign a prenup signed by her but I feel its a cold move ha I don't know my mind is all over on this subject. I feel like I am confused on this topic 

She doesn't have to agree with, or even like everything that you do.  But she always get veto rights.

Form an LLC so that you can separate your personal residence from your business If you buy a home for personal only use your wife's income for mortgage so that you can free your credit for your business Having an LLC allows you to buy property without out your wife having to fill out any disclaimers You can assign a percentage of your LLc shares to your wife without involving her in the daily business

Originally posted by @Phillip Gonzales :

I have been thinking that I might just do the investing solo, but may have a sign a prenup signed by her but I feel its a cold move ha I don't know my mind is all over on this subject. I feel like I am confused on this topic 

 Assuming there is no vast family fortune or kids from previous relationships, there is no need for a prenup.  If you feel you need a prenup, it is a sign you shouldn't be getting married.

You aren't married yet, so do your real estate investing on your own.  Use her opinions as feedback, but you want to hold off on mixing money and for now the decisions are really your own.  It is a good idea to start off lower risk and doubly so with getting married in the near term.

@Phillip Gonzales  My husband and I are 100% partners in our real estate investing. I think what helps is that we are on the same page as far as our financial lives go. We have really talked about what our future goals are and what we need to do to get there. When we first started dating my husband had what I thought some crazy ideas about money. I was very skeptical to say the least. We wanted the same things. His thinking on how to get there was just a little bit more outside the box than what I was used to. But he showed me what we could do and how it would all work and I became intrigued and started doing my own research on it.

 For us we want to be making enough money to replace our current income so that we can quit our jobs and work together. We decided the best way to do this was to start investing in real estate. This was all discussed extensively before we were married and I think it's made our relationship stronger.

It might help if you talk to her about they type of life you see yourselves living in five, ten, fifteen, twenty years from now. Once you know where you want to be you can talk about the best course of action to get there. Show her how you can get there. She might just decide she is super interested and want to learn more and get involved! 

Hey man just figured I would chime in here for you. I am 21. I was married at 20. My wife and I do almost everything together. We have a great relationship. She however has absolutely 0 interest in Real Estate. She is working towards a PHD in psychology. At first she didn't like me risking our money on Real Estate. It made her uneasy. So I didn't. I did however spend 600.00 on Direct mail with @Jerry Puckett and find a business partner. Within a month or two we wholesaled a home for a profit of around 12k. It was absolutely great being able to cash that check and show my wife that I could actually make this work. Turns out she believed in me the whole time while I was the skeptical one! I now have 2 SFR rentals and a few other homes under contract. Don't take risks you can't afford and play it smart. You'll be on your way in no time. Congratulations on the upcoming marriage I wish nothing but the best for you and your bride to be.

My husband is a licensed Master Plumber.  Sounds great, right?  Me being a Real Estate agent and investor, having a plumber-husband to help with maintenance of the properties.  No brainer, right?  WRONG.  He HATES rental properties.  Says he fixes other people's problems all day long and doesn't want anything to do with my (our) rental properties after a long day at work.  Did I let this stop me?  NO.  I continue buying properties, and have a very trusted set of contractors (plumber, HVAC guy, electrician, carpenter, handyman, etc.) that I refer all my business to.  Once in a while my husband will help out, but it's a very rare situation.  And although my husband hates the rental properties, each month I give him a handful of rent checks to deposit at the bank, and that makes him understand that the rental properties are a good thing for us.

If you listened to my podcast, I mentioned that my husband played angry birds our first rental. He is now our biggest advocate! The key is to go baby steps and not to overwhelm them which is easier said than done. 

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