Be friends with your tenants?

Question

Hello,

I have a general question on how the relationship between a landlord and tenants needs to be especially in a owner occupied multi-family scenario.

The neighborhood I live in is well suited for families with young children as it is in a good school area and nice parks. Most tenants I have had so far wish to socialize with us and hang out during weekends.

While we do enjoy socializing it’s not a necessity and oblige during occasional weekends. I have couple of questions Firstly is It normal for landlords to be friends with tenants? secondly how to politely say no

to socializing with out disrupting the business relationship?appreciate your inputs.

Thanks

Mack Benson · Answer

I hate to say it but these days you could always play the covid card... that's not going to be a long term solution so next would be to keep it as a business relationship. I take the tenant landlord relationship similar to the manager employee relationship. Friendly is okay, friends is not. I think being friendly is a necessity but being friends is absolutely not. Be respectful but let them know you would like to keep it business. You could also do our famous midwest thing and be passive aggressive by just declining every time without explaining your preferred nature of the relationship. In this case, if you prefer to not socialize I think honesty is the best policy. You are not comfortable socializing with the tenants for reason xyz.

Patrick M. · Answer

What Account Closed said "Friendly but not friends."

But no gifts. I give the gift of being the best landlord... No tenant could ever want more.

Tracy Streich · Answer

Owner occupied puts you in a tough spot.  They know you own it but you are constantly n the same general space.   You have to be cordial for sure but I would keep some barriers in place.  Once they feel overly comfortable the "ask" is not far behind.  What ever they are asking for will cost you money and you don't want to be emotionally attached.

Account Closed · Answer

Oddly, the good tenants never treat you like a pariah for not socializing.  They don't normally expect to socialize with the other tenants in an apartment building.  Like living in any apartment building, even like I do now in a senior apartment building, you have to watch out for the friendly ones.  They're the ones who will want to borrow things from you, want rides places, want you to watch their dog, etc.

So, I really wouldn't worry about it.  What you could do when you interview prospective applicants is tell them that you aren't the kind of landlord who will bother them, and you appreciate not being bothered with anything other than landlord-tenant issues from your tenants, so everyone can live their own lives without things being awkward.  The ones you want to rent to will be the type to sigh a huge sigh of relieve that their landlord will not be all up in their business.  They make for good tenants and neighbors.

Having a default answer until you get comfortable with setting the boundaries, is to just always answer with "Let me think about it."  Then, eventually, you will learn to say no right away, in whatever words you find most comfortable- "Oh, I'm sorry, but that's not something my lawyer suggests I allow," for instance.  It is helpful if you can blame it on someone else, if you find that more comfortable than just saying a straight out no.

But, it's also really true that at the same time, you can be really friendly.  I was very friendly.  And I would really nicely say no.  I'd say, oh, I completely understand why you want to be able to park in two parking spaces, or want a pet rabbit, or want a washer/dryer in your unit, or want the owner to pay for your blackout curtains...but, you know I can't say yes because the lease says no and if I let you do it, I have to let everyone else do it, and so as much as I understand why you want what you want, I'm just so sorry, but I have to say no.  I'll completely understand if you feel you have to move out and if that's what you choose to do, I'll be happy to work with you on your move-out date...(if it gets that far).  Yay for month to month rentals.

Account Closed · Answer

I learned the hard way as a resident manager that whenever I became friends with a tenant, they expected favors.  Every single time.  And when I inevitably would have to say no, the friendship ended and wasn't pretty, no matter how calmly and friendly I explained things.  Some ended up constantly complaining about weird things about me to the owner (who would laughingly tell me about the crazy complaints).  And, I'm talking about one of them wanting a washer/dryer unit in a building with no hookups where no other tenants were allowed to do such a thing (25 units), another wanted to be able to park in such a way as to take up 2 parking spaces so they could easily get in and out of their vehicles without anyone damaging their cars - obviously crazy favors.  And yet, because we had become friends, they thought they had the right to do such things, even if nobody else in the building - including me - were allowed to do.

People just get weird.  It's really awkward to live with your customers, but you just really must keep a clear boundary between you.

Enrico Angella · Answer

As everyone suggested already, I don't think it is good at all to socialize with your tenants, at least from a business stand point.

When I started dealing with tenants, I had that approach of being nice and socialize with tenants. I hadn't read all the books about property management, I was young and naive.

You can easily imagine the outcome. Less confrontation with tenants, but a lot of unrealistic expectation from tenants about rent staying the same and "flexible" terms on payments. Then at some point I would change my attitude, and do all the things that a landlord or a manager should do, and become the jerk.

I would keep the relationship with tenants as formal as possibile, covid is the best excuse for all of us when we don't want to hang out with someone, and when a tenant is on the phone, if he/she starts talking about his/her personal life, always cut the conversation short, telling them that you would love to talk to them but you're about to go out on a meeting.

Calvin Ozanick · Answer

There is a major difference between being friends and being friendly. I highly recommend not befriending your tenants. You could get yourself into trouble if they begin running behind and you stop treating this property as a business venture. However, being friendly is highly recommended and almost required. With the eviction ban currently in effect, tenants have more power than ever when it comes to simply choosing to pay or not to pay. Best of luck and I hope this helps!

Karl B. · Answer

I'm friendly with my tenants but I am not friends with them. If you asked them about me they'd probably say, "He's nice and he lives in Missouri and used to live in California" and that's about all they know about me.

I've had tenants vent about things to me (break-ups, ex-spouses, work, etc.) but I mainly listen. when I'm talking it's usually a response or I talk about the property and the work I'm doing on it.

Patrick M. · Answer

May be helpful to look at this through the eyes of someone else as well, lest you find yourself the Michael Scott of the story. Does your tenant really want to be friends with you? Or perhaps they extended a curtesy invite expecting a friendly decline... and now they are caught in a very uncomfortable spot. They can't "unfriend" you because you are their landlord.

Worked in a restaurant where the owner's son was the manager. He thought he was Mr. Popular and everyone wanted to be friends with him too... not so.

Lynnette E. · Answer

I am friendly with my tenants, but not friends.  I do not socialize with them.  But I will give them a gift for a major life event such as first baby, wedding.

Be friends with your tenants?

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