Emotions in Real Estate * WARNING... Whining ahead! *

16 Replies

I'll try to keep this brief to some degree. I own a few single family homes, I make fairly decent passive income, but I am bored out of my mind. Perhaps it's an issue for my counselor, not BP, but I saw there was a section titled investor psychology, so here goes. My girlfriend and I are equal partners on every deal. She helps on the financing side and bookkeeping, I do everything else involved in buy and hold investing...rehab, tenants, management, etc. That said, it doesn't excite me, and unless I'm working on a new deal, it doesn't require a massive amount of my time. I see houses as a way to add $300 to $600 a month to my immediate net income, fantastic long term wealth seems "almost" inevitable (no guarantees in life and the free market), and great tax benefits. Plain and simple, yet uninspiring (for me personally). I honestly think it's being alone in my work that is the major problem, as well as being business partners with someone who brings nothing to the table aside from financing. Sure, she wants to "retire young", but I don't see her cracking a real estate book, tax book, looking at forums (such as BP), or anything else. She has a full time job as an elementary teacher, so I understand that she can't do real estate full time. I also realize that financing is a major component, but lately I have the attitude that just because you loan a welder to me and I go off and construct the Eiffel tower, it doesn't mean I want to split the finished product with you 50/50. We're romantic partners, so I suppose the money all goes in the same pot, so it's not as bad as splitting it 50/50 with a strictly business partner though. Maybe I'm crazy....I've been told that before. I want to partner with someone who I can learn from, and hopefully they can learn from me. I don't know if real estate is my calling. I always wanted enough passive income to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted...then I realized I don't have a lot of hobbies or a major "calling" (I haven't discovered it as of yet, despite reading dozens of books on the subject). Consider this me reaching out, hoping to find some local people who can motivate me and excite me. I've tried the local REIA group, and perhaps I didn't give it a fair chance, but I found bitter landlords and part-timers who seemed more lost than me. I do plan on joining again to give it another shot. This could be the ramblings of a mad man. I appreciate your time reading my thoughts.

P.S.  I want to add value, not just find an investor to boost me up.  I don't care if you're a newbie or Donald Trump, I just want someone with a little bit of fire to get in touch with me!

@Joshua Rogers  

First - get married. Without a marriage, this partnership will likely end badly. And the legal battles could be devastating. 

Make it a family business. 

I have a similar problem. Even with a boatload of rentals, if we are not buying, it can sometimes get boring. 

It does help that my wife works full time for our business. It is our life. faith, family, Rentals and vacations.

Just my opinion.  Don't get married.  F that.  Marriages end badly half or more of the time too lol.  To me it seems like it's increasing your odds of ending badly if you get married.  Instead of just being business partners and being involved, now you're married and business partners.  Better off staying separate, and probably better off keeping your finances separate.  Hopefully you are with someone that even if you cheated on them or they cheated on you, they would still financially honor any commitments.  

I'm super motivated with money burning holes in my pockets right now.  My girlfriend and I are partners, and have 1 rental and we are looking to ramp up quickly.  But, we aren't local to you.  I want to be either lending money out or buying my rentals, just want to be earning big returns either way.  

I wish you luck.  At least you are motivated and want to do better for yourself.  You can't teach that in my opinion.

My girlfriend is very outgoing and I'm not.  I'm the analyzer, she is the 'tenant recruiter'.  lol.

Here's a third option. Get married and get a pre-nup, that way there's no arguing over who gets what if things go south and who says you can't have a happy marriage. A pre-nup is just insurance. If you already own a few homes and have passive income, then go do whatever you can afford. 

If your partner's strength is the books and nothing else, then accept it.  If they aren't interested in finding deals, rehab, analyzing tenants, you're not going to change her.  I don't care if you get married or beat her with a stick.  You aren't changing a woman.  She's going to change you first LMAO.

My girlfriend is similar.  I start talking numbers and she looks at me and nods, then yells at me that my shirt is too baggy or to pull my pants up lol.  She doesn't care about anything other than the people part.  And I know it.  So, her job is to handle getting us good tenants.  It's what she is good at.  That leaves me to do everything else.  But I'm fine with it.  If I need help, I talk to my investor friends. 

@Joshua Rogers  It sounds like you are excited on new deals, but once they become passive income, the whole thing becomes much less exciting.  Have you considered flipping some homes instead of being 100% rentals?  

Flipping gives you the excitement of finding a deal, rehabbing, but then it becomes someone else's project and you go off to find the next deal.  You might not get as bored with that.  Your girlfriend, if her strength is the bookkeeping, she can work with you on the budget and making sure the receipts and actuals are being properly accounted for so you can stay on track.

I agree with @Carlos O.  .  Make sure you have a good prenup in place when you get married.  Hopefully, you already have a partnership agreement in place for the business you are doing now.

It's not unusual for one part of a couple to be completely disinterested in what the other half is doing.  That's why we have places like BP where we can meet people who do share our interests.  I just bought a house last week that I needed my husband to sign off on.  I just sent him to the attorney's office and told him to sign papers.  He didn't ask ANY questions.  He had never seen the house we bought even though it was only a block away from our own house. He just does NOT care about real estate, and he trusts me to make good financial decisions.  

It's ok.  When he talks about his job, my eyes glaze over, and I totally check out of the conversation too.  He's a statistician - BORING!  I still love him, though!

I think you have two separate issues.

A) Your board in your current real estate situation

B) Your upset your girl friend doesn't carry the same amount as "lust" for real estate

A) Have you thought about doing buy, fix and hold. Or what about doing vacation rentals or something that achieves the same goal of cash flow, but it increases the cash flow and adds a little spice? 

I agree with what you are saying. When I was unemployed I was "too" good at making our houses passive and it got boring. My goal the next I quit is to start a vacation rental business. It will be a good compliment, has singificatnyl more cash flow. Plus it is more hands on so that fits my need to "play" with my investments.

B)My husband and I are each other partner. That begin said I do EVERYTHING he signs where I tell him too. Your other half doesn't have to be as interested as you are in the dealings. Are you as interested in her students and participate to the same degree. Have you cracked a teaching book? 

At the end it matters that you do your "agreed upon" assistance. Plus you are still in the beginning stages. While my husband isn't " in it to win it" to the same degree as i am it. It "clicked for him this past 5 months about the potential. Lets just say he played "Angry birds" the two rental properties we bought. 

Thanks for all the great replies, I gained some valuable insight.  I had to laugh at the comment "have you cracked a teaching book".  NO lol.  I'm out of my "oh poor me" phase, it comes and goes once in a while.  I'm going to stay more active on BP and continue the journey.  Thanks again everyone.  

marriage 50% unhappy.   25% marriages r unhappy.   75% chance of unhappy/divorced.   don't get married 100% chance of dying old and lonely. 

Married or not, all that matters is if you have a good partner. She may not have the same interest, but does she compliment your deficiencies? Does she support what you do? Do YOU want to be doing the books? Sounds like she is doing a great job in the support role and you need to find the value in that.

My Ex-wife fought me every step of the way and made it difficult to do any deals. My "new" wife supports me every step of the way, but she does not get nearly as excited about numbers and deals as I do. However, she has chosen to step into the support role by ensuring all things around the house and dealing with the kids is taken care of so that I can focus on real estate. Is it the perfect partnership in my mind? Nope... But it allows me to work harder at reaching our goals when I am not distracted every few minutes throughout the evening by all of the needs of everyone else in the family. I still help out around the house, cook and work with the kids. However, if I start to get too distracted, my wife reminds me that SHE chose to take care of the household so that I can focus on real estate and she pushes me back into the office to make more phone calls. :-)

My point...? Find the value in your partner and appreciate it. It will make your partnership much stronger.

I might be totally off base here, but I think the issue is in the relationship and not your investing.

If you find that you want her to view your work as super-valuable and she does not, then you could have a serious problem.

If you are seriously bored with real estate (and I can't think of anything more boring than rental property) than make a switch to flipping....which will create big cash pops for non-financed rentals if that is indeed your goal.

I liken buy-and-hold investors to gatherers and flippers to hunters. Both eat, but one is a lot more fun.

Okay, a totally different perspective here- the relationship is irrelevant for now (not sure why everyone is suddenly giving marriage advice when that wasn't the question), and real estate investing doesn't require a calling to make it work. 

Here's my thought. The organization of the partnership should come last. It's all going in the same pot for now, so don't worry too much about it. I think your priority should be figuring out something you like doing and are interested in doing. The reality is, you can still invest in real estate if you do other things. I'm a real estate investor and I do ZERO with real estate. I have no desire to work in real estate. No hammer swinging, no landlording, no anything. It's not required to still be a real estate investor. With that in mind, sky is the limit for what you can do with your life. 

A few options to consider, and this isn't a list of things you should do, only different options of what you could do to help steer you along the path of figuring out something that might sound fun:

- If you are creative and would be interested in building a business, you could build a business out of your real estate stuff. Learn business and start outsourcing the work. So instead of you doing everything yourself, you end up managing everyone doing it for you. Building a business is completely different than working in real estate. If you like creativity, problem solving, puzzle putting-together, etc....building a business would be perfect. The end-benefit of doing that is you still get the same financial results (if not significantly more because you can take on my projects at once) and you aren't a required part of the equation. That frees up your time to do whatever you want. It becomes passive income with only little required on your part (just making sure everything is running correctly).

- You can keep buying rental properties but ones that other people do the work on instead so you no longer have to 'work' in real estate, you can just own investment properties. This frees up your time to do any other kind of job you want, or hobbies, or whatever.

- Learn or find a new twist to what you currently do. Something that will grow or expand what you are doing, but also adds some fun and excitement to it.f

It sounds like you are extremely good at what you do. If that's true, it'd be a sad skill to waste by not doing it, so that could rule out option #2, but it leaves a lot of fun to be add with options #1 or #3. 

When I started my business, I had so much fun with it. I was creating things left and right, coming up with new ideas, talking to new people, etc. But after not too long, I got really bored. So much so, I was tempted to sell the business. But I talked to my mentor and (after helping me realize I was no where near a position to sell the business) he explained to me how much more there was that I could do that would be exciting for me. He asked me to list out all the things I love doing, regardless of whether they were business or real estate related. After I did that, we took those things and applied them to the business. Now I had this list of things I could do for the business (since I had already outsourced all the parts of it I was bored with or hated doing (which was a lot)) and because they were based on things I loved doing, I was having a blast! I actually have to do this about once a year. Because I come up with the list, I'm re-excited, I barrel them out, and then I'm bored again. Which sounds like where you are. You got good at something, now you're bored because it's not challenging, and you need something to be excited about to keep you going. You can find that and do it in conjunction with what you are currently doing, or you can ditch being so active in real estate and just make it passive.

Ali Boone, Real Estate Agent in CA (#01911993)
310-957-2101

@Ali Boone  I couldn't have said it better myself! Solid advice! 

"being business partners with someone who brings nothing to the table aside from financing."   so other than brining the cash money to make deals happen, she brings nothing to the table!  She would probably drop your *** in a second if she read that statement!!!! lol

I understand where you are at, my fiancee is the breadwinner.  Makes well into 6 figure salary at the day job and that job is the reason we moved to where we live now and that move meant restarting my existing fitness biz or doing something new and I always wanted to do real estate.  I wish she had 1/10th the passion that I have for it but she just doesn't.  IT's also hard convincing her that these are intelligent investments that are putting money in our pockets today and in the long term.  It's especially frustrating because she works in ACCOUNTING AND FINANCE!  but she really just doesn't have a grasp on personal finance and wealth building.  I think in the end, the opposites attract thing is potentially a good thing for my relationship and it's probably good for yours too.  Because I know she is so conservative and risk averse, it really makes me do all of my due dilligence on any deal that we consider because I truly do respect that it's ultimately her money I'm investing.  As a result, we have scored 2 really good deals on singlefamily homes.  one that cash flows $700 a month and has a large amount of equity via the great deal we scored at acquisition and smart renovations we did and a 2nd property that we bought cheap, gutted and now rent for $1100 a month and own free and clear.  I can probably sell that for 20% above what we have invested in it, plus we've been getting monthly rent for 4 months.   

I understand your boredom but I strongly encourage you to really take a broader view and see just how good you have it and if you stay on the path you are on, you truly will be retired young and have freedom of time and money to do anything you desire in life.

David DuCille, Real Estate Agent in FL (#sl3293872)

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