Wilmerding, PA · Member since 2016 · 188 posts · 44 votes
10y
I was in a similar situation and here's what I did. Instead of telling him about what I was trying to do I showed him. I took him with me to a property and I explained to everyone involved what it is that I want to do with the property (in my case it's a buy and hold lease option situation).
Once he saw my interaction with the landlord and the tenant and saw what I had planned he was "hooked" so to speak. He's very introverted where as I can be both introverted and extroverted when the situation calls for it. So if you show your spouse what you want to do instead of just tell them you may get the support you're looking for, you can even ask her for input on design ideas if your doing a flip. Hope this helps you out. Love the Dixie Chicks reference Mike lol.
Wilmerding, PA · Member since 2016 · 188 posts · 44 votes
10y
I was in a similar situation and here's what I did. Instead of telling him about what I was trying to do I showed him. I took him with me to a property and I explained to everyone involved what it is that I want to do with the property (in my case it's a buy and hold lease option situation).
Once he saw my interaction with the landlord and the tenant and saw what I had planned he was "hooked" so to speak. He's very introverted where as I can be both introverted and extroverted when the situation calls for it. So if you show your spouse what you want to do instead of just tell them you may get the support you're looking for, you can even ask her for input on design ideas if your doing a flip. Hope this helps you out. Love the Dixie Chicks reference Mike lol.
Rental Property Investor · Jacksonville, FL · Member since 2015 · 342 posts · 142 votes
10y
Derrick Williams I'm in a similar boat. My wife supports me but doesn't like the BRRR strategy I am pitching. So I just try to show her scenarios about cash flow. For example, if we had 10 houses cash flowing 400 per month then this equates to $4800 per year etc. It's still a working progress but she's slowly coming around.
Investor · Thermopolis, WY · Member since 2012 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes
10y
@Derrick W., I have had the same problem. I will try to post a link to another thread with about 3 more posts about this area.
Negative energy at home
https://www.biggerpockets.com/forums/12/topics/119..., basically it is a long and sometimes slow process. I have heard folks say that if your spouse is not on board it will not work. My spouse was not on board and is barely tolerating real estate now, but I have over 30 units. You have to be patient and keep working at it.
Emergency Room RN · Magnolia, TX · Member since 2016 · 43 posts · 8 votes
10y
I'm in the exact same boat. We made great money during the housing boom but lost it all in the bust. Finally clawed our way back through my 9-5 and doing things differently this time around, but she wants nothing to do with it...AND SHES A REALTOR!! I'm hoping to change that by showing her and learning more because discussion has gotten nowhere
Investor · Bryan, TX · Member since 2016 · 165 posts · 82 votes
10y
Thanks for the links. Lots of good info in there. I have explained the difference between managed debt and bad debt. I don't think it got anywhere. It aggravating. I used inherited money to get started. The rentals are 100% self supporting, not touching our 9-5 money. In 12 months it's net worth has literally doubled, we own a vacation place on the coast now and have moved into a new tax bracket. (Sounds a lot cooler than what it is, the banks and uncle same claim the lions share of the profits). She will help me clean, paint and other small things but I still get the "your doing it wrong" speech no matter how well I do.
Debt aversion is the biggest obstacle investors will usually face with a spouse. If after trying various ways to convince them it is relatively safe, although you can still lose it all, and they still do not come around either forget the idea or apply for a divorce.
Do not listen to those that say money can not buy happiness, they have no idea what money can really do. The nice thing about money is it does not talk back, tell you what to do or make you feel guilty. You can not take money or a spouse with you when you die but unlike a spouse you can leave your money to someone that will appreciate it. No one wants your spouse.
Investor · Riverside, CA · Member since 2011 · 2k+ posts · 3k+ votes
10y
Google "Spouses Flipping Houses" By buddy Doug and his wife have a podcast about the subject. Another option is to Google "Divorce attorney." Better to get out now before you make all that money and have to give half away to someone who didn't support you, but will still want and take the cash.
Orland Park, IL · Member since 2016 · 24 posts · 10 votes
10y
I'm yet to buy my first rental property. However, I needed my spouse's support to save some money together. I always liked to compare running our household to running a company. Companies operate for a profit. And so I would tell my wife we have to think as we were running a small firm. Any given month that we could save we would think of it as a profit or better yet let's bring our monthly expenses down as much as we can so that our monthly incoming funds are consistently greater. Voila! There's your cash flow everyone is talking about, right here at your home.
Investor · Sheboygan Falls, WI · Member since 2015 · 4 posts · 2 votes
10y
There's a rope pushing exercise (from my experience anyway)...
I think what you really need to be mindful of is what is really behind the lack of support and how deep that runs. I was married, and when we were young, well before having kids, being married, or even owning our own place, even my tabling of the idea was enough to throw her into fits. I proceeded to marry her anyway, we bought our own house, had kids, the underlying divergence of ideas never went away. Eventually her negativity ate away at the marriage, fear of money (and lack thereof) CONSTANTLY caused problems, and it became more and more clear that in her world there was no place for my big ideas.
Marriage is a partnership. A pretty serious one, one that you don't get to go home to get away from. Listen to a few of Brandon & Josh's podcasts, EVERY time they or their guests talk about partnerships their #1 caveat is to make damn sure you and your partner are on the same page wanting the same things and pulling in the same direction striving for the same goals. At least if a REI partnership goes sideways only one part of your life takes a hit.
You'll have to spend a lot of effort understanding what's really behind the lack of support. Understand her mentality in broad terms to be able to tell if she's able to come around (objectivity is crucial here). Then decide IF there's a way to talk through it, ration through it, tiptoe into it, whatever. That's a big if. You may have to settle for her accepting you doing what you want to do, even though she won't support it. That may be as good as it gets. But if that would also be your opportunity to get into or keep going on this. If it's just not there, you probably already know it. But if she's not actively preventing you from doing it, that's some support of you all the same.
You "just" have to have the ability to objectively assess what's really what then devise and implement a plan to achieve what you're after, if there is such a plan possible. And if there's not....
Well, I'm not married anymore (if that wasn't apparent already). And 3 years after crawling out of the ashes of my divorce, having given literally everything we had to her (including all cash savings) so I could walk out "whole" and not pay to her any more of my future $$ than I had to, here I am trying to get started. My first convo's with her about this were in 2004. All that lost time...
Investor · Grapevine, TX · Member since 2014 · 88 posts · 75 votes
9y
My wife was initially scared of the debt, but let me buy one house at first to see how it goes. Once I showed her the tax it saved us, monthly cashflow and price appreciation, she felt better. Later she was ok with me buying more houses. This year she thoroughly prepared for and attended the public auction and bought a foreclosed property! She's become a full partner who has observed that REI builds wealth much better than a 9-5 job. I feel happy talking with her about all kinds of REI options. Her appetite has grown and she is thinking bigger than me how to expand our RE investments. It has taken 7 years to get her to this point. Now it's all good :)
Real Estate Investor · Alhambra, CA · Member since 2015 · 12 posts · 26 votes
9y
Hi, my husband is my biggest support even though he is not nearly as much involved in the ROI. Here is how I tried to rien him in: just like any other business ventures. you will need to create a "biz plan" for those you would like to "convince" so they can "buy in" to you. So maybe you can really break down the numbers for her, in a really neat format, gather different blogs, videos, examples for her to see clearly and most importantly "enjoyably". Play RICHDAD and BP podcast in the back ground. Show her how much passion you have and more importantly YOU TWO can achieve a goal you two had dreamed up before, for us it is a Catamaran, so basically I invest for both of us for US to be free and go sail around the world. Yup, he is all in. For you two, maybe some other life style?
Real Estate Entrepreneur · Mid West, East Coast · Member since 2015 · 3k+ posts · 1k+ votes
9y
@Derrick W. Find a new one....LOL just kidding. Uh, I'd suggest you start by mentioning how real estate will afford you guys the ability to do some of the things she is interested in or interested in squiring, then show her the numbers on a spreadsheet or chart. Seeing is believing. Good Luck man!
Don't give up on your wife man! She has to be the most important partner in your business period. My wife and I have had the privilege of working with couples with struggles and working through our own as well. Please understand I am not saying that you have a problem, I just feel lead to share my heart and passion for people as it pertains to marriage and business success. I am not an expert or marriage councilor, my heart just goes out to you and I hope I can be an encouragement to you.