Stubborn Hubby

19 Replies

Hi, guys... I am a new member here. I must say that I love this forum. A lot of valueable information and people seem very nice and friendly. Professionals are not snutty and very helpful. New people are sincere and goal-oriented. Well, hello, and here is my topic. This looked like a right category for it...

I have to get this out of my system…
I am a married woman (27) with two young children (6 and 2).
I like all this real estate industry, starting from interior and landscape design finishing with rehabbing...

Couple years ago we had extremely bad job transition (my husband retired from US Army, and it turned out that many years of management experience are not valuable to anyone, so he had tough time finding a job. I, on the other hand, broke my leg on the first day of a new job; needles to say that by the end of the sixth month, our neighbors fed our children and the only food we could actually afford was ramen and spaghetti with nothing in it, even butter or ketchup). I remember our Christmas that year: two hard-boiled eggs, sauerkraut salad and four potatoes. I must tell you it was FUN.

We have gone long way in the last 2 years: my husband makes about 4000 a month, I make anywhere from 3000 to 8000 per month (depending on the month, I guess). We both work a lot. I run my business from home office; therefore, very often you can find me with laptop, coffee and ashtray full of cigarette butts at 3 AM.

I have been thinking about real estate rehab for a long time (probably for a year already). I have read tons of books, etc. etc. etc. my hands grow from where they are supposed to grow, i.e. I can do pretty much anything (of course, except for things that are impossible for me due to the fact that I am a female - I am not that strong as a male). Anyways...

You know when you want something really-really bad, you have almost physical desire – it seems to sit somewhere under your heart and you can feel it. I am not sure if it is a desire, or desperation, but it is there, and it hunts me, it calls my name, it brings tears to my eyes. Please, I am not insane)))) There are no voices in my head… Yet))))

I want to make REI a life career. I am willing to commit. I am not a quitter. I understand that there are ups and down, and I am not gown to drop everything if I will trip. However...

My husband likes the idea, but he is scared to death to start it, to try. I keep bugging him: let’s try… let’s try… we can do it… He says, “Well, I am timid: we have everything so fine right now, why do we need to jump into something we don’t know?” I do, damn it! Here are the books. Search Internet – read things. But he is soooooooooo stubborn.

The thing is that we just got a house. Payments are not the best, but we are making it. I work many many hours, and I practically do not see children at all: I turn their cartoons on, and that’s all they do all day long. Well, I do feed them, too. But... My husband works long hours. He likes his job very much, but I see him maybe 3 hours a day. Kids too. I want my family back! I really think that we need to try, but he is so timid about this, and I cannot do it alone. I mean, I could, but – God forbid! - if I will fail, he is going to eat me with my bones.

The thing is HOW to I talk him onto this. He likes the security of our current life, and he is scared to death to make a move. How do I turn him into joining me? I want him to share this with me. He loves the idea, but he likes someone else doing it and does not want to have anything to do with it himself… It drives me crazy. I look like a little girl who is asking for a candy. A candy she really wants.

I was thinking to figure out a way to start it alone, and then, show him that no one is going to bite his head off, and maybe he will join me… What do you think, guys?

I have two ideas.

First, you could join your local REIA (real estate investor's association) and make friends with some SUCCESSFUL investors in your area. Meeting actual people who are making a living in this field might help alleviate his fears.

Second, you could wholesale a property by yourself and make some money with very little risk. When he sees what you have accomplished, that may help.

I'd wait to do a rehab until he is onboard.

Good Luck,


Originally posted by "MikeOH":
I have two ideas.

First, you could join your local REIA (real estate investor's association) and make friends with some SUCCESSFUL investors in your area. Meeting actual people who are making a living in this field might help alleviate his fears.

Second, you could wholesale a property by yourself and make some money with very little risk. When he sees what you have accomplished, that may help.

I'd wait to do a rehab until he is onboard.

Good Luck,


Thanks, Mike. I'd wait on rehab, too.

Originally posted by "iLikeVanilla":
What business are you running from your home office?

I like vanilla too)
Hey, I am trying to get away from my business here and have some relaxing time at the forum. :beer: I do not want my profession to interfere with anything here. :wowo:
However, if you are so interested, I can drop you a PM.
Here, good enough.
Originally posted by "charles whitaker":
Like Mike said, wholesaling to gain quick capital is quite safe compared to other methods. This method should give you a good working base to start out with.

Well, I am reading as much as I can on wholesaling. This, actually, looks very good if approached with the right grey matter. I would like to read actual books on the subject. Can you recommend any?

As about the exit strategy - I have no idea yet. Blah, turns out I am not as prepared as I thought I was. See, this is the bad things about the books: one can read book all his life, but unless he/she actually do something, one has no experience, and knowledge without experience doesn't have much of a value.

As you said, "It's great to talk about what you want to do, but it feels alot better to actually do it." I AGREE! So, how did you start? What was that final push for you?

Hi Goldenamber. The final push for me was when I "accidentally"made $150,000 a couple years ago off my house. You see, I bought it for $89,000 in 2000 and in 2005 my real estate agent sent me a letter saying she could sell it for $242,000. I flipped. I was in debt from my husband's hospital bills-he had heart failure and my credit was on the verge of being ruined because of it. Yes, they go after spouses for emergency hospital bills. Anyway, I sold, made lots of money, and paid everything off, bought a house, bought another, and that is where I am now. My husband is like yours but much less entusiastic. He doesn't even work much, even though he gets calls for work alot. He is a carpenter. But then again, he is not in the best of health. You must have a goal-short term and long term. My short term is to buy a duplex in town. My long term is to have $500,000 in real estate assets in 15 years and $500,000 in stocks and bonds in 15 years -that is another story. Every time I hear one of my customers-I am a barber- tell me their financial woes bcause they are living on social security and pensions, it makes me more motivated to make sure I have something when I am their age. One customer has to take turns with his wife getting a haircut. When they get their monthly checks, one month he gets a haircut, the next month she does. I will never be like that when I am old. When I retire, I want to get my hair done whenever I want to. Anyway, I will stop rambling now. But seeing the way alot of old people live is all the push I need to get moving. Oh, and make sure you have health insurance for you and your husband no matter what.

Pam, thank you so much for such a post. I think I am going to print it out and hang it in the office.
It is very sad that people who worked all their life must take turns in haircuts. I believe this is not the worst, though. I know there are people who suffer more, but hair cut turns.. I feel so sorry for them... Gees, yeah, I do not want that to happen to me.
My husband is less than enthusiastic. He is comfortable right where he is right now - we have a house, we have good paychecks, he works at oil wells (Schlumberger) and he loves being outdoors (play in the mud type thing), he loves his co-workers, he has his wine hobby (he makes wine and recently started making beer), we are all healthy and, except for a not so good credit, we have no problems. Three years ago, he had a very bad job transition: for six month we lived for 600 bucks per month, I was pregnant and was throwing up non-stop. Finally, when I felt better, I broke my leg. Could not do anything with stupid crutches, my 2 year old son was taking care of me. Well, after 6 month, our neighbors were feeding our son. Dona would come over and say, “Hey, guys, common over – let’s have lunch...” I felt so uncomfortable. But she was a friend and she understood. So, I think, that he is scared to be in that position again. I am scared, too. No one would want to go back there… That is just it - he is in his comfort zone. But if one wants more from life, one must move. I guess, I have no right to push him into it, but I would like to have some support)

He likes the idea, but it looks like “I think it is great to see people doing that and succeeding, but I want to stay in my own niche.”

hey Golden - I may not have the greatest advice in the world to give you as I am a newbie rehabber, making many mistakes (read a couple of my posts, they seem to scare a lot of newbies), but reading your post, I just feel ya-I am a 29 yr old single woman, I have two kids 13 and 6. I had been doing very well on my own for a very long time in corporate america. Except, I always just wanted (loosely put, wanted just touches the surface) to spend my life redoing ugly old houses. Anyway I set a mental goal for myself that by the time I was 30, I would be doing that as my career. That was 5 years ago. Don't you know that in December when I turned 29, it just snapped in my mind I had done nothing, and it was time to act. I'm almost done with my first rehab today. Will I fail miserably as a rehabber? Maybe. And let me tell you this first rehab has been a serious test of my persistence. But no amount of naysaying ever deterred me, even from those closest to me. I just knew if I never tried, I would wonder "what if?" for the rest of my life.
Maybe your hubby won't be supportive at first. Maybe you'll have to go at it alone to begin with. But if you want something bad enough, I think it's a price you may have to pay. But I do bet hubby becomes much more supportive when your "dream" pays the bills in the house. He'll come around. Anyway - if you want it- Go for it. Good Luck Golden.

Well, now we are moving somewhere)
Yesterday I told him in the morning, "Well, I am going to look at the house and you'll stay with the little one."
He asked me if he could go with me) Hooorrayyy!
While I was at the place talking to a friend of mine (she is a realtor), he was running around the house checking everything: he stuck his nose into every crack, hole and place! He was actualy excited about this. He started writing things down, etc. Checked everythings and gave me an estimate on what it is going to cost to bring the place into a good condition.
When we came back home, he couldn't stop talking about the house and all the repairs.
Today, while I was still sleeping (today's my day off), by 9 AM, he had already checked rates for plastering and talked to several contractors. Wow. You are right, guys, it is one thing to talk about it, but another thing to actually go and do it :D
Well, I am going to put the offer in today.

ahh great a cliffhanger..... :roll:

waiting to see how this turned out, looks like your hubby just figured all your real estate talk was just daydreaming and when you acted he reacted and it worked out well.

I sure am glad I found this post. I had forgotton where it was. I didn't forget about you, goldenamber, I am just busy. Glad you liked my post. Hope it inspires you. Something must have, since you are out looking for stuff to rehab. That's great. How did it go?

You know....for so many years I have wanted to be financially free, but have only dabbled in different ventures now and then. I sold things on ebay for awhile and made several thousand dollars. I've tried different multi level marketing schemes and even got my wife into a couple. We made little to no money with those. I started a classic car business with my best friend/business partner two years ago and have made some decent money doing that. I have never felt right working for someone else although I have a strong work ethic. My wife would always say "Why can't you be happy with what you have?""Why are you always trying this get rich quick stuff that never works?" She was my naysayer and it has hampered me from doing anything sizably important.

Well, lo and behold, she's suddenly reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad and has completely changed her views on wealth. As soon as I had the support of my wife, it was like the chains were broken. I was newly invigorated to pursue wealth again, but having learned many valuable lessons on how NOT to do it. I immediately bought the book and read it cover to cover and also bought Your Money or Your Life that I'm only about 40 pages into. I started surfing the net to find investment sites and ideas.

I have always wanted to get into REI and tried to get a friend into it with me. He was half interested in it at the time, but then pulled out. He went on to start a successful automotive garage.
Now that my wife and I are on the same sheet of music, suddenly I want to learn everything I can about all kinds of investing. I haven't been a good money manager up to this point in my life, but that's all about to change.
I have only just joined this forum today but can already see that it is a plethora of great information. I look forward to reading all I can to help educate me on this subject so that as soon as I get back from Iraq, I can take that plunge.
I do feel that it is crucial to have a spouses support. I feel for you GoldenAmber and I pray your husband comes around so that your chains can be broken too.

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