I also plan to spend a couple grand in pressure washing and painting the house. ?

The walls will need to be washed down with TSP to get all the nastiness off, possibly sealed with original Kilz or other serious primer, and that is best done when vacant. 

The market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent.

After one family came by to see it, she texted me and told me to tell all future tenants "to wash their kids before they come here....I don't want no dirty kids in my house". 

I couldn’t even wash dishes without a ged or diploma.

., painkillers (like Vicodin), stimulants (like Ritalin or Adderall), sedatives or tranquilizers (like sleeping pills or Valium), or drugs like marijuana, cocaine or crack, club drugs (like ecstasy), hallucinogens (like LSD), heroin, inhalants or solvents (like glue), or methamphetamine (like speed)]?

You did word it “like that”.....and you know you didThis is clearly not for you......I’m sure there are other threads where you can attempt to talk down to folk, but it won’t wash with me....Nah, you clearly asked for insight, specifically, "any" insight, so I gave you mine.

I explained what the chimney inspection company said the  issue was- he asked if it was a specific popular chimney inspection companies- I said yes it was, he then said, I bet they offered to fix it for $8,500, right? 

It's a house in Tacoma, Wash.

I think Robert and Dave Ramsey might probably agree if put to that specific point.In his book, Robert speaks of wanting to by some personal (depreciating) asset -like a car - the response from his wife was he had to go and buy a property that would pay for the asset.Personally, we are happily heavily leveraged (paying mortgages on 19 properties a month!)...