I want to buy a rental now, my husband wants to wait a see.

183 Replies

I have my real estate license, I study the market. I read all the great investing books, I listen to the bigger pockets podcast religiously. I am so ready to let our money work for us, instead of us working for our money. My husband is not on the same page. He isn't drinking the Kool-aid.

Every time I find a decent deal or a great opportunity for a rental property, he just wants to wait and see. We are both generally conservative with our money, which is how we got in the position to be able to invest. I don't know how to move forward if I can't get him on the same page. I don't know if this is a big problem because I'm a woman and he's a man. I think these roles are normally reversed. 

 What's my next move? I'm pulling my hair out in frustration!

show the numbers... and let the numbers influence his decision (worst, realistic, best case). 

Continue to show him the encumbers and explain the details so that his fear of losing all your money, which is very possible, is elevated.

Until he comes on board voluntarily it will not be possible for you to proceed unless you have separate bank accounts and expense responsibilities.

Just keep in mind that the majority of investors do fail and you need to be aware if you are not in a position to lose it all he may never come around.

@Stefanie Jensen wait and see what ?
Or does he feel the market is going to decline soon ?

I have a friend who is in the same position you are. He's been pushing to buy, the wife is always pulling back from the edge. I had the same debate with my wife who was reluctant to believe in real estate investing when I started as well.

From a marriage perspective I would say that having your spouse agree with you on these big, long-term goals is more important than actually investing. If you force him to agree it's possible that he will feel resentful and blame you for potential financial setbacks. So I would play the inception game and constantly expose your husband to the ideas of investing until he either gives you a hard NO or buys into it on his own. 

Later is better than never.

Most people analyze risk through emotion, not math.

My fiancé is very risk averse, she wont' invest at all. I just started doing it without her.

Unfortunately, this problem isn't' exclusive to your husband, this is literally the reason why the vast majority of people don't invest. You may or may not be able to convince him, what's your contingency?

It depends. If he is waiting to see if it turns out to be a good investment, then he will never buy anything. Like in the 90''s waiting to see if Apple stock was a good purchase. Turns out it was but it you missed the enormous gains, and it may not be a good investment anynore. On the other hand if like me he is waiting to see what happens with this market after a large increase in values he may have a point. 

If you are an agent I think your advantage is showing him places along with numbers.  He doesn't want to buy this one or that one but the first step is an agreement to look at some so he sees the $$ value and appreciates when you are ready to move if something comes up. This is what x $ buys you.  My husband isn't as invested as I am and he eventually agreed to look at some properties to get a feel for the market, that turned into buying something, but it took a number of looks.  It isn't really gender related, it is the mindset. Like buying a car, people are ready at different points. Keep feeding him the info.   

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@Stefanie Jensen

I like to compare real estate investing in the real world to playing monopoly.... The winner is usually the player who buys as aggressively as possible during the first few rounds - The one who saves their monopoly money as they pass go and waits on the sidelines is the first one out of the game...

I talk to a lot of investors and I have never had someone tell me that they wish they would have waited XX years longer before they started investing

Medium  logo  Jeff W., Gray Matter Living | [email protected] | 713‑296‑9556 | http://www.graymatterliving.com

I don't think it's a man vs. woman thing (and I would invite you to explore why you would even feel that type of discrimination was a possibility in your marriage, but that's a different subject).

You're both savers, and now you want him to spend. You didn't marry a spender. Have you shown him the numbers, broken down and explained in a way that he can understand? 

More importantly, have you expressed to him what real estate investing means to you, for the future of your family? He may need to hear more of the reasoning behind the investing. It can be scary to let go of a chunk of money you've worked to save. Be patient with him. Ask him how he feels about it, how does he see the future, does he have ideas to build wealth, etc. 

@Stefanie Jensen I HIGHLY recommend that you take advantage of the calculators on BP, you get 5 for free without upgrading. https://www.biggerpockets.com/real-estate-investment-calculator. The reports that you can generate will give you the "wait and see" in less than 5 minutes. They are great for seeing the numbers, and playing with the purchase price, and expenses to see where you need to be.

@Stefanie Jensen I would start by talking to your husband about WHY you want to get into REI. I don't know your motivation or what would drive your husband to jump on the bandwagon but for me personally, it's to achieve financial freedom and having the choice to spend time with my family. Personally, the ability to spend time with family is worth the risk that comes with REI.

Originally posted by @Joseph M. :

Stefanie Jensen wait and see what ?
Or does he feel the market is going to decline soon ?

He basically wants to wait and see if someone else will buy the deal before he has to! It's crazy. We were raised on opposite sides of the spectrum. It's crazy how your parents Example sets the stage for their kids in the future. Rich dad, Poor dad....playing out in my life!

Originally posted by @Clifford Tran :

I have a friend who is in the same position you are. He's been pushing to buy, the wife is always pulling back from the edge. I had the same debate with my wife who was reluctant to believe in real estate investing when I started as well.

From a marriage perspective I would say that having your spouse agree with you on these big, long-term goals is more important than actually investing. If you force him to agree it's possible that he will feel resentful and blame you for potential financial setbacks. So I would play the inception game and constantly expose your husband to the ideas of investing until he either gives you a hard NO or buys into it on his own. 

Later is better than never.

Originally posted by @Sara K. :

I don't think it's a man vs. woman thing (and I would invite you to explore why you would even feel that type of discrimination was a possibility in your marriage, but that's a different subject).

You're both savers, and now you want him to spend. You didn't marry a spender. Have you shown him the numbers, broken down and explained in a way that he can understand? 

More importantly, have you expressed to him what real estate investing means to you, for the future of your family? He may need to hear more of the reasoning behind the investing. It can be scary to let go of a chunk of money you've worked to save. Be patient with him. Ask him how he feels about it, how does he see the future, does he have ideas to build wealth, etc. 

@Sara K. , I totally understand what you're saying. My husband is the W-2 employee of the household. He has the dependable income and the insurance (so grateful) of our household. I'm the hustler mom, making money from several avenues. He is our best name on a loan. I want him to believe in the long term process. He doesn't care to listen to Gary Kellers, "Millionare Investor"', meanwhile I live by it.  Learning about investing and listening to stories on BP podcast is my focus. 

The husband is a good man, he just can't see the big picture like I can.

@Jeff W. , the best part of this conversation is that my husband DOMINATES at Monopoly! He's much more hesitant with real money. He'll come around, it's just taking way too long for my taste. He was s okay with 1 rental property a year. I might have to slow my roll.

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What's he waiting for? I was talking to a friend today who works in finance and in his opinion the market isn't as overvalued as most seem to think. Right now he thinks the biggest threat is geo-political mainly

@Stefanie Jensen He is making the decision emotionally and you are not getting through to him. He fears loss, too much work, it will upset our schedule, what if the renters are a hassle, what if we have to evict, what if they trash the place. You might want to start with a less involved scenario like financing a project as an investor and letting him see how things work and that it can actually be profitable and engaging.

@Stefanie Jensen ,  Yeah I understand what you mean. I do agree upbringing has a lot to do with it. It can be hard to change ones mindset. I actually saw both example's in my family, on my grandparents side. One side was more job oriented and the other side was more entrepreneurial/business/investor oriented. One isn't necessarily better than the other. Differently learned lessons from both. 

When one is so interested in real estate investing or business ,etc I guess it can be hard to understand how others might not be interested. But it's not for everyone. 

At least it sounds like he is open to the idea of investing since you said he was ok with 1 rental a year. Maybe once he see's the income coming in he'll get more excited about real estate.

Originally posted by @Account Closed , I totally understand what you're saying. My husband is the W-2 employee of the household. He has the dependable income and the insurance (so grateful) of our household. I'm the hustler mom, making money from several avenues. He is our best name on a loan. I want him to believe in the long term process. He doesn't care to listen to Gary Kellers, "Millionare Investor"', meanwhile I live by it.  Learning about investing and listening to stories on BP podcast is my focus. 

The husband is a good man, he just can't see the big picture like I can.

 You say he is the best name on the loan.   Does this mean you are a bit of a FLAKE.   Maybe your husbands view is your history regarding finances is of DUBIOUS quality.

One property is fine..............................you need to give much more info before bashing your husband.

Listening to Brandon n Josh, reading books, etc does not make one a bonafide investor.

I think she means that a W2 income on a loan is viewed as more "solid" for banks versus self employed income.

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