Getting spouse on board with investing

16 Replies

Newbie here - No deals under my belt yet, I'm still in the education/learning phase (though, I guess you never really do leave that stage). 

I am hoping to create and grow a buy and hold rental portfolio that will eventually allow me to make REI my full time career. I tend to be a very low risk person and even if I grow things slow, I should be able to pull that off within 5 years.

The only thing is - my husband isn't as excited as I am to jump on the REI train. We were talking about it last night and he would prefer to wait until we're done having children - which could be any number of years. I am anxious to get started now because I feel like we're missing out on potential income and the growth potential for our portfolio.

So, I'm curious - has anyone here had difficulties getting their spouse on board with their investing? What eventually made your partner comfortable with the idea? My husband understands the numbers and our income potential, I think he's just being risk adverse...

What would your spouse rather do with the money? I totally get being risk averse, but money sitting in a bank is actually more at risk due to inflation that putting it into a safe investment. I've always found that showing someone what the income could do on a personal level is helpful. As opposed to saying, "we could make an extra $500/mo" you could say something like "this rental could pay for Susie's day care" or "this rental would allow us to take that vacation to Hawaii we've always been talking about". Numbers are often boring and don't resonate with everyone, but tying those dollars to tangible things or trips can often turn things around. 

Best of luck

@Meghan Custer

If he is a numbers guy, put a deal in the BP calculator that shows him the monthly cash flow. Just be sure to find a deal that cash flows more than you’d get in the bank :)

It might take time to get him on board, but numbers don’t lie, and if you keep analyzing the deals and showing him, it might help

Good luck!

Show him! Show him deals, show him the numbers, show him the long term goals and how this could all work out for you guys. Why wait till you're done having kids when you can start now and provide an even better future for your children-meaning you will have some more free time to spend time with those kids and also the money to send them off to college in good standing. 

!. ask him at what age does he want to retire, or is he the work til he drops type of guy.

2. trying to pay for, rehab & manage/maintain properties as a husband & wife team is exponentially more difficult when you have little ones running around. Do it now.

3. have him mingle & network with like minded REI types & watch it become contagious. My youngest got into at 20 & we've created a monster. She works for an engineering company but given her own REI experience the owners NOW have her also managing all their real estate holdings, (they now have an attorney on site). As their accountant she quickly realized that their REI (passively) NETS a LOT more at year end than their high overhead, hands-on, stressful engineering firm.

4. partner up & do it without him.

good luck

My wife is still luke warm on it. She knows it's a great way to build weatlh, etc.  While we had kids we paused. Wished we didn't. Find out why he wants to wait till your done with kids. Kids cost money and deserve personal time. 

The comfort came from little nudges through out and showing properties that work. 

@Meghan Custer

Show him the numbers! My wife is on board, luckily, her only issue is me devoting time to rehab properties (I’m a contractor) when then kitchen at our house is 1960’s... :)

@Michael Albaum

This. All. Day.

I have used this very strategy to bring my wife around to see the value of REI! "This deal pays for Juniors daycare, every month. And when he's out of daycare that money now goes into our pockets, every month."

Or "Purchasing this one property with a 15 yr mortgage means Juniors college tuition and living expenses are paid in full, and it pays US in cash flow every month until then."

I even motivate myself by thinking about what monthly expense(s) this investment will ELIMINATE forever! (My personal definition of financial independence is basically running out of monthly expenses to offset)

It simple. At least how I view it. Lol

Do you want the same life we have now in 10yrs?  Are you going to be happy with that? 

I'm not happy with that and I want a better future. Honey lets do it together and have a better future we deserve it.

My experience has been: 

When you pursue something you are passionate about, either you two will grow together, or grow apart. If you don't pursue something you are passionate about, life stays the same.

If you wait until you are done having children, you will not get to reap the rewards for years after that. Which is the perfect time to be able to use some RE income and work part time or similar to be able to spend more time with your kids in the early years.

To warm your husband up to the idea. Listen to podcasts with him, talk about some positive outcomes from investing, and get some active investors into his life. I think direct interaction with active investors will be the most important as he probably has a lot of negative ideas associated with real estate.

My wife is the same way and we are weeks away from having our first child. I refuse to let that stop us from investing.

She hates finances. Hates talking about money. Its taken me literal years to work down those barriers, but it was necessary to establish our budget. I talk to her about real estate all the time, so it's common. I never try to force her to look at deals or anything, because I know it won't work at the moment. 

If your SO is anything like mine, you just have to bring it up all the time, but not in a way the demands his input. Make it normal. And point out the financial importance and benefits, but DONT skip out on the risks.

You have already messed up. You should have let him think it was his idea. But here's what I told my wife(at the time pregnant with our first):

I don't want to work 40 hours a week until I'm 65. If I get hurt then I can't work. REI lets me have an income no matter what. It can replace your income and let you be a stay at home parent if you want with the kids if you want. It will replace my income and take significantly less time to maintain compared to a job. I will have the ability to be at home more also. It can play for the kids post education. After their post education I plan on gifting one of the SFH to each of them as a "get out of my house" gift. It would be up to them if they want to continue renting it, live in it, or sell it. Either way I think it would make a great start for them in life.

My wife I'd now a stay at home mom with our 2nd child due next month and she's glad she has the opportunity to do it. Any time putting off REI is time lost. If you are lucky enough to live in a market that REI works, get started yesterday. It may not be after your finished having kids. IMO waiting until everything is perfect before you start is the risky thing.

@Meghan Custer This is a tough barrier to break down for sure. Some of clients deal with this same problem, some break through and end up investing and some don't. 

From what I have seen the key is to get your spouse to believe in YOU and not necessarily the investing part. If he sees over time that you have put the work in to understand the business and the risks and are passionate about it he may be more open to it. 

No, but I started investing long before I met my husband. I suggest using your own money, then it shouldn't be an issue. However, despite my funding my own deals, my hubby still resents the income from the rentals. It's been a huge bone of contention in our relationship! And it's put me in the strange position of receiving negative feedback for being successful, which is something I never anticipated, especially from my partner. 

You also need to sit down with a CPA and figure out what's the best way to own the properties to gain the most tax advantage. People often make incorrect assumptions about how real estate affects their taxes, and there is no substitute for professional expertise.

Also get your real estate license. It allows you to claim the rental income at a lower taxation level and also validates your tax position of being a "full-time real estate professional." Unless you already have another job. 

Basically the IRS requires you to spend a certain amount of time actively managing your rentals to qualify as a professional. But this is something your CPA can explain.