Make the wife understand

68 Replies

most of the replies here seem to say " show her the way". my answer is kind of a compromise. 15k is a decent amount to save and reinvest. however, you can find a deal that will allow you to get your start and maybe still appease the wife too. you have to get the wife on your side. no successful man in history did it without a good woman backing him up.  find out from the wife which of those " desires" is most important to her. probably the shoes. buy her those. find a house deal that fits into the remainder of your funds and will ultimately get you on the road to success. i personally have found and bought a couple of houses for less that $2000 and fixed them up, resold them for a decent profit. that profit is by no means an amount that made me rich, but it set me on the right path to continue on that path

I'm going to give it to you straight, just like other BP members have already.  I'm going through similar situation at the very moment with my wife. " JUST DO IT" she will benefit from what you doing now, just make sure you cross all of you ts and dot all of your I. DO NOT GO TO YOUR GRAVE WISHING THAT I  SHOULD OF, COULD OF, WOULD OF. I'm sure she loves you, and she is going to love you even more when she see what you have done for your future. Wish you  the best 

Happy Investing

@steven dominick It's always difficult convincing a significant other of a new idea.  Were you eventually successful?  

If you do it your way, and win, you're good.

If you do it your way and lose, she loses respect.

If you allow her to lead, she loses respect.

This has been known for thousands of years, and there are very few exceptions.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

And don't get me wrong, I'm no bible thumper, not by a long shot

If i could make your wife understand i would bottle that formula and sell it,

never to work again.  You can't make someone feel a different way than how they feel. 

But why can't you do both? a mini vacation and buy something?

You just have to do it!!!

Originally posted by Account Closed:

Tell her that you want to have real estate investments that pay YOU $500 a month each at least, not income sucking items that cost you. 

I just bought a 50k house in MO, 15k cash, 35k hard money loan at 12% five year balloon. Minimal repairs, and am going to owner finance it, or maybe rent it, and my cash flow will be $450~ month at least. Until I pay it off in 2-3 years and then it's $800 per month. 

That's what that 15k can do for you.

 Hi Joe Pickett!

It is possible that your wife was hard to convince because you used her name on public records on some very shady-seeming owner finance deals.

The Book, "The Richest Man in Babylon" explains the importance of having your money work for you. This is a concept which you may understand but she may not. But this concept is easy when compared to the difficulties of marriage. Both of you being on the same page in your marriage is the issue. Focus on sharing goals, then when you are ready to execute, she will understand what your goals are.

@Stephen Dominick - I feel your pain.  It took me a long time and may painful conversations to finally get my wife on board.  That was about 8 years ago and our lives have changed completely since then (from real estate and starting other businesses).

I tried a lot of different things to get my wife on board (including spending $7,500 that we didn't have on a credit card for guru training).  In the end, what worked for us wasn't even about real estate, it was about figuring out what we wanted our of life together.

After many long talks, we came up with the vision for our lives and set goals/targets for 20 years, 10 years, 5 years, 3 years, 1 year, 6 months, 3 months, 1 month and 1 week.  We worked backwards and basically said (in order to achieve goal x in 20 years, we would need x, and here is what we would need each smaller time period to roll-up to the next one).  One of our big goals that we each had to to be able to spend time with our then future (now current) kids.  We wanted to be able to stay home while they were young, coach their sports teams, etc.  We also wanted to be set financially and provide options for living a great life.  As we began exploring how to achieve the goals, it was obvious that working our current jobs would not get us there.  That is then when I showed an example real estate deal and what it would mean in terms of income.  She was still skeptical and filled with fear, but she was open to trying it.  Once we purchased our first duplex and she saw the income come in, she understood and shifted to wanting to continue.  Since then we have continued the process and started other businesses (such as a wine and liquor store, coaching to other couples/entrepreneurs and online businesses).  

Another thing that I think helped was convincing her to play Cashflow 101 a few times.  It allowed her to see different strategies and the impact vicariously.  Then when we started doing it in real life, she understood how continuing down the path would get us to our goals.

Yep I can understand, but after showing my wife the #s she jumped on board I asked her can you imagine if we sacrifice a few years we can retire from our jobs by 32 both of us and pursue other businesses so she then said LETS DO THIS! 

Similar post from the other side....

http://www.biggerpockets.com/forums/12/topics/188466-no-support?page=1#p1273532

Thanks @Ben Leybovich for your insightful input, I would also like to thanks all those that have commented. There has been some really great advice. To me it is very frustrating because I know how hard I have worked and the time I have spent on REI, and the time and effort I am willing to spend in the future. I see the path to success very clearly through REI, I owe it to my children and my family. My day job will most certainly not get us there. Another fact I know is that my wife is not happy when we are flat broke which we will be again when this seed money is burned through. I then will not have the patience or drive to rebuild. I fear that my gained knowledge in REI and her unwillingness to try will mean the end of our marriage. Sadly.

Buy her that Rich Dad, Poor Dad book!!  I did that and well it didnt "cure" the money spending bug it did give the wife some perspective at least as to why I am doing what I am doing.  Its an easy read and pretty short.

Originally posted by @Stephen Dominick :

Thanks @Ben Leybovich for your insightful input, I would also like to thanks all those that have commented. There has been some really great advice. To me it is very frustrating because I know how hard I have worked and the time I have spent on REI, and the time and effort I am willing to spend in the future. I see the path to success very clearly through REI, I owe it to my children and my family. My day job will most certainly not get us there. Another fact I know is that my wife is not happy when we are flat broke which we will be again when this seed money is burned through. I then will not have the patience or drive to rebuild. I fear that my gained knowledge in REI and her unwillingness to try will mean the end of our marriage. Sadly.

 Walk slowly!

I strongly (strongly, strongly, strongly) advise that if you move forward with a real estate investment, you use that $15,000 as the down payment on a very safe buy and hold investment.  Buy a small house, get it rented out, with income coming in and a real asset being paid for as the mortgage is paid down.

Do NOT, for the love of God, blow the $15k on marketing campaigns in an attempt to get wealthy as a "wholesaler."  The vast majority of people who do that blow through their money without doing a single deal.

Hit a single to the gap, then worry about convincing her to let you swing for the fences next time.

@Stephen Dominick You have $15k saved and you can't spend a $1k on your wife? My suggestion is to take a "stay-cation" buy her a new outfit go out to dinner and talk real estate because clearly it wasn't discussed while both of you were sacrificing to save money.  That $1k is also an investment and will have a much better return than anything you put into real estate unless you think your properties are going to start kissing you goodnight.

Originally posted by @Stephen Dominick :

I have been a BP student for a couple of years now.  I have worked OT, sold my stuff on EBay, worked extra for a landscaper.  I now have 15k saved up for investment. STOP!!! She wants to fix up the house we live in, maybe take a summer vacation, new clothes, shoes, maybe a different car??? Really?? All these things take us away from MY goal. What to do?

 Hello!  You have to talk about your frustration with wanting to invest your money.  Just be honest about what you want to do.  Let her know you will do what she wants after you make money on your investment.  Good luck!

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