How do you guys react when someone you know very well (fiend, or relative or someone at work) complains about money
(particularly by saying "We're in debt, but who isn't? Everyone lives like this, we're no different")? They aren't looking for advise, but rather just state this nonsense (probably to calm themselves down).
I have learned not to solicit advise if not asked for, so I pretty much say "yeah I know" and try not to engage in this particular conversation.
Do you handle it differently?
I'm coming to the same "They aren't looking for advise" conclusion. I have friends, who in the same sentence, told me they have money problems, but just bought a horse.... um....ya... My father asked more to "borrow" money again because things wre tight... I told him only if I was allowed to go over his finances to determine if we could fix the situation... he no longer speaks to me... I found that giving them sound advice just pisses them off and makes them not want to talk with me anymore. So I'm going to stop doing it. I think its akin to the horse & water analogy. Until they discover the problem themselves, they will never actually understand.
Reply with a question
"What plans do you have to get out of your troubles or do you always plan on being in debt?"
Often times people just want to vent. Most folks aren't looking for a solution, they just want someone to dump all that negativity on. I try to avoid such conversations, esp. when they are taking no corrective action to change their situation.
Somewhere I heard this story of a famous pianist who did a recital for some small group. After the recital, one of the guests said to him "I wish I could play like you". His response was "No, you don't. If you really did, you could."
Whether talking about a job you claim to dislike, some skill you wish you had, or debt you wish you didn't have, the story is really the same. You're living the life you choose. If you don't like your situation, make some different choices.
The question I have is: Are they telling everyone else around them the same things or are they only complaining to you? If it's just you, then it might be that they're either seeking your help (they might see you doing well financially) or they might actually be trying in a roundabout way to ask for help or guidance, since again, they see you handling your finances well (I'm assuming you are).
I've learned to avoid negative people who do nothing to fix their situation and just enjoy complaining and venting without seeking a solution. I nod my head and move on...
However, if you think they're seeking you out, a simple "would you be interested in my opinion?" might go a long way to help a true friend see the light and get on the right track.
Money is a very touchy subject to a lot of people, which is unfortunate, because if people talked more openly about money, less people would have financial problems in their lives. People tend to try to play down the importance of problems by saying things like "everybody does it", which allows them to keep their bad habits, but getting involved does not usually work out. Like Jon said, people make choices, if they don’t like the results they should make changes...isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?
Originally posted by James Vermillion:
Money is a very touchy subject to a lot of people, which is unfortunate, because if people talked more openly about money, less people would have financial problems in their lives.
I wholeheartedly agree James. Some of the smartest engineers I know are COMPLETELY dumb when it comes to money. This has baffled me...and I have come to the conclusion that many people don't discuss and/or study money and the process of making it. This is very puzzling to me given my interest in the subject. I guess people all have different interests though.
When I am around family and others I don't tell them any of my business and act like I am just getting by.Otherwise I will be hit up for every cent I have.
My mom's friends own over 50 trailers.They always tell everyone times are tough and they don't have much money.They are rolling in it they just don't want others to hound them for money and get mad when they won't give it to them.
Paying a bill for someone is only a symptom of the problem.If you don't like your job open your own business.If you aren't making enough money but like your job get more training to become more valuable to the company. If you don't like your job but don't want to be your own boss find a profession that interests you.
I hear you on the father thing.My father isn't alive but my Uncle is.He always complains about not having money.If I ask do you have a budget showing where everything is going?? He says don't worry about it.I know what he does.He hates his job so he goes out to eat and goes to the bar and blows his money all the time.
I find the more money I make my circle of friends changes.The ones making more money generally balance the budget and have a different mindset than people living paycheck to paycheck.
Sometimes I will work with my business until 1 in the morning.I do it because of the freedom and happiness it gives me knowing I control my own destiny.Companies now want you to do the work of 2 to 3 people for the pay of one.If you are working that hard you might as well own the business and get ALL the money.
Some people their whole lives is work week to week and collect a pay check.It's all they ever aspire to.I have always been different.I have always been an entrepreneur and love to imagine and create things and push the envelope.
On the venting I just go yeah,yeah with family and then I change the subject on them.If they still want to be negative I set a time limit on it.I say okay we will talk about it for the next 5 minutes but after that we are moving on.
What I find is even if you show people HOW to change their lives they do not have the will to do it or the courage.What's worse than failing is to never have tried in the first place.
If you want something bad enough YOU WILL find a way.
Moeny is easy to use to your advantage, but I guess many people think...short term?
Antonio it's all about getting something big down the road and reaching a goal versus living in the now and spending every cent you have.
Money isn't the problem it's how the person SPENDS the money.You give someone 500,000 and they can be broke in 6 months from having no control.
Someone can save 20,000 then compound it year after year until they have millions or tens of millions if they use money correctly.
Originally posted by Joel Owens:
Companies now want you to do the work of 2 to 3 people for the pay of one. If you are working that hard you might as well own the business and get ALL the money.
Beautifully said Joel! That's the quote of the day :)
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